Making Teens Help Pay Off Family Debt?

[jIM_Ohio]

My parents asked me to do this when I started working at age 16. It backfired and I barely talk to them now. This argument is fresh in my mind almost 20 years later. Tread carefully. I think you could ruin your relationship with your kids over a problem caused by the adults.

IIn my case, my view was it's my money, not the family's money. In your case it's the kids money not the family's money. You would be better to teach kids how to manage and spend their own money than require them to help pay down debts which are the parents fault.

In my case my mother could not spend on a budget her whole life. Paid off credit cards once, charged right back up 2 months later. Borrowed against house to get a car, paid off the HELOC, then moved CC balance to HELOC, cc were charged up again with 2 months. I can remember getting yelled at because the property tax bill (is that my fault?), I can remember getting yelled at because they changed my fathers exemptions at work when my sister was born- went from 3 kids to 7 kids, then the property tax bill came again and I got yelled at for that too. If you have too many bills to pay, it's not the kids fault.

If you need to pray about this, let me help you think about things- what is debt from, what caused this, and why would you bring kids into the world if you could not provide for them? I don't mean this to sound condescending.

It was not up to me at age 16 to work to pay off these debts. NO WAY. NO HOW. I resent being asked to this day. My parents problems are not my problems. Not then. Not now.

More often than not when somone is in debt they think they have an income problem (as in not enough). My opinion is that most problems are spending related, and asking kids to increase the income because of a problem adults have with spending is not a good way to teach very impressionable kids about money.

[Ima saver]

Well, I starting working at age 12. My father died before I was age 10 and my mother had never had a job in her life.(she was born in 1907 and went to a one room school house)
She finally got a job and we were terribly poor, living on about $20 a week. I got a job then.
I used the money I earned to pay for all my clothes, school supplies and anything that I wanted for my own personal use. I think that that helped my mother out a lot. I would have given her the money if she had ever asked for it.

[DebbieL]

I see nothing wrong with it - just make sure they get to keep part of it to blow on their own fun stuff. Families help each other (at least that's how my family works).

[Hot dog]

I think just asking the kids to help with the things that benefit them is OK and will benefit you. I would not ask them to pay $ toward the mortgage unless they were completely out of school and living at home. If you ask them to pay for gas that you use to take them places and for their wants it is OK they can buy their own shampoo, deodorant, and activities. That in itself is going to put more in your pocket. I just wouldn't ask them for housing or electric most else they could help out. If they don't get a job then they don't go to the movies or get to rent a movie. They don't get doritos they just get the necessities

[myrdale]

I really have mixed feelings about this.

I am personally of the opinion that if a couple has children it is their responsibility to provide for them not the other way around. I myself was very fortunate and blessed. My parents paid my way though college, also they paid about half of my truck. Now that said, I didn't have too much else as far as stuff growing up. I had no name brand cloths at all. If I wanted a Nintendo, or my CD player I had to buy these myself with a $5 a week allowance which I did have to earn. My first truck, an old S-10 my father did pay for completely but I paid the gas and when we sold it, that money went on the new one. And I paid the remaining half of the truck.

Now as far as if what you have done is a good idea or not, I have a couple of questions first.

What sort of debt is this? I mean did you and your wife run up all this debt throwing money away on big screen tv's, new cars every 2 years, stuff? If so it sound pretty rotten to make them pay for your mistakes.

Or is this debt from things that couldn't be avoided? Lost of work, someone needed surgery, house burn down, looming foreclosure? "Guys we're in tough times and your Mother and I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP". That is not so rotten. Infact that is probably alot better than it sounds.

Or is this paying for their expenses, band instruments, school trips, at 13 & 14 they are too young to be driving so it isn't cars. Even though these should be your responsiblity, letting them know you simiply can not afford them right now, and if they want it they will have to pay their own way is not so horrible.

Even then I still have quams with the though of being 13 years old and having to go to work to bail your parents out. ALSO are you taking everything from them or are they allowed a share? IMHO they should be allowed atleast 50% of their work. Myself I was made, well strongly recommend, to put half of each pay check in the bank which I lived on for my first two years at Auburn. With only half of my pay check to waste at 16 I still had plenty of fun.

Lastly, how do THEY feel about this? Do they see this as a goal oriented challenge? Do they hate your guts? I am very glad to hear you are putting in extra hours and your wife has gotten a second job. I would suggest letting them watch you writing out the checks and letting them put them in the mail. Then they KNOW exactly where their effort is going. Put the paid in full statements on the fridge. Let them cut up the credit cards. Finally, make sure you are doing all you can and that your children know how much you love and appreciate them for this!

[FrugalFish]

My first thought was that it would be helpful to know how the debt was caused, then I realized that's irrelevant, because your kids probably aren't responsible for the debt. The debt may have been the result of something you or your wife bought for the kids, but you had the option to say no, so it's still your responsibility, not theirs.

Personally, I would never ask my DD to be responsible for my own irresponsibility if I ran up debt that we couldn't afford. If the debt was medical or some other unavoidable expense, then I would also not see that as her responsibility.

I'm not sure I feel like I have the full story still though. Whose debt is this that you want your kids to pay off? Who is responsible for it? Whose name is on it?

[jasanderson]

I don't think it is right to expect your kids to help pay down debts but I see nothing wrong with discussing your debts and plans to pay them down so they realize life isn't a free ride and sometimes you have to work hard to be able to live. I see way to many young kids that EXPECT everything to be handed to them. My 6 year old has this attitude and I am already working on changing that and trying to teach her the value of money and that she can't go out to eat every day or have all the toys in the world she wants but it's a struggle when you compete with advertising and friends who get everything.

Your kids are old enough that you do not need to pay for childcare and working extra jobs will definately help your strategy. Just don't forget it's important for family time and that there are lots of things you can do that don't cost a lot of money.

Your blog mentions your wife being tired of living "like this" and wanting to be able to take trips, etc. Debt reduction is very important but maybe you need to set an incentive goal for your family to keep spirits high. Maybe you should set up a vacation fund that the whole family contributes too (only the ones you are still supporting - the other can pay their own way). You can decide where you would like to go, get a budget together of what it would cost and then tell your children you will contribute $50 a month towards the fund and they can contribute what they feel is fair and will benefit the whole family. Once the family goal is met you can all celebrate by taking your trip. You and your wife can concentrate on debt reduction without feeling guilty that you are neglecting your children or forcing them to work.

Personally I started babysitting at 12 and have always held a job since. At one point I took 18 credits in college, worked 20 hours on campus and 30 hours off campus. It was tough but I was able to support myself through college and I think it has given me a good work ethic. My husband's family is opposite - they have always had everything handed to them (parents have $$$) and they just expect that if they overspend they will get funds from the parents. It's enough to drive me nuts. It's great to know there is a lifeline to help if needed but pride at being able to support yourself is better.

Hang in there - you'll figure it out but it's important you teach your kids the value of hard work.

[Ima saver]

I believe that some of the debt is to the IRS and you know how fast those penalities and interest can add up. (I don't know it personally, but I am sure it does add up quickly)

[Scanner]

I see the forum is very split down the middle on this.

My inclination is rather than have your kids pay off your debts is to instruct them that they will have to assume financial independence sooner, around 18.

So colleges and everything. . .they could start saving towards.

That way, if you do have to declare bankruptcy, the courts can't seize their assets.

I mean, what if they chip in $5000 each over 1-2 years and you still go bankrupt?

That would suck for them.

[neatdesign]

If the kids are into this because they want to, I don't see the harm in that.

I'm more interested with how you will respond in a few months when they come to you and say, "You know that money we've been working so hard to earn and handing over to you? Well, we want to stop doing that. It's our money, so we should get to keep it and spend it how we want!"

How will you handle that situation -- which in my mind, considering the ages of your children, is pretty much inevitable?

~ Jenney

[asmom]

I think it's a terrible idea although I am sure that you are not intending anything malicious towards your kids. If you and your wife accrued the debt, then it is yours to pay off. Now if you were asking your kids to chip in for something that the whole family could enjoy i.e. a vacation or a TV for the family room, then that would be different. But they should not be asked to help reduce the debt the two of you rang up.

[maat55]

I think having them pay your debts is wrong depending on what and how the debt was accured. If you were responsable and had circumstances beyond your controll happen, then sure they need to help. If it was accured by irresponsability, then no. Either way having them work for their benefit or the family is a good learning experience. A neat thing to do is to have them work and save the money for them, to buy their first car or other. Younger children can get paid for working around the house for money to buy toys. I would not let this get in the way of sport activities if they are involved in them. I treasure memories of those days even though I've been working since I was 14.

[ithaca]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

I think it partly depends on the extent of the debt and how much trouble you are in financially. If you are in danger of losing your home or having to file for bankruptcy, I think all's fair and everybody needs to do what they can. If the debt is not so serious, I'm not sure that I'd expect my kid to contribute but I would certainly expect her to understand that due to some financial difficulties, we need to really cut back our spending and limit unnecessary purchases as much as possible so she can't get those new jeans or go to that hot new movie or that our annual vacation might need to be cancelled.

One other thing that might enter into the decision is the source of the debt. If it was due to simple overspending that the kids had nothing to do with, I'd probably keep them out of it. If it was some family catastrophe, medical problem, etc., it might be more reasonable to ask them to help out.

I also agree that school absolutely comes first. They shouldn't feel they HAVE to work but rather should be made to understand the benefit to them and the entire family of helping eliminate the debt more quickly with their help.

Very interesting question. Surely no answer is right or wrong and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

Good posting as usual.

[Ima saver]

Yes, Steve , it was a good post. I think we need to know more of the details before we make a decision.
I just know that I worked from age 12 on and I think that is why I am so good with money.(keeping it, that is)

[jIM_Ohio]

Originally Posted by Scanner

I see the forum is very split down the middle on this.

My inclination is rather than have your kids pay off your debts is to instruct them that they will have to assume financial independence sooner, around 18.

So colleges and everything. . .they could start saving towards.

That way, if you do have to declare bankruptcy, the courts can't seize their assets.

I mean, what if they chip in $5000 each over 1-2 years and you still go bankrupt?

That would suck for them.

This makes sense to me- it's the parents job to teach the kids about life (including money and other). It is not the kids job or responsibility to help the parents out of a financial mess created by the parents.

The kids will learn from the decision you make, regardless, you need to choose the decision which helps the kids avoid this issue in the first place.

[jIM_Ohio]

Originally Posted by jwthornhill

Beginning earlier this month my wife and I decided to step up our debt elimination plan by asking our teenage sons and daughter to contribute by working jobs, etc. My two teen sons (13 & 14) started a neighborhood trash carry-out service, or teen daughter got a part-time job and my wife and I started working extra hours at work in addition to a part-time weekend job that my wife got.

I recently had some relatives over for dinner and they both gave us a real tongue lashing for doing this.

What do you think?

We Need To Be Debt Free

a second take at this after perusing the blog. I see nothing which indicates the children contributed to the debt.

In addition I see bad decisions by the parents in this situation. Very similar to the bad decisions I saw my parents make.

I also saw you give to the church, but yet ask kids to contribute to household finances. Rethink this, as you can save money here.

I will reiterate, a 12,13 or 14 year old kid will not know how to speak out on this. They should not be asked to pay off the debt. You had kids earn close to $800. You did not teach them how to budget the money, it appears you made them feel obligated to contribute to the family. This is emotional blackmail, and can scar an adolescent for life.

Speaking for your kids, you need to get your head on straight and make better decisions. The debt is on you.

You lent money to someone you trusted and they burned you. Live and learn, not the kids fault.

You appear to have a budget, but did not look for ways to enhance the adult earning power. Why do you contract? Why can't you get a job with a company which can provide benefits, salary growth, and future opportunity?

I saw the budget and read it, but many of the blog posts did not appear relevant to a budgeting discussion, I might suggest you do that here in the forum (many of us do not read the blog section).



List the debt
List the income (adults only)

There is a solution, instead of increasing income thru kids, maybe get a second job, maybe cut the budget in places, maybe wife gets a job or second job (was not clear to me if she works). Maybe keep masters degree on hold until debt is clear.

I also did not see the total amount of debt listed on blog, if the chart was the debt, we are talking about 10k I think in debt. That is far from a monster problem to begin with.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by jIM_Ohio

I also saw you give to the church, but yet ask kids to contribute to household finances. Rethink this, as you can save money here.

I was waiting for someone besides me to bring this up. The fact that you are giving away $4,500 each year while simultaneously taking financial help from your kids to pay off debts really bothers me. Do you really want to be teaching your kids that it is more important to pay the church's bills than to pay your own? Charity begins at home. Only when you are on stable financial footing can you then go out and help others. I'm all for supporting charities. We do it regularly. But if we ever found ourselves in a situation where we couldn't meet our own needs, the charitable donations would absolutely be the first thing we cut.

[DebbieL]

For some reason, the tithing is something JW won't touch. It has been talked to death on his blog. I too have a problem with that side of things, but he won't change his mind. I do believe the kids came to him with the idea of helping out with money - he didn't ask them. If they want to do it, and it makes them feel good to help their parents I think it's okay (so long as they don't give all their earnings to their parents).

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by DebbieL

For some reason, the tithing is something JW won't touch. It has been talked to death on his blog. I too have a problem with that side of things, but he won't change his mind. I do believe the kids came to him with the idea of helping out with money - he didn't ask them. If they want to do it, and it makes them feel good to help their parents I think it's okay (so long as they don't give all their earnings to their parents).

I agree, DebbieL. Besides, according to the blog, the debt is shrinking quickly. It was over 14K when I checked a week or so ago and is now $11,700. I'm guessing this will be purely an academic debate in the not too distant future when they are debt-free. I think working together as a family is terrific as long as everyone is in agreement. Surely, the whole family will benefit in the end.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Maybe, but the truth is the kids should use the money to pay for stuff like their clothes, hockey lessons, etc. The Hockey Lessons which JW didn't want to pay for and then gave the coach a hard time about paying 100%, but he wanted a discount for paying cash? Sorry JW but that was a terrible thing. You expected a deal because of the cost, when others just anted up.

Well that's what I think the kid's money should be used for Hockey Lessons, clothes, going out with friends. Things that are unnecessary for their welfare and that you shouldn't pay but if they work and earn it they should.

And since you aren't paying for college, now would be the right time to start saving for college for them.

Also I hadn't considered tithing and taking money from the kids?