Originally posted by disneysteve
View Post
Logging in...
Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.
My Wife's Debt - Should I Pay It?
Collapse
X
-
-
Originally posted by DebbieL View PostI'm Canadian too. My thinking falls in line with what Thekid has posted. I am also a very modern woman and have never depended on a man for anything financial so that probably contributes to my thought pattern too. I personally would never want to be in a position where someone else felt they needed to take care of or be responsible for me.
I'm an attorney and make a good salary. My fiancé is a teacher and comes from a wealthy family and has considerable assets. Nobody "needs" the other financially, so this seems to be the fairest way to go about it. I do whatever I want with what's mine, same for her....we share in our joint expenses.
At the same time, we are extremely close and are very family oriented, with very strong family values.
I don't think one thing has anything to do with the other.
This also reflects my vision of a "union", which is something like this: [me][US][her]. Some spheres are communal (our home life, couple life -including shared interests, hobbies and friends- and future family life), some spheres are her space (her career as a teacher, her hobbies and friends), some are mine (my career, sports I play and friends). We don't become "one" person, we are two people joining together for communal projects through shared affection.Last edited by thekid; 04-01-2009, 01:40 PM.
Comment
-
Thekid,
You sound like my DH and I. We both keep separate finances (and have 1 joint account which is just for expenses like rent, utilities, food, etc.). We each put our 1/2 into that, but beyond that things are separate. We both wanted it that way and are both very independent people. To me this just feels natural. I've never combined finances with any previous partner either (I was 36 when I married him, so we both had long histories before then). Both of us take care of our own finances, and both earn enough to support ourselves.
PS - We are probably the happiest couple I know. We like this set-up. I have never had an argument with DH over money (or any of my exes to be honest) at all.
Comment
-
Originally posted by DebbieL View PostThekid,
You sound like my DH and I. We both keep separate finances (and have 1 joint account which is just for expenses like rent, utilities, food, etc.). We each put our 1/2 into that, but beyond that things are separate. We both wanted it that way and are both very independent people. To me this just feels natural. I've never combined finances with any previous partner either (I was 36 when I married him, so we both had long histories before then). Both of us take care of our own finances, and both earn enough to support ourselves.
PS - We are probably the happiest couple I know. We like this set-up. I have never had an argument with DH over money (or any of my exes to be honest) at all.
Honnestly though, this works because, like you and your DH, we both have the means to support our own selfs. If it wasn't the case, the arrangement would have to be different in that contributions to communal goods would have to be on an uneven split percentage (if not 100%-0% if one did not work or have assets). Also, if one partner has significantly higher means than the other and kept a higher "lifestyle", there could be problems.
But for "modern" couples with similar means, this works perfectly.
Comment
-
Originally posted by thekid View PostHonestly though, this works because, like you and your DH, we both have the means to support our own selfs.Steve
* Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
* Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
* There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
Comment
-
Originally posted by disneysteve View PostThat is a very important distinction. When my wife and I got married, I was earning about 65K and she was earning about 20K. Three years later, I was earning about 130K and she became a SAHM for the next 10 years earning nothing. If she had to support herself, that couldn't have happened. We agreed early on that she would stay home and raise our daughter. There was never any question about that. Even after she returned to the workforce, she has never earned more than about 10% of what I earn. Leaving each of us to fend for ourselves financially would be ludicrous.
We plan on having kids very soon, my fiancé plans on returning to work, but at a reduced schedule. I may well have to pick up a heavier percentage of the load, that's only fair in my book as she would pick up a heavier load of the child rearing. Then again, her assets may make that moot, but sure the point remains that in a marriage, each partner should contribute as per his/her means for communal items (and non communal items if they so wish).
Comment
-
Originally posted by noppenbd View Post...probably because you treat her like a child.
Originally posted by noppenbd View PostMaybe you feel that since you provide the income for the family you get 100% say in how it is spent.
Originally posted by noppenbd View PostIn my opinion that approach has backfired on you.
Originally posted by noppenbd View PostYou need to relax your grip on spending and allow her more freedom, not less.
Originally posted by wincrasher View Post...he's added substantially to the...damage to her credit rating.
Originally posted by wincrasher View PostI'd advise her to leave him. Obviously he's got her on a tight leash with an allowance and no money for anything else. Is she his wife or his slave?
Originally posted by wincrasher View PostDidn't he notice items appearing that she bought?
Originally posted by wincrasher View PostSounds like he held the purse strings so tightly after that she was forced to betray his trust to be able to spend a dime.
Originally posted by disneysteve View PostYou should pay it...and be done with it so that you both can move on with your lives.
Originally posted by disneysteve View PostYou get a divorce. To me, hidden spending like this is equivalent to having an affair.
Originally posted by disneysteve View Post...I was earning about 65K...Three years later, I was earning about 130K...
Originally posted by thekid View PostAs for the OP's question, the worst that can happen is that your wife gets sued, a judgement is rendered against her and, should she fail to pay, that judgement may be executed against her assets. Does your wife have any assets?
My wife has no assets.
Originally posted by thekid View PostAs for you, did your wife forge your signature?
Originally posted by EEinNJ View PostIf you decide to stick it out, you'll have to let go of resenting she did this, and any expectation she'll pay it back.
Comment
-
Originally posted by beta decay View PostI guess that explains why you think I should pay such an incredibly large sum of money and regard it simply as my obligation.
My income is enough to support my family, but barely. A $7,000 debt to pay is outrageous. It is not some small amount that I stubbornly refuse to pay.
Whether or not I should pay the debt is very far from a small decision.
That changes the entire thread in my mind. I think we need to start over and treat this as a typical debt thread. List your income and all of your expenses and let us see the big picture and see if we can come up with suggestions about how to handle the debt, trim expenses, boost income, negotiate with creditors to reduce the amounts owed, etc.Steve
* Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
* Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
* There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
Comment
-
Originally posted by disneysteve View PostWhether morally and legally I think you should pay the debt is totally irrelevant if you have no money with which to pay it.
This isn't very relevant right now, but I remembered some no-mercy type of thing NCO said, and figured I'd repeat it. When NCO Financial called my wife one time to get her to pay she told them she can't afford it. They responded with something like "Well you're feeding your kids aren't you? You're paying rent aren't you?" I just wanted to get that off my chest. Anyway...
Originally posted by disneysteve View PostI think we need to start over and treat this as a typical debt thread. List your income and all of your expenses and let us see the big picture and see if we can come up with suggestions about how to handle the debt, trim expenses, boost income, negotiate with creditors to reduce the amounts owed, etc.
I'm listing things here for the whole year, not weekly nor monthly. Many things are estimated of course. Our household has two adults and two children.
42,000 Estimated Gross Income (this year)
6,000 Income (other sources)
48,000 Total Gross Income
7,000 Income Tax/Social Security/Whatever else is a required deduction from paycheck
41,000 Total Net Income
12,000 Rent
5,000 Grocery Food
4,800 Medical Insurance
3,000 Medical Bills/Co-pays Not Covered By Insurance (Between 2,500 and 6,000 but I'll estimate 3k)
2,000 Gas For Cars
1,800 Life And Income Disability Insurance
1,500 Gas (Heating/Stove)
1,200 Electricity
1,200 Car Insurance (Both Vehicles)
1,100 Internet/Phone/Cable TV
1,000 Auto Repair
1,000 Misc. Items (soap, toilet paper, etc)
1,000 Clothing
700 Gifts For Holidays
500 Misc. (excise tax, unexpected expenses, everything that doesn't fall into another category)
300 Misc. Luxury
300 Charity
200 Cell Phones
200 Restaurant/Take Out
38,800 Total Estimated Spending
2,200 Total Estimated Savings
7,000 CC Debt
900 Medical Bills Unpaid (not overdue, but simply not paid yet)
9,000 Savings In Bank
(I tried to line everything up but I don't know how. I put spaces before 3 digit numbers so they line up with 4 digit numbers, but posting for some reason takes the spaces away.)Last edited by beta decay; 04-04-2009, 03:26 PM.
Comment
-
NCO Financial. Grrr.... I've dealt with them before. While you are trying to figure this out, consider writing them a cease and desist letter, sending it to both the office that is contacting you AND their HQ in Penn. Have them send you proof that you owe the debt (an itemized statement) - just to buy time. This will at least give you time to figure out what you need to do and if they contact you again after they've received the letter they can be fined somewhere in the ballpark of $1,000 per infraction (send letter certified mail).
Good luck.
NCO Help
Comment
-
What is the current status of the CC debt? Is it all in collections or is any of it current? Break that down for us with interest rates and minimum payments.
So far, the situation really doesn't seem terrible. You are earning almost $200/month more than you are spending, not counting the debt payments. Plus, your budget includes quite a bit that can be trimmed out at least temporarily until the debt is taken care of (Cable, Gifts, Misc. Luxury, Charity, etc.). And you've got $9,000 in savings, which exceeds your current debt.
I think if you guys tighten your belts, cut the fat out of the spending and dip a little into savings, you could have this debt gone within 2 years tops and still maintain an emergency fund. I think this is very fixable.Steve
* Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
* Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
* There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
Comment
-
I agree the money is joint. Like it or not, that's the way it is. I don't benefit directly from the money by husband spends on bowling, and he doesn't benefit from the food I buy that only I like and eat, but we are a team.
I feel communication is important. I know it's easy to say we are a team when we have similar frugal money values.
I think hiding purrhases is a sign of serious shopping/buying addiction. Obviously the bankruptcy didn't teach her a lesson. I mean, didn't getting into that jam stress he rout enough to make her realize "stuff" isn't worth the peace of mind? Or does bankrupcy foster irresponsibility b/c the debt is erased?)or so I think it would be, I don't know too much about it)
Comment
-
I just found this thread and I read almost every post here. I just wanted to let you know what I did this past November when I had collections call us regarding three cell phones that dh had in his name for him and our two daughters. The total bill was for $2400, I told them that I would get back to them asap. I did research on the internet on bankrate.ca regarding debt collectors and realized that I could indeed negotiate with them. I called them back and asked if they would settle with $1800 in a money order, this collector made it quite clear they would only accept a cheque even though I was not comfortable with the idea because of our account information on it etc...
I did send them a cheque but at the bottom of the cheque I wrote this "By cashing this cheque constitutes payment in full."
They never did send me this in writing but I do have the cheque to fall back on if they should ever say I did not make the payment agreed upon. I hope this helps
I am living in Quebec as well
Comment
Comment