Lie or Not....Money Found for Savings

dolfinrose · #1 (**permalink**) 10-02-2005, 08:29 PM

I was going over our bills and figuring out a new budget and realized today that if we cancelled accounts that we don't need and pay off the $2000 in credit cards and the $700 in medicals in the next 6 months, we will have an extra $1000a month to put into savings.

My question to everyone out there is, would you tell your spouse (who loves to spend any extra cash you have) when you have this extra money, or would you let them think you still have these bills and put this money into the savings for emergencys?

I am leaning towards the not telling, it is not like I would be hiding a bill that I created, but just hiding money for those unseen emergencies

2moretrees · #2 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 03:09 AM

This is a tricky one. I don't think it is ever good to lie, but if the money will be spent on other things if he knows about it, accidentally forgetting to mention it might be appropriate. The best solution would be if you could tell him the truth and he'd agree that building an emergency fund was the best thing to do. Shall we flip a coin?

Bluezy · #3 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 03:50 AM

Unfortunately, when you have a partner that you are under a marriage contract with, they have the right to 50% of all marital assets. This includes any proceeds from potential savings windfalls. So there is not a thing you can do, really.

I do not advocate fibbing. However, I do have a suggestion. Go ahead with your plans to pay off the debt. Tell the spending spouse about the potential windfall. Then, when the windfall occurs, split the savings 50% with the spending spouse, keeping good transactional records on this. Place your half of the savings in your account of choice. Let the spending spouse do what they want with their half.

50% saved is better than none, my friend, while the spending spouse has funds to squander as they please. Better to squander a small amount of cash than to charge on credit.

All the best to you!

Tree0164 · #4 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 03:52 AM

I agree a trickly one. My husband lets me handle the money... he gets an allowance (so do I) to spend on things that we want.

How about making a comprise... give him a little bit of extra spending money. Just let him know that you have arrange the budget a bit around.

PrincessPerky · #5 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 06:51 AM

I don't lie, but I let my DH ignore the facts, each month I say we have 'about X amount for food and groceries for two weeks' (he gets paid that often) I simply neglect to remind him of the 1000 additional 'coushin', he knows about it, but we don't mention it cause I would rather forget! (till needed)

IMO if DH doesn't like or understand the need for a coushin, go with the split, 50/50 or whatever you can talk him into.

midnight · #6 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 07:02 AM

I may be in the minority here, but I don't think there is any reason to tell him. The money is being saved for an emergency, right? You aren't going to be spending it on yourself? The emergency fund is for both of you. You shouldn't have to fund it with your half of the money. I would consider the emergency fund a "bill" for your security that needs to be paid.

Snoopy2645 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 07:13 AM

I agree dont tell him your not lying really just forgetting to tell him. I agree thier are laws but the law would be if you split it & he spends his half & you save yours if you divorce he still gets half of yours that you saved!! You cannot get half of what he spent KWIM

I say this because my DH is the same way sometimes I FORGET to tell him things about our money because if he thinks we have $100 in savings he would want to spend $1000 on something I guarantee would maybe get used 1 time thats how he operates & I have had it with that kind of spending!!

jmjj215 · #8 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 09:51 AM

Oh, if you "forget" to tell him you're totally lying. You need to be 100% honest with your husband about this. He needs to compromise on his spending it sounds like. Communication, especially about money, needs to be entirely 100% open.

dolfinrose · #9 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 05:39 PM

I thought about it and I think I am going to give him a little bit, but not 50%, he already gets a nice allowance. Figure an extra $150 he will be happy, I do all the finances anyway, he says has long has there is a food and clothing for his kids and a roof over our heads he is happy, he doesn't need know how much is in our accounts all the time.

PRICEPLUS · #10 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 08:49 PM

Without honesty is there really a marriage? I was so mad when I found out my wife lied about her spending I could have had a fit. It is never easy dealing with finances but it must be done. IMHO it should be done honestly.

dolfinrose · #11 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 09:14 PM

I went ahead and spoke with my husband tonite and he said that if I found a way for us to save money then to go ahead, he said he felt that he had plenty to spend each month and saving for an emergency is a great idea.

PRICEPLUS · #12 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 10:15 PM

Great! Honesty is truly the best policy. Good luck with your plan!

robex · #13 (**permalink**) 10-03-2005, 10:25 PM

Glad he's in agreement with you! I basically handle all the finances at our house, too. Dh doesn't want to know, although I have noticed in the past few months he has taken more of an interest. He also doesn't criticize what I choose to spend or save on as long as he has some money to play with he's happy! It's a nice position to be in when there is extra cash and a stressful place to be when there isn't!

Tree0164 · #14 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 01:48 AM

Glad he is in agreement with your saving strategy!!

Bluezy · #15 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 08:56 AM

I hope he sticks with it. All the best to you!

boothev · #16 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 10:03 AM

I don't post often, but here is my 2 cents.

Whether he wants to spend/squander or help save, I would think he would benefit from the knowledge that you even HAVE money to save in an EF.

He might be relieved on a day to day basis. I know I walk around happy knowing there is an EF under my belt.

Think if the mental relief! Who needs the weight of stress on their shoulders?

Valerie

boothev · #17 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 10:04 AM

Everyone wants to know when things are good!

No one wants to know when things are bad!

BAGAGT1 · #18 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 11:25 PM

I'm glad to hear that you told him about the savings. I believe money is the number one reason for divorce in this country, I would hate to see you potentially jeapordize your marraige on this issue. I generally take care of the finances, but the "books" are always open for my wife to inspect. Besides, I have found that an account that is accumulating funds is the best way to get a spouse on board the savings game.

BAGAGT1 · #19 (**permalink**) 10-04-2005, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjj215

Oh, if you "forget" to tell him you're totally lying. You need to be 100% honest with your husband about this. He needs to compromise on his spending it sounds like. Communication, especially about money, needs to be entirely 100% open.

I am sooooo with you on this one.