|
||||||
| Personal Finance Credit cards, home loans, retirement plans and taxes. The place for all your personal finance questions. |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools |
08-02-2011, 12:09 PM
|
||||
|
||||
Help me convince my DH
That he needs to bring in more money. We've been doing pretty well on our meager 1 income budget since he's been in school but we've finally laid out his plan and figured out what he's going to do and the bottom line is if he doesn't start bringing in more money now while he's at community college there's no way I'm going to be able to support us when he transfers to a state university next year. I've expressed my concerns repeatedly and he just gets frustrated. I don't want to burden him and he truly does a lot in other ways to help us out. He even got a 1 day a week job in April or so and has maintained that but lets be honest, $250/mo doesn't go very far.
I just finished setting up his fall schedule (I'm kinda the OCD one in the family so I do this for him becuase i want to, not because he needs me to do his scheduling  ) and he will only be in class Tuesday and Thursday all day and he'll have one night class on Wednesdays. We do have a 2-y-o and the truth is if he got a job M-W-F we woudl probably barely break even for daycare expenses but I feel like there has to be something he can do that won't take away all our family time and it will help us out so, so, so much. He feels like since part of the reason he went back to school was because of his crummy work schedule that it doesn't make sense for him to get a job working nights and never see me and if I suggest differently he just says maybe he should just drop out and go back to work  How do we find a happy medium? 
|
|
08-02-2011, 08:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
1. Consider taking out loans. College is tough on finances, but it is probably worth it in the long run.
2. See if he can get a part-time job from home. There are virtual assistants, medical transcriptionists, website designers, etc. that can all work from home. This way daycare isn't needed. 3. Find a job working weekends. This way you can watch the kid while he works on weekends. *No matter what happens, don't let him quit college. Bettering oneself through education is a great accomplishment. Help him realize his dreams.
|
|
08-02-2011, 08:13 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
State universities have all sorts of on-campus jobs where he can earn a little extra and end up with lots of time to study. He should look into what it takes to get those jobs. That way he can be earning on campus. He can also sell plasma and donate sperm. I'm only half kidding.
Also, what can you cut from the budget? Also, what about you getting a better job, a promotion, or a raise?
__________________
Did you learn something from me? Learn even more at my blog: Sunk Costs Are Irrelevant
|
|
08-03-2011, 02:58 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
The convincing part is hard since you have to consider your DH's plan in life.You just have to tell nothing but the truth about your opinion and if your DH is not really moved about what you said then you have to respect your Dh's opinion.
|
|
08-03-2011, 05:12 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
OK not making excuses here at all but a few comments. School loans may be an option once he reaches a university and definitely probably (lol) for med school but the bottom line is community college costs all of like $4000/year and he has 5 years of school left. I'm not taking out loans now when he has more than enough time to pick up a PT job and help out. When he has clinicals and such and honestly doesn't have time is one thing but he really doesn't have an excuse right now. When we decided he was going back to school, we talked about finances and I told him to make it work I needed him to bring in $600/mo and I could handle the rest -- he's not holding up his end of the deal. He didn't even get a job for summer when he wasn't taking classes. I feel like just taking out loans is giving him the easy way out. He's NEVER been a slacker at all as long as we've been married so I've been letting is slide but the funds are wearing thin and I really need help now.
His CC doesn't have a work-study or on campus jobs. I know the state university will but the problem is that once he transfers there he's already going to be commuting 100 miles a day...meaning he will be trying to schedule classes in as few days as possible and it would be silly to spend days not in class up there working. It would make much more sense for him to find something flexible close to home especially come winter and whatnot when commuting will be difficult. The problem isn't that there aren't any jobs, its simply that he isn't looking. Budget is pretty bare bones. I could cut a few things, but it wouldn't total more than $50/month. Anything beyond that would be unrealistic. I'm not willing to scale back our debt snowballing until the end of the year when our 0% card and second car are paid off. As far as a promotion, I actually asked for one last month and I'm up for it but don't know when I will find out whether I got it or not. My job pays me well for what I do so going elsewhere (especially in our location) isn't really an option. I got the job working in a big city and they let me transfer here when we moved. There aren't others like it.  If he doesn't do something soon, I have considered picking up a second job...I just really feel like I'm already making a lot of sacrifices and I'd like to see him step up.
|
|
08-03-2011, 06:18 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
1. Why you need full time daycare? If he isn't in class 5 days a week, then he should be home taking care of your child. And, getting a job your child in daycare wouldn't make sense. And, why not take the opportunity for dad to be home with your child?
2. You will never have enough money. Sometimes you have to just live and let live. Sometimes you have to take life day by day. This is a longer term goal. You may have to live check to check while he is in school to get to a better place. I think part of this an umderstandable anxiety. And, yes, you do have to plan, especially since you have a child. 3. You cannot make your spouse do anything. You can only work together toward common goals. I would advise you since you are young, not to set up a bad pattern in your marriage where you become the one pushing him along. He has his own way or doing things. And, you yours. You have to take a step back and take a deep breath and address your common goals. It may not be completely as you would like but if the bills are getting paid, you are doing alright.
|
|
08-03-2011, 07:14 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
If you are already telecommuting, just move to the town where the state university is when he transfers. That eliminates the commute, likely puts you in a better job opportunity situation, and lets him get a cushy on-campus job.
__________________
Did you learn something from me? Learn even more at my blog: Sunk Costs Are Irrelevant
|
|
08-03-2011, 07:27 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Right now it might simply be easier for you to find a 2nd part time job instead of for him. Going to school is a full time job even if he only goes three days a week, you still have to put in a lot of time studying each week for each class you take. If he is working a part time job on top of that, he really is already doing two jobs, but only getting paid for one. Hopefully when he goes to university he can carpool with some other people to cut down gas costs then. It might be hard to not see each other very much right now, but remember it will be worth it in the long run for your standard of living. I go weeks at a time without seeing my husband so he can work a high paying job. It makes the time we do have together that much sweeter and we don't waste it.
|
|
08-03-2011, 08:22 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I am really shocked at some of the comments you have been getting on this. I know school is important and I want him to be able to finish so that hopefully he can better his life. However, he said going into this that he would contribute (I think you said 600/month). I am not understanding why he can't get a part time job to do that. There are people that go to school full time, raise a family, and work full time. I know in a perfect world it would be great if he could just go to school, but he also has a family to consider. IMO you have been sacrificing what seems to be your end of the deal if not more. I think he should step up to the plate and atleast get something part time or as someone else mentioned work from home. I agree with you that you really shouldn't have to take out loans if he would only work some to help you. Does he feel like he doesn't have the time? Is he going to school everyday now? I understand you said there is a commute, but what about weekend work? I just know that I worked my entire college life. I didn't have any kids at the time, but I did work full time and go to school full time so that I could pay my bills and not have to take out loans. Hope all works out well for you.
|
|
08-03-2011, 11:01 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I have to agree with twest. He needs to step up to the plate, but not sure how you are going to make him do it. I have family (dh & ds) and friends who are working and going to school. Is it tough? Of course...but the sacrifice is what the future will bring you. I see no reason why he can't get a part-time job while he's in community college especially on the weekend when you are home.
|
|
08-03-2011, 11:28 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 Thank you. I try to be open minded about advice I get on the boards because sometimes we really need an outside perspective and a reality check but wow I just wasnt' expecting to get a whole bunch of "cut him some slack". We agreed before he went back to school that he would contribute or we couldn't make it work and he's not holding up his end. Of course I don't want him to quit -- I'm the one that encouraged him to go back -- but as someone who worked their way through college, I am living proof it can be done. I don't want to be in the same place financially 5 years from now as we are currently. I'm willing to make sacrifices and I have, but why let the opportunity to get ahead slip away? If he's going to transfer to a more expensive school at some point we have to start saving and we currently aren't doing that. We can't. After we were married I finished my final year of college (FT) while working 35 hours a week waiting tables. Once I graduated and got a FT job, I continued working the second job for almost a year so we could save up for a baby. I contributed and I would have done anythign to make sure I was pulling my weight...I guess that's why I'm just feeling a little miffed that he seems to be perfectly OK with letting things slip. Pretty soon we're going to start trending backwards on all the debt progress we've made and I'm really not OK with that. Sure school is a FT job and taking care of a toddler isn't easy either, but she's my kid too...why do I have to give up more time with her so he can have a break? He already complains that I travel too much for work, I'm gone too much, etc -- I can only imagine how it will go over if I start working another job too. I can't believe how many people don't even think its absurd that he couldn't get a seasonal job for the summer while I'm pulling overtime just to make ends meet! The bottom line is we don't have to live paycheck to paycheck so why would we choose to?! That seems so backwards from the advice typically given on this board.
|
|
08-03-2011, 01:29 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
You actually failed to mention the "$600/mo and I could handle the rest" arrangement in the original post. Had you addressed that, I think a lot more of the advice would have been aligned with your position. That said, I'll stand by most recent post that if it is the case that you are telecommuting, then "just move to the town where the state university is when he transfers. That eliminates the commute, likely puts you in a better job opportunity situation, and lets him get a cushy on-campus job." Until that time he should work more to meet the $600/mth agreement OR re-negotiate because the pressure of work, school, wife, and kid makes that expectation too much for him to handle.
__________________
Did you learn something from me? Learn even more at my blog: Sunk Costs Are Irrelevant
|
|
08-03-2011, 01:58 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I agree with Slug. You left out half of the information from your original post. You didn't say you were working over time like crazy. And you asked for a HAPPY medium and said you didn't want to burden him. Since to my understanding your DH is going to school and working a part time job already and you were working one job, it made sense to me to recommend you get the part time job since you are only working one job and he is basically working two (or one and a half). The fact that you are working over time all the time changes the equation to you both working one and a half jobs. Regardless of which one of you gets the job, you will have to sacrifice family time. That is a fact of life when going through school with a family. But it isn't forever. Maybe there are other things you can cut out of your budget to make things easier. Have you cut out all frivilous expenses like cable, gym, eating out? Have you lowered your grocery budget through meal planning? Have you lowered your utility bills by replacing all your lights with fluoresents, hang drying your laundry, keeping things unplugged when not in use, getting a timer for your hot water tank so it doesn't heat at night? Have you made sure your car tires are properly inflated and that you aren't carrying extra weight in the trunk so you are getting the best gas economy possible? Have you looked into alternate ways to get to work or school to save on gas like the bus or bicycling or carpooling? If you haven't you may have $100 to $200 more a month when you do those things. Not as much as you'd like, but every little bit helps.
|
|
08-03-2011, 02:09 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Like I said I wasn't just looking for validation but if we're struggling "just take out loans" wasn't exactly the type of advice I was looking for.
I do not telecommute, I moved to a different office within my company. I do the same job so yes I'm separated from my department but I'm still physically in a company office every day. It is not an option to just pick up and move for multiple reasons -- 1) I own two houses and can't afford to pay rent and cover the mortages if I don't have someone living in both properties - too much risk 2) it would cost several hundred dollars more a month to rent in the new city than we pay for our mortage -- can't really beat a $470 PITI payment. 3)We have family here to help with the kid when DH gets stuck at school or if I'm traveling for work and won't have that if we go elsewhere futher driving up costs and 4) my job -- yes they moved me once, but we don't have an office I can work from in the other city and its costly to move an employee around. Trust me this is something I've thought of, but given our huge downsizing of our home to make this work it simply doesn't make financial sense to move just because he's going to be in school a few days a week.
|
|
08-03-2011, 02:21 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Yes and no on the expenses. We've cut a lot -- no cable, cut satellite radio, all of our lights are CFLs, unplug appliances, etc. We downsized his car to get better mileage and lower our car payments and his will be paid off at the end of this year just a year and a half after we bought it and I ride my bike to work often (though I only work 4 miles from home). We do still have a few expenses that could be cut but like I said nothing that would total more than $50/month or so and that just isn't enough -- we have hulu and a gym membership and we get $60/month in fun money which I've mentioned here before includes everything from lunches out (very, very rare occurance), new clothes (even mandatory purchases like socks, work clothes, etc), kid expenses, etc -- things that would have to find a new category if we didn't have the fun money category becuase it's not realistic to expect that we would never go do anything with family or friends. Overall pretty bare bones. Last edited by riverwed070707 : 08-03-2011 at 02:26 PM.
|
|
08-03-2011, 02:35 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Well, then it sounds like he's just being a lazy bum and then yeah, he needs to get over it.
 Although getting him over it can be difficult if he's totally unmotivated. It sounds like you have done a lot to cut back. Do you use that gym membership? With the stress you are carrying right now it would probably help you immensely.There are things you can do with your family and friends that don't cost money or cost very little, especially in the summer. Walks or bike rides, a park, the lake, the beach if you are by an ocean or bay, a hike if you are near the mountains. Some cities have an outdoor movie night for free or for $1. Our library has evening lectures for free (better than it sounds) and usually each Friday at noon some kind of free children's concert series on the lawn (doesn't work for someone working full time, but the husband could take the toddler to).
|
|
08-04-2011, 12:55 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
OP - You make a lot of valid points. And, "should" he step up? Yes, probably. But, if you are putting yourself in a position to constantly be the one pushing him, then you are setting yourself up for frustration. And, in relationships, sometimes one person is more ambitious or money motivated than the other spouse. My point is not to just let him do whatever he pleases but to realize that ultimately what you want is to work toward your goals together and not simply be the driving force pushing someone that isn't really on board.
|
|
08-04-2011, 01:05 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'm the one that encouraged him to go back
Are you sure he even really wants to go back to school? Or is this something he is doing to please you? Often, we continually raise the bar on one another. And, why did you choose this time now for school and for him to quit his job with a very small child at home versus just taking some part time classes or waiting until your child started school? And, how long is he going to be in school? As for being in CC versus transferring to another university, why does he need to transfer to another school? Not sure i am following that.
|
|
08-04-2011, 05:37 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
As far as having to transfer, when he first went back he had chosen a program that he could complete here (physical therapy assistant), but after working in the field as an aide to both PTs and PTAs, he realized he wanted to go for the full PT. You can't get a doctorate at a CC. That was all him -- I had nothing to do with that part of the plan which reassures me a little that this is in fact something he wants. He has another year at CC, then two more years to get his bachelors and another 2.5 for his DPT so overall one down and about 6 years to go.
|
|
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
|
|
