Relationships

How a Polygamous Relationship Can Impact Your Finances

August 28, 2018 By Tamila McDonald 9 Comments

Finances can be complex in any relationship. Even when they just involve two adults. However, when you add a third, fourth, or even more partners to the mix, things can quickly become even harder to manage.

The presence or lack or primary partners – a relationship that is given priority over the others – can play a factor. Additionally, if there are any children. Whether the partners live together or separately also impact the financial side of the relationships.

If you are wondering about the financial ramifications of having multiple partners. Here is an overview of the kinds of relationships that exist. Also, here are some of the complexities that come along with them.

Bigamy vs. Polygamy vs. Polyamory

Many people confuse the terms “polygamy,” “bigamy,” and “polyamory,” using them interchangeably. However, while a polygamous relationship is polyamorous and may involve bigamy. A polyamorous relationship is not necessarily polygamous or have anything to do with bigamy.

Bigamy involves attempting to legally marry more than one person. In the US, bigamy is illegal. A person can only be legally married to one other person. Bigamy is a form of polygamy.

Polygamy is also illegal in the US. Polygamy can occur when a person enters into a relationship that is treated as a marriage. This occurs while they have a marriage-like relationship with someone else. A polygamous relationship could involve two people who are legally married. As well as a third or more people who they treat as spouses, even if they have not attempted to marry them legally. This means polygamy may or may not also involve bigamy.

In general, polygamy was made illegal because of common law marriage statutes in various states. In a common law marriage, a relationship can have legal rights and protections similar to an actual marriage. Even if they pair never obtained a marriage license or got legally married. If more than two people live as married, then they could all be deemed part of a common law marriage. This type of marriage is not legal.

Polyamory is different. It is simply a form of nonmonogamy. This may not involve any marriages, either legal, common law, or otherwise.

While romantic relationships may exist between more than two people in polyamory. Each relationship is not necessarily treated as a marriage. For example, a woman may be legally married to one partner while having another partner who is treated like a boyfriend or girlfriend. Alternatively, a woman may not be married at all. She may choose to maintain romantic relationships with more than one partner.

Polyamory is not illegal as long as the relationships don’t transition into a polygamous or bigamous state.

The Financial Implications of a Polyamorous Relationship

Handling finances while being part of a polyamorous relationship can be complex, but also highly varied. One of the biggest factors in how things are handled tends to be cohabitation and whether any two people are married or living as such.

Cohabitation can mean that certain costs need to be split. For example, sharing a portion of the rent or mortgage payment responsibility may be necessary. Similarly, utilities, cable, and internet costs might be managed collectively.

However, even if two members are married or living as married, they may choose to maintain separate bank accounts to manage their income. Comingling finances is not a requirement of marriage, and a separation may make things easier to manage between primary partners and any additional relationships they maintain.

Often, if a couple is married and polyamorous, and choose to comingle their finances, then it’s wise to budget for expenditures on other partners. This can help set limits on how much each person can spend on their other relationships, ensuring enough money is available to handle joint obligations.

Cohabitating Couples

Alternatively, a cohabitating primary couple may choose to maintain a joint bank account for shared financial responsibilities and separate accounts for their spending. This can function similarly to the budgeting approach for entirely comingled finances, but may provide for some additional privacy.

In some cases, members of polyamorous relationships may choose not to cohabitate, even if they maintain a primary relationship. In these scenarios, each individual may be solely financially responsible for their homes, bills, and finances. This means joint budgeting isn’t necessary, and each person can spend what they like based on their needs and preferences.

There is also nothing to say that every member of a larger polyamorous relationship couldn’t cohabitate together. However, this can make it hard to maintain a legal separation between polyamory and polygamy, particularly in states where common law marriage exists.

Often, this means that strict financial boundaries may need to be in place. For example, sharing a bank account between more than two members of the relationships, or having multiple two-person accounts with different partners, could blur the legal lines. Additionally, estate planning can be complex if you wish to leave something to non-primary partners.

Understand State Laws

Ideally, anyone in or considering a polyamorous relationship should review their state’s laws regarding common law marriage and polygamy. That way everyone can understand what actions may cross into the polygamous arena, allowing all members to avoid any legal penalties for the relationships.

It may also be wise to consult with a lawyer for estate planning or large joint financial purchases, such as a house, as they may be able to provide guidance to ensure no legal boundaries are incidentally crossed.

The Financial Implications of a Polygamous Relationship

A polygamous relationship can come with all of the financial challenges of a polyamorous relationship and then some. First, since polygamy is illegal, there are potential legal costs that can occur in regards to the relationship’s existence. For example, lawyer and court fees may be expenses that must be managed.

Additionally, in polygamy, more than one relationship is treated like a marriage. This could mean multiple partners all cohabitating and sharing the responsibilities of managing the household, or that some parties are full members of multiple households.

Setting multiple budgets may be necessary to manage a polygamous relationship. This is regardless of how many people earn an income. If there is more than one physical home. Anyone who is part of multiple households may have to divide their income. Everyone must pull their weight, which can complicate the financial aspects of the relationships.

If everyone cohabitates, a single budget may be sufficient. However, spending limits on non-household expenses is necessary to keep everyone financially on track.

The Complexity of Estate Planning

Estate planning will also be complex if everyone cohabitates in a home at least one party owns. Especially, since more than one relationship is treated as a marriage. This is one of the reasons polygamy is illegal, as the legal complexities are hard to navigate. However, with an estate plan, certain issues are resolved. But, if one party chooses to fight against the plan at the time of one family member’s death, it may not be easy to reach a resolution.

Ultimately, polygamous and polyamorous relationships do come with financial impacts. By openly communicating and planning, it is possible to come up with viable solutions. These are solutions that work for a person’s lifestyle. However, if the relationship is legally polygamous; there are numerous hurdles along the way. It’s wise to avoid crossing into that territory.

Do you have something to add to the information above? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Can You Afford an August Wedding?

August 3, 2018 By Tamila McDonald Leave a Comment

August wedding

The average wedding in the US costs an astonishing $33,391. In some locations, the price tag for getting married can be substantially higher. For example, in Manhattan, the average amount is over $76,000. Whether you can afford an August wedding depends on a variety of factors, including, but not limited to, how much you have in savings, the venue you select, and the number of guests.

If you’ve been planning your August wedding for some time, you may be ready for the costs that come with the occasion. However, if you are recently engaged and want to get married quickly, you may have to make some adjustments to the celebration to make it affordable.

City and Venue For An August Wedding

Where you decide to hold your wedding plays a big role in the total cost. Typically, the venue is the single largest expense a couple handles, averaging about $15,000.

However, you also have a substantial amount of control when it comes to managing location costs. For example, getting married in the courthouse, city clerk’s office, or a family member’s backyard is substantially cheaper.

In New York City, a marriage ceremony in the city clerk’s office is just $25. However, you won’t be able to customize the space or invite a lot of guests to witness the occasion.

Certain nontraditional locations can also be fairly low-cost. For instance, if your city has a beautiful library, local theater, or public park, those might not be overly expensive. A zoo or aquarium can be a fun choice and might be more affordable.

University campuses often have amazing architecture and may have other picturesque features like fountains that could create amazing backdrops. Plus, since the campus typically isn’t as busy during the summer season, you might be able to score a deal on an August wedding and not have to worry about students interrupting the ceremony.

Décor and Flowers

Another substantial expense is the décor and flowers. If you need to bring in tables and chairs or otherwise want to decorate the space, that all comes with a price tag.

You can limit the amount you spend in a few different ways. For instance, if you have a small wedding with only close friends and family members in attendance, you can limit the number of tables and chairs you need.

Similarly, choosing flowers that are in season can cut down on the cost as well as embracing “filler” blooms and foliage that are more affordable. If you decide to get married outdoors, you might even be able to forgo buying additional flowers beyond your bouquet if the nearby landscaping is attractive.

Certain décor items are relatively inexpensive if you shop in the right places. Retailers like Walmart and various dollar stores often have candles, candle holders, and vases at low prices. You can also find affordable decorative glass gems to put in clear jars or on tables in a range of colors, letting you add some shine and sparkle to your décor.

In some cases, the venue may have all of the décor you need. Many hotels provide tables and chairs with their rooms, so the expense is rolled into the price. Parks may have gazebos or halls that have tables and chairs available as well.

Photographers

Most couples want pictures on their wedding day, but many don’t anticipate how much a professional photographer costs. While it may be tempting to forgo the service entirely, especially since smartphones have reasonable cameras, you might run the risk of not having the ideal pictures if you don’t work with someone who truly knows how to capture a wedding.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep this cost down. For example, you can explore only using a professional photographer during the ceremony itself. Then, create a website or email address where guests can send you images from the reception.

Wedding Attire

Full-length bridal gowns, tuxedos, and bridesmaid dresses all come with price tags. It isn’t uncommon for the bride to spend at $1,500 on a dress, though more expensive options are certainly available.

If you want to make your August wedding more affordable, then consider some alternatives to buying all of the attire. Bridesmaid dresses and tuxedos or suits are usually available for rent, which can cost substantially less than buying. Forgoing an extravagant bridal gown for something simpler can also help you save, as additions like beading and lace typically cause a dress to cost more.

Since you are holding an August wedding, you may want to consider a lighter weight dress that is appropriate for the season, especially if your ceremony or reception is outdoors. Temperatures are high during this time of year, so layers of satin, silk, or chiffon may increase the odds that you’ll overheat, and no one wants to be uncomfortable on their wedding day.

Food and Drink

Hors d’oeuvres, dinners, Champagne, and the cake are common wedding-related expenses that you need to consider. If you decide to have the event catered, the cost can come out around $70 per person, which adds up quickly.

If you need to keep the cost down, you do have options. First, forgo an open bar, which can quickly get expensive. You can choose to have a Champagne toast or simply limit the number of drinks, making it easier to control the cost.

Choosing a buffet dinner option over individual entrees may also be less expensive. Similarly, avoiding steak and seafood and offering chicken or pasta dishes instead might bring the price tag down.

You can also adjust the timing of your wedding so that a full meal isn’t expected. For example, a mid-afternoon or late evening event may make just providing hors d’oeuvres sufficient.

Additionally, limiting the number of guests can make controlling this expense even easier no matter what you want to offer. Feeding 30 is substantially less expensive than 100, so keeping your guest list small can make your August wedding more affordable.

Can’t Afford the Wedding You Want?

If you have a dream event in mind and an August wedding this year is simply unaffordable, then you do have a few options. If you need to get married quickly, consider getting married at the courthouse this year and then scheduling a vow renewal on your one-year anniversary with all of the bells and whistles.

In situations where you have more time, you can always choose another month or year to get married. There is no hard-and-fast rule regarding how long an engagement can last, so don’t hesitate to pick a date that works for your pocketbook if the need arises.

Are there other costs couples should consider when planning an August wedding? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.

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Romancing Your Sweetheart on a Budget

February 9, 2018 By Jacob Sensiba Leave a Comment

how to romance your sweetheart on a budget

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

This day is designed to celebrate love, and being so intensely connected and devoted to someone makes you want to buy them a fancy dinner, a show, and a beautiful set of jewelry. But maybe your budget allows for cheap fast food, Netflix, and fake jewelry from a mall kiosk.

Or maybe you’re just looking to mind your pennies and stick to your budget, but you still want to make that special someone feel, just that, special.

I’m here to help. Below are several tips on how to romance your sweetheart while sticking to your budget.

Cook a romantic dinner

Cooking your significant other a special dinner will pay off two-fold. One, it will save you a bunch of money on going out. And two, they will notice and appreciate how much work you put into the meal. It’ll make dinner even more special.

If you are looking to eat healthy this Valentine’s day, visit this post on how to eat healthy on a budget.

Give a full body massage

Once again, you are going to save loads of money on this. Massage parlors, especially good ones, will cost you a couple hundred bucks, easy. By giving the massage yourself, you save all that money, less the price of massage oil.

Like the dinner, your significant other will notice and definitely appreciate all your effort.

Pack a sunset picnic

If you live where it’s cold, hopefully, it’s warmer than normal. If you live in a warm climate, this will be perfect. A sunset is always a beautiful sight and is a wonder to watch with your love. Pack a picnic filled with their favorites to make them feel special.

If the weather sucks, watch the sunset from your car. Or you can try another tip from this list.

Leave love notes

This is free but will make them feel so special. Write cute things like what you love about them, something they do that you find endearing, or a special memory. It’ll make them feel good and won’t cost you a thing.

Take a walk

Walk through your neighborhood or through the local park hand in hand. I love walking around with my wife. It gives us a chance to talk, enjoy the weather, and enjoy each other’s company.

Visit special places from your past

I love this one. Go to the location of your first date, where you first kissed, where you proposed, or where you got married. You will both reflect on that special day and how much that day meant to one another.

Plus side of this, if you don’t go inside, it won’t cost a penny.

Snuggle and watch romantic movies

Long periods of intimate contacts, like cuddling, release the hormone oxytocin, which will lower your heart rate and reduce stress. Cuddling and watching a romantic movie will surely give you some quality time together. My wife’s two favorites are the Notebook and Love Actually. Give one of those a shot.

Slow dance to some romantic music

This music could be found on a Spotify or Pandora playlist, or it could be one that you both declared as your song. Pick a few songs, hold each other close, and enjoy the moment.

Write a love letter

This is also one of my favorites. I love writing, so putting pen to paper and telling my wife how I feel is something I try to do every few months. It gives you a chance to really let that special person know what they mean to you.

Find a fun and free local attraction

Look on the web for a free event or attraction that’s going on near you. It could be an event at the park or theater, or it could be free admission to the art museum. Make it something that you both enjoy.

Box up some memories

Find special items that you’ve kept over the years. Put them in a box, wrap it, and gift it. A nice touch, write a little note for each item about what it is, why it’s in there, and where it came from. They will love the thoughtfulness of this gift.

Burn a CD of shared favorite songs

This could be a song that the both of you enjoy together, it could be “your song,” or it could be a song that just makes you think of them. If there are a couple of slow songs in the mix, take her hand and dance with her during those.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day can be a very special one, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Sure, going to dinner and splurging on a nice gift would be nice, but it might not be as intimate, as thoughtful, or as special as using some of the tips in this post.

Have a beautiful Valentine’s Day. I hope it’s one to remember!

Why I Enjoy Being Poor

April 5, 2017 By Alexa Mason 25 Comments

If you had asked me a year ago if I would like being poor, I would have called you crazy. Both my husband and I had just lost our jobs and we were just coming to the realization that we were no longer going to be able to live the life of luxury that we had been living up until that point. In one fell swoop, we had gone from being able to afford basically anything we wanted to being poor.

I must admit that the first 6 months weren’t pretty. There was a lot of resentment and complaining deep inside that came out much too often. It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t have everything that I wanted or that I had to make sacrifices that I never had to make before. It was a rough period and there was a lot of shouting, accusing and bad attitude as we were adjusting to our new financial circumstances.

Why I Enjoy Being Poor

But a funny thing happened after that. Once we began to adjust to not having the money we used to have, being poor wasn’t nearly as terrible as I had imagined. In fact, there were times that I downright enjoyed it.

I get to spend more time with my family: Since we no longer have the money to pay for entertainment that used to occupy our time, we now entertain ourselves. That entertainment has come by spending more time together.
Life has slowed down: When we had a lot of money, there always seemed to be a rush about everything. We needed to go there, we couldn’tmiss that. The lack of money has made me (and my entire family) a lot more relaxed and easy going.
We have a lot more family projects: When we had money, we were more of a group of individuals that a family unit. We each did what we wanted and often ignored the other members of the family. Now that we are all required to stay home a lot more often than in the past, we have come together and do family projects. We recently repainted my daughter’s room together. In the past, we would have hired out this work to others.
We play a lot more games: We do play more games as a family like scrabble and cards, but we also turn a lot of the ways we save money into games. For example, we now have a contest where we see if we can cut the amount we pay on our utility bills each month. If we succeed, 50% of the savings we manage to save is used to go out for a meal, ice-cream or some other treat.
I now know our needs: I thought I knew our needs when we had money, but I had been greatly mistaken. Technology and habit blinded me from reality. The fact is that there is very little that we actually need: shelter, clothing, healthy food and water, a safe neighborhood. A lot of the gadgets and toys that I once thought I would die without turned out to not be necessary at all.
We eat better and together: Meals used to be on the run, usually prepackaged and often eaten outside the house. When we could no longer afford to do this, it was surprising how much better we began to eat. I cook a lot more from scratch and we have a lot more meals as a family unit than we used to.
We waste less: When I look back to when we had money, I am shocked at the amount that we used to waste. I didn’t think I was wasteful then, but now that we must use as much as we can, I realise that we were incredibly wasteful.
Life is more fun: I can honestly say that life is a lot more fun that it was when we had more money. There is a lot less stress now that we have learned to live with the amount that we make and knowing that even if we don’t have a lot of money, we can still get by.

This is not to say that I hope to always live this way. it can be tough being poor and having to make decisions about how to spend a limited amount of money that I would rather not. However, I do hope that when we are making more money and can afford a lot more than we can today that I can remember the new found attitude that I have and the joys that I may have never found had I never been poor.

This story was written by Maureen K.

Photo: CafeCredit.com

Who Should Pay When Eating Out?

February 13, 2017 By David G. Mitchell 16 Comments

I just enjoyed a delightful lunch with an old friend. I drove to her office and we walked to a nearby seafood restaurant where we were able to relax and catch up. It was quite a pleasure and I had a completely and thoroughly entertaining meal with her.

After we had finished our lunch, the server brought the bill over to our booth and presented it directly and undeniably to me. The server let there be no doubt as to who she expected to pay and it was clearly the male in attendance. On the one hand, I did not mind receiving the bill because I had fully intended to buy lunch since my friend had paid the last time we got together (and I don’t forget these things). On the other hand, I really felt that the server’s implied sexism was a bit out of date.

After my friend and I negotiated for a moment over who would pay — my friend arguing that the employed person should pay and me arguing that the person with custody of the tab should pay — I paid the bill (since possession always wins), and we strolled back to my friend’s office. As I drove home, I recalled a few amusing anecdotes that my friend had shared but my thoughts kept drifting back to the restaurant bill.

As a person who is supposed to be thinking about ways to save money, was I foolish to turn down my friend’s offer to pay? No — I did the right thing, but there are plenty of scenarios in which I would have allowed a friend to buy me lunch. If you have never thought through your strategy of “who pays?” here is how I break down payment obligations when two or more people dine out.

The Business Lunch

This is an easy scenario. Each party should pay his or her own way unless one party expresses otherwise. A service provider trying to court a potential client should certainly offer to pay and can probably justify the cost as a client development expense. A client who wants to reward a service provider for a job well done might also offer to buy lunch (or dinner) as a reward for a job well done. The assumption going into any business meal, however, should be that both parties pay their own way.

The Date

This is another easy one. Whoever asks another person to dine out as part of an established or desired romance should also bear the cost of paying. Personally, I understand that philosophy but I have never lived by it. I am perhaps a bit old-fashioned (and some would say sexist) in that regard but any time I went out on a date, I always insisted on paying. Fortunately, it has been twenty years since I was in the dating world so my attitude in this regard, even if it is old fashioned, can only get me into trouble on these pages.

Friends Getting Together

When friends get together for dinner or drinks or whatever, they need to find the payment model that works best for them. When I was in school, I ate at the same diner every night. My room-mate and I got the same meal every night and we took turns paying. If some nights one of us ordered a little more or a little less (appetizers, drinks or whatever), it did not matter, as we knew it would wash out in the end. At the same time, I had a famously cheap friend who (despite being wealthier than any of my other friends) always found a way to avoid paying when it came time to pay a bill. After about three months of his payment avoidance, I learned that we needed to ask for separate checks or I was going to be feeding him for the rest of his life.

Parents and their Children

Parents should pay for their kids until the kids can support themselves and then they should treat the meal as they would treat it among friends. I love to be able to buy things for my Dad but I know that he also likes to pay my way, too. When we golf — about 8 times per year — we alternate payment. Of course, he would like to pay every time, but at 82 years of age, he can’t beat me up the hill to the pro shop anymore.

What other scenarios do you encounter when you dine out? Have you ever been “stung” by friends and forced to pay for a bill that you had not expected — or wanted — to pay? When do you expect someone else to pick up the tab and when should you pay?

Photo: Martin Cathrae

Top 5 Dying Regrets, Why I Won’t Have Them and Neither Should You

December 4, 2016 By Jeffrey Strain 7 Comments

One of the most important life lessons that we can all learn is to seriously listen to and consider the advice from those who have more experience than we do. When it comes to the end of our life, most of us are going to have some regrets. A nurse, Bronnie Ware, who spent years tending to patients that were living the last weeks of their lives recently came out with a book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. While not all of these regrets are directly related to finances, they do all have some type of money aspect to them. These are the five most common regrets for people at the end of their life and why I won’t have them (and neither should you) when I do die:

#1 Dying Regret: Not Having The Courage To Live True To Yourself

My first job out of college was working for Hallmark Cards. One of the things that became readily apparent from the beginning was that if you stayed with the company, you were going to leave with well over $1 million at retirement. I also began to see that because of this, there were more than a few people that were stuck doing a job that they didn’t really enjoy, but had convinced themselves they couldn’t afford to leave.

When I decided to leave a couple of years later, it happened to be during a difficult economic time and I had no other job lined up. There were quite a few people that said I was crazy to leave such a secure job. Most couldn’t understand why I was willing to leave just because I didn’t enjoy being there. I ended up quitting, traveling to Alaska with the goal of making my way all the way to the southern most point of South America. I made it to Central America before another adventure interrupted that plan and I found myself in the middle of the countryside of Japan.

It was a difficult decision and there was a lot of pressure not only from acquaintances, but also friends, to stick with the Hallmark job for the security. I have never regretted the decision to leave or to pursue the things that make me happiest no matter what others may say. I know that I have disappointed others with my decisions from time to time, but I can safely say that not having the courage to live true to myself will not be one of my dying regrets.

While this may not seem like something that has much to do with money, for me it certainly has over the years. The reason that I have been able to summon the courage to do many of the things that I have done is because I know I can survive on very little money and still be happy. I know myself well and if I lost all of my possessions tomorrow, I wouldn’t be happy about it, but it wouldn’t be devastating either. Knowing that I can survive happily on very little makes it much easier to take chances that others would be more reluctant to take. Being debt free and confident in your finances (no matter how meager) goes a long way to help gain the courage to be true to yourself.

#2 Dying Regret: Having Worked Too Hard

I think that this regret needs to be qualified. I work hard. Really hard. Some people would say that I work too hard, but I work hard at something that I truly enjoy. I also don’t work to the detriment of other things that I would like to be doing. In fact, I have created it so that my work includes doing some of my favorite things. For example, I enjoy hiking, exploring and being outdoors. So as part of my work, I now visit as many National Parks as I can each year and write about them. If hiking all day in some of the most beautiful places in the U.S. constitutes having worked too hard, then I plead guilty as charged.

It’s not the working hard that I think that most people regret, but it’s spending too much time at work (and other activities) that they didn’t really enjoy to the detriment of relationships and other important things in their lives. This is illustrated by Ware who writes, “All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

Again, this may not seem like it’s money related, but often the excuse for working all those hours is to earn more money (ironically so that you can do the things that you really enjoy). By understanding how much money I need to do the things that I want to do most and not having to try to create any more wealth than that, I feel secure that having worked too hard (at things I didn’t enjoy) will not be on my list of dying regrets.

#3 Dying Regret: The Courage To Better Express Your Feelings

This is probably the closest regret I may have that is on this top five list, but not for the reasons that others do. Ware says that this regret comes from those that ended up settling for mediocrity (with many developing illness from the bitterness and resentment) from not expressing their true feelings to others and failing to become what they believed they could be. I have never felt that I was unable to express my feelings in this way to any of my family or friends.

I’m not sure how financial related this regret is, but I have the feeling that both emotional and financial dependence have a role to play with this regret. I think that those who are financially stable and can remain so on their own are in a position that makes it easier for them to express their true feelings than those that are dependent on others.

Where I think I do fail is letting those close to me know how much I love and care for them. I tend to assume that those around me know that by me choosing to spend my time with them, this means that they are special people in my life. I’m not sure this is always a good assumption to make and I know that I could (and will continue to work on) letting those that I care about know how much I truly do value them. Seeing this regret has been a good reminder that I need work harder on this.

#4 Dying Regret: Stayed In Better Touch With Friends

I don’t think that Ware could have summed it up better than the line “Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.” This is one of the potential regrets that I am actively working on today to make sure that it doesn’t turn into a regret when I am dying.

I spent nearly 15 years in Japan, and although I did make friends there, I lost contact with a lot of my good friends in the US while I was gone. When I returned back to the US, I made the conscious decision to not purchase a home even though I could afford one. Instead, I decided to be a digital nomad and travel full time. One of the many benefits of doing this is that I am able to visit and catch up on old friendships and spend a lot more time with my family than I would have ever been able to if I owned a home. Most people can’t leave their job without a fair amount of planning, but most can welcome someone who happens to be visiting the area where they live. I have chosen to be a person that can easily be the person visiting.

Although I haven’t reached the point where I would feel that this wouldn’t be a regret at all if I were to die in the near future, I do believe I continue to make a great effort in this area to the extent that this will not be on my regret list when my time does come. I also feel that I was able to set this potential regret on the correct path by having my finances in order and knowing how I wanted to spend the money I had versus taking the typical financial advice of buying a home.

#5 Dying Regret: To Let Yourself Be Happier

The author says, “Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.” I don’t think that this can be overstated and the earlier that one learns this, the better. The problem that I often see is that there are still so many people that believe that money will buy them happiness. The truth is (even though it is difficult for many to comprehend) that making $250,000 a year won’t make you any happier than making $75,000 a year. While $75,000 is the mark for most people, it’s actually a lot less for me (but I have always been strange in that way).

I become more and more convinced that many people never take the time to really figure out what makes them happy, and if you don’t know what makes you happy, it is difficult to find that happiness. I learned long ago that things don’t make me nearly as happy as experiences. I spend almost all of my income toward gaining more experiences rather than gathering more things. This is the opposite of most people I know, and while some things may bring some people happiness, I can say with a good amount of confidence that what the advertisers say will bring you happiness and what really will bring you happiness are probably not the same.

Understanding what makes you happy will greatly influence your finances. First, and foremost, you can stop spending your money on things that the advertisers say are supposed to make you happy, but really don’t. Surprisingly to most, it also often shows that you don’t need nearly as much money as you thought to be happy. Above all else, it gives you a solid goal to go after that is what you really should be striving toward.

Final Thoughts

Just because I don’t plan to have any of the top 5 dying regrets when my life comes to an end doesn’t mean that I am anywhere near finished when it comes to making sure that they aren’t regrets. I think that it takes constant vigilance to be true to yourself and to live a life the way that brings happiness and few regrets. One of the best reasons to get your finances in order is that doing so makes these challenges so much easier to accomplish so that you do have fewer regrets during life.

You now know the top 5 regrets for the vast majority of people as they near death. What are you going to do starting today to make sure that none of these are on your list?

(Photo courtesy of NatalieMaynor)