Is Keeping Separate Banking Accounts Preparing For Divorce?

[ActYourWage]

Originally Posted by Caoineag

Out of curiosity, for the people with joint accounts, do you have only one person doing the majority of the bills?

Yes, I am the one that takes care of the majority of our bills, but we budget each month so we know approx. how much the bills are going to be before the month begins. As soon as I find out the amount we owe, I tell my wife and then I use my online bank bill pay.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Caoineag

Out of curiosity, for the people with joint accounts, do you have only one person doing the majority of the bills?

Yes, I handle all of the finances, investments and bills in our household. Everything is joint with the exception of one credit card in DW's name that she's had since before we were married. But I pay that bill, too.

[maat55]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Please don't take offense at this, but I find this incredibly bizarre.

I second that, humblely.

[prosper]

Me and my wife have separate accounts and it works. I think it creates a system of accountability. I see nothing wrong with it as long as all the money is viewed as "our" money. BTW, I'm old fashioned; I fill my wife's gas tank up, pay for vacations, hair, nails, dinner, ect.

[Beccagold]

We've actually done both. When DH & I were engaged and probably the first year of marriage we kept seperate accounts. There was a joint account to save for the wedding and then to save for a home. We each paid differnt bills from our own accounts. Now everything is joing & I'm in charge of all financial matters. However, the seperate accounts thing taught us a lot! My DH is a spender while I'm a saver. Only enough money was kept in individual accounts to pay the bills and we each got an allowance. The rest went into the joint savings account. The allowance taught DH for the first time about budgeting. I'm so glad we did it and on the other hand I'm glad everything is "joint" now.

[Caoineag]

Ahh, see now we used to split bill paying equally so that it was less work (each person did about half though it was proportioned to income). Now that I have taken over so much of the finances a joint account makes more sense.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

But fruitbowl doesn't your husband want to go on vacation as well? How does he handle that you are leaving him alone?

And yep I just pay everything. DH just charges and has fun.

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

But fruitbowl doesn't your husband want to go on vacation as well? How does he handle that you are leaving him alone?

And yep I just pay everything. DH just charges and has fun.

Yes my dh would like to go on vacation but in all honesty it will be an all girl vacation. I was going to take my dd but she would be the only child there so I think she might be left at home also.

I would love for us to go on a family vacation but everytime I say let go to the beach or where ever he goes I don't have money. I didn't ask him if he had money I just said let go on a trip.

Do I not go on vacation or enjoy my life because he is too childish to sit down and talk about finances? I have always been a great saver so if he would take the time to listen to me about finances money wouldn't always be his issue.

[disneysteve]

fruitbowlk - Feel free not to address this, as it obviously a personal question and isn't any of my business, but stories like yours always catch my interest. I wonder how and why two people with "two different out looks on life" end up getting married, and what keeps them together once they are married.

I can't imagine I would have married anyone who didn't share my outlook on life, share common interests, common goals, common money management skills, etc.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Fruitbowl, does that mean you don't take family vacations? How do you decide who is going to pay for college when your daughter is older?

If he doesn't save for retirement now, what happens when you actually retire? I mean if he doesn't have enough money what will you do? Get divorced then? What happens if he can't work and is disabled? How does he support himself?

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

fruitbowlk - Feel free not to address this, as it obviously a personal question and isn't any of my business, but stories like yours always catch my interest. I wonder how and why two people with "two different out looks on life" end up getting married, and what keeps them together once they are married.

I can't imagine I would have married anyone who didn't share my outlook on life, share common interests, common goals, common money management skills, etc.

Disneysteve,

I'm going through a very ruff time with this marriage. I thought it would be different. I didn't know he had a many issues that he has. While we where dating things seem different he seemed responsible and seemed like he wanted something out of life. We didn't live together before we got married so when we finally begin to live together after marriage I was in for a big surprise as he turn out to be somebody very different with very different view on life.

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

Fruitbowl, does that mean you don't take family vacations? How do you decide who is going to pay for college when your daughter is older?

If he doesn't save for retirement now, what happens when you actually retire? I mean if he doesn't have enough money what will you do? Get divorced then? What happens if he can't work and is disabled? How does he support himself?

LivingAlmostLarge we have been on two vacations since being married one time to florida where we use the money that we receive as a wedding gift and we normally go to the mountain every thanksgiving where his father has been paying for us.

He saves for retirement but just not alot. I have no idea what's going to happen when retire and he really doesn't have enough money to retire with. I have been tryingto get him to open a RothIRA but he refuse to take any financal advise from me. He might be losing his job at the end of the year maybe that we make him realize that we are suppose to be a team. I have open a saving account for my dd and I have given him all the info so that he can make contributions but so far I have been the only one to do so. He claims he waiting for his finaces to get better and things will change but I think it's his way of thinking that needs to change and not his finances.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Ouch, I guess you have to address the retirement issue if he can't afford to pay for upkeep of whereever you live. Then it doesn't matter if you had separate accounts right? Because you'll end up paying more anyway.

Plus if you support him it doesn't matter if accounts are separate right?

[brizaksmommy]

Originally Posted by Caoineag

As to divorce, everything is joint except for inheritances so it isn't preparing for divorce even if someone does see it that way.

Inheritance laws are dependant upon the state you live in. My friend was rewarded half of her ex's inheritance because he had her name on the accounts and she was with him when he put the money in the accounts.

[MiikeB]

Originally Posted by fruitbowlk

He claims he waiting for his finaces to get better and things will change but I think it's his way of thinking that needs to change and not his finances.

His finances should not be any different than yours. The idea of seperate finances in a marriage to me is mind boggling.

I can see seperate accounts and seperate spending money. But not "I have debt but you dont" or "this is my house not yours."

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by MiikeB

His finances should not be any different than yours. The idea of seperate finances in a marriage to me is mind boggling.

I can see seperate accounts and seperate spending money. But not "I have debt but you dont" or "this is my house not yours."

It's easy to judge when the whole story isn't being told. My Husband has a lot of issues so that is why things are the way they are.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by brizaksmommy

My friend was rewarded half of her ex's inheritance because he had her name on the accounts and she was with him when he put the money in the accounts.

The key part here is what I bolded. Once the money is point into a joint account, it becomes joint money. You can't separate it out again. Had he kept the inheritance money in an account in his name only from day one, it wouldn't have been subject to spitting with her in the divorce.

[Gruntina]

Originally Posted by fruitbowlk

It's easy to judge when the whole story isn't being told. My Husband has a lot of issues so that is why things are the way they are.

I can understand how each spouse can cause problems themselves. But when you marry someone legally, you are bound to their issues as well.

If you were two people living together and not legally married, then it is different (except maybe for common law marriages but not sure here)


Pre-nup is the way to go for true protection in the case of a divorce. If not had one made up, I would definitely talk to either a financial advisor or attorney on how you can protect your money/assets prior to jumping into divorce as divorce is not something you can just way away like a bad break-up with a boyfriend.

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by Gruntina

I can understand how each spouse can cause problems themselves. But when you marry someone legally, you are bound to their issues as well.

If you were two people living together and not legally married, then it is different (except maybe for common law marriages but not sure here)


Pre-nup is the way to go for true protection in the case of a divorce. If not had one made up, I would definitely talk to either a financial advisor or attorney on how you can protect your money/assets prior to jumping into divorce as divorce is not something you can just way away like a bad break-up with a boyfriend.

Well unforunately we didn't go to marriage 101. So what seems easy and common sence to other aren't for others. I can't change other people I can only change myself. And some divorces are just a walk away. I have seen it done before. Some are easier to end than others.

[Gruntina]

Originally Posted by fruitbowlk

Well unforunately we didn't go to marriage 101. So what seems easy and common sence to other aren't for others. I can't change other people I can only change myself. And some divorces are just a walk away. I have seen it done before. Some are easier to end than others.

Your right that some divorces are easier than others. It totally depends on how you and your spouse handle it. If both have an agreement and follow up on that agreement between the two of you, it is much easier and smoother.

I myself was awarded a quick divorce due to my safety being in danger (Otherwise he would not have permitted a divorce). I still had to pay off some of his debts after that. That is how I ended up in 60k of debts when I divorced. It was a nightmare.

I am not saying you will be in dire situation if you ever wanted a divorce but just be aware how bad it can turn out if not careful. In some cases, people have no choice.