wow, my wife spends a lot on clothes

[maclover]

I've posted on here before about potentially getting a new car. And I checked out Yodlee recently and saw my wife's clothing expenditures:

1600$ for the last 3 months!!!!
This month isn't even over yet and she's already almost at 500$!!!!!!

Here is my situation:
27 y/o. Just started working in the summer of 07. My wife is about to start an anesthesiology residency. My wife doesn't make any money yet, but when she's a resident she will.

Monthly income varies, my income has gone up, last month I took home 24K (awesome month). But it looks like the average months are going to be about 14-17K.

Rent: none, just HOA fee 150$/month (her dad owns the condo we live in)
Student loan load: 43268 at 5% monthly payment at 485 (I pay 700/month), 70K at 3.8% monthly payment at 366.

We haven't touched my wife's loans yet, but they are about 70K or so at like 6.8%. No payments are due because she hasn't graduated yet.

Cell Phones and Landline: 118$
Cable and internet: 100$
Electric: about 60$
Gasoline: usually 200-300
and so on and so forth. Our CC balance (which we pay off completely each month) is roughly 2-3K.

What we have:
Savings: 77K
Checking: 8K (soon to move some into savings)
Retirement: 47983.07 (had significantly more, it's taken a beating!! 80.20 portfolio)

We're about to go on a trip to Spain, yet my wife will buy clothes to no end. We have clothes sitting around the house with tags on them. Our closet, only has her clothes in it. I use the closet in the guest bedroom, and even that closet, half of the clothes are hers. I think it's ridiculous!!! She always say it's on sale, things are always on sale!!!! She must have 30 pairs of shoes, I have 3.

Do I have a right to be mad? I just sent her an email, detailing how much she's spent on clothes the last three months, asking her may we can budget it out, or have her spend cash, so that when it runs out she'll be done for the month (start off with 200$).

She gets mad at me for eating out for lunch (533$ for the last 3 months). I spend on lunches in 3 months, what she spends in 1 month on clothes!!

What can I do, what should I do? Is there a peaceful way to resolve this? She usually just gets upset when we talk about these things.

I understand that people have desires, but 533$ worth of clothes a month is ridiculous. I'm just so upset!

In our marriage, I'm definitely the thrifty one, and she spends incredibly freely.

How do we compensate?

Feedback?

p.s. I still want a MINI Cooper S. Not sure if I'm going to get one or not yet. Still thinking... My truck is at 99K and still working.

[swanson719]

You guys definitely have the income for her to be spending a lot on clothes. When you're making an average of $15K a month and asking her to spend $200 a month on clothes, I think you're in a losing battle. My wife and I each get 5% of our monthly income as fun money in cash, and when it's gone, it's gone. We don't make nearly what you do, but we don't have any debt other than the house either. For you guys, that would be about $750 each. You guys are looking at about $185,000 in student loans though, at an average interest rate of 5.2%. Unless your savings is earning more than that, and if it is I want to get one of those bank accounts, you'd be far better off to aggressively pay down the student loans than put money into savings. With all of your expenses, including loans, you're paying roughly $3,500 a month without her shopping. So let's say you each get $750 a month of fun money. You're looking at $5,000 a month, and you can't complain about her clothes, or her your eating lunches. You still bank $10,000+ a month. If you put $9,000 of that on your student loans, and the other $1,000 a month into Roths, and use $57,000 of your savings to pay off your student loans immediately, you're left with $128,000 worth of debt. You still have $4,000 in checking - a months worth of living expenses - and $24,000 left in savings - 6 months worth of living expenses - your emergency fund. If you pay the $9,000 a month on your student loans, it will take you about 18 months to pay them all off, factoring in interest. After that, everything you make is profit and you're completely debt free. Keep with the truck for another 2 years, then go out and pay cash for your mini cooper. Or your 5% share of the income would be more than enough to cover the cooper payment and still eat lunches out. But about the clothes, $2,100 in 4 months is small beans when you make $180,000 a year. It's a losing battle. If my wife spent $2,100 in 4 months on our income, we'd probably be separated. Like I said, you have to pay yourself first, so give each of you 5% to blow, and it will take the strife of arguing about finances out, which you don't need on such a huge income.

[maclover]

forgot to mention income is pretax, so 15k average is actually about 10 or so after taxes.

[Scanner]

Spend. . .spend. . .the economy needs it and gives me hope.

[swanson719]

same principles apply, just may take a little while longer. Use 5% as blow money, and anything over what it takes to pay the bills get's put on a written budget, and you pay the loan with the biggest interest first. Should still be able to have all bills knocked out in 2 years, then get the car. In the meantime, you don't make enough with as much debt as you have to not keep driving the truck. I mean, do you really want to pay 5.2% on $185,000 and just make the minimums? You'll still have student loans 20 years from now if you do that.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think you should figure out what is reasonable. Mostly because you are living rent free. What happens if you buy a home or are you being gifted with the condo? That might change my answer. If you have to buy a home someday, then maybe curbing is worth while.

[disneysteve]

Sorry. I don't care how much you earn. She needs to get a grip on reality. She's a medical student with zero income with several more years of training ahead of her. There is no excuse for her to be spending that kind of money on clothing (or anything else). As an anesthesia resident, her wardrobe is going to consist of scrubs almost 24/7. When does she intend to wear all of these expensive clothes? She's buying things that she doesn't need. That's a problem. Deal with it now before it gets even more out of hand.

[cicy33]

I have to agree with disneysteve. I think that unless you are in a job where you must wear really nice clothes that is a horrible amount to spend on clothes. Maybe if you suggest a certain amount per month that you each can spend question free she would try it. I know that there are some people that shop due to an insecurity. Perhaps she is shopping for that reason. If she has clothes with tags still on them then she definitely doesn't need them. I know you think you are making great money but that can change in a heartbeat. Believe me, I know!

[EEinNJ]

This sounds like something you'll have to talk through with her, in a way that doesn't put her on the defensive or counter-attack with your spending.
You are young and have a very good income, both great things in your favor. Money can act as an indicator of a problem, in this case, compulsive shopping. If you don't work this out now, even if you both make a huge income, you're in for bigger problems when it comes to major purchase, a home, debt, kids, etc.

[maclover]

She's on rotation away from the house right now. I emailed her last night and she said she'll try.

It must be habit. She's always shopping for clothes. She's constantly online looking at clothes and buying stuff online. And going to the mall multiple times a week, checking for "sales." Her pants from banana republic / ann taylor are a lot more expensive than my Dockers.

I'll call her tonight to see.

[jIM_Ohio]

she is probably spending to compensate for something... she needs to make sure her budget balances (spending less than income).

[feh]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Sorry. I don't care how much you earn. She needs to get a grip on reality.

+10000000

There's absolutely no reason to spend that much on clothing. I suggest addressing this sooner rather than later.

[Ima saver]

I have to agree with disneysteve also!! I don't spend $200 a year on clothes!! But I did spend more when I worked. I agree that your wife (and you) should each get an allowance to spend on whatever you want.

[PrincessPerky]

On the one hand I haven't spent that much on clothes in my entire marriage, but on the other hand.

Everyone is entitled to their waste, and she may not see hers as a waste. While she does see your eating out as one.

Which is why IMO it is better to have a 'splurge' fund, or allowance, or whatever you call it, that niether person gets to complain about the other for.

My husband likes war games, I like spending on chocolate, of course I think my spending is better, but we don't argue, we just keep the total sum of the spending down, and move on. (and no my husband never gets to play them, so they sit here 'tags on' while he buys more, he doesn't see it, he likes the 'hunt', even though he wont get to use the prize)

In your case, the total sum of spending will be greater than mine, but the end result is the same. Don't sweat the small stuff, you don't get to changer her totally, just pick your battles.

[carlsguide]

I agree with Scanner--the economy needs us to spend money. But this may not be the best thing for you to do.

[maclover]

my wife actually likes to spend on dining too, just not lunches. we eat fairly expensive dinners, I think it's around 600/month if not more.

She's been gone on rotation so all I really eat is cereal for dinner, which is dirt cheap

[feh]

Originally Posted by maclover

my wife actually likes to spend on dining too, just not lunches. we eat fairly expensive dinners, I think it's around 600/month if not more.

She's been gone on rotation so all I really eat is cereal for dinner, which is dirt cheap

I was wondering if this was just a clothing issue, or if there is excessive spending in other areas also.

I don't like to preach, but since you came to this site looking for advice...I think you two needs to sit down and make a budget and stick to it. Do some reading. Get a handle on this now.

With you making a good salary and her going into anesthesiology, you're on your way to an early retirement. But you should save, save, save. The money you save when you're young compounds in amazing ways. Spending tons of money on frivolous items is like shooting holes in your savings bucket.

Play your cards right and you'll be traveling the world without a care when you're 55.

[maclover]

55 seems really young to retire...

I'd imagined I'd work into my 60s (If I'm able), I enjoy the work I do. Maybe I'll just cut back in the future to like 3 days a week or something.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I don't think $500/month is excessive for clothes. BUT I like to spend money. If I had $500/month to blow I would. It depends on what your budget/goals are in the future.

[GREENBACK]

OMG. what's the spending going to be like when the real money start's flowing. You two better have a serious discussion. I sense that you're headed down the financial path to ruin. Believe me, with this attitude, as the salaries go up so will the spending. This is a broken record for too many people.

Where do you eat lunch at? $533 for 3 months! You make good money but if you're the "thrifty" one you guys need to look at things much closer or you'll be back here looking at ways to crawl out of the debt hole you're now begining to dig.