Fork in the road, which way should my savings go?

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Originally Posted by RedSilk

Is it more important for you to have money for your wedding or your marriage? Well, you can decide on that one.

Well said. It boils down to what is more important: sharing your day with people who mean the most to both of you -- or-- having a lot of expensive details that ultimately will be forgotten by most guests but that you may come to resent because you'll be paying them off for years.

Going into debt or wiping out life savings because you feel entitled to something you cannot afford is a recipe for both divorce and unhappiness in life.

[BMEPhDinCO]

Yikes, people seem to be quite upset over the wedding costs! Here's my thoughts before I read another two pages, if I repeat, sorry!

1. I hope that $30-38k includes the honeymoon? If so, depending on where you live and how many you plan to invite, it's reasonable even if it's high...we spent around $30k too, for 100 people, a honeymoon in hawaii, travel costs, etc...
HOWEVER - whatever the cost, DO NOT BORROW MONEY FOR A WEDDING - you should ONLY get a loan for education, car, house - NOTHING else.

2. Why do you connect "marriage" with "house"? Granted, many people do this, but it wouldn't hurt to live in an apartment for a year and save up for the house. You should have 20% down-payment plus at least 2 months in reserves plus at least 1% of the house cost. It sounds like a lot, but within 6 months of buying our house, we ended up spending another $12,000 or so on fixing stuff, so do your due diligence and then spend to fix what you forgot about and spend it from your account, NOT a loan.

Hope that helps you! Also, I suggest working out a budget with your to be spouse so you can both be on the same page.

[Like2Plan]

Originally Posted by BMEPhDinCO

Yikes, people seem to be quite upset over the wedding costs! Here's my thoughts before I read another two pages, if I repeat, sorry!

Bmephdinco,
I don't think folks are upset, but rather offering some other ideas perhaps offering a fresh perspective from a different vantage point that the OP may not have thought of-- it seems you agree about not going into debt for a wedding and 20% down on the house....

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by BMEPhDinCO

depending on where you live and how many you plan to invite, it's reasonable

It is only reasonable if you can afford it. OP can not. Paying for this wedding will either require taking out a loan or wiping out his savings. I don't consider either of those to be acceptable options.

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Originally Posted by BMEPhDinCO

Yikes, people seem to be quite upset over the wedding costs!

It isn't the wedding costs, but it's the fact that someone is planning to spend something they cannot afford and/or are sacrificing other essential savings in order to pay for the wedding.

If you make minimum wage, then $5,000 is way too much to spend. If you make $500,000 a year, then a $100,000 wedding isn't unreasonable, all other things considered.