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He Bought a "Too Expensive" Engagement Ring... Now What?

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    He Bought a "Too Expensive" Engagement Ring... Now What?

    So... a friend of mine recently got engaged. We will call her Jill. Jill was ecstatic when her long-time boyfriend finally asked for her hand in marriage. She's been leaning on him to do it for what seems like forever. It has actually been kind of cringe-worthy if I'm honest.

    Anyway, the ring is gorgeous (what she's always wanted)...

    But she found out he's pulled out a $10K line of credit at Kay's to buy her ring. So now... they have $10K more in debt to pay off as a married couple on top of student loans and car loans they both hold. She wants to tell him to take it back (she called me to chat about it)... but also loves the ring.

    What would you guys do?

    #2
    I think spending 10K on a ring is insane, especially for a young person who is still dealing with student loans and other debt. How much does this guy earn?

    What would I do? Well I wouldn't have spent that kind of money on a ring. What should she do? I think if she feels strongly about it, sit down and tell him that she loves him and loves the ring and appreciates that he selected it for her but that she doesn't need or want such an extravagant ring. She would much rather have something modest and not be adding that huge debt to what they are already dealing with. Down the line, once they are more established and financially stable, he can always buy her an anniversary ring or bracelet or other bauble if that's something she wants.
    Steve

    * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
    * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
    * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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      #3
      I'm with DisneySteve on this - a $1,000 ring would have done it, no need to go for something so extravagant.
      [email protected]
      202.468.6043

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        #4
        Return the ring. Buy what is affordable. It really shows nothing except a sign of commitment. So $1 toy would be just as meaningful. Whatever it's worth. My ring I think was $1000 which was a lot of money when DH bought it. Now I tease him if we split up and he had to date and get married again, if he followed the 3 month rule the ring he bought would be a honking ring. His comeback? He's not spending a penny more than he did on mine. If we split he'd want a woman not with him for the money and just valuing him. That i'd like to see I told him. Doubtful I said that a woman our age and now would accept a ring that less, but I could be wrong.
        LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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          #5
          Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
          I think spending 10K on a ring is insane, especially for a young person who is still dealing with student loans and other debt. How much does this guy earn?

          What would I do? Well I wouldn't have spent that kind of money on a ring. What should she do? I think if she feels strongly about it, sit down and tell him that she loves him and loves the ring and appreciates that he selected it for her but that she doesn't need or want such an extravagant ring. She would much rather have something modest and not be adding that huge debt to what they are already dealing with. Down the line, once they are more established and financially stable, he can always buy her an anniversary ring or bracelet or other bauble if that's something she wants.
          That's what I told her to do as well... But she now feels embarrassed because she's posted photos of the giant engagement ring on social media (insert eye roll here). I think it was an extremely irresponsible buy. He doesn't make much and they still live in his parent's basement. He opened a line of credit just for it... Even a $1K ring was probably a stretch honestly.

          And all of this also leads me to think they're both willing to go farther into debt to have the "wedding of her dreams" she has started to talk about.

          On the other hand, my other half and I are focused on paying off debt BEFORE we get married so we can start our married life without a ton of debt weighing on our shoulders... and there is no talk about a crazy expensive ring or ceremony. So maybe I'm being a bit too judgey when it comes to their plans... but it seems insane to start a new life with someone by racking up debt. Am I wrong?

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            #6
            Originally posted by amastewa93 View Post

            That's what I told her to do as well... But she now feels embarrassed because she's posted photos of the giant engagement ring on social media (insert eye roll here). I think it was an extremely irresponsible buy. He doesn't make much and they still live in his parent's basement. He opened a line of credit just for it... Even a $1K ring was probably a stretch honestly.

            And all of this also leads me to think they're both willing to go farther into debt to have the "wedding of her dreams" she has started to talk about.

            On the other hand, my other half and I are focused on paying off debt BEFORE we get married so we can start our married life without a ton of debt weighing on our shoulders... and there is no talk about a crazy expensive ring or ceremony. So maybe I'm being a bit too judgey when it comes to their plans... but it seems insane to start a new life with someone by racking up debt. Am I wrong?
            You're not wrong but its also not your decision. I think you gave your friend good advice since she asked but unless she asks again, I'd butt out. Just sock it away as one of those "learn from others mistakes" opportunities. You're going to find over the years that it takes a certain personality type to settle for a smaller house, have an intimate wedding, live below your means, not carry car loans and to delay gratification. Doesn't matter how rational your argument is, most people would rather sacrifice future security for instant gratification and nothing you say is going to convince them otherwise.

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              #7
              Originally posted by amastewa93 View Post
              she now feels embarrassed because she's posted photos of the giant engagement ring on social media (insert eye roll here).

              And all of this also leads me to think they're both willing to go farther into debt to have the "wedding of her dreams" she has started to talk about.
              I wouldn't fault her for the social media thing. That's pretty much the norm for everything today. I doubt most women have the ring on their finger for more than 5 minutes before it's on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

              If they're already talking about the dream wedding, it sounds like they really aren't concerned with reality or consequences, even though she's showing some sign of that with the ring. They will go down that rabbit hole and instead of being 10K in debt from the ring, they'll be 60K or more in debt from the ring and the wedding and the honeymoon.

              Are you wrong? Of course not. Can you tell her that? Nope. She's got to figure it out herself.
              Steve

              * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
              * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
              * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

              Comment


                #8
                going into debt when getting married is insane IMO. but it's a sign of the times.

                10k for a ring aint bad, I seen lots worse. $30-40k weddings are normal with the millenial generation. Then you tack on the $10k honeymoon
                ----------------------
                diamond rings in general are horrible buys. value evaporates as soon as you leave the store. But nowadays it's all about validation (online) and entitlement.
                Last edited by ~bs; 12-06-2018, 02:17 PM.

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                  #9
                  Skim on the wedding/honeymoon? Return the ring and buy the same ring but at 1/3 of the cost with a diamond grown in the lab?

                  You have plenty of options here. If returns are not possible then so be it. I rather spend 10k on a ring than 10k extra on a wedding. At least the ring has some tangible value on the used market vs a hectic day you barely get to enjoy.

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Singuy View Post
                    I rather spend 10k on a ring than 10k extra on a wedding. At least the ring has some tangible value on the used market vs a hectic day you barely get to enjoy.
                    Fair point. At least she gets to enjoy the ring for the rest of her life.
                    Steve

                    * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                    * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                    * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I think if you go look up articles. There is one published the more expensive the ring/wedding the shorter the marriage. Bridezilla = divorcezilla. Probably some truth. If you focus so much on ring, wedding, etc it's easy to forget about the relationship.
                      LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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                        #12
                        $10k at Kay’s?

                        Should have just gone to Tiffany’s and gotten a ring there.

                        +1 to Singuy about spending less on the wedding and honeymoon, etc and keep the “better” ring.

                        Make sure they get insurance on it

                        edit: a very bad financial decision
                        Last edited by Jluke; 12-06-2018, 04:57 PM.

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                          #13
                          I don't know if taking it back is an option. I'd certainly find out, but he probably shouldn't get his hopes up.
                          They are probably going to have to chalk this up to hard lesson learned. Other plans like a honeymoon, large wedding, buying a house, etc. will have to be scaled back or eliminated until the ring is paid off.

                          FYI: I'm surprised Kay would extend a $10K credit limit to a younger person on a store credit card. I think we are headed for a credit bubble.....
                          Brian

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                            #14
                            The profit margin on rings is probably obnoxious, so if he pays half, they probably still profiting.

                            Also you're right, I doubt they'd want it back. The companies know the value of the rings are inflated beyond what they're really worth and hate taking a return outside of whats specifically stated in their policy.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              What did you all spend on your weddings?

                              - They've found out they can not return the ring. They can "trade it in" for something else... but the ring has already lost value so they're already in the hole with interest, etc.
                              - Her parents have offered to split the wedding cost with her so she will be able to save a bit. She hasn't let on any sign of scaling anything down though... so we will see!

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