My Dad is resistant to do a WILL.

[ea1776]

I keep trying to get my Dad to do a WILL. He is 58 and in fair health, retired. He is very stubborn about many things, and totally set in his ways. He doesn't seem to think doing a will is important, but I saw all of the red tape and headaches my Mom went through when my WILL-less grandmother passed away, and I don't want to go through the same down the road.

So I have two requests for advice:

1. What's the right way to approach my stubborn father to get him to do a will? What hard facts can I tell him to convince him the will is important?

2. Does anyone have suggestions for an easy, inexpensive, and reliable way to do a will? Mind you, my father does not have a ton of assets, and I can tell you the relative complexity of the will should be low.

[noppenbd]

Ask him if he wants the government to decide what to do with all his hard-earned savings and property.

I have heard good things about Willmaker (a software package). You can order from Nolo.com. You can also find out lots of good will info on this site.

[fruitbowlk]

I'm in the midst of doing mine and it's depression. But It has to be done to protect my child. Suze orman has a kit on her website.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I have the identical problem. But it's impossible to get them to do it.

[miclason]

Mom thought it was "bad luck" to make a will (as in: you'll die sooner if you have a will!)... Dad finally convinced her (but I don't know how he did it!!)

[ea1776]

Wills should be required by law for parents, married individuals, and people > 40 !

Oh wait, our government would never make that law, because it wouldn't benefit the government, it only benefits the citizens...

[zetta]

If there's some way you can show him that it will cost a lot extra if he doesn't have a will, that might be persuasive.

[Seeker]

Hmmm.... are you an only child? If you are an only child there may be better alternatives.

The main objective in making a will is to decide how property will be divided upon death.

From what you have said, your Mom is still alive, so technically both of them should make a will.

If Dad dies alone all goes to Mom. If Mom dies alone all goes to Dad.

And if both die together then the properties usually goes to a percentage equivalent split between all the surviving children.

Without wills the process goes through the legal system and takes longer, costs money, and becomes "public."

And also without wills there are no specific directions or instructions that take place and if they wish to leave something to a favored grandchild, they would not be able to document those wishes without making a will.

If there are children under minor status (<18 years of age) who takes care of them?

Essentially without a will, the courts decide everything. Including selling all assets (family jewelry or whatever items that may be desirable to keep within the family // family photos) and taking out debts, fees and finally dividing up the proceeds between the surviving children.

There may also be living trusts or other trusts to consider. What happens if one or both your folks get very ill before death? What happens if they cannot make reasonable financial decisions? Powers of attorney?

Probate court essentially oversees the payment of any moneys owed to debtors before the inheritors get anything. Most "executors" of a will, will need to hire an attorney to "find" debtors and to insure that all debts are resolved before the will of the deceased is followed.

Depending on the way your folks have handled property in the past may also be of benefit in this regard. Property/assets held as "sole" owner or "tenants-in-common" are required to go through probate court.

But, listed beneficiaries take precedance over anything stated on a will. Thus, if your folks have you children listed on bank accounts, property, IRA accounts, etc. as beneficiaries, then these items may not need to go through probate. The laws vary from state-to-state and you should look at the specific laws with regard to the specifics in your state. Estate laws. Inheretance.

As a start, you should recommend to your folks that they designate beneficiaries on any asset they have. There's not usually any limit to the number of ways that assets can be split. Banks are very accommodating in this regard too. It's a lot easier to add beneficiaries on an account than it is to update a will.

How to approach it with them?

If their wishes about the things they have gathered means anything to them (wedding rings even), then they shouldn't want the court system to decide how these assets will be split up between the heirs, or force sale of everything such that there are more dollars to distribute to the lawyers.

Unfortunately the child(ren) has/have a whole lot of work to do when a parent passes on. With wills (folks wishes spelled out), there's a lot less frustration, costs and heartache for those survivors. Does any parent truly want to leave their family in chaos? No. But that can happen.

No "will" will have absolutely everything spelled out -- but they help considerably when properly done -- because it's written, you cannot deny that that was their wish.

[ea1776]

Thanks for the information Seeker.

I'm 25, my sister is 23. Those are his only kids.
My parents are divorced.
My mom already has a will in place.

[FrugalFish]

DH and I just did wills about 2 years ago- after having DD. As we were going through the process, I was surprised at how many people around me responded that they did not have a will. These are all people who come across like they have their act together.

My grandfather desperately needs a will, and he knows it, but he, too, is resistant to making one. My mother gave him a copy of Willmaker Plus- because Dh and I used it and it is an incredible wealth of information. He is very intrigued by the book and it motivated him more, but he still hasn't done anything as far as we know. I think he does actually believe that it's better to allow the gov't to make the decisions because then he doesn't have to take any responsibility, even in death. JMO about my own grandfather.

Willmaker Plus is a wonderful tool, even if you want to use a lawyer. The best way to buy it is as a book with software- costs about $20 less at Amazon to buy the combo versus just the software alone. You can make a basic will with willmaker in less than an hour (if you think you might be able to motivate him to do one at home rather than paying money to a lawyer and having to take time to do that route), and a basic will is surely better than nothing at all.

I think all you can do is mention how important they are, maybe do it from time to time, but you can't force someone to do it.

[LuxLiving]

Is he concerned that you are trying to 'horn in' on the assets? Perhaps reassurance that you're just worried about how much work it will be for both of you, and that you aren't trying to be greedy?

[ea1776]

I don't think he gets that feeling at all. Him and I have a close relationship. It's ultimately just his stubbornness and maybe laziness too.

[Seeker]

Actually if your Dad and Mom are divorced, there can be complexities that are in his mind about this whole thing too.

If he remarries or if she remarries, their wills may change. There may be more children down the line as well (if he marries a younger person or if he marries someone with children already existing).

Stubborness and laziness can work into his feelings.... but writing a will takes effort.

It's a whole thought process and consideration about both you children (you & your sis) as well as his feelings about your Mom and the divorce (there may be unresolved feelings there too).

Whether or not anything changes with any of the four of you, his feelings about whom he leaves a portion of his assets and property could change with time and he just might not be willing to face these things at this point in his life.

[myrdale]

ea1776 I am nearly identical to you. I am 26, my sister is 23. I have a father, 55, who will admit he needs a will but refuses to do anything about it.

My mother as been on him for some time and I've had a heart to heart with him and he still refuses. He is not unhealthy, but at the same time he is not fit either. It's around his age people start dropping dead.

My current suggestion is my mother go out and see about getting it set up, but she hasn't done that yet.

[Seeker]

Originally Posted by myrdale

ea1776 I am nearly identical to you. I am 26, my sister is 23. I have a father, 55, who will admit he needs a will but refuses to do anything about it.

My mother as been on him for some time and I've had a heart to heart with him and he still refuses. He is not unhealthy, but at the same time he is not fit either. It's around his age people start dropping dead.

My current suggestion is my mother go out and see about getting it set up, but she hasn't done that yet.

Hmmmm. People don't start dropping dead at around 55 years of age unless there are some problems to begin with. Look to your folk's parents to determine at what approximate age your parents might start to develop health problems. Generally we are all outliving our folks these days.

Again, this assumes that there are no bad habits or issues that have come up.... it assumes that we are as healthy as our folks before us and do the things we know we should to remain in good physical health: eat right, no smoking, no excessive drinking, no drugs, exercise and proper rest.

My Mom has outlived all her siblings as well as her folks; she's in her late 70's. My Dad is the youngest of his family and in his early 80's. His Mom lived to be 86 years of age. One of his brothers lived to be 94 years old.

55 is too young to start "dropping dead." I am 48 and don't want to hear that!

[myrdale]

Seeker, for me personally 90 is too young to start dropping dead, but you have to take my family history into account.

His father was diagnosed with leukemia at about 50 and died 6 months later. His mother died at 65ish of diabetes related problems. His sister died at 60ish of the same. My mother is a diabetic and a nurse. She has tested his blood sugar several times in the past and he is well past boarderline but refuses to go to a doctor because that would mean wasn't healthy.

None of my fathers side of the family ever took proper care of the diabetic problems. My mothers, grandmonther on the other hand lived to be 96 or so because she took very good care of herself.

With this much like the will, it's just his mind set.

[LuxLiving]

I wonder too if a man's ego might come into play here as well on the will. Going to do something about it one generally sits in front of a lawyer who asks really personal questions about ones assets. That might just be a little too personal for some guys, especially if he isn't a big achiever. Just a guess as to maybe why.

[Bluezy]

By drafting his LW&T he is facing his mortality. It's a common happening to anyone of any age.

[soninokla]

Maybe to get the ball rolling, do your own will with a software package, show it to your dad and tell him you did it yourself and it only took an afternoon, whatever.

Then help him do a simple one if he sees how simple it can be. Once he has something at least, then if he does need to consult an attorney hopefully the ball will be rolling enough for him to want to do that.

Does he have any friends or acquantances with wills? Ask around. Ask them, "I'm having a hard time convincing my dad he needs a will. Can I ask a personal question? I'm wondering if you have a will if my dad can talk to you about the process." If they say yes then ask your dad to talk to them.

What is his learning style? If he learns by reading give him short articles. If he learns by hearing give him a short video.

Good luck, I've been through this and still going through it.