Getting past the need for things to gratify....

**JoeP** · 06-06-2012, 07:06 AM

You speak as if you are not fully involved in the financial decisions at home: "Now my husband wants to buy me a Porsche." To me this sounds a lot like you have very little say in the situation, and you need to convince him to NOT buy something for you. Are you a minor?

What is influencing you to pursue a fun toy to drive around when the Vespa is not an option? On one hand, it sounds like you are interested in a fun toy but on the other hand you say you want to "save and invest and sit at home on piles of money."

I think you need to weigh the costs of having a fun to drive vehicle against your desire to save and invest and sit at home on piles on money. Maybe a vacation where you can do the fun driving stuff will satisfy you enough, while you drive your Vespa and a practical car back at home.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 07:27 AM

haha. I am certainly no minor. I make all of the financial decisions. DH just likes me to be happy...when mama's happy, everyone's happy. He says things like "do you really want it? I think you should have it."

And then I spin on...well, it would be REALLY fun to roll around in.

I'm not buying the car. I'm going to chill for the summer and save some cash. We may vacation some time in the fall. It's tempting to go away some where, but the weather is so gorgeous at home, that I would prefer to get away when the weather is nasty at home.

It just seems that around every corner is a fancy new thing to spend money on.

**disneysteve** · 06-06-2012, 07:42 AM

Originally posted by Barclay View Post

We went to a Porsche dealership.

WHY? If you don't want to spend the money, what were you doing in a Porsche showroom?

How do you avoid temptation? Stay out of places where you'll be tempted. Don't go window shopping or browsing. Go to a store when there is something you actually need. Don't be a recreational shopper. Also, limit your TV time which will reduce your exposure to commercials.

Find better things to do with your free time. Exercise. Go out and enjoy nature. Volunteer at a shelter or food pantry or someplace that helps underprivileged people. See how many of your fellow Americans are living while you are buying luxury toys.

Do you have a budget? If not, sit down together with your husband and make one. Leave room in there for fun stuff but make sure you are saving adequately and supporting charities that are meaningful for you.

**cypher1** · 06-06-2012, 07:52 AM

Summer is hard for me to save also for DIY projects around the house. For example I've scraped off all my popcorn texture on all ceilings main level, and spraying knock down texture/paint this weekend. Doesn't cost much, but messy and labor intensive.

**snshijuptr** · 06-06-2012, 08:36 AM

OP, it sounds like you don't have any goals for your money. "Sitting on a pile of cash" isn't going to motivate you. You need to have concrete goals like "retire at 55" or "buy lake house" or "gain financial independence where all our income comes from passive sources". The porsche is a lot less tempting when you know it will keep you from what you truly want. That said, if you do truly want a porsche then save up the money and pay cash for one.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 08:37 AM

I really do need a budget. I should work on that.

**phantom** · 06-06-2012, 08:49 AM

My summer temptation is going out for ice cream. I've been thinking about how I haven't been to the little ice cream stand with the really good soft serve yet and about how I want to visit the ice cream parlor with the amazing sundaes that just reopened. Then there are the ubiquitous Rita's and Dairy Queens sitting on ever corner, calling my name as I drive past. Watching an episode of Modern Marvels about ice cream a couple of nights ago didn't help. But, telling myself that eating ice cream will not help me to look better in a swim suit has helped me to resist the temptation.

I find that there are more options in general in the summer. Sure, there are lots more things to do that cost money, but there are also lots more things to do that cost little to no money. Personally, I like taking walks or lounging in the sun listening to a good book that I've borrowed from the library. I also find that convincing my husband to grill something tasty is a nice alternative to going out to eat.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 09:22 AM

The advice for setting l-t goals is a good one. I have no goals at all financially, so I just sway in the wind and save what I can. I also have no true budget. I will try and set up a budget and create categories for goals.

I think I'm a financially focused person, I'm just not motivated in the least right now. I want to rebuild my savings. It took a pretty big hit this year and I would like us to save up a decent emergency fund again.

**disneysteve** · 06-06-2012, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by Barclay View Post

I have no goals at all financially, so I just sway in the wind and save what I can. I also have no true budget.

I would like us to save up a decent emergency fund again.

I think it says a lot that someone who was thinking about buying a Porsche doesn't have an adequate EF. That is a great illustration of what I always say about people who think having more money would solve their financial problems. In reality, most people's financial difficulties aren't due to a lack of income but rather due to a lack of planning.

If you have no goals and no budget, how can you expect to get anywhere?

Make that budget with your husband. You'll find it very empowering. Don't look at it as limiting your spending. Instead, view it as you and he taking control of your money and deciding together how you will spend every dollar. I'd say line one should be your savings figure and just from the tone of your post, I'd suggest 20% of gross income going in that spot.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 11:02 AM

I will work on this.

I didn't say we had financial problems. I just said I had no motivation or savings goals.

Our family doesn't necessarily need an emergency fund. It's just nice to have money in an account to allow you to pay cash for things you want.

**disneysteve** · 06-06-2012, 11:20 AM

Originally posted by Barclay View Post

I didn't say we had financial problems. I just said I had no motivation or savings goals.

Sorry, that was meant as a general comment about financial problems, not about you specifically.

Our family doesn't necessarily need an emergency fund. It's just nice to have money in an account to allow you to pay cash for things you want.

An emergency fund is not an account for buying "things you want" but rather money set aside for unexpected significant expenses - the roof leaking, a car breaking down, last minute travel for a family funeral, a costly medical bill - stuff like that. Stuff happens and everyone should be prepared.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 11:26 AM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

An emergency fund is not an account for buying "things you want" but rather money set aside for unexpected significant expenses - the roof leaking, a car breaking down, last minute travel for a family funeral, a costly medical bill - stuff like that. Stuff happens and everyone should be prepared.

fair enuff. I would call those basic living expenses and we have money for that. We do not have money to pay cash for a Porsche and have a year's worth of living expenses saved. I guess that is why I don't want to buy the Porsche.

**disneysteve** · 06-06-2012, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by Barclay View Post

I would like us to save up a decent emergency fund again.

Our family doesn't necessarily need an emergency fund.

have a year's worth of living expenses saved

I'm a little confuse since no numbers have been presented. First you said you'd like to save up a decent emergency fund. Then you said you don't necessarily need an EF. Then you said you have a year's worth of expenses saved which I think everyone would agree is a great EF.

If you are looking for more specific advice, it would really help if you posted your numbers - income, expenses, any debts. Otherwise, I'd just stick with my original advice to create a budget and also to jointly determine what your financial goals are short, mid and long term.

**Barclay** · 06-06-2012, 12:36 PM

We have a years worth of living expenses that I don't touch. We have fairly low living expenses, so that isn't a great percentage of our income. We spent a large amount of our liquid assets this year, buying a house, renovating the house, etc.

My husband has an AF income each month so we really don't NEED an emergency fund since that money will never go away. However, I would like to replenish my savings that I used to pay for our new house.

Getting past the need for things to gratify....