I'm I being too frugal with my wife?

[Snodog]

Here's the scoop. The last 5 or 6 months we have decided to give ourselves $350 each per month of "fun money". This money is for non neccessities and can be used however we see fit with no questions asked.

My wife thinks that $350 is not enough and that it is not fair that we get the same amount since the things I enjoy are low cost and the things she enjoys(going out to eat with friends) are not.

I think that the amount is plenty and would like to cut it back since I use only about 10-15$ of my total per month. She says that she cant cut back because her friends always like to eat out. I told her that she could pack a meal to take to the resturant and she just gave me a weird look.

We dont make alot of money(about 70K combined) but we can afford the $350 while still saving about 30% of our salary. I'm just really weird about money and I hate to see any wasted because you never know when youll need it(we've had a couple of misfortunes in the past). Due to these misfortunes we havent saved as well as we should have in the past, but weve really kicked it up a notch just these past few years. We are on pace with retirement savings but I would like to get further ahead. And we have little debt(just 40K on the house).

Thanks in advance
snodog

[PrincessPerky]

Only you and your wife could answer that one. 350 splurge money would be heavenly to me!

However I would look at you weird if you brought food to a restaurant!

How about cheaper meals (drink water) or slightly less often (I don't spend 350 eating out in a month, and when I go I have to feed 5...)

Or she could suggest potluck (you could offer to cook) or she could eat first and order a salad there...

You can cut back on your own and even give her some of it if you want....giving money to one you love is a perfectly useful way to spend fun money. (though do not do if it will leave you feeling upset)

Not all folks are the same, not all solutions work for everyone.

also what was her former spending? and does she make more or less than you? If her former free spending was in the thousands cutting back to 350 is going to seem impossible to her. If she makes significantly more than you giving a large portion up to goals not her own will be much harder for her.

On the other hand if she makes significantly less then 'only' being 'allowed' 350 seems more like a hardship put on by you than a mutual money decision. This is all physc issues, but they very much effect how one spends.

Try asking her how much she would feel comfortable having in retirement..then work backwards from there, you might find she gets to 'waste' more than you would like, but if she is on board with the amount of saving you wont have a cranky wife...and what good is saving 30% if you will end up miserable and or divorced?

[pearlieq]

Does she have an idea of how much she wants in spending money per month?

What does she think of your budget and financial plan? Is there an area where she could cut down to compensate for taking extra spending money? Could she pick up extra hours or get another job?

I wish you luck. Hopefully you can come up with some kind of arrangement everyone can agree on.

[Broken Arrow]

Is she fully aware of the current budget? Is she on board with it? How is the money managed in the house? How's the emergency fund?

[skydivingchic]

What all does the $350 cover? If it is purely entertainment type expenses and blow money, then I believe $350/mo is more than generous. My blow money each month is $250. This has to cover gas for my motorcycle (which I ride on weekends with DBF), eating out, book purchases, getting my nails done, trips to Starbucks, etc. I save for travel seperately

I do believe that if finances are combined, each person should get the same amount of blow money, so her argument that her tastes are more expensive than yours doesn't really fly, IMO.

Maybe suggest she and her friends go for coffee and/or dessert instead of eating full meals? I'm not sure if restaurants would allow her to bring in outside food due to health regulations.

[Caoineag]

I think your big issue is, how much did she used to spend? $350 feels like a lot to people used to spending $100, not so much to people spending $1000. Its easier to gradually decrease the amount and both people have to appreciate the end goals or it won't happen.

[MonkeyMama]

Wow - $350 seems like a lot. (do you mean combined?)

It depends. Are you willing to give her a bigger allowance and take a smaller one because this is so important to her, and you could afford it? I think something to consider. OF course, only if you feel comfortable with it. But sometimes compromises like this are really the only answer.

For us, when it comes to big purchases, we don't really divvy everything up 50/50. I don't really do many big purchases and my spouse does. But it just works for us. As long as we agree and it doesn't break the budget. (I Also know some day when I want a big purchase, that dh will have to allow me it - it would only be fair. One reason I don't mind so much).

As far as allowances, we both take $50/month, and that is all we can really swing lately. Similar salary, but kids and lots of expenses. My dh tends to just save his allowance up for his bigger purchases, and uses Christmas money. IT works.

I meet my friends all the time and eat first, and then just order a soda or an appetizer. Because there is no way eating out like they do fits in my budget, but it's the compromise we have. Some of my struggling friends agree to eat for lunch with coupons, instead of a more expensive dinner. With time it is funny how many of my friends start to follow my lead. Some of them admitted they appreciate other ideas of getting together without spending so much. (In the past they seemed to have bottomless pocketbooks, but most of them are really struggling. They just have no concept of budget). Your wife may be surprised if she tried a smaller budget. I think she imagines she would be ridiculed, but she may be pleasantly surprised.

[disneysteve]

Sorry, but I think she's nuts. $350/month for entertainment on a 70K income is way too much. That's probably about 8% of your take-home pay. We earn twice what you guys earn and don't spend anywhere near that. I can understand if she likes going out to eat, but how often does that happen? A couple of times/week maybe. $350/month is enough to spend almost $12/day. If she goes out 3 times/week, that's about $30 each time. What more does she want?

[simpleyme]

I do not think it is reasonable to take food into a reastaurant
I am really frugal almost to the point of cheap and i would not be comfortable doing that

[disneysteve]

I wonder... Do many of her friends earn a lot more than you guys? That could be part of the problem, trying to keep up with the Joneses.

[Snodog]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

However I would look at you weird if you brought food to a restaurant!

Yeah, perhaps that wasnt one of my smartest ideas

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

also what was her former spending? If her former free spending was in the thousands cutting back to 350 is going to seem impossible to her.

Her former spending was about the same. She has always been frugal. Just not as frugal as me. I am the king of frugal .

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

and does she make more or less than you? If she makes significantly more than you giving a large portion up to goals not her own will be much harder for her.

Thats the thing, she makes about 3X what I make. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 9 years ago and my doctor thinks a low stress part time job is all I can handle, and I agree with him. Unfortunatly the pay is not that great . This was hard for her to accept at first but now she completely understands .

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

and what good is saving 30% if you will end up miserable and or divorced?

I agree completely. Thats why in the grand scheme of things this is not that big of an issue for me. She is a wonderful wife and has stood by my side all these years I would be a fool to toss it all away over something a trivial as this.

[disneysteve]

Saving 30% is a lot, but given your reduced earning capacity, it might not be unreasonable. If you were to become unable to work at all, that savings would be very important.

[Snodog]

To all of you who have asked how much she would want for retirement, in fun money, is she on board with the current budget? She has no idea and doesnt really care. She hates anything financial with a passion so I take care of the finances. It works out well since I enjoy it.

[Snodog]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Sorry, but I think she's nuts.

No, its me who's nuts!

Originally Posted by disneysteve

$350/month for entertainment on a 70K income is way too much. That's probably about 8% of your take-home pay. We earn twice what you guys earn and don't spend anywhere near that. I can understand if she likes going out to eat, but how often does that happen? A couple of times/week maybe. $350/month is enough to spend almost $12/day. If she goes out 3 times/week, that's about $30 each time. What more does she want?

This is not for only eating out. It also includes hobbies, massages, entertainment, clothes, vacations(separate ones),and make up.

And to the person who asked. We have an 8 month expenses emergency fund.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Snodog

This is not for only eating out. It also includes hobbies, massages, entertainment, clothes, vacations(separate ones),and make up.

That's different. In that case, $350/month might be perfectly reasonable. You are also including some pseudo-necessities in there (clothing, make up).

[scfr]

How would you feel about giving your wife some of your fun money to spend on herself? I'm not saying you have to do it, but I'm saying it would be a way for you to keep your budget unchanged while letting your wife feel a bit less "deprived."

Personally, I think $350 per month for fun money is outrageously sky-high, but I understand that everyone has different standards.

More important than the amount of the "allowance," it seems the 2 of you need to do a little talking about finances in general and at least come up with some common goals.

[maat55]

Originally Posted by Snodog

To all of you who have asked how much she would want for retirement, in fun money, is she on board with the current budget? She has no idea and doesnt really care. She hates anything financial with a passion so I take care of the finances. It works out well since I enjoy it.

So what days of the week are you spending with my wife. Your wife sounds just like mine. My wife would kiss me for that kind of money a month right now. Tell princess to get a job or more higher paying one if she has one.

[Fizgig]

Originally Posted by maat55

So what days of the week are you spending with my wife. Your wife sounds just like mine. My wife would kiss me for that kind of money a month right now. Tell princess to get a job or more higher paying one if she has one.

"Princess" already has a job in which she earns 3x more than her husband.

I can understand why she would possibly resent the allowance. I think it's reasonable for you to give up some of your spending money, which you admit that you rarely need, in order for her to enjoy the fruits of her labor more.

[Gruntina]

I can see how 350 would not be enough in her shoes if it is going to all those expenses that you mentioned. My husband and I do not have a exact 50/50 figure of allowance each month because it varies and we use the money only when we need it which isn't much but our needs are met.

But I have to add, being aware of my financial outlook and goals, I do without massages, restaurant date with friends(maybe 1-2 times a year), I rarely buy article of clothing’s and get my hair cut only twice a year and dye my own hair using the 5 dollar dye box kit. It might be different if I had a much lower cost of living or a much higher income. We make a combined salary a little more than what you mentioned but we live in a HCOL area. With this being said, my monthly spending is usually around 50 dollars which includes a couple of lunch out for a change of atmosphere to "get away from it all" for an hour.

It really depends on what your financial outlook and lifestyle, if you are renting cheap or paying a big mortgage and the like.

If I had chosen to rent an apartment for life instead of being tied down with a mortgage, home insurances and taxes... I would have a lot more spending money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

First off DH and I have equal blow money, and it's only $40/month each. BUT I do not have to pay for stuff you talk about like massages, hobbies, clothes, vacation, etc.

That stuff all comes out of the "joint" money. Fun money is for us to have fun. We eat out with it with friends. Clothes, hair, makeup, etc is all joint.

If my DH wants me to look nice he can pay for it. If he didn't care about a groomed wife, had to buy razors, moisturizer, sunscreen, makeup, etc from my blow, forget it! I am spending it on eating out and he can look at me au natural uggo! He can see my bushy eyebrows, unshaved legs, unshaved underarms, etc. Sorry but women do cost more than men in the hygiene department.

And if he doesn't like it then well I can more than happily be natural. Of course he'd get ribbing at work when people take a look at a wife who just looks gross, etc, but heck I'd do it to make a point. And he knows it. Hence why he doesn't complain about some of my personal needs.

Also if she has to pay for feminine hygiene, birth control, etc, my take on that is it's cheaper than a baby so pony up hubby. Unless you want lots of kids. pregnant = no monthly needs. birth control = no kids.