I dont know what to do with my debts.

[ktmarvels]

Balances/ Interest/ Payments

Chase $ 14,215/ 6% /$433
Discover $ 4545/ 20%/$111
Bof A $8111/ 4.75%/$200
US Bank $2956/ 25%/ $94
CHASE car payment $9474/ 8% /$361
Ciitibusiness $10586/ 0%/$125
Wells Fargo $4985/ 17.25% /$79
Wamu $960/ 18% /$50 (pay off each month)

The way to pay these off in the least expensive manner is to do it by interest rate. So US Bank, Discover, Wells Fargo, Chase Car, Chase CC, B of A, Citi Business. However, if you feel you need an added push. Start with the lowest balance and work up. Whichever method you choose, remember to make the minimum on all others then throw any and all extra money on that chosen card.

Also, if you want help finding areas to slash further, post your household budget. There may be things that you can cut or reduce that you haven't thought of yet.

Good Luck!

[LuxLiving]

Along with sticking to your new pay schedule and proposed CC payments, you seriously need to stop debting. Build up some cash reserves in an emergency fund.

Unless you are engaged to said boyfriend I wouldn't divulge the gory details of my financial life. I would however, when the subject comes up, tell him the basic outline. "I've got some serious debt and I've got a plan and am working out a quick repayment plan that I'm serious about sticking with." That ought to be enough unless as I said you guys are more serious. If so, confess your problems, tell him what your plan is, and ask for some help. If he's got his financial life in order, likely he can help you with yours.

Regardless of what someone stated above, I do think you have a huge risk here. I don't think it's a 'little thing'. What happens if you can't keep earning what you're bringing in now? The real estate investments that you've made, unless they were done in a legal way to hold you personally harmless, could force you into bankruptcy and into possible homelessness.

Stop debting.
No more real estate for a good long while.
Establish a BIG emergency fund while paying down that debt. In your situation I'd probably go half to EF and half to debt reduction till I had at least a $50 thousand EF.
What can you sell to raise cash to boost both EF & paydown?
Can you work extra to make more for same purposes? Do you have any passive streams of income?

As ktmarvels suggested, posting a household budget might allow us to point out some other areas you could cut back on.

I, too, wish you good luck! Stay here on SA dot com. There's a good knowledge bank here of helpful folks.

edited to add: You might try finding a good tracking software for your new spending plans. I like & use You Need A Budget dot com.

[CCFREEDOM]

Thank you Seeker.

I really dont know how my boyfriend will react but he does have some idea of my financial situation. I dont know that I want to tell him the truth about my financial situation. He is very conservative and saves everything he has to the point of not enjoying life cause he lives on needs only. I get a bit jeolous sometimes because he has no money worries...but he doesnt do much for entertainment. So I dont know if this is how I want to live and would rather wait until I know that we have something definite. Now that I am on a budget I dont know how I will explain to him that I can no longer contribute to our meals together since I usually offer (and he expects me to). A bit complicated. He is wonderful man and we get along great..but sometimes wonder if we have a future together.

Anyway, I have created both budgets for home and business. My business expenses are $2300.00 which includes a savings account for $800 per month. The credit cards are about $1400 all together and I am planning on paying and additional $1400 each month. I will pay myself $4000 per month for my home expenses and dont plan to buy much until I get my cards paid.

Problem is that right now I dont have much money until I get that Budget flow that I had once. I am really behind as far as having money to fund the budget..just have to hope that my business does very well this week.

I will also have to pay property taxes coming up and its pretty high and I dont have the money either. I took a lot of my savings out to repair one of my rentals and to pay the mortgages while it was empty.

Anyway...I know that once I get the budget going it will all work out...just getting there is difficult right now.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

[Seeker]

Thank you Seeker.

I really dont know how my boyfriend will react but he does have some idea of my financial situation. I dont know that I want to tell him the truth about my financial situation. He is very conservative and saves everything he has to the point of not enjoying life cause he lives on needs only. I get a bit jeolous sometimes because he has no money worries...but he doesnt do much for entertainment. So I dont know if this is how I want to live and would rather wait until I know that we have something definite. Now that I am on a budget I dont know how I will explain to him that I can no longer contribute to our meals together since I usually offer (and he expects me to). A bit complicated. He is wonderful man and we get along great..but sometimes wonder if we have a future together.

Unfortunately "time" will only make things worse. If he's "miserly" now, as he ages he will get more so. Many people do become more of what they are now, at least in my experience; change is difficult. And what's happening in the economy now sort of supports a conservative financial livestyle too -- in all honesty, I cannot say I blame him.

You mentioned possibly marrying him in a year in your previous posts. That worries me. You shouldn't really marry a person without his full understanding of the ramifications of what that means from your side. That's not honest and he will wonder what else you've not been forthright with; he may even feel somewhat resentful that both of you have been together for that length of time and suddenly he's finding out all this new stuff.

To a certain extent he knows.... if you two are really on the same page, you can bet he knows more than you think. Especially if you become quiet as he talks about future plans, or you back away from it. He may want you to talk about what your future plans are.... and what possibly you'd want to do differently.

The real problem is that the more you put this off, the more both of you are disfunctional. Changing mid-stream is bad enough, but you need to explain what you are currently doing to resolve these issues. It's not his problem and you don't want to make it his problem.... but you need some time financially to repair these issues. And it's not going to happen if he's not helping you to change. And by "help" -- I don't mean money help. There are many ways of being supportive.

Instead of going to that dinner and paying half the price; maybe you want rent a movie and watch that together. Or talk a walk in a park. Or just cook something up togther in your kitchen. Or read a book aloud to each other and take turns. I'm sure you and he can come up with things you both like to do once he understands why you're trying to save some money.

If you are not 100% truthful of your financial situation and continue to put on this facade, when do you suddenly explain your behaviorial change? How do you go from paying half the dinner bill, to suddenly explaining that you need to save, pay off some of your debts, and plan for your future. Mid-50's does not leave a lot of time for you either. You're not helping hime to understand that he can help you "save your money" by doing different things together.

Anyway, I have created both budgets for home and business. My business expenses are $2300.00 which includes a savings account for $800 per month. The credit cards are about $1400 all together and I am planning on paying and additional $1400 each month. I will pay myself $4000 per month for my home expenses and dont plan to buy much until I get my cards paid.

Problem is that right now I dont have much money until I get that Budget flow that I had once. I am really behind as far as having money to fund the budget..just have to hope that my business does very well this week.

I will also have to pay property taxes coming up and its pretty high and I dont have the money either. I took a lot of my savings out to repair one of my rentals and to pay the mortgages while it was empty.

Anyway...I know that once I get the budget going it will all work out...just getting there is difficult right now.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

You have a lot of choices in the sense that you run your own business. Following a plan tends to help a lot and I think that ultimately you'll be fine.

In spite of California's housing situation right now, no one honestly knows where property values will be 5 years from now, or even 10 years. One thing I can say is that California is popular (for various reasons), and when you have a populous state, you still have demand for housing. And in reality, there's no longer a lot of available land to build on.

I don't know how long it'll take for housing to return to it's peak; maybe not in 5 or 10 years.... but IMO it will at some point in time.

[lovcom]

CC Freedom.... I'd have to disagree with the above. I was in my 40's, when I happily married a man whom had no money, had been through a BK, and had education debts on top of a "leased" car (because no one would give him a loan) and no way to pay any of it. No assets of his own because of a totalled auto and lost work, jobs, and outsourcing.

Love can conquer everything if you're both 100% honest and open with each other. NOBODY else can speak for your relationship with your BF; I seriously suggest talking with him about your finances (be 100% truthful), and seeing for yourself if it's truely "you" he loves or the "money" he's saved.

If your financial situation "diminishes" your relationship, you need to find out now before investing any more time with him.

If only it were true that love conquers all. It does't and not even close. There are millions of marriages that end each year, and most of them did not lack love; no shortage of love.

They ended because of many reasons, one of the biggest being financial incompatability.

Leave the romantization, the idealization of love to the dreamers, the Beatles, because in real life, love is hopelessly not enough...and you will not find one psychologist, or phsyciatrist that agree with this "love conquers all" dillusion. Don't take it from me...ask Dr. Laura, and any shrink, and family/marriage counselor....they all will tell you that there are many relationships that strain and break under the burden of financial hardships and indescritions, and most of these relationships had oodles of love!!!

What makes strong loving healthy relationships are sound financially compatabilities, because one's financial health is in fact a reflection of one's character, values, and maturity.

This does not mean that all poor folks have bad character. This means that poor folks that live within their means, and are responsible have great character.

Conversely, what I write does not mean that all rich folks have good character...they could have built up their wealth by cheating others.

You will find examples were a couple where one of them is a financial wreck a relationship that works, and they do exist, but this is the EXCEPTION and not the rul!

The good news is that someone that has a financial mess on their hands can renovate, rejuvenate, change and in the end be health, wealthy and wise....

And lets never blame a man or woman for not wanting to marry someone because of that person's financial mess....to do so is often a really bad thing to do.

CCFreedom, the good news is that you can earn your BF's desire to marry if you continue to get your finances in order, and it looks like you are and you will succeed...I just hope you don't blame him for holding off until you get your act together...

[LuxLiving]

I applaud your efforts at getting a new plan together.

However, in your working on clearing this old debt, do consider taking some serious time & noodling to understand how and why you ended up in such a tight spot. My thoughts are you'll find yourself right back in the same place again if you don't understand and correct the root problems.

And to clear up any possible misunderstanding, I did not mean to imply that your boyfriend give you money to help you with your problems, but to give you some tips and advice on budgeting and how he's able to stay debt-free and how he got to that understanding of the financial world.

I think it might actually draw you two closer together. He may have some long-term financial goals and dreams that are really big-time fun for him that he's saving towards. I'd say it might be a case of you two opening up to each other would let you find out for sure if you might be long-term mates or not. Perhaps you can bring some 'fun-as-we-go-along' to the table that he hasn't considered before now. This might be the case of 2 + 2 = 10 in the romance department. Each of us has strengths and weaknesses that when put together w/anothers can make a super whole!

Why not give him the benefit of the doubt and try to be a bit more transparent and tell him how you're feeling? You may be pleasantly surprised.

Keep us posted.

[msnln]

I would consolidate your cc balances with high rates into HELOC if you have open lines since this will bring your interest expense down substantially. With 0% or teaser rate cards, I would just pay minimums and on the day promo rates end, transfer the balance to the HELOC. With all the money you have set aside to pay credit card, pay HELOC.

HELOCs have variable rates which are mostly tied to prime rate and prime rate is at historic low of 3.25%. However, when the rates start going up, which can happen over the next year or two, rates on your HELOC will move up very quickly and your monthly payments can quickly double or more. Also, HELOC payments will be interest only for initial period (usually 10 years) and after that, payments will become similar to mortgage payment and you will need to pay principal as well. From quick calculation, you are paying 4% interest on your equity line or prime + 0.75%. Prime can easily move up to 8-9% range and if prime moves to 8%, your monthly payment will shoot up to $1,808. I would try to see where you can trim and cut expenses pay down HELOC ASAP.

[CCFREEDOM]

Lovcom...I am still way behind from having my finances in order. I think our money situation and his plans for his money in the future will eventually break our relationship.

I sometimes wonder how much money is enough money for him. In spite of the fact that he gets a very nice retirement $10,000, and has closed to a million saved..he is is extremely careful with his money to the point that his home has not been updated, his clothing and there doesnt seem to be any extra money to do fun things except things that would not cost you any money or very cheap hotels or motels that you drive to....so there is no thought of a nice vacation. I do want to be financially secure and want to get to a point that I could plan something nice for myself and enjoy life while I am still in this planet. I am working on that. I do believe that there is a point where you can say... I've worked very hard and I deserve to enjoy the fruit of my labor..not my children when I die.

Anyway...I am really working very hard on myself and maybe meeting this person has helped me in some ways about my money situation.

[wincrasher]

There is a point where you enjoy your "fruits". Most people want them before they are ripe to be picked.

Old habits are extremely hard to break. It's the same problem a spendthrift has, just in reverse. You can't expect a guy who has been frugal his whole life to just start spending money. Plus, to alot of people, a remodeled house or a nice hotel is just not important to them.

But he may just be cheap. Don't think you are going to change him. Lots of women think they can change their man and most end up very unhappy.

[CCFREEDOM]

Thank you wincrasher. Yes he is cheap. Having a real hard time deciding to end this based on that...In the meantime, I have to deal with my own debt repayments and it would probably be better if I am alone while trying to do this. No one to judge me which is what I am afraid he would do.

[lovcom]

Thank you wincrasher. Yes he is cheap. Having a real hard time deciding to end this based on that...In the meantime, I have to deal with my own debt repayments and it would probably be better if I am alone while trying to do this. No one to judge me which is what I am afraid he would do.

CCFreedom, here is another angle I present here: Why do you see marraige as a goal? Why not keep things as is? You've got your place, he's got his. No cominled funds, no shared assets, liabilities, etc.

Leave marriage for those young people that want to start a family. I doubt you want that, am I right? You don't have to get married to have a companion, and you can give each other power of attorney if life-ending circumstances arise.

And never hold his cheapness against him....this is often a good thing, and frankly, if you were more "cheap" yourself, you'd not be in the predicament you find yourself today.

The good news is that you can be happy and fullfilled being with your BF without marriage....marriage is not going to make him or yourself stay loyal....marriage after the child baring years is just a way for one person to get half of the other's appriciated value on their assets....of course there are religious reason that would compel someone to marry later in life as opposed to having pre-marital fun in the sack...but that reason aside, I suggest you and most of us would be a lot happier staying single, even if we're attached to a significant other.

Look at Goldy Hawn and what's his name (Kurt Russel)...they never married yet had children together, and they never lived together...they chose to keep separate residences (side by side in Malibu), and their relationship has lated decades....the problem with marriage IMHO is the living together part...the cominling of funds, etc...and perhaps during the child raring years this is fine but after that phase in life, I find no reason to get married, and I find myself happier then most married couples....life is good detached ;-)

I suggest you stop looking at marriage as a personal goal...and replace that goal with this one: Personal Happiness...

[CCFREEDOM]

Lovcom. I think I am walking out of the so called relationship...It is too stressful to have this type of relationship and deal with my own money situation. I am going to wait a bit and find someone who can at least appreciate to have some fun with the fruit of his labor rather than keep saving it for when he dies. This is not about having fun once in awhile or having fun in the sack either..he had some major surgery and is unable to for the time being. We cant go to a movie, a play or a nice vacation...so when does the fun part begin?

Last week he picked me up in one of his old beat up Ford Escort (small car to save on gas) and had the never to tell me how he saw his daughter and her boyfriend driving her brand new car that he bought her this summer. The boyfriend was driving it. So I guess I dont deserve much, not even for him to drive his newer model economy car. We dont go to the movies..but he can go and buy gift certificates for his daughter to go. He now insist on driving me around in this car....and we date on a budget..last night was my turn to pay for dinner.. I cant do that anymore with someone that has well over a million in the bank.

Anyway I was up all night and I was thinking that perhaps the best thing to do is file for BK...get rid of the credit cards and the equity lines of credit and get a brand new start. I need to plan for my retirement and I am not getting any younger and possible be alone the rest of my life. I cant even save any money now with the properties and the balances have not gone down at all in the last 4 years. I dont know if and when real estate will pick up again so that I can sell.

Anyway..having a bad day today.

[lovcom]

Sorry you're havinga bad day.

Sorry your BF has no ideas about romance. Your last post gave me more info that brings a bit more perspective. I think his problem is more about lacking romance then being cheap because a man can be romantic and keep a woman happy without blowing the bank on her.

As to his daugther, sorry say but his kids should mean more to him then you, and this must always be the case. A significant other can be replaced anda re commodities but children are never commodities. I have two daughters and I bought them brand new cars, but I would never do that for my GF, and frankly I want all my wealth to go to my children and never my sig other....significant others must never be placed on the same high level as one's children.

Don't get mad but I sense a bit of entitlement in your words....do correct me if I'm wrong, but at the end of the day the BF should never be expected to give you a bail out or even a little bit of help financially, even after a possible marriage. His wealth should go entirely to his offspring.

Often women in financial trouble (not talking about you) will seek out a rich man to bail them out and "in he name of love", and these women have profound entitlement.

If this BF of yours lacks romance, then can his sorry a$$, but if this biggest issue is that he does not want to chip in to help your financial cause, don't hold that against him.

If I were you I would not go the BK route, at least yet. Too often "fresh starts" are more like ball and chain going on 10 years....that is too much time to be marked....I would suggest you (1) get some roommates going, (2) sale all your valuables, even the ones you have bonded and fell in love with, and (3) determine if there is a certification program or something that you can earn at night school or community college that could help you increase your earnings, (4) brainstorm ideas that will cause your business to increase sales 50% or more...it's very possible that your salvation lays within your mind right this very moment...evoke those ideas and set yourself free...

Now you can dump the current BF, however what makes you think a future high quality guys is going to be any more giving and generous to you? I'm 49 and the last thing I will ever do is give my sig a dime and the micro second she even looks to have some sort of entitlement, she is gone in 60 seconds....

Be your own Awesome Guy in your Life...

[ktmarvels]

I understand having a bad day and wanting to throw in the towel, but lovcon is right, bankruptcy is not the quick fix most people think it is. Besides, you can become debt free! Your income is great, just make some cuts here and there, and throw every possible cent toward your debt, and you'll get there. In a previous post you mentioned having 2500 to put toward debt. THAT'S AMAZING! You will be able to become debt free.

If you need help brainstorming (or venting, or whatever), just know we are here to help.

[LuxLiving]

Besides the real estate you have basically 55,000.00 in debt. If you lived on half of your income and paid the other half down on debt? You'd be free of that debt in a years time.

I'm sorry, tell me again, why do you need to declare bankruptcy??

Yes, the houses might take a lot longer to pay off, but still, supposedly your income can cover the payments if they aren't rented out.

I'm confused.

What gives?