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Advice on wife's idea for our finances

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  • msomnipotent
    replied
    Hard to believe that it has been a year already! Congrats! You two sound like the couple I wish we were. We have been looking to downsize for a few years but my husband can't let go of the idea of owning a McMansion. We take turns getting the new car and the other person gets to choose if they want to keep their car or take the other old one. My husband is still taking money out of the checking account whenever he wants but he can't access the savings or stocks. I am in charge of practically everything here, including where we go for vacations. If it was up to him, we would either be going to Hawaii every 6 months or go nowhere at all. I think it is normal for her to buy some things for herself considering that she couldn't buy anything before because of his spending. It is her turn, as long as they can afford it and it doesn't cause problems. As long as your needs are being met and the both of you are happy, keep doing what you are doing!

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  • Jluke
    replied
    Amazing teamwork - congrats!

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  • mumof2
    replied
    That is awesome news glad that it is working out for you guys....although I'm not sure about the amount she is spending on herself compared to what you get...if it works for you guys then good for you...glad you are both stress free and your financial future looks bright

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  • DanaFinance
    replied
    Here to provide a yearly update. My wife has never been happier with what we agreed to and how great our finances now are. What has been interesting is that with her in control of the finances, she has slowly taken control over more aspects of our relationship.

    This has occurred in many ways. First, she took to heart my wanting her to enjoy her financial independence. She decided, and I agreed with, that to reduce our outlay that we should downsize our house, the two of us, who are older, didn’t need that big of a house. This gave us about an extra thousand per month. So, in addition to her putting a substantial amount into our savings (remember we also don't have credit card payments), almost all of our discretionary spending is for her. She upgraded her car to a top of the line 2 year old Accord and I got her 12 year old Civic which is better than the 15 year old Accord I had. Also now she doesn’t have to give me as much for gas. She has also been buying herself some new clothes and jewelry, the latter she never had much of due to my spending. She does want me to have more money, but rather than raising my allowance she decided I could earn more money by doing chores around the house. Each chore has an amount I can earn assigned to it, so if I have done a good job she adds that to my allowance. I won’t go into details, but the amounts aren’t large but fair. I can easily get to $30/week.

    The quote, “[S]he who controls the purse strings, controls the household (or “makes the rules”, depending on the version)” seems very applicable for our situation. Over the past two years, and particularly the last year, I have deferred more and more to her judgement and decisions. She, of course, asks my opinion, and may modify her decision based on that, but she pretty much knows what is best for us and acts on it. This is occurring for two reasons: 1) how happy my wife is, and 2) how well we are doing financially. Even with her spending, essentially, as she pleases for herself (this includes good vacations for both of us) our savings have gone up a lot. (I guess I didn’t realize how much I had been spending in the past.)

    This past week we redid our written agreement for the last time. We made the two account system permanent and, with my being able to do chores to earn more money, made my $20/week allowance permanent. Again both my and her sister witnessed this.

    Not only is she happier than ever, and am too, as I am no longer messing up our finances and we are doing very well.

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  • msomnipotent
    replied
    I can't believe it has been almost a year already. Glad to hear you are successful!

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  • sblatner
    replied
    I am so happy to read this. You two are certainly a success story. I wish others would take finances as seriously as you. I have a few friends in serious financial trouble but they haven't hit bottom yet. Congratulations to both of you!

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  • james.hendrickson
    replied
    The magic words: "finally credit card debt free". Congratulations and great job!

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  • DanaFinance
    replied
    Hi everyone, We are finally credit card debt free and as agreed we discussed and rewrote our written agreement. This year has gone so well, it was easy for us to move to the next stage.

    We decided that the two account system will stay in place for the foreseeable future. Over time my wife became very comfortable with me not being able to mess things up, so it was easy for us to decide to leave it this way essentially permanently. I am more than fine with this.

    We went back and forth a bit on my allowance, but since I am not having any issues with $20/week, we agreed this would not change for the next 2 years. After that I said I would be happy if it went to $25/week, she said we would discuss then. Just like the last time we had her sister witness the agreement, but we decided it would be better if someone from my side of the family also witnessed it, so my sister did too.

    This was probably the best thing that has happened for our marriage in quite a while. It is good to see her so happy and worry free. Thank you to everyone for your input and support.

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  • LivingAlmostLarge
    replied
    congratulations on being CC debt free? That's a huge accomplishment!

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  • DanaFinance
    replied
    We were about 7000 in debt and my wife says it will be paid off next month. That is when we will finalize our new written agreement. Since this has gone so well and she has gotten our debt paid off a lot sooner than either of us thought, I persuaded her that our Christmas spending should be 90% for her. I want her to have a really nice Christmas. More once our debt is paid off.

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  • LivingAlmostLarge
    replied
    that is good news. How much in debt were you and what have you paid off?

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  • DanaFinance
    replied
    She thinks we will be done with credit card debt about January-February next year. About the time we will revisit our written agreement. So it will be a good time to reset everything, but as I mentioned since it is going so well as we are currently doing it, we are really not likely to things too much. She likes the idea of saving what we are now putting on the credit card, and that will be easier without a lot of changes. Things are MUCH smoother with her in control of essentially all of our money.

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  • LivingAlmostLarge
    replied
    So how is the debt going? What is going on with her controlling it? How has it improved? Are you willing to share? What sort of progress and once the debt is paid what are your goals? How long until the debt is paid?

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  • snafu
    replied
    Thanks for the update. How many months until you both are credit card free?

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  • msomnipotent
    replied
    Great news. Thanks for the update.

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