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How to Teach Your Spender Spouse to Save

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Teach Your Spender Spouse to Save

You are a saver. Your spouse is a spender. The differences are creating havoc in your marriage. Can you teach your spender spouse to save?

Can You Change Someone Else?

Before we get into some tips to help you teach your spender spouse to save, we have to acknowledge something: you can’t truly change someone else. You can encourage change. You can ask for change. There are many things that you can do to prompt change. But, ultimately, the only person that you can change is yourself.

So, before you go about trying to teach your spender spouse to save, you need to get them on board. If they flat out have zero interest in saving money, then you have a bigger problem on your hands. Many couples lose their relationships to money battles. If you’re at a standstill, then you may need couples therapy to help you get through the battle.

Change Yourself First

Since you can’t change someone else, the most important thing is first to do what you can to change yourself. Of course, this doesn’t mean that all of a sudden you will stop saving and start spending. But it does mean that you take an honest look at yourself before you try to teach your spender spouse to save.

Some questions to ask yourself include:

    • What do saving and spending mean to me? There’s often an underlying emotional component. For example, if you understand that saving means security to you but spending means freedom to your spouse then you can come together to address the deeper issue.
    • Why is saving important to me? How can I clearly express this to my partner in a way that they’ll understand?
    • What about my partner’s spending is upsetting to me? How can I clearly, and fairly, express my concerns without blaming my partner?
    • Is there anything that I can do differently without any aid from my spouse to address my concerns?
    • What will I be willing to compromise about in order to take my spouse’s needs and desires into consideration?


Tips to Get Your Spouse on Board

Doing that inner work first will go a long way towards getting your spouse on board. Here are some additional tips:

  • Ask your spouse to set a meeting with you to talk about money. This should be a non-confrontational meeting scheduled when you both have time and energy to devote to it.
  • Use “I statements.” They may feel cheesy but they work. “You statements” blame the other person.
  • Even better, ask your spouse if you can discuss your financial goals as “we statements.” In other words, remember that you and your spouse are a team and money is the problem you’re working together to solve. You aren’t each other’s enemies.
  • Ask your spouse if they have some concerns about saving and spending that they would like to bring to the table. Be generous and listen closely to what they have to say.
  • Express why saving is important to you. Ask your spouse if they are willing to work on this with you.

Tips to Teach Your Spender Spouse to Save

If your spouse is even a little bit willing to make some changes, then yes, you can teach your spender spouse to save. Here are some good tips that can help you along the way:

Make it Convenient to Save

The more convenient something is for us, the more likely we are to do it. That’s just human nature. Some of the ways to make savings more convenient include:

  • Automate your savings. Make an agreement with your spouse to channel a specific amount of money into savings each month. Set it up to happen automatically.
  • Install money-saving apps on your spouse’s phone. For example, use an app that rounds up your purchases and deposits the extra into savings.
  • Ask your spouse if they would like you to handle certain shopping. For example, if your spouse always spends extra at the grocery store, would you both be willing to have you do the grocery shopping? It’s more convenient for them, since they don’t have to shop, and you get to control the grocery spending.
  • Track your spending each month. Use your bank statements and credit card bills to track spending for both of you. Make it easy for your spouse to see where the money goes each month. Don’t blame or shame; just make the information available.

Make a Trade or Compromise

Ask your spouse what they think about your shared finances. Find out how they feel about saving and spending. Then ask them what they wish was different. Find a way to trade them for what they want.

For example, you might discover that they don’t want to spend willy nilly on everything. However, they’re afraid that if they focus too much on saving then you’ll never have any fun together. Brainstorm some ways to guarantee that you’ll have that fun – date nights, travel plans, etc. Then make an agreement that if you set a budget for those then you’ll stick to that budget.

When you’re in two different places, see if you can come to a compromise.

Decide if an Allowance Works For You Both

Some couples agree that the saver will handle the finances and give the spender an allowance. Other couples agree that they each have a certain amount of allowance that they don’t have to discuss with each other before spending. See if an allowance option works for both of you. It can be problematic in some households but helpful in others. Note that it only works for the marriage if both of you think it’s the right plan.

Make it a Game

Finances don’t have to be boring. Make saving more fun for both of you by taking on some money-saving challenges together. You may find ways to compete with one another for savings if your spouse is motivated by competition. Or perhaps you can find challenges that will allow you to work together to meet a savings goal. When you meet your goals, enjoy a reward of your spouse’s choosing.

Praise, Don’t Blame

Nobody wants to be shamed for their actions, especially by their spouse. We all prefer positive reinforcement. So, when you see your spouse making a choice that involves saving over spending, acknowledge it. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it. You certainly don’t want to be patronizing. But it’s nice to say, “I noticed that you saved in this way and I really appreciate that you heard how important that is to me and acted on it. I love you.”

Ask for Professional Help

Sometimes you can’t teach your spender spouse to save because the two of you just can’t get on the same communication page when it comes to money. It’s time to get help. Help could be in the form of:

  • A marriage counselor who works specifically with money issues
  • Financial planners that work with couples
  • An unbiased friend, mentor, or family member who can help you work through the challenges

What are some of the other ways that you can teach your spender spouse to save? Share what has (and hasn’t) worked for you in the comments. Or, if you’re the spender, give us your thoughts on this tricky topic!

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If you enjoy reading our blog posts and would like to try your hand at blogging, we have good news for you; you can do exactly that on Saving Advice. Just click here to get started. If you want to be able to customize your blog on your own domain and need hosting service, we recommend trying BlueHost. They offer powerful hosting services for $3.95/month!

Reasons Not to Co-Sign on Your Grandchildren’s Student Loans

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Co-Sign Grandchildren’s Student Loans

You want to be a good grandparent. Therefore, you might have thought about whether or not you should co-sign grandchildren’s student loans. Or perhaps they’ve already asked you to co-sign, and you’re trying to make a decision about it. While it’s certainly a nice idea, it might not be the best thing for either of you. Here are ten reasons not to co-sign grandchildren’s student loans.

1. It Encourages Private Loans

Federal student loans don’t typically require a co-signer. Notably, these are usually the best available student loans. Therefore, your grandchild should be trying to get those federal loans first. More often than not, those loans will cover college costs. If you quickly agree to co-sign grandchildren’s student loans, then you’re encouraging them to get private loans, which they might not need at all.

2. It Discourages Hard Work

In addition to federal student loans, there are a lot of other ways for your grandchildren to fund college. Options include:

  • Applying for grants and scholarships.
  • Working part-time including on-campus jobs to supplement loans.
  • Working full-time for a year or two to save up for college.
  • Choosing a less expensive college or hacking their education.

When you readily agree to sign their loans, you take the hard work out of it for them. You don’t give them the opportunity to figure out different options. This can be a disservice to them down the line, when they have to think their way creatively out of other financial challenges, but haven’t had the practice in doing so.

3. It Affects Grandparents’ Credit

When you co-sign a loan, you guarantee that the borrower will repay that loan. That shows up on your own credit report. It impacts your ability to borrow money. Therefore, you want to think very carefully before you co-sign grandchildren’s student loans.

After all, your grandchildren are still young adults. They likely aren’t that responsible with their money yet. It wouldn’t be unheard of for them to make late payments or to skip payments altogether. You’ve worked your whole life to establish your credit history. Do you want them to ruin it for you now?

Remember, also, that even if they make all of the payments on time, the loan may still impact your credit score. It adds to your total overall debt.

4. You Can’t Afford It

Of course you want to help your grandchildren go to college. However, can you truly afford to help them? If you can afford to help the outright, then it’s better to gift or loan the money to them directly. If you can’t afford to do that, then you probably also can’t afford to co-sign grandchildren’s student loans. After all, that’s the same thing as taking out that loan for yourself. Can you afford that at this late stage in your life? Are you truly comfortable with that? Would you do it to go back to school yourself?

5. It Can Circumvent the Parent-Child Relationship

If your child needs someone to co-sign their student loans for them, then they might first look to their parents (your children or children-in-law). If their parents said no, there could be a good reason. If you turn around and say, “well I’ll do it” then you might be circumventing the parents efforts. Depending on your family situation, dynamics, and configuration, this could be an important reason not to co-sign grandchildren’s student loans.

6. Parents Have Better Loan Options than Grandparents

If the grandchildren’s parents are involved in their lives and willing to help, it’s better for them to explore loan options before you do. That’s because there are some terrific loans set up for the parents of college students. PLUS loans are the obvious example. These options aren’t typically available to grandparents. If your family is going to support the younger generation through college, a grandparent as co-signer is really a last resort.

7. Your Grandchild Is Only One Family Member

Everyone is facing tough financial times right now. That means any one of your family members might need financial help. If you put all of your eggs in one basket by co-signing on a grandchild’s student loans, then you might not be able to assist other family members as needed. Your other grandchildren, your children, your siblings and your own parents, if they’re still alive, may all need financial help. Where do you want to put your money?

8. It Puts Your Health at Risk

Dallas News reports on statistics from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that show that co-signing on a grandchild’s student loans often puts the grandparent into a precarious financial position. They are more likely than others in the same age group to skip medicine and doctor’s visits. And yet, if debt causes stress, they made need those doctor visits more than ever before. If you aren’t in a financial position to lend money directly to your grandchildren then chances are that you shouldn’t co-sign grandchildren’s student loans either.

9. It Will Likely Affect Your Retirement

Investopedia reports that older people with student loan debt often end up working later instead of retiring when they originally planned. Moreover, about one third of baby boomers report that they’ve either delayed accruing retirement income or taken out retirement income early due to those loans. It’s important to think about your own financial future first. Your grandchild has many years left to figure theirs out. But do you?

10. It May Change Your Relationship

When you think about co-signing for the loan, you imagine your grandchild’s gratitude. You are happy to help them out. But it’s important to recognize that this might not be the reality. Your grandchild might drop out of college. They might default on the loan. They might not be as grateful to you as you would think. All of this can have a drastic negative impact on the relationship that you have with your grandchild.

And what if you have more than one grandchild? Are you going to co-sign for all of them? If not, how does that impact your relationship with each grandchild? These are questions to take lightly. Your familial relationships are important. There are other ways for your grandchildren to fund college. There aren’t other grandchildren for you to have relationships with.

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If you enjoy reading our blog posts and would like to try your hand at blogging, we have good news for you; you can do exactly that on Saving Advice. Just click here to get started. If you want to be able to customize your blog on your own domain and need hosting service, we recommend trying BlueHost. They offer powerful hosting services for $3.95/month!

What To Do If You Are Financially Stuck In An Abusive Relationship

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Stuck in an Abusive Relationship

When relationships get more serious, finances are often intertwined. People get married and open joint bank accounts, have joint bills, and own things together. If things go downhill, this can leave some individuals financial stuck in an abusive relationship or, at the very least, stuck in an unhappy marriage. Here is how to protect yourself and your finances if your relationship gets rocky.

What Defines Abuse?

Abuse can be defined as a number of different things and it is not always physical. Any actions taken by your partner to give them power over you can be considered abusive. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, abuse includes physical and sexual violence, threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, and economic deprivation. More often than not, multiple forms of domestic violence can occur at any given time within the same relationship.

Being Financially Stuck vs. Financial Abuse

Being financially stuck in a relationship and experiencing financial abuse are similar but aren’t quite the same thing. Financial abuse tends to deal more with forcing choices, such as career changes. It also means, more likely than not, your partner is tracking every single penny you spend. Financial abuse will also likely mean that you don’t have any accounts of your own. All of the money comes from one place.

Feeling like you are stuck in a relationship because of your finances can be a result of financial abuse, but not always. Maybe your partner is the breadwinner, or maybe you have a lot of joint assets. Whatever the case may be, the things making you feel stuck are never worth sticking out an abusive relationship.

How to Protect Your Finances When Leaving an Abusive Relationship

The hardest part of leaving an abusive relationship isn’t normally leaving. It is finding your independence and realizing you can do it on your own once you’ve left. Here are a few things you can start doing immediately (before or after) leaving an abusive relationship.

  1. Before leaving, make copies of any important documents you may need. Get copies of tax returns, bank statements, mortgage and loan information, any car titles, pay stubs, receipts, etc. You can snap a photo of them and store them on a cloud account that only you have access to.
  2. Reach out to your friends and family – anyone that can help you. Whether they let you crash on their couch, or take you to appointments, every bit of help you can get will make a huge difference. Don’t try to go through it alone.
  3. Open all new accounts and cut financial ties with your partner. Be sure that when you are setting up new accounts that you are not using security questions and passwords your former partner may know or have access to. You want these accounts to be completely your own.
  4. Start saving money as soon as possible. We all need to have an emergency fund and, since you are starting out fresh, you’ll need some savings to fall back out. Sock away as much as you can as soon as you can.
  5. If you’re married, start researching and calling attorneys. You’ll want to have good representation in the event your divorce goes to trial. It is also good to have legal advice when you are leaving an abusive relationship.
  6. Find a financial advisor. Chances are if you didn’t handle money throughout your relationship, you may need some guidance on how to best manage yours. Invest some time into researching and calling around for a financial advisor.

Resources for Leaving

Connect with a victim advocate. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call, email, and even chat online with someone about what you are going through. They can provide you with resources and information to help you get out. You can access their website here or call 1(800) 799-7233.

Statewide advocacy groups are also a good resource. They can help connect you with local advocates. Additionally, the local YWCA has resources to help fight domestic violence and help people who are stuck in an abusive relationship. They have shelters and services available throughout the United States.

Most importantly, remember that being broke or facing financial hardship is far better than staying in an abusive relationship of any kind. With help from professionals, friends, and family you can get past this and create a better, safe, future for yourself.

Financially Starting Over

As mentioned above, starting over and becoming independent is the hardest part of leaving. Starting out with a clean financial slate can be a good thing though. Once you’re out on your own and have taken care of yourself, take these steps to get back on the right track.

  1. Get a copy of your credit report and work on rebuilding it. Sometimes an abuser may have taken a toll on your finances as well. Maybe they took out credit cards in your name or didn’t make payments the way they should have. Getting a copy of your report can give you a big-picture view of where you stand financially.
  2. Make a plan for paying off any debts. Once you’ve checked out your credit report, construct a plan for paying off what debts you do owe. If you believe the debts to have been accrued illegally or without your knowledge, consult with an attorney about your options.
  3. Create a brand new budget. Now that you’re out on your own, you’ll need to create a new budget. This will likely change month-to-month drastically at the beginning but will give you the planning necessary to be financially successful.
  4. Consider changing jobs. If you aren’t making enough to support yourself, it may be time to consider a job change or finding a way to make money on the side.

After that, get ready to be independent and successful. After everything you’ve been through at this point, the best feeling will be when you sit back and realize you created a life that you love and escaped abuse. There will be no better feeling in the world.

Readers, do you have any additional advice to add? Let us know in the comments below!

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Financial Abuse and How to Avoid It

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financial abuse

Abuse is a tough topic to discuss. When the conversation happens, you would more than likely hear about verbal or physical abuse. There is another kind called financial abuse. Financial, or economic abuse, occurs when an abuser uses money as a weapon. At first glance, it seems improbable. However, when you understand it, you may realize you’ve seen it before.

What is Financial Abuse?

Credit Karma did a survey that said 10% of those asked were financially bullied in their relationships, meaning that one person in the relationship was using the money to control the other. Examples of this would be demanding the paycheck of their significant other each payday, only providing a specific allowance if they weren’t working, or stealing money. The basis of the abuse is just like any other; it’s one person having power or control over another.

Withholding Money

Recently, a friend told me how her spouse has been displaying abusive behavior. She said that if he were angry, he would withhold the debit card used for bills and groceries. At the time, she was out of work and had no other money. Once she started working again, he became jealous that she made more money. Then, he would pick fights out of his insecurity and try to make her feel guilty for working outside of the home. He sought to manipulate and control her using money.

Taking Over the Finances

Another example of financial abuse is creating big goals and budgets without both partners’ input. This situation is different than when one spouse is better at handling investments. In an abusive case, the abuser will dictate spending on any or all categories, from clothing to food to self-care. Often, we assume the man is the abuser. Women can also be a bully in a financial situation. I know some ladies that take budgeting and saving very seriously; they dictate how much they need from their spouses on payday for a savings account without asking about their needs or goals.

No Way Out

If there is only one income, it can be even more extreme. This situation is where an allowance may be typical, or one partner has to ask the other for any money he or she needs. The National Domestic Violence Hotline states that lack of resources is one of the reasons why victims can’t leave abusive relationships. If you were convinced to stop working, have little to no cash savings, and no credit cards in your name alone, then it would be hard to get a hotel room, let alone an apartment. The abuser could easily cancel a card, close an account, and locate you by the charges on the account.

How to Stop Financial Abuse

The first step in fixing the situation is communication and transparency. Here, both partners need to discuss finances, goals, and budgets. Everyone has their say, and you create the budget together. Any goals should be mutual and benefit both partners.

Then you can decide the best account setup that builds trust and flexibility. Perhaps there need to be separate accounts – yours, mine, and ours. One income households may create a different account for spending. Therefore, the money set aside to pay bills will remain untouched.

Whichever situation allows for healthy boundaries between spouses and finances is the best option.

Read More

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Can I Have Micro Wedding for $5000?

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Can I Have Micro Wedding for $5000

I have a Pinterest page dedicated to my dream wedding, and I always assumed it would be small. It would be more cozy and economical, so it was a win-win. I even considered having a courthouse wedding. Then I caught wind of the micro wedding trend, and I realized I’d been planning one all along.

A micro wedding is just as the name implies. It is a smaller version of a regular wedding. It’s been compared to eloping, but it isn’t a secret and guests are invited. The number of guests and decor are all scaled down, saving time and money. The average wedding costs around $30,000, and I refuse to pay that much.

I have a huge family, so limiting attendance will save me a ton of money. One hundred person guest lists are the norm, but I can’t afford that. I once considered a destination wedding to limit my guest list for me. However, the travel costs would make it less affordable for everyone involved. My micro dream wedding has my immediate family and my five closest friends.

To include everyone else, I like the idea of streaming the wedding online. That can fetch about $2,500. Alternatively, feeding each guest can cost between $30 and $100. I can have a guest list of 100 with just my relatives, not to mention the groom’s side. My estimated cost just for food ranges from $3,000 to $10,000 for my guests alone. The savings are apparent, and everyone will get to see the ceremony.

To make sure everyone can participate in some of the fun, I want to have a potluck party versus a reception. The venue can cost almost half of the average wedding costs. If I go to the Justice of the Peace or borrow someone’s pretty backyard, I can save over $10,000. I can then use those funds toward a down payment on a house or for several trips, including my honeymoon. By having a potluck, I save on catering costs. I don’t like cake, so I save $350 to $450 there. My mother could probably feed 100 or more people with that budget alone. She did something similar for my sister’s reception.

Another way I plan to save money on my wedding, and my marriage, is avoiding the mined diamond ring. I played around on the Tiffany & Co. website to see what a two-carat engagement ring in my style would be valued. It came out to over $49,000. I went to Brilliant Earth and compared it to a similar ring with engineered stones, and it totaled slightly over $9,000. If I decrease the size or clarity, the ring price decreases even further.

Considering I don’t generally wear rings, I may go for something understated for my engagement ring and band. My husband-to-be can have whichever wedding band is his style and in our budget. If I have my way, the rings, ceremony, and reception will cost less than $5,000, and I will pay cash.

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Opinion: Don’t Wait To Talk About Finances Until After Marriage

Opinion: Don’t Wait To Talk About Finances Until After Marriage

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There is a post on Reddit that boggled my mind. A wife was concerned that her husband wanted to know about her finances. Maybe I’m assuming too much, but I thought couples discussed finances before marriage. If that’s not the norm, I believe it should be.

Let me start by admitting I am unmarried. Additionally, I regularly write about personal finance, so I probably talk about money more than the average adult. However, I don’t think I’m in the minority when I say you should know what you’re marrying into, financially included. Integrating lives with your partner involves combining your finances as well as the other aspects of life. It is not generally a comfortable conversation, but it is necessary.

Potential Finance Topics

If you’re not financially savvy or carry a large amount of debt, the thought can be daunting. If you are incredibly wealthy, you may want to keep that information away from a thief. However, if you’re seriously planning to get married or are already married, you can’t avoid talking numbers. Here are a few topics to consider: financial goals, net worth, credit score, assets, debt, retirement, and giving.

Money Issues Lead to Divorce?

Business Insider lists mismatched priorities as one of the main reasons couples divorce. Establish your baseline before discussing finances with your partner or spouse. You always need to know your financial position, such as your net worth and your goals. Encourage your partner to do the same. As you pay down debt or accrue more assets, update your net worth using a spreadsheet or an app like Personal Capital. Make sure you’re both agree on the direction your finances are heading.

Debt

If you are currently in debt or have a habit of getting into debt, your partner should know. Depending on the state, they may be responsible for any liability created while you’re married. Hiding that information can create more significant problems. A survey showed that money is about 25 percent of the reason for divorce. If the income is over six figures, then that number increases to 33 percent.

Giving

One topic I don’t see a lot when I read about relationships and money is giving. Do you already, or plan to, pay your parents or siblings’ expenses regularly? Are you active in your church and plan to give 10 percent of your income every two weeks? How does your significant feel about that? Have you discussed it? Giving can be a huge sacrifice that only some are willing to make. When it becomes a combined decision, compromise should occur.

One at a Time

Designate a time to sit and discuss your finances. Ensure you are in a quiet, relaxed environment conducive to thoughtful communication. You don’t have to address all of the topics at one time. Maybe you have a deep-dive of each one spread out over time.

Perhaps you wait to have this conversation until you’re engaged or in pre-marital counseling. Maybe you’re like me and ask about credit scores before your entree on the first date. Whenever you decide to have the conversation, it may help to do so before you’re legally bound to one another. If you want to protect yourself, a prenuptial agreement is always an option.

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