Stay at Home Income loss

[LivingAlmostLarge]

My DH and I were talking more and more about kids. I want to stay at home for at least a year. I'm trying also to find a job that will allow me to work at home. I am desperately trying to finish up graduate school and get pregnant. Yeah I am seriously deranged.

But I think I can find a job that will allow me to work at home. I've been networking and really talking to people.

So my DH is a bit concerned if I stay at home, I might like it and stay at home for longer than 1 year, especially if we have more than 1 kid, which is likely.

I would make enough to cover daycare, I've been offered positions at $75k+ starting out. So it definitely will cover the $2k/month we'd pay for daycare. And I'd get a 401k and benefits.

But I believe we can afford to forgo the income and still survive. Right now we live on my DH's income and my income goes to taxes pretty much.

But he says shouldn't we consider that if I stay at home for say 5 years, or work part-time I will lose the income earnings and moving up the payscale and promotions. How do you reconcile this?

Is it substantial?

[JinCO]

My wife and I have had this discussion and our conclusion was that the loss in earnings and future earnings potential would be substantial if she was to not work for a few years. She has been fortunate enough to work from home since our daughter was born about 2 years ago. It has worked out great for us.

[minnie1928]

I'm living that right now and I still can't reconcile it. We didn't "need" my income, however I've always enjoyed working. We relocated from PA to NJ in June and decided that I would take atleast a year off until my youngest was enrolled in first grade (Kindergarten is half day here). By staying home I've been able to focus on getting the best deals, making more meals from scratch, doing home improvement stuff ourselves, etc. These all saved us money that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was working. I also am always available for the kids if they have activities or sickness. My husband says that knowing the kids are always "covered" is a huge load off his mind. Before we always had to coordinate our work schedules to cover holidays, school events, etc. Now that's no longer an issue. So this has value that is hard to measure financially.

Are we making less money, yes. Are we spending less, yes. Does it balance out financially, no.

I think you need to look at the decision from an emotional standpoint and a financial standpoint. Both have significant value.

[arthurb999]

My son just turned 1 about 2 weeks ago and there is no way I could have worked from home and taken care of him at the same time. I wouldn’t have gotten any work done. Babies need a lot of attention and care. Thank God we live close to retired family. . My wife works 3 10 hour days a week and my mom and grandmother take care of him on those days.

[JinCO]

I agree arthurb999...there would be no way to work and take care of a child at the same time. Childcare would be required. We have a full-time nanny.

[simpleyme]

its hard to know how you will behave until you have the child in your arms

I have many die hard committed career women friends who never worked another day after their child was born

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by minnie1928

Are we making less money, yes. Are we spending less, yes. Does it balance out financially, no.

Great quote. Yes, there are economies to staying home. No, it doesn't make up for the lost income.

For us, DW staying home was very much a personal, parenting decision and much less a financial one. If we really couldn't have afforded it, I guess we wouldn't have had a choice, but we were willing and able to make a lot of sacrifices to make it happen. If both of you are willing to do that, and being home is important to you, then do it. You won't regret it. Does it have a long-term financial impact? Absolutely. There is simply no way around that. Being out of the workforce for 1 or 2 or 5 years (or 10 like my wife) has to impact things. But having our daughter raised by her parents was more important to us.

[jIM_Ohio]

Wife and I shifted work schedules so we both work full time, and we each have shifts where we are taking care of our kids.

This was done by necessity because preemie babies (ours were born 12 weeks early) get sick quite easily. The two times we have taken kids to large gatherings they have gotten sick. First time both were sick for close to 17 days and the second time has not finished (both are sniffling still 10 days later).

Part of our issue is I make more than wife, but wife's career path will have her making more when all is said and done. She also likes working much more than I do.

Wife actually works from home while watching kids, and as our kids are getting more mobile it is becoming tougher to get as much work done as my wife needs to get done.


75k is a substantial income to give up. The decision is probably easier if spouse giving up working makes less than that.

There is seasonal work you might be able to do and still stay home 8 months out of the year.

[KatieNK]

Well my only advice is that you should wait to find the job that will suit you when you have kids until you are actually pregnant by a few months. When we first started trying for a baby, I went ahead and looked for a suitable "mommy" job and now a year and a half later, there is still no baby and I am not making near what I could have if I had just stayed put. Also, we found out we need IVF to succeed and so we could *really* use the money to help pay for that! Do what is best for you NOW. Good luck!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I guess the deal is I don't want to do what pays well I want to leave my "career" and go do something that pays pretty well and stay at home likely. My DH is worried not about the affording staying at home.

It's more the long term impact of my income. It is a good chunk of change to leave on the table. I don't know what will happen if I walk away.

Many women where I live work because they are not number crunchers. It costs more for them to work than to stay at home. For me after child #2 like them, it's NOT worth working. Anywhere from $3-4k/month childcare even making $100k is pushing the limit of making a reasonable wage while all the extra like eating out, hiring help, sick days, etc.

Katie, I'll consider it. Minnie, I know we'd manage financially. But will it impact long term badly?

[jIM_Ohio]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

But will it impact long term badly?

YES it will.

It bothers me when I see things about women making less than men. Starting salaries are the same, but when a woman leaves workforce they give up

a) the salary they used to earn
b) the raises on that salary
c) the compounding effect of those raises (3% raises 5 straight years is a net increase of 16%; over 8 years those 3% raises show a net increase of 28%)
d) the skills which earned them the salary and the raises

So of course giving these things up will cost you. I don't mean to sound sexist or elitist (probably comes across that way). Outside of an Obama wealth redistribution plan to SAHM's nothing will fix this anytime soon.

[Tree0164]

It was a big decision for my family for me to stay home back in 2002 after my twins were born. I was working in financial services and instructional design world making over 1/2 the family income.

I did some projects here and there while they were babies. Now that all 3 kids are in school. I do have one the has severe special needs I still chose to be at home freelancing etc. Luckily my husband's salary has gone up over the years and my freelancing etc has almost reached $$.

You got to do what is best for your family.

[MonkeyMama]

To OP - it depends on MANY factors.

One thing not realized is if you dropped an income your taxes would decrease significantly. So your dh's take-home pay could raise a decent amount.

Working at home is not an easy thing with babies.

How old are you anyway? How important is the second income?

My dh has been out of the workforce for 6 years. We reconcile this because he hated his job and is going in an entirely different career direction when he returns to work. HE was unemployable when we had our first child anyway. (So did we lose 6 years of wages? Yes, but no. He was jobless almost a year while looking for a job - we would have lost that anyway).

He's also only 33. Re-starting a career at 33, 34, 35 is not a big deal to us. Considering our situation I don't understand the long-term affects. He has a good 30 years of work ahead of him (if he so chooses).

The second income is gravy, so what does it matter?

I think your situation is a little different. Your a little older, you have invested a lot in a career/degree, and you live in an expensive area. All reasons I'd be wary to have a hole in my career. (I personally didn't want to, since I Was on an upward climb and had invested a lot in my career - why I do work).

The other thing, is for is it was just very temporary, but somewhere in the last few years a second income has become more gravy. So, no I did not see the big deal to take a year or 2 off work. BUT I didn't expect we would consider dropping the second income altogether, in a few years. We've learned to live on less. Did I mention we pay virtually no income taxes?

Also, don't discount small sources of income. IT doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you could make $10k on the side with very light work, I mean that could fund a couple of IRAs. Small second incomes can add significant financial security.

The slower pace of life with a spouse home is priceless. IF you ask me. (I'd argue our health is far better - the 2-working parents I know are run RAGGED).

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Interesting perspective Monkeymama. I'm 29 and I honestly like the adult interaction. But I know financially now it might not be worth working, but the long term impact of not having an income, missing out on raises/promotions like Jim pointed out is what my DH is worried about.

I also know that some people because they are older become dependent on the second income. I recently had a friend who is 34 and she desperately wants to stay at home, but they earn about the same and she carries the benefits. So she can't. She told me having the baby changed everything, because she arranged to go back to work on Monday and she doesn't want to now.

My DH wants me to work so I don't lose out on the income, promotions, etc. But I don't want to commit to having to work to make ends meet. Hence fighting against buying a new car, bigger home, etc. We can make do now on one income. I've run the tax numbers and I wouldn't bring home that much of $75k because of our tax bracket, no child tax credit, no student loan deduction, etc. So we will be taxed.

But I could save the maximum $15.5k in a 401k and save whatever little there is left over. Plus like Jim said I'd be passing up 28% income increase potentially and no problems getting a job.

[arthurb999]

My wife works a 3 days a week to keep up in her field (physical therapy) and luckily we have family to watch our son on those days.


What career field are you in?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I was wondering, one option, is we are looking at moving back to the West Coast. If that happens, my parents would move to where we live and watch the baby. Not working would no longer need to be considered. And my mom has verbally said this in these exact words "I will move to where you are and watch the baby."

She has refused to come to New England because of the weather. She won't visit me except between end of may to end of September. They live in hawaii if it helps explain her refusal.

Should we wait longer to have kids until we are moving back? We've discussed it but I really want kids and so does my DH. But if it makes sense we could wait longer.

[MonkeyMama]

I was raised by a one-income family. I had to add that my dad gave his work 1000% and was able to because my mom took care of the household/kids. People really overlook this advantage. I find the same with my spouse. I will progress farther in my career as a working mom, because I don't have to take care of sick kids, cook dinner every night, or spend my days doing errands and making phone calls. We've had a lot of working moms come through my office who spent more time taking care of their household than their job. I Don't think 2 wages are necessarily always effective as people imagine. Not if both parties don't give their work their all.

Anyway, my dad was very successful, so I don't think one or two incomes makes or breaks you. IT's how you handle whatever you decide. The more planning the better. (Though we were young my dh saved most of his income for a good 10 years before we had kids. SO we don't feel behind financially with the years off).

It depends on so much though. Some fields it is suicide to take a couple of years off. One reason I say it depends. IT depends on so many factors.

Extended family to help with the kids is priceless. Could be worth waiting for. Just be careful. I know few who are really happy in that situation. A lot of friends who switched to daycare in the end because grandparents had boundary issues and/or didn't respect their wishes. A lot of caregivers who are resentful of how much they are expected to watch kids. IT certainly takes a village, but it is a lot of work to make everyone happy with the situation. I can think of a few kids who would have been 1000% better off in daycare than with family.

[CindyLu322]

I'm a SAHM and I struggled a lot with the decision to stay home. I finally made the decision when I was 30-some weeks pregnant. I didn't want to work full time and if I worked part-time, I wouldn't REALLY make enough to make much over the cost of daycare (when you factored in all the other costs of working like commute, clothing, etc).

It's a decision you have to make with your head AND your heart. And I think it's very hard to make the emotional part of the decision until you have that baby in your arms (or at least kicking your ribs from the inside). I read an article recently that said that families are happiest when mom is doing what she really WANTS to do in regards to working. SAHMs who want to stay home are happy. Working moms who want to work are happy. And happy moms make happy families.

Did I mess up my career by staying home? Definitely. Do I think it's worth it? Definitely.

And as some of the previous posters pointed out, there are benefits to having one spouse at home that don't seem so obvious. For example, I drive an 11 year old van that I bought for $2400. Would I drive that to work everyday across town? No, I would want something more reliable. But it's fine for occassional trips to the grocery store or library.

I also have time to save us a lot of money. I do couponing to save on groceries and cook from scratch a lot. I've worked very hard on getting our finances in order and I'm amazed at how quickly we're getting out of debt and on the road to financial security (with only one modest income).

I also agree with the comment above about how a spouse at home helps the other's career. I really think that me being the caregiver to our child means that DH can focus more on advancing in his career (which his is doing quite well).

There are so many things to weigh. Also, another thing that helped me make the decision was to realize that the decision was not permanent. If I stayed home for 6 months or a year and didnt like it or we were hurting financially, I could find another job. A short amount of time out of the workforce is unlikely to hurt your career too much.

[zetta]

But he says shouldn't we consider that if I stay at home for say 5 years, or work part-time I will lose the income earnings and moving up the payscale and promotions. How do you reconcile this?

If maximizing net worth were the only consideration, you wouldn't have kids at all -- the little critters cost just too darn much! You've decided you want the experience of having and raising kids, and financially you're willing to pay something for that. The decision of whether to stay home or work is an extention of that -- what kind of experience do you want for yourself and your child, and what will it cost you financially and professionally to have it?

The way you reconcile this is to acknowledge that no matter what path you take, there are tradeoffs. You will gain something and you will lose something else.

If you think you'd like to spend a year at home I'd really encourage you to do it -- it's a one time (per kid) opportunity, time you can never get back. While you might feel very secure with your mother watching your kids while you work, it's not the same experience for you as being home with them yourself is.

On the career front, it would be ideal to work 5 years after getting your degree before taking time off. Biologically that's pretty risky. Even a year or two of work before becoming pregnant would make it easier for you to take time off and transition back in.

As for working at home, plan to have someone there to care for the child while you work -- childcare really is a full time job. Naps are not reliable enough to count on getting work done. It's still nice to have the physical proximity -- you can hear that the child is happy, and take little breaks to spend some time with them.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Investing First Steps]

I'd say most of the comments seem to hit on the two main points:

1.) I believe it will cost you as far as your career. There is fairly credible research to point to exactly what Jim mentions, that the "income disparities" between men and women are usually a function of comparing women who took some amount of time off for children, vs. men who did not.

2.) It's more of a personal decision than a financial decision. The kid's not going to be cheap in the first place, so it's clearly not a case of pure value proposition. Does it mean more to you to be home with your kid or to maximize your lifetime earnings?