I'm jealous of the Jones!!!!!!!!!

liveandchi · #1 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 09:34 AM

I admit it. I'm EXTREMELY jealous of the Jone's. With things so tight this year, we aren't having a big Christmas. But I see the neighbors pulling into their driveways with huge stacks of presents in brand new cars and there is no doubt about it that I'm jealous. I want to buy all those things. I want a new car. It's not fair. I know, life isn't fair, but that doesn't change the fact that it still isn't. It's very depressing seeing everyone around me getting all thses big presents and knowing I won't be getting any of it this year.

akaivyleaf · #2 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 11:58 AM

OK, maybe I can't put things in perspective, and normally I don't assume things about people because you know what they say about assume, but allow me this one minute.

Its ok to be jealous, but lets put things in perspective. You're a participant on this board because you're obviously into saving, or you're at least willing to prioritize your spending. Therefore you know that unless you're neighbor has hit the lottery or has been very conscious of his/her spending, they have a car note on that new car. That means at least 4 years of slavery to a car loan, the monthly grind of having to pay for the luxury of driving around in a new car, plus the depreciation on a brand new car is at least 15% THE FIRST YEAR so that's like giving away 15% of the value of the car, could you just hand me that money please, I'd put it to better use and I'm sure you would too.

Now for those presents as far as the eye can see. again, unless the neighbors are bankrolling think of that credit card bill that will arrive in mid January. And unless they are financially savvy like yourself, they will likely be paying for those presents by the time its time to buy for 2005. You sure you want that? Its likely that you don't but that green eyed monster doesn't know about future planning, and isn't trying to learn. He's just rearing his ugly head to disuade you from your goals and aspirations. The best you can do for the monster is tell him what you told us, Life Ain't Fair. But add a little something to that, which my grandfather taught me when I always complained that life wasn't fair.

The Fair comes once a year, and today isn't fair day. Maybe tomorrow, when you hear the midway bells it will be fair day. Until then, you'll just have to wait in joyful anticipation.

Don't let others fortune steal your joy. Think of the end results of your conservatism this year. Next year things will be different. Your family will be on a new plateau, hopefully those Jones' haven't slipped.

PrincessPerky · #3 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 12:20 PM

On the stack of toys thing, sure it is cool to be able to give your kids a billion fancy expensive toys but realy kids only play with a couple, and the more they have the more the get out of control with stuff. More to clean and more to break. I don't have enough room for all the toys my son already has, and it is a perfectly good sized room, with a BIG closet. He just already has a bunch of toys. Same theory applies to grown up toys too.

If you really mean you arn't geting anyything this year, email me your address and I will send you a present, no it wont cost any money, but it should make you smile. And that is what christmas (aside form the birthday thing) is all about to me.

miclason · #4 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 02:26 PM

I, too, am jealous of the Jones...that is perfectly normal....but, shouldn't let that make you feel bad...think of all the things you CAN enjoy that don't cost money...Or, if you REALLY want something under the tree....place a couple of paid bills in a big gift box to open it on Xmas morning as a reminder of what your efforts are going into... ((hugs))

kashi · #5 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 05:16 PM

you never really know what people's financial states are unless you are really close to them (or, unless you choose to share it in an open forum...hehe). your neighbors could easily be tens of thousands of dollars in debt and charging everything, even if they make a ton of money. also consider that perhaps they are attempting to fill an emotional void with tangible things. you can't ever buy enough for a problem like that.

smile, try to keep your chin up, and things will surely be better next year!

terry1156 · #6 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 06:30 PM

I don't think you are jealous of the Jone's, but the image of the Jone's. That they have all those things and also don't have any financial problems. While there are families that do have that kind of money, they are not a majority. Most of us have to prioritize on what is the most important to use when we buy things.

It won't help much because I'm sure you already know, but a lot of the shininess on cars and toys hides the debt underneath. You have taken a big step coming here and taking the initial steps to get your debts under control. While it is difficult now, it will pay off with huge rewards when you succeed in getting rid of all it.

We all have our jealous days. You are not alone with that. But when you think about it and rationally put it into perspective, I think you'll agree that the current path you have chosen is better than the Jone's.

Tree0164 · #7 (**permalink**) 12-22-2004, 03:33 AM

Remember image isn't everything that is reality.

You will be able to get control of your finance and not have the debt that is pulling at you right now. It is so hard to compete wiht the Jones. Everyone wants something new and pulls out the credit card debt.

PennyPincher · #8 (**permalink**) 12-22-2004, 07:45 AM

I am jealous of them too. But I try to put things in perspective whenever I see people my age making much more or driving around in newer cars and all the shiny bells and whistles of life. There is much, much more than money. I have known quite a few women whose men shower them with jewels and presents, but also cheat on them or treat them as if they are inferior. That is not worth it. We have to be reminded that money does not equate to happiness. If you give a happy person money (or any of us in this forum!!!) they can easily remain happy. However, money alone does not bring happiness. It can be a struggle sometimes, but I would venture to say that many of our relationships are stronger, skin tougher, and appreication larger for what we have endured.

Blessings to you all.

seaar2000 · #9 (**permalink**) 12-23-2004, 03:48 AM

I know one girl that I work with and bought a house way above her means. She is definitely trying to keep up with the Jones. She is a single mother. Although she is an LPN she is always complaining that she can hardly make it. She had told me you know how it is when you have your mind set on getting a certain house and don't think of the consequences. Everybody at work knows she is stretching it to the limit. Although she is complaining alot she is going on a trip to FL. with her boyfriend the first week of Jan. Sure, I would of loved to bought a house that had all the features in it, but I am not going to live for my house and my expenses. I want to have a life. I am very lucky that I found the house I am living in now. I got a very good deal. Yes, I know what you mean being jealous of the Jones, because I get that way to at times, but when I think about the girl at work and how she is always stressed out and cranky because she lives likes the Jones, I get back to reality.

DivaJen · #10 (**permalink**) 12-23-2004, 01:19 PM

I feel those twinges too, especially when it's people that aren't living beyond their means. They simply have more income at their disposal. I try to remind myself of the choices we've made for our family, and why they're important. If I were working full-time we'd have a lot more money, even with the cost of daycare available to us. But I'm not, for reasons that are important to us. Just live your life on your own terms and be happy with the choices you make, knowing you're making them because they are important to you.

2moretrees · #11 (**permalink**) 12-25-2004, 05:19 PM

Oh, I used to be very jealous, but not near as much as when I was younger. Alot of it is coming to terms with what is most important to you. When you learn that the objects aren't going to bring you the happiness that they claim they will in the commercials, you see that the Jones' are for the most part chasing false dreams. Does it really matter what model or make of car you have as long as it is reliable and gets you from point A to point B when you need?

I think alot of that comes with age and experience. And I know me telling you this isn't going to help your jealousy right now. But someday I bet you'll feel this way too.

liveandchi · #12 (**permalink**) 12-25-2004, 05:27 PM

Thank you all for your comments. I know it is something I have to deal with. Money is tight and will continue to be tight and I just have to deal with that fact. I know the Jones shouldn't effect me, but I do get jealous. I don't know their true financial situation, but I do know they are getting things I wish I could get.

terry1156 · #13 (**permalink**) 12-26-2004, 08:12 PM

Another way to try might be to use the jealous feelings as motivation. Once you are out of debt and saving money, you probably will be able to afford some of those things the Jones have if you really want them still at that point. I'm guesing that once you get your finances in control, their appeal won't be near as much as it is now, but once you have your budgeting down, you can work extras into it if they are things you really want.

not-a-jones · #14 (**permalink**) 12-29-2004, 04:58 PM

i used to envy our neighbours for years! when i was a child they always had the new toys, new cars, fancy inground pool, biiiiiiiiig house.......we were always looked at as the 'poor' neighbours and teased and mocked. i still live in the same neighbourhood now and i have a newer, more expensive car than all of them, more money, better job and now they actually have the hide to wave at me and be nice! now my daughter has all the expensive things i never had, kids at school envy her instead of mocking like they did with me...but i have realised it all means nothing when your 60 years old and you have spent your entire life buying rubbish and working for nothing! i am going to start saving my money instead of wasting it and my daughter will NOT be getting expensive clothes and shoes and toys and RUBBISH she doesnt really need anymore. i saw my mother work for 20 plus years and buy NOTHING! she supported our family plus my aunts and was so generous with her money she even took my aunt and 3 cousins to singapore with spending money for each! when she got hurt and lost her job no one was there to help her, she had worked so hard and was too busy supporting everyone to think of herself. she had to go on welfare and she lost everything, had to hock her jewellery just to feed us...so im not upgrading my car, buying toys and general crap with my money anymore. anything over after essentials get bought is being saved. i dont care what anyone has to say about it either.50 years ago my gran nan was washing clothes by hand and raising 10 kids by herself, you can bet they didnt get toys and new clothes and 'pocket money' every week.

terry1156 · #15 (**permalink**) 12-30-2004, 03:59 AM

I think it is important for kids to learn that they have to earn their own money if they want things. It is a much better lesson to support them in getting job, helping them find one or whatever, but have them earn it. Then they realize that money doesn't grow on trees and get a chance to learn to handle it.

tag61usa · #16 (**permalink**) 01-03-2005, 07:26 PM

I see the Jones' every day in my work and I don't particularly enjoy my job anymore, because of it. I also see the debts they carry. It's not a pretty sight.

There is a prioritizer on www.money.cnn.com (is it ok to write that?) It opened my eyes to alot of things. Things that are important, really important to me. One of the items on my list was taking time to smell the roses. On the prioritizer it turned out to be the last item. I realized that once I accomplished the goals which I had set, I would finally have the time.

I am in the middle of a complete "life-style change".

Set your goals, write them down, with diligence you CAN make them a reality!

jeffrey · #17 (**permalink**) 01-03-2005, 08:48 PM

Yes...do you have the direct link to the prioritzer on the site?

Tree0164 · #18 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 12:46 AM

Dr Phil had a money makeover show yesterday and one of the familys was "the Jones" I was shaking my head the entire time. I really liked the common sense advice that was given out.

http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtm...eymakeover.xml

terry1156 · #19 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 07:58 AM

Thanks for the link

akaivyleaf · #20 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 08:08 AM

I saw the Dr. Phil show and I was amazed that someone would actually admit it and perpetrate the fraud to the point where they are in danger of loosing the roof over their head. I was embarrased and ashamed for them. Seems like the couples really loved each other but had no way of realizing that their desire to be thought of in a certain way was ruining EVERYTHING. Plus the first couple just didn't get that people don't care what kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear or the motorcycle you can't drive and wreck. I see now why consumer debt is rising by the second.