Lending money to my girlfriend

[pouncingmailbox]

Hi Everyone,

I am hoping you guys can give me some relationship/financial advice.

My girlfriend recently quit her solid (~55K per year) job to start medical school in the fall. She quit her job early to take her dream trip to Europe before she starts school.

I knew this trip was going to be expensive and frankly unnecessary 1 month vacation. However I found it difficult to directly voice this opinion because my family is quite wealthy and I have been to Europe many times before. Her family has been in a very difficult financial situation since she was a kid and she has never had an opportunity to travel. So i thought it was important to support her desire to travel. I couldn't go because of a very important set of exams.

She just returned from Europe and is living with me until she can move into her apartment and start medical school. It turns out she spent literally all of her money during the trip and is now has almost $1,000 in credit card debt. She also has over $20,000 in student loan debt from undergrad and is planing to take out about $260,000 in medical student loan debt over the next four years of medical school.

I have 0 debt because my parents covered the cost of my undergraduate education, and because i am now in a PhD program where i am paid to go to school while working in a lab.

I don't make much money ($26,000) a year and I don't get income from any other sources. I am extremely frugal and take every opportunity to save, often to the chagrin of my girlfriend and sister.

Now that she has exhausted all of her liquid capitol she wants to borrow about $1,000 from me to cover her trip associated credit card debt until her medical school student loan disbursement hits in a couple of months. While she is living with me I have been covering all expenses food, housing, and everything else. Lending her $1,000 does not put stress on my finances but does majorly dent my savings. It probably takes me 5 or 6 months to save up $1,000. I am annoyed because I find it incredibly irresponsible to spend money you don't have on unnecessary luxury items (like vacations). This is something that I would NEVER do.

Is this just another drop in the bucket of a solid investment in a medical school education?

or

Is this an example of financial irresponsibility contributing to a mountain of debt that i should be seriously concerned about.

I obviously need to sit down with her and talk this all out. She reacts very poorly anytime I try to start this discussion.

Maybe instead of lending her the money I should offer to buy her car from her (and then just continue to let her use it). That way at least I get a title and legal ownership of something and she would not have any debt to repay. If she wishes in the future she could buy the car back... but I honestly don't care if she does or not. I just want to avoid any situation where i have to ask her for the money because i know that for the next four years she wont have any.

[lirpalynn]

Unfortunately, she knew what she was spending while on the trip, and sometimes you just have to pay the interest on a credit card and learn a hard lesson. Her mistake should not interfere with your comfort in your own savings. I think you just need to ask yourself what will make YOU more happy: pay for things that make you a little uncomfortable to make her happy, or let things ride out as is.

Some people are lucky enough to have more luxuries/opportunities in life (trips to Europe with family, college paid for, etc) but it almost sounds like maybe you feel guilty that your situations have been so different? Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I hope you don't feel like you have to make up for the luxuries that she did not have. Personally, I appreciate everything I have because I've had to do and pay for everything on my own. And once upon a time I heard "If we get married, we don't want to have this debt to start out" and let a boyfriend borrow what I considered a significant amount of money. Bottom line is that we didn't get married and I didn't get the money back.

I hope you give an update when you get everything sorted out!

[snafu]

So GF is now back from trip with CC debt so what summer work is available, what realistic job does she seek? Most people learn that loaning money is a speedway to ruined friendship. If you want to rescue GF from ruined credit you could give the money with no expectation of having it paid back. If you choose to call it a 'loan' I suggest a paper trail, give a cheque, have GF sign a simple agreement, acknowledging Date, Loan, Sum, PayBack Terms & Conditions like on receipt of
student loan or September 30th [whatever is appropriate].

I wonder what she'll use for money short term, gas and spends...will you make it $ 2K?

[disneysteve]

My girlfriend recently quit her solid (~55K per year) job to start medical school in the fall.

It turns out she spent literally all of her money during the trip and is now has almost $1,000 in credit card debt. She also has over $20,000 in student loan debt from undergrad and is planing to take out about $260,000 in medical student loan debt over the next four years of medical school.

Is this an example of financial irresponsibility contributing to a mountain of debt that i should be seriously concerned about.

She reacts very poorly anytime I try to start this discussion.

I think you know the answer here.

No, you shouldn't lend her money.
No, you shouldn't let her live with you free of charge.
No, you shouldn't move forward with this relationship.

[autoxer]

It probably takes me 5 or 6 months to save up $1,000.

Just tell her this. Or tell her that all of your money is tied up and you are unable to lend it.

You are doing more than enough supporting her, don't take on her debt. Don't buy her car, that will only complicate your relationship, without really helping the situation. If she really wants to leverage her car, tell her to go get a title loan.

[Butterscotch]

GF

Can you just loan her the money minimum payments until her disbursement kicks in? And then if she doesn't pay you back you're only out a much smaller amount than the full $1000. That way you're still helping her, but not bailing her out.

[rob62521]

What Disney Steve said!

Lending money to someone who doesn't want to talk about money should give you the idea she isn't money savvy.

[tripods68]

She is using you. I don't care what she wants to achieve in life, a doctor. But clearly she is not a very smart person and oblivious of her finances. I discussed this serious issue with her--habit changed. Otherwise its time for you to move ON!

[sandrark]

She can still get a summer job so she can pay the minimums on the $1k debt. It's her choice, and her problem.

And do NOT buy her car and then let her drive it. You then become liable for any accident or injury she causes.