How to explain your budget to your friends?

[florent]

First and foremost, discard your ego when telling your friends you can't do something because it's not in your budget. Don't consider negative input, as you are making good decisions for yourself. Great for you that you are saving!

And you tell them just like that! "That's not in my budget, I can't do that" ...maybe nextime, maybe next week, maybe when can do something cheaper.

You're also a good role model for your friends, way to go.

[wincrasher]

Wow.

Firstly, I'd say driving a 1992 Corolla with 300k miles is pretty classless. As a professional myself, I'd pretty much cease doing business with you if you showed up to an appointment with me driving such a heap.

Secondly, I'd say you are confusing the intention of these gatherings. A big get-together of business associates or extended family is alot different than an informal gathering of your circle of friends. Hopefully your close friends don't need to be lavishly entertained to remain in your circle. Most folks I know are happy to come over for left-over night, let alone an evening of making your own gourmet pizza.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by wincrasher

Firstly, I'd say driving a 1992 Corolla with 300k miles is pretty classless. As a professional myself, I'd pretty much cease doing business with you if you showed up to an appointment with me driving such a heap.

Really? While I'd agree that a 20-year-old beater doesn't portray much of a professional image, would you seriously not do business with someone if you didn't like their car? I'm sure you are more concerned with substance than with image. We've all heard the story of Sam Walton driving around in his beat up pick-up truck even though he was a billionaire. And in The Millionaire Next Door, they also talk about the car thing.

I drive a 98 Camry with 140K miles. It was paid for years and years ago.
My partner leases a shiny new BMW every couple of years.
Does that make him a better doctor than me?

[wincrasher]

Actually it depends on what their function is. If it's a technician or some other service person, I could care less, as long as he gets there on time and it can carry his tools.

If it's an equipment salesmen, I'd expect that he'd be driving something decent, but not flashy/expensive. If he shows up in a Caddy or a Benz/BMW, then I may assume he's going to be the high bidder. If he shows up in a heap, I may think he's desperate or a lousy salesman. I certainly won't accept a lunch invitation if I'd have to ride in such a miserable car.

If it's an engineer, these guys mostly show up in rental cars - so again, if he rents something expensive, I give him the side-eye. Most of these types that show up in their own cars are generally middle of the road type family sedans. So anything outside that norm may get a second look.

Lawyers and doctors? I guess you could assume they are successful/effective if they have nice wheels. Same with a Realtor. But you can have that evaporate once you talk with them.

Oh, and BTW, if you are a person who sells something for a living - a bit of advice - don't think you are impressing me with stories about your exotic vacation, pictures of your $50k Harley or your $250k boat, your box season tickets to the NFL or how your kids are doing at an Ivy League college.

So I guess I'm biased both ways. Generally I dislike people who occupy each end of the spectrum.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by wincrasher

Actually it depends on what their function is. If it's a technician or some other service person, I could care less

If it's an equipment salesmen, I'd expect that he'd be driving something decent, but not flashy/expensive.
If he shows up in a heap, I may think he's desperate or a lousy salesman.

If it's an engineer, these guys mostly show up in rental cars - so again, if he rents something expensive, I give him the side-eye.

Lawyers and doctors? I guess you could assume they are successful/effective if they have nice wheels. Same with a Realtor.

So I guess I'm biased both ways. Generally I dislike people who occupy each end of the spectrum.

Thank you for your honesty. Not to pick on you at all but I think you've expressed what so many people think and feel. As much as we all try not to judge a book by its cover, it still happens every day, sometimes in very subtle ways like this.

I learned long ago, and often express in discussions here, that we need to get past judging someone's success with money by outward appearances. Just because somebody wears nice clothes, drives a nice car or lives in a nice house doesn't mean they are winning with money. It could mean they are successful. It could also mean they are living beyond their means and in debt up to their eyeballs. Me? I'd rather deal with the one living responsibly, even if that means he drives an old car or isn't wearing the most fashionable clothing. I've often joked with my wife that the best restaurants seem to be the ones with mismatched dishes and silverware. Why? They focus their attention on food and service, not so much on atmosphere. The food doesn't taste any better when the knife matches the fork.

[cypher1]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Just because somebody wears nice clothes, drives a nice car or lives in a nice house doesn't mean they are winning with money. It could mean they are successful. It could also mean they are living beyond their means and in debt up to their eyeballs.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know a lot of us judge or assume differently on a persons occupation, home, clothes, car, even cell phone or name brands. I hear co-workers constantly sizing up their neighbors across the street who drive BMWs, etc. and wonder what they do for a living. Someone sees someone else in an "expensive" car and assumes they're well off. That could be, but all I think of, are car payments, higher repairs/maintenance. Then again, some of my hobbies can be pretty expensive, compared to others.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by cypher1

Someone sees someone else in an "expensive" car and assumes they're well off. That could be, but all I think of, are car payments, higher repairs/maintenance.

What I usually think is, "that's probably a lease." In The Millionaire Next Door, they use the term "big hat, no cattle" to describe people that are all flash and no substance. They put on a good show but they're broke.

[dawnwes]

My dad drives a '95 Mercury Sable. He is a surgeon.

I am quite sure people care more about his surgical skills than his car in the parking lot.

Dawn

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Really? While I'd agree that a 20-year-old beater doesn't portray much of a professional image, would you seriously not do business with someone if you didn't like their car? I'm sure you are more concerned with substance than with image. We've all heard the story of Sam Walton driving around in his beat up pick-up truck even though he was a billionaire. And in The Millionaire Next Door, they also talk about the car thing.

I drive a 98 Camry with 140K miles. It was paid for years and years ago.
My partner leases a shiny new BMW every couple of years.
Does that make him a better doctor than me?

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by dawnwes

My dad drives a '95 Mercury Sable. He is a surgeon.

I am quite sure people care more about his surgical skills than his car in the parking lot.

Dawn

I don't do hospital work anymore but when I did, I couldn't help but notice that I always had the cheapest car in the doctors' parking lot. My Camry was always flanked by Lexus, Infiniti, BMW, Mercedes, Jaguar and other luxury cars.

Certainly, I would hope that my patients choose me for my medical knowledge, not my choice in vehicles.

[ESPwaterproducts]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Just like that.

Your friends will understand.
The ones who don't understand aren't your friends.

Exactly! I think you'll find that most people are understanding. After all, eating out is expensive, even if you just stick to water and a salad.

Of course, if you can comfortably fit a dinner out into your budget, ask if you can choose the place, or at least request that your friends pick a place that is within your price range.

Good luck!

[jerrycates]

Just tell them, be truthful and never try to live a lifestyle that is not yours. Live what you can live. Living within your means is not bad. It only teaches you how to manage your earnings better.