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Have the Courage to Envision a Different Life

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it takes courage

I’ve met many people over the years who, when talk turns to making changes that would save them money and/or give them more freedom, start in with “I can’t” and “I won’t” without ever giving any serious consideration to the ideas being discussed. They never step out of their own way long enough to ask, “What if?” they just stick to their narrow view of life as they know it and never dare to imagine that things could be different.

For example, one day my friends and I were discussing moving to a different area, one that is more pedestrian, carpool, and cyclist friendly. We were exploring the idea of ditching our cars and the associated maintenance and gas bills and we knew it could never happen here. (I live in what might as well be the poster child for crappy urban planning. If you walk or ride around here, you’ll do so on a four lane highway with no sidewalks or cyclist lanes. And you won’t do it long. Chances are you’ll be dead within the week with the lunatic drivers. We don’t even have carpool lanes on the interstate.) Anyway, we were all tossing out ideas and places that might be fun to live and we were dreaming big dreams of no cars, better health, and money saved.

That is, until Mr. Joy Killer spoke up with, “It’ll never work. You guys know you’ll never do it. And if you do move, you’ll still drive. You can’t seriously have spent the last hour talking about this!” Oh, but we had. And we’d had fun doing it and some of us have already made the dream real. One member of the group has already gone through with a move, and two others are actively working on lobbying local governments for more bike and pedestrian friendly options. Sadly, I’m still here, but I’m looking at options.

The point is that these people had the courage to see a different life for themselves (and in the case of the lobbyists, for others, as well). They didn’t just say, “I can’t ever save on car expenses because there’s no way I can quit driving.” They looked beyond the life they live every day and said, “I can’t do it here, today, but I can do it somewhere, sometime. What are my options?”

I see this happen all the time. Someone complains about not being able to cut down on housing, taxes, or food expenses and when someone says, “Move to an area with a lower cost of living,” they simply shut down. “Can’t do it,” they say. But they could. It’s a free country and you can move wherever you want. Sure, you’re going to have to apply some thought to the process, do some research, and it’s not likely going to happen tomorrow, but it can happen.

Someone complains about not spending quality time with their kids and someone suggests, “Take them out of some of their activities so they’re home more,” or, “Cut down on your working hours so you’re home more.” And the person responds, “But if I take them out of activities, I’ll upset them and I can’t cut down on my work.” Well, maybe you can’t cut down at your current job, but maybe you could get a different job. And the kids probably won’t be damaged, especially if you can find some great family activity to replace the one you’re removing them from. Maybe you can’t do it today, but you can work toward a better life with your kids.

If you want to get serious about making big changes to save money and improve your quality of life, sometimes you have to do something drastic, and that often starts with having the courage to envision a different way of life for yourself. If you nip every idea in the bud with “can’t” and “won’t” nothing will change. If something is important to you, you have to be willing to find a way to make it work. And if you’re not willing to do that, at least stop trying to kill everyone else’s dreams. Just because you can’t or won’t do something, doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of people out there who would like to try. They have the courage to envision something different, radical, and which goes against the herd mentality. Do you?

(Photo courtesy of Paul Simpson)

Start Where You Are

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The other day I was reading a post on a message board from someone who was very proud of their money saving efforts. They listed things they’d cut including the house cleaner, the lawn service, eating out, and that they’d dropped premium channels on their cable. They’ve started buying store brands and given up many designer labels. They also sold a luxury car and replaced it with a cheaper model. They were pretty proud of themselves because they were now saving several thousand dollars per year. I thought they were doing a good job, but other posters jumped on this person telling them that they weren’t being frugal and that their efforts were stupid.

The general consensus seemed to be that this person had been living so high on the hog that most of their cuts were just “Duh” things that all frugal people do. Other posters made fun of the original poster because the OP thought that cutting out designer labels and lawn services were big deals. To the ultra-frugal on the board, these things were things that the original poster should never have had to begin with. They told the OP that they thought their efforts at frugality were silly and inconsequential and to come back when they were doing things like shopping at thrift stores, planting a garden, and sewing their own clothes. The attitude was, “You’re not frugal enough to post here. We’re better than you and we think you’re not approaching this the right way.” As a result, the OP got frustrated and stopped posting.

What these ultra frugal people have forgotten is that you have to start where you are. Some people live at a higher spending level than others. Maybe their income allowed it, or they simply lived above their means. Whatever the reason, when the day comes that they need to be frugal they have a lot of big cuts they can make. They can cut the exotic vacations, designer labels, premium brands, lawn services, house cleaners, and expensive cars. They can quickly reduce their spending by thousands if they choose. To these people, these cuts are very big deals.

It may be hard for them to live without housekeeping or lawn service. It may be a big sacrifice for them to do these things themselves. To those of us who’ve done it this way forever, it may seem like a “Duh” thing to do, but to those who’ve never walked this road before it’s a big deal. Those who’ve lived the high life have to start being frugal somewhere. For them it’s easiest to cut those big items. Once they’ve mastered that, then they can move on to thriftier things.

While there are some frugal people who’ve been that way all their lives, most frugal people came to the lifestyle because of a job loss or income reduction, because they watched their parents squander money, or because they had a concern for the environment. Most of us started out by cutting out the obvious big things. Maybe we didn’t have a lawn service to cut, but we probably had some other frivolous spending to eliminate. We had to start somewhere. Once we’d made the big cuts we moved on to the frugal lifestyle and started planting gardens, line drying clothes, and canning vegetables.

It’s pointless and mean to make fun of someone who is genuinely trying to bring their spending down. Everyone has to start somewhere. Maybe their cuts aren’t something you can identify with, but it’s their life. They probably can’t (yet) identify with your use of reusable cloths instead of paper towels. You had to start being frugal somewhere and so do they. Be kind to others and support them in their efforts. Model a more frugal lifestyle for them and maybe they’ll eventually get as good at it as you are. If you discourage others and tell them that they aren’t “doing it right,” (and, by the way, there is no “right” way to be frugal) they’ll give up and decide it’s not worth it. If you’re new to frugality, start where you are and do what you can. Learn as you go along and you’ll find that before long you’re living a very frugal life.