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Need Advice About My Girlfriends Debt

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    #16
    mine too still says you deal with it. But he isn't a huge spender so I never worry about him not interested in finances.
    LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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      #17
      Originally posted by vincentvegas View Post
      she recently picked out a 2 karat $12K ring.
      She clearly has expensive taste (that she can ill afford) and has voiced her opinion that this is how she intends to live. People generally don't change after marriage. That doesn't mean she's hopeless, but unless she changes her extravagant choices now, chances are little to none that she'll change after marriage.

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        #18
        Wow...what else can I say -- a TON of red flags here. Something is very wrong with this situation, and I think part of you knows that this is some shady behavior.

        It is painfully clear that your gf is not good with her finances. At all. I'm sure that will NOT change *on its own* if you marry her. She definitely has a spending problem and the fact that she seems oblivious to it at 31 is troubling. But can I point out something that we may be overlooking? Maybe she is so embarrassed by her debt that she doesn't want to be upfront about it. Maybe she is so ashamed of it and that's why she's avoiding this conversation?

        The problem here is that your values are different. You value your finances, profession, and credit score, and she values "nice things." That doesn't make her a bad person, but if your values aren't compatible, then that's a huge problem your marriage will not be able to sustain.

        Maybe I shouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt, but I would make it very clear you consider her spending to be a very big warning sign. I think you need to have a talk about what you value -- it could be (I don't know her, of course) that she racked up some debt when she was younger, regrets it now, and is too ashamed/embarassed to come clean with you. If she really wants to pay down the debt and is committed totally to doing so, that's one thing. That shows she values hard work and honesty and is mature enough to own up to her mistakes. But if she just has an appetite for shiny things and no concern with how it's going to be paid for, I would run away FAST. Have an honest conversation with her, discuss your outlook on money as well as what your values are, and then go from there.

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          #19
          The best thing to do in this situation would be to take her to a debt advisor where they will sit her down and show / explain to her shopping habits and how she can reduce this debt through a repayment program - she will benefit greatly from this - i did

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