Not married: Home loan in both our names or just one?

kate0558 · #1 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 07:46 AM

I'm about to buy a home with my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 years and we live together now and plan on getting married we just didn't want to wait until after we got married to buy.

I originally thought my name was going to be put on the mortgage but when we signed the offer paperwork it was just his name. I didn't even know he could qualify on his own but apparently he can. Our mortgage broker had set it up so just his name is on the mortgage loan but both our names would be on the deed. Its a USDA loan so my income is being counted because i'll be living there but only for there income limits.

Financially do i want my name on the mortgage or not? I know its probably different now before we are married. So i also don't want to screw myself over for the next few years before we get married. Or theres always the scenario of what would happen if we decided to split up or if he dies.

Both of us have good credit (over 700) but his is more like 750 and i believe mines in the lower 700's. So me getting added on the loan before we close and everything wouldn't negatively effect it. I do have a bunch of student loan debt but only 20k of it is in my name (the rest my parents). So i'm not bringing anymore debt to the table then he is.

If say for some reason i had to declare bankruptcy... they couldn't take our house away. But then i thought our finances would be connected anyway. Like i couldn't get a car loan any easier cus they'd still count the mortgage payments because i live in the house. But then if we make our on time payments and everything... it doesn't positively effect my credit either. Is there any effect on who can file taxes with the government for the home interest. But then before we are married, even if both our names are on it, only one person can file taxes for it right?

I'm totally lost, any advice would be helpful! Thanks!

bjl584 · #2 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 07:51 AM

The home shouldn't be in both your names until you are married.

Since the home is in his name, he should be responsible for the mortgage, the taxes, and the maintanance. You two will have to sit down and figure out how you want to share the rest of the expenses. Food, utilities, cable/internet, etc.

When you get married, then you can add your name to the title and split all the expenses right down the middle.

That should be enough to protect both of you in the event of a breakup before marriage.

disneysteve · #3 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjl584

The home shouldn't be in both your names until you are married.

Absolutely! Never, never do any joint financial deals unless you are married. That is just asking for trouble.

I don't know why you mentioned bankruptcy but keep in mind that student loans are not bankruptable so you would still owe those.

kate0558 · #4 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 08:34 AM

Well legally i still want half the house... i don't want to be stuck with nothing after paying into it. I want it to be OUR house not just me being his roommate. I mean we are splitting everything just like we are now with rent. We just didnt want to wait and continue renting just because of a formality like a wedding. I feel like we are already married, we just arent legal. We've always planned on getting married... nothings changing in that respect. Just the legal status of married vs. single. But i mean after we are married too... not just before. Like if we were to end up divorced one day down the road would i still have full rights to half the house? Or if he died would the bank come after me for full payment since im on the deed but not on the loan? (And i only mentioned bankruptcy because my sister is going through it right now so its not a foreign concept to me anymore. I don't plan on ever having to go through that... but then again neither did she.)

kate0558 · #5 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 08:38 AM

Is there any problems with changing my name of the title or the mortgage once we are married... i mean it'd just be like anything else right... i'd just have to show a marriage certificate?

disneysteve · #6 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 08:43 AM

If you aren't married, you shouldn't have any joint assets. Don't put your name on the loan or the deed. No joint accounts. Until you are married, you should function as individuals. You can split bills and costs however you'd like, but the accounts should all be separate.

Once you are married, then you can combine everything and put both names on the accounts, deeds, titles, etc.

kate0558 · #7 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 08:50 AM

but then i'd have no rights to anything. the house would all be his.

like lets just ignore the fact that we arent married for right now. i mean i am half expecting to be engaged before we close but i have to do the paperwork before then obviously.

Do married couples even... want BOTH names on the mortgage or just one?

Petunia 100 · #8 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

but then i'd have no rights to anything. the house would all be his.

like lets just ignore the fact that we arent married for right now. i mean i am half expecting to be engaged before we close but i have to do the paperwork before then obviously.

Do married couples even... want BOTH names on the mortgage or just one?

Did you and he discuss this before deciding to buy a house? If so, had you decided you would both be on the mortgage? If so, why has this decision changed without consulting you? What is the mortgage broker's rationale for wanting his name only on the mortgage?

Whether or not you would have any rights to the house in the event you split up depends upon the laws of your state and whether or not you can show in court that your money went into the purchase and maintenance of the house.

BuckyBadger · #9 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

but then i'd have no rights to anything. the house would all be his.

like lets just ignore the fact that we arent married for right now. i mean i am half expecting to be engaged before we close but i have to do the paperwork before then obviously.

Do married couples even... want BOTH names on the mortgage or just one?

I think you're missing that this is kind of the point. The house won't be yours, but neither would the liability.

The idea is that he get the mortgage on his own and title the house in his name only. Then you become his roommate and pay rent/utilities/whatever you want to do until you get married. Then and only then do you put your name on the title and the mortgage. If he dies before you get married, the house goes to whomever he specifies it does in his will. If no will, than I'm guessing his parents? If he dies after you get married, you get the house.

If you get divorced, the house will be half yours because you would have already put yourself jointly on the title. If you split up before you get married, believe me, you'll be THRILLED that you name isn't on any of those documents -- you can bail no strings attached.

Making more sense now?

I owned a condo before I met my husband. When he moved in he paid me rent. When we got married we bought a house in both our names. We never held ANY joint assets before we were married. That's kind of the idea here.

bjl584 · #10 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

but then i'd have no rights to anything. the house would all be his.

like lets just ignore the fact that we arent married for right now. i mean i am half expecting to be engaged before we close but i have to do the paperwork before then obviously.

Do married couples even... want BOTH names on the mortgage or just one?

Marriage is a LEGAL contract. I bolded the word legal for a reason. Marriage entitles couples to certain things. It's like a legally binding contract. There are tax advantages, benefits when it comes to health insurance coverage, and joint property ownership rights.

You are correct that if you broke up the house would be all his. You need a backup plan.

You can't ignore the fact that you aren't married. Because if you break up, get ready for a legal battle from the depths of hell if the house deed has both your names on it.

I can't stress this enough. Keep your assets SEPERATE until you are married.

disneysteve · #11 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

but then i'd have no rights to anything. the house would all be his.

like lets just ignore the fact that we arent married for right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuckyBadger

I think you're missing that this is kind of the point. The house won't be yours, but neither would the liability.

If he dies after you get married, you get the house.

If you split up before you get married, believe me, you'll be THRILLED that you name isn't on any of those documents -- you can bail no strings attached.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjl584

Marriage is a LEGAL contract.

You can't ignore the fact that you aren't married. Because if you break up, get ready for a legal battle from the depths of hell if the house deed has both your names on it.

I can't stress this enough. Keep your assets SEPERATE until you are married.

I just wanted to emphasize all of this. I've got nothing to add.

kate0558 · #12 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:50 AM

Id want my name on the Deed of ownership then to say that i own half the house. but without my name on the loan i don't have any responsibility to pay it back.

I'm not buying a home with someone i don't plan on staying with. Theres cautious and theres too cautious. Its not him buying the house... I'm helping pay for everything. He just plain doesn't have the money for all the home costs without me. Its completely a joint effort. I can't just not put my name on anything cus then IF god forbid anything happened i'd get nothing and i'd be losing all this money. i mean if my name was on the mortgage then if we broke up either before or after then he'd just have to refinance. But as long as my names on the deed then i'm still considered an owner.

Is there a reason a married couple would want both names on the mortgage? We stay together and get married and all that... is it good or bad that my names not on the loan and only on the deed?

bjl584 · #13 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

I'm helping pay for everything. He just plain doesn't have the money for all the home costs without me.

That's a whole seperate issue. Maybe you two should rent until you can afford a home.

disneysteve · #14 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

Id want my name on the Deed of ownership then to say that i own half the house.

Its not him buying the house... I'm helping pay for everything.

We understand that and that's why we're all saying what we're saying. You should not, under any circumstances, put your name on the deed with another person if the two of you aren't married. Until you are married, you don't have any legal protection if the relationship goes bad.

BuckyBadger · #15 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:11 AM

How about this: have him put everything in his name. Then have him write a will that gives you the house if he dies before you are married. Problem solved. Since you aren't worried about breaking up -- but are worried about him dying -- that solves all your problems. If he dies you get the house. If you guys get married as planned, you'll get your name on everything then.

disneysteve · #16 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuckyBadger

How about this: have him put everything in his name. Then have him write a will that gives you the house if he dies before you are married. Problem solved. Since you aren't worried about breaking up -- but are worried about him dying -- that solves all your problems. If he dies you get the house. If you guys get married as planned, you'll get your name on everything then.

And if you do break up before you get married, you may be out the money. That's the risk you are taking by buying something with someone other than your spouse.

BuckyBadger · #17 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disneysteve

And if you do break up before you get married, you may be out the money. That's the risk you are taking by buying something with someone other than your spouse.

And believe me, if you DO break up before you get married, you will be happy to forfeit the money (which is what you'd have to have been paying in rent anyway if you hadn't moved in with him).

In the case that you break up before getting married (and being engaged doesn't count -- it's not a legally binding contract), you'd end up much happier losing the money and being free and clear of the house than trying to extricate yourself from the whole mess. You said somewhere earlier that "he'd just have to refinance" if you break up. It's not that easy. He would have to agree to release you from your half of the debt -- and there's no good reason for him to do that. Why would he take over all the debt? Especially when you're on the hook for half of it, too.

Trust me, you're actually getting the GOOD side of this deal.

kate0558 · #18 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:34 AM

Fine then lets discuss that issue....

Maybe i'm just being emotionally attached but I wanted to buy a home TOGHETHER not be his roommate! We just are switching up the order and with the market right now... it doesn't make sense for us to wait a year. we hate apartment living. The mortgage and the property tax and all that is the same cost as our rent. We are going to get married, we just decided not to wait on the house.

This isn't just some fluke relationship... where two idiots decide to buy a home together. I'm sure someone can understand that....

kate0558 · #19 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:44 AM

i'm not the first one to do this... a lot of people buy homes together that arent married. Friends, gay partners, engaged couples, boyfriend/girlfriend... Not everyone can even qualify for a mortgage on their own.

BuckyBadger · #20 (**permalink**) 12-12-2011, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate0558

Fine then lets discuss that issue....

Maybe i'm just being emotionally attached but I wanted to buy a home TOGHETHER not be his roommate! We just are switching up the order and with the market right now... it doesn't make sense for us to wait a year. we hate apartment living. The mortgage and the property tax and all that is the same cost as our rent. We are going to get married, we just decided not to wait on the house.

This isn't just some fluke relationship... where two idiots decide to buy a home together. I'm sure someone can understand that....

You are being emotional about it -- but that's okay. You sound young, how old are you?

I think we all do understand. But look at it this way -- you're saying that there's no way you'll break up, so why not go in on it together? But you can just as easily say the opposite -- there's no way you'll break up, so why not just keep it separate?

You started this thread and made a bunch of posts about it being a financial issue. "What if he dies?" "What if one of us goes bankrupt?" "I don't want to lose the part of the house I paid for."

The answers to those are easy.

But if it's the emotional thing that is your real issue, well, that's something you're going to have to deal with.

But from a practical -- not emotional -- standpoint, you should not hold joint assets until you are legally married.

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