Need help making a huge financial decision!

[RadiatorRT]

Will try to make this short. Im 24, my wife is 23, got married oct 2008. I work 77,000 a year base,easy for me to pick up more shifts and work myself to death... she is still unemployed. However, base starting salary for her field is about 35-40 grand, tops. She is looking for a job. Im doing my masters which is 1,000 per credit. I have 5 g of student loans and 24 credits left. After my masters I am going to medical school(up to 40g a year). My wife wants a luxury condo. We have seen it, we both like it, it costs 365,000 dollars. Ideal location, ideal everything. Her father is giving us 150g down payment. I dont want the condo, she does. She is insistent on it. She wants to move out. I rather rent than get into that debt. She doesnt want to rent, she just wants this condo, and only this one. Should I give into this? Is this a wise choice? (methinks no but please knock some sense into me)....pains me to say but this might end in divorce if i dont get this condo. I barely dodged a bullet by not signing the contract today to buy more time. Btw, we now live in my parents basement. I understand that I cant live here forever and am willing to rent...Should I rent? Should I buy a condo? Should I take the next plane out of the country and never return? (amazes me what thoughts can creep into one's head).


Please help,
Thanks in advance

Jack

[Well Spent]

DO NOT BUT IT! You don't want to. You will regret it instantly. You are working hard. You are working on a Master's degree and planning on med school. You have ambitious, wonderful goals. There's no good reason to rush into buying a property you don't want with someone who is pressuring you. If her dad is willing to put up 150,000 for a DP now, he will later on when you are ready.

Why does she want to move out so urgently? Why does she want this condo, at this time? Does she dislike your parents? Wouldn't it make more sense for her to put her time and energy into finding work rather than buying a property, especially if you won't have a salary while going to med school? Is she able to pay a mortgage during your schooling/residency? You're awfully young IMO to be marrying, but I understand your personal situation/ cultural beliefs may have dictated that. I think marriage at that age is really young in 2009 American culture. I wonder what the rush was, especially because you plan in a rigorous education for the next several years. You may have bitten off more than you can chew.

It really concerns me that the idea of divorce and running away is even floating through your mind. I would strongly advice counseling for you, alone, without her knowing, so you can figure out what your dreams and goals are. Don't tell her because she will get suspicious and try to strong arm you into doing things you don't want to do & telling you thoughts and feelings you don't sound ready to share with her yet.

[Well Spent]

I just re-read your post. It appears that your wife implies/threatens you with divorce if you don't buy the condo? That's even worse than I originally thought. Please confide in a trusted friend/parent or better yet an unbiased, trained counselor to sort this out.

Do you feel like you know who you are yet? Are your trying to please everyone else before you please yourself?

[RadiatorRT]

thanks for the response. i rushed into marriage...against the will of my parents,...i was dating her for 7 months before her father and her insisted that i get married to her. i figured if i was going to marry her anyway i should do it now. this was because she was illegal. now she is legal because i have sponsored her. i did not find out she was illegal until 2 months into the relationship, when i was already somewhat attached to her and it was hard for me to break it off. i care about her. however, i do feel like i'm being a little bullied right now. this can end so bad..your right, i will see a counselor. my back is against the wall and i dont want to give up my dreams over this, or take on too much stress.

[RadiatorRT]

also, she wants to move out because she doesnt like my parents or like living in a basement (too dark, no circulation)..however, i dont get why she doesnt want to go for a more affordable place or just rent...her parents fill her head with bs and she takes it out on me..however, i dont want to dump all of this on my parents and ask for their advice. my mom would murder her and tell her parents off...probably murder me for marrying her, lol...


in a pickle,

jack

[Well Spent]

It's okay. You didn't know. Take your time considering all of your choices. I suggested the counselor so you can have some privacy while working on all of this with someone who doesn't have an agenda. There is a lot at stake.

Also, be careful of her trying to become pregnant to solidify this union and browbeat you into what she wants. (I may be a little obsessed with sex/birth control right now, for those of you who read the Everything Else forum right now but it's a possibility where she's not a US citizen). But really, it sounds like your confused and scared and she may be trying to legally bind you into certain things.

Trust your gut. Good luck. Let us know how this goes.

[Broken Arrow]

Does she care about you at all? Why would she threaten divorce if you don't give her exactly the kind of place to live? Is she serious, or is this more of a cultural thing?

I have a bad feeling about this.

[disneysteve]

I'm not usually one to make judgements like this, but from all you've posted, it sounds like this marriage is doomed to fail. If not now over this condo, later over some other issue. You were forced into marrying her (I have no idea how one gets forced into marriage but that's another issue). Now she and her father are trying to force you into buying a home that you don't want and can't afford. Sure, you make decent money now but that income goes away when you enter medical school. How will you pay the bills then? Plus, what happens if medical school ends up being in a different city or state? You have no guarantee that you'll be accepted into a local school that you want to attend.

Now is not the time to be buying a home - any home.

That said, what the heck are you doing living in your parents' basement? Get a life. Get your own place. You make more than enough money to rent an apartment. Whether you stay with this woman or not, you need to move out and become a grown-up.

[wincrasher]

It's plain to see what's going on here.

She manipulated you into getting her a green card.

Now you are being steered into being the only income.

Then she gets you to buy the house.

Then she gets pregnant.

Now the divorces comes and you end up paying for everything, alimony, child support and the mortgage. And you are right back living in your parents basement and not going to school because you can't afford it.

Her Daddy is the puppetmaster.

RUN, MAN, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[parafly]

From the information given here, the choice is simple...don't do it.

[Ima saver]

I agree, do not take on this huge debt. I would suggest moving out and renting for a few years. I have a bad feeling about this situation also.

[feh]

Please don't take this as an insult, but it sounds like you don't have much intestinal fortitude...entered into a marriage which you had doubts about, and now are considering going $200K into debt for something you don't want.

You need somebody in your corner. A sibling? A friend? Don't shy away from getting help from your folks, just because you think they'll say "I told you so".

You obviously shouldn't buy this property. Get somebody to help you make sure you don't.

[m3racer]

Originally Posted by wincrasher

RUN, MAN, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+10000000000000000

[creditcardfree]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I think your gut/instincts are already telling you this condo purchase is a bad idea. Please don't do it.

Maybe looking for an affordable nice rental for yourself is a much better idea. If she wants to come along, great. If not, it probably wasn't meant to be.

[RadiatorRT]

thanks for the input guys. i'm not going to sign anything...its just a stupid and reckless thing to do at my age, just needed to hear it from other people. i'm too stubborn. however, my marriage is a different story - will let you know how everythign turns out. manipulated is right..i dont have intestinal fortitude. told my parents whats going on and they are on my side..disneysteve: i'm going to move out and rent whether this marriage lasts or not, was tryign to save al ittle after paying off my undergrad loans. i just dont see why she doesnt want to rent, and she only wants this condo, ONLY this one. it's not even a cultural thing shes just being difficult, then accusing me of "controlling" her because im the only one who works and i dont want to buy a condo. thanks again for the input everyone. this really is a stupid move now that i have seen your responses and heard what my parents have to say.

wtf??!?

-jack

[creditcardfree]

I'm glad you see the light. Please consider counseling, maybe a third party can convince her you are not trying to control. Best wishes!

[ActYourWage]

It sounds more like a marriage issue instead of financial issue. I would seek out a Christian couselor (pastor,etc) and get some help.

[ValL]

There's often one partner that pressures another into spending more than they can both afford, happens time and again. You have to make sure you live within your means no matter what. You may find that in the end she's quite happy with a nice little apartment you can rent that's affordable, as long as you make it homely for the both of you. Best of luck. Stick to your guns.

[Well Spent]

Originally Posted by ActYourWage

It sounds more like a marriage issue instead of financial issue. I would seek out a Christian couselor (pastor,etc) and get some help.

He didn't say he has a religion. I agree he should get counseling though.

I don't think it's necessary for you to move out of your parent's basement. Why pay a stranger's mortgage when you can live at home? As long as you and parents have a mutually benefit agreement, I don't see any problem whatsoever with living at home. I think more people should. families should help each other prosper. Paying a stranger's mortgage through expensive rents isn't going to make you rich. Also, you may eb going to med school. If you can go locally, continue your living arrangement. And be very careful with women if you end up breaking up with your wife. Residents are prime target for predatory women looking to find a walking wallet.

[Runaway Finances]

Time to stand firm. If that causes a divorce, then better now than later when you up to your eyeballs in debt. If her dad wants to buy a house and pay for then great, but it's not going to solve the REAL problem. Someone said that "this sounds like a marriage issue more than a financial issue". Unfortunately, most marital problems are caused by financial problems. I volunteered at our church's counseling center one day a month for 6 years and I would see 8-10 people each day. They came to the center for marital problems and every time, financial problems were the major cause of their marital problems.