So overwhelmed!

[skylovessea]

My husband just got a new job so we finally have income again. But we are still waiting on a paycheck. He is then starting a different job and quitting his current one. (The latter pays more and offers better hours)

Having income is going to be great. (Not to mention we are getting a fairly large tax refund!) But even with all the reading (Frugal Living for Dummies, countless Dave Ramsey books, articles, threads, blogs, EVERYTHING), I'm still feeling like I'm in too deep.

I've created budget after budget, list after list, priority after priority. What am I doing wrong?

How do you all stay calm? I'm usually a very optimistic, laid back woman, but finances just seem to turn me into a spastic, panicky old buzzard!

I think my family is starting to "have-it-up-to-here" with me because I can't chill out about this. HELLLLPPPP!

[kork13]

What are you doing wrong? It seems that you're worrying about it too much. You have done everything you need to do, and probably almost everything you can do to work your way forward. However, it takes time. My best recommendation would be to more or less distract yourself from it. Find a book, game, or some other activity you enjoy which is completely separate from your finances that you can engross yourself in, and don't worry. If you've taken all the steps you must in order to get into good shape (which I expect you have, based on what you say here and have posted previously), you can only let it happen. In the meantime, relax! Things seem to be turning up for you--congratulations, and good luck from here!

[disneysteve]

I think kork13 made a good point. Do stuff to take your focus off the finances.

I'd also say that I think planning tends to involve a lot more worry than implementing. Once you actually start doing the stuff you've planned, you'll feel better about it. The sense of accomplishment that comes from paying bills on time, reducing debt, increasing savings, etc. will calm you more than anything.

[frito833]

You need to adjust your income tax withholdings. You're giving Uncle Sam an interest free loan. Instead of Gov't doing automatic withdrawals from your paycheck, have your bank do auto drafts to savings.

To me, it sounds like you don't have an emergency fund. If this is true, save your refund in a liquid money market account earning some interest. Trust me, you sleep easier especially during tough economic times when you have 6+ months expenses saved. I noticed you're a DR fan so you know he says, "Having a fully funded emergency fund is an investment in your marriage."

Also, stop watching news about "How we are heading to a Great Depression, Unemployment reaching 8%, or inflation rate at an all time high." Media feeds on fear to increase their ratings and profits. I actually canceled my cable and took up reading instead.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Being that you are a reader and have a new baby, may I suggest that some of your constructive distraction might be in reading some books on child care? There are some really good ones. Coincidentally, many early childcare and infant development books emphasize how to provide free activities and free homemade toys that really engage your baby. Oh, and of course visit some parents' internet forums, too. Enjoy the moment: enjoy your baby!

[deadgoon]

I agree with everyone above. As far as prioritizing, just make sure you take care of food, water, house, electricity and transportation first. Then you can move on to other things.

Is your husband in on the financial decision making? It seems like you are the one doing most of the planning and worrying. Get him involved and that might help alleviate some of the responsibility you feel. Don't feel like you have to take it all on your shoulders.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by Joan.of.the.Arch

Being that you are a reader and have a new baby, may I suggest that some of your constructive distraction might be in reading some books on child care? There are some really good ones. Coincidentally, many early childcare and infant development books emphasize how to provide activities and free homemade toys that really engage your baby. Oh, and of course visit some parents' internet forums, too. Enjoy the moment: enjoy your baby!

Oh, I am definitely a huge fan of reading about child development. I started when I found out I was pregnant! And to think that it has been a year since I had him! It just makes me want to read more! Now that he's a toddler I have new material. Definitely a great distraction.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by deadgoon

I agree with everyone above. As far as prioritizing, just make sure you take care of food, water, house, electricity and transportation first. Then you can move on to other things.

Is your husband in on the financial decision making? It seems like you are the one doing most of the planning and worrying. Get him involved and that might help alleviate some of the responsibility you feel. Don't feel like you have to take it all on your shoulders.

The food, water, house, utilities and transportation are the easy parts. It is everything else that seems to overwhelm me.

He is and he isn't. He grew up with very wealthy family in every direction: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, even family friends were all wealthy. So he is a little "sheltered" I guess you would say about finances. Almost as if it just falls from the sky. He is just starting to really grasp the entire concept. So I definitely show him our budget and let him give his input, but I can't trust him with much more than that, haha.

[minnie1928]

I agree with the others, you need a distraction. Childcare books are a great distraction, at his age you can also start looking at early learning techniques too.

An idea that I've used in the past to help me "see" our progress is to simply chart the debt. The simplicity of a bar graph showing financial goals being addressed can be very powerful.

I still think that you are making great progress, even if it doesn't feel that way!

[SacredFaerie]

Nourished Mother

This blog is GREAT. They've been doing a lot of articles on toddlers lately.

[swanson719]

I completely understand about the husband being from a financially affluent family - my wife is as well, and what's worse, she's an only child. I'm 21, and we started Dave Ramsey's plan about 3 months before we got married, so 15 months ago. In that time, we have gotten married, paid off $19,000 in debt, bought and furnished a house, started Roth IRA's, and have a little over half of our 6 month emergency fund. And we did this mainly on a single income. Remember that Dave says a budget is a written plan of where every dollar goes. Stick to his envelope system and leave the debit card at home, and you'll be surprised by how much you save.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by SacredFaerie

Nourished Mother

This blog is GREAT. They've been doing a lot of articles on toddlers lately.

Thank you! I'm a blogaholic.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by swanson719

I completely understand about the husband being from a financially affluent family - my wife is as well, and what's worse, she's an only child. I'm 21, and we started Dave Ramsey's plan about 3 months before we got married, so 15 months ago. In that time, we have gotten married, paid off $19,000 in debt, bought and furnished a house, started Roth IRA's, and have a little over half of our 6 month emergency fund. And we did this mainly on a single income. Remember that Dave says a budget is a written plan of where every dollar goes. Stick to his envelope system and leave the debit card at home, and you'll be surprised by how much you save.

Wow, that is really impressive. I am hoping to be in the same boat soon. The only problem is that our income is such a rollercoaster. For example, he just got a new job but after a week of working there he realized he couldn't do it (because of some conflicting personal beliefs on what the company was doing) and so now we are toughing it out for a couple weeks until he starts his new job. Granted, I'm not worried because we went almost 3 months with no income and no EF, but that makes getting our foot in the door kind of hard. Just being patient now!

The fact that you did it really inspires me though.

[QueenOphelia]

Your signature is very telling about your life philosophy:

Love your life and live it large.
Don't regret, just forget!

What do you mean by "Don't regret..just forget"? Are you overspending and forgetting to pay bills?

Perhaps stop living your life so large and live small and furgally for awhile.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by QueenOphelia

Your signature is very telling about your life philosophy:

Love your life and live it large.
Don't regret, just forget!

What do you mean by "Don't regret..just forget"? Are you overspending and forgetting to pay bills?

Perhaps stop living your life so large and live small and furgally for awhile.

I don't know why you saw it the way you did, but you took it the wrong way 100%.

"Love your life, and live it large."

Be happy with your life, and be yourself. Do everything you can and don't hold back your inhibitions. There is nothing worse than being too shy or too held back to be yourself. You only live once.

"Don't regret, just forget!"

Don't bother dwelling on the past. You can't change it. You learn from everything that happens to you. Regret is a waste of time and emotion. Forget your mistakes or your hurts from the past and just be happy with what you have in the present.


I in NO WAY meant the things you said. You took it completely out of context. I do not live large at all in the sense that I buy whatever, whenever. That's not what live large means to everyone. I don't buy things for myself. Ever. I count every penny and dime that leaves my pocket. I'm more frugal than you could imagine.

I don't know what on earth made you think those things about me, but just know that it was slightly hurtful. It's not polite to make assumptions like that about people just because they have a positive signature. I'm sorry you took it that way.

[minnie1928]

Originally Posted by skylovessea

I don't know what on earth made you think those things about me, but just know that it was slightly hurtful. It's not polite to make assumptions like that about people just because they have a positive signature. I'm sorry you took it that way.

I think the thing to remember here is that everyone has different life experiences which influence how they react and/or respond to things. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't completely sure how to interpret your signature either. But once I read your explanation, you're right...it is a very positive way of thinking which I like. My point is that it is open to interpretation, and different people tend to interpret things differently because of their experiences...good or bad.

However, if I would have heard my mother say the same words that you have in your signature, they would have had an entirely different meaning. She would interpret it as live for today, don't plan for tomorrow. If it's bad, I'll just deny/ignore it and maybe it will go away.

The bad thing with chat boards is that there is a tendency to inflect emotion into the words that are typed and in doing that there is room for assumption on both sides.

I think it was simply a misunderstanding, not meant as a hurtful jab towards you.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by minnie1928

I think the thing to remember here is that everyone has different life experiences which influence how they react and/or respond to things. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't completely sure how to interpret your signature either. But once I read your explanation, you're right...it is a very positive way of thinking which I like. My point is that it is open to interpretation, and different people tend to interpret things differently because of their experiences...good or bad.

However, if I would have heard my mother say the same words that you have in your signature, they would have had an entirely different meaning. She would interpret it as live for today, don't plan for tomorrow. If it's bad, I'll just deny/ignore it and maybe it will go away.

The bad thing with chat boards is that there is a tendency to inflect emotion into the words that are typed and in doing that there is room for assumption on both sides.

I think it was simply a misunderstanding, not meant as a hurtful jab towards you.

I understand. I think I am just a little fed up because in other threads that I have posted, people have been very rude and condescending. If I didn't already have the mindset that people are being rude, I wouldn't have taken this the wrong way, but there was a lot of fuel behind my reply above.

I am deeply considering quitting the forum because "some people" have offended and hurt me (personally) to the point of this not even being a productive board anymore.

I don't come here to have my mistakes pointed out to me, and I have been called "whiny" and told that my son is "suffering" because I'm a young parent.

I'm just extremely fed up, I hope you understand.

(And it hurts me to say that I might be leaving this forum because some of you -- including yourself -- have been nothing but kind and helpful.)

[minnie1928]

Originally Posted by skylovessea

(And it hurts me to say that I might be leaving this forum because some of you -- including yourself -- have been nothing but kind and helpful.)

I've sent you a pm.

[DebbieL]

Please stick around. There are many helpful people on here. In any public forum there are misunderstandings, etc. It is hard to always judge what is meant from the written word, when facial expression and tone can't come across. Sometimes offense is taken when it wasn't intended. There are those that will disagree too, but most on here will try to help you.

[skylovessea]

Originally Posted by DebbieL

Please stick around. There are many helpful people on here. In any public forum there are misunderstandings, etc. It is hard to always judge what is meant from the written word, when facial expression and tone can't come across. Sometimes offense is taken when it wasn't intended. There are those that will disagree too, but most on here will try to help you.

I understand what you mean, but the things said are clearly stated. It's not just tone, it's the vocabulary used. but don't get me wrong, I definitely understand where you are coming from. Thank you.