Emergency Fund for divorce in 3-5 years.

[NDArmyGrrl]

If you knew you were going to get divorced sometime between the next 3 to 5 years what would/could you do to make sure you started your new life on the right foot?

I was in church two weeks ago, and asking for guidance and guess what the topic of the service was about...."Finding Rest for your soul!"

I would like to know what you could legally do to make sure that everyone involved ended up content.

[bjl584]

Why are you waiting 3 to 5 years to get divorced? Unless something that you haven't mentioned is holding you back, I would advise you to do it now, as in today! Just do it and get your freedom and independence back. Everyday that you wait is one day less that you have to go out and live your life and find someone that will truely love and respect you.

As for setting up an Emergency Fund. Do you have a trusted friend or relative that would be willing to set up an account in their name for you? You can make deposits to it and agree to pay the taxes on the interest until you get out on your own and transfer it to your own account. That may be the easiest way to protect your assets until after the divorce. I am actually going through something similar. My girlfriend is still legally married, so when it came time for her to get a car, we put it in my name. I have the title with my name on it only, and it is on my insurance. She pays me the money for insurance, maintance, etc. Once her divorce is finalized we are going to transfer the title into her name. This way her husband has no chance of getting the car in the divorce case.

[Scanner]

I wouldn't recommend squirreling money/assets away hidden from your husband as when you go through divorce, if you have hidden any assets, sometimes a divorce atty. for the other side will prove you hid them, acted in bad faith/contempt for the court and then some states that asset becomes the other persons.

The law is written this way to discourage hiding it.

A fantastic case of this happened when a wife hid a lottery ticket she won, the judge found out on discovery and he gave the lottery ticket to the husband.

(Greedy, greedy smurf)

Now. . .that being said. . .for your child, I think there is more you can do.

You can set up a UGMA/UTMA account and put money in there for him/her. That money is effectively yours with you named as custodian. I would imagine in a divorce proceeding, your husband could not have access to it. You could also theorectically shelter it in a 529 for college.

That being said, that would be his/her money after she is no longer a minor.

The sad fact is you are a partnership. You are carrying the load and no partnership is 50/50 for sure but usually states don't want to get into the middle of it and just assume all assets are 50/50.

[Caoineag]

The longer you wait, the worse you make it for yourself. If you really are carrying the load, then he will most likely get more in the divorce the longer you have been together. Course that depends on what state you live in. Still, the longer you wait, the worse it will be.

[poundwise]

I think it is completely reckless for people on a forum to give advice that a person should file for divorce from their spouse "now... today" or to make other blanket statements concerning the situation when there are so many considerations that there is no way one can know what all is involved in that person's life and relationship.

Financial problems are the most common cause for marital problems. In other words, many people face issues and difficulties. Divorce is not the answer, or not the only answer, in each of those cases. While many people do divorce, citing financial troubles in one form or another, a great many other couples manage to resolve the issues facing them and have a happy marriage relationship.

I would suggest that the OP and anyone in the same situation really needs to seek counseling; most likely of two types from two sources. One: Marriage counseling to facilitate communication between parties. So many conflicts within a marriage, regardless of type, can be resolved when effective communication is established. Two: Financial counseling to help guide a couple to an effective way to manage money, and get on the same page, together. It has been my experience that when money is the problem, often financial counseling proves to be the best marriage counseling in itself.

[NDArmyGrrl]

I dont want to hide any assets...That is why I said I wanted it to be legal.

Sometime people are better people when they are not together.

[NDArmyGrrl]

Originally Posted by poundwise

I would suggest that the OP and anyone in the same situation really needs to seek counseling; most likely of two types from two sources. One: Marriage counseling to facilitate communication between parties. So many conflicts within a marriage, regardless of type, can be resolved when effective communication is established. Two: Financial counseling to help guide a couple to an effective way to manage money, and get on the same page, together. It has been my experience that when money is the problem, often financial counseling proves to be the best marriage counseling in itself.

Where does one go for financial counseling? I am doing all I can, but you are right, I would love to be on the same page.

[mom-from-missouri]

I think is one example of why engaged couples should go thru their finances, bills, and obligations BEFORE they are married. Possibly even seek financial counseling.

DH & I went thru it all before we were married and we are in our mid 40's and both been married before.

My first husband cleaned out my savings and I paid bills he had before. I'd made up my mind then that would not happen again to me.

[bishop]

Originally Posted by NDArmyGrrl

We are in marriage counseling....it has gotten a little better but still have a way to go.

Where does one go for financial counseling? I am doing all I can, but you are right, I would love to be on the same page.

I was kind of in the same position as you...my wife was a saver, and I was a spender. I blew through her savings once we got married. We were not at the point of divorce, but it caused problems. We went through Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey, and that got me on the same page as her.

[poundwise]

Originally Posted by bishop

I was kind of in the same position as you...my wife was a saver, and I was a spender. I blew through her savings once we got married. We were not at the point of divorce, but it caused problems. We went through Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey, and that got me on the same page as her.

Financial Peace University

Another option: CCCS

[bishop]

thanks poundwise, for the link...I was trying to get my son to sleep (4 mo), and didn't feel like typing out the link.

To the OP, I liked FPU because of the small group format. Each week, we went to the meeting, and sat with the same group of couples. We were honest and open with each other about our struggles and victories. Knowing others were having the same issues really helped. Also, having the accountability helped, knowing each week, you were going to be asked if you stayed on budget. It gave me the motivation to stick with it long enough to break my old habits, and develop new ones. Our first year after taking the course, we paid off $12k in debt.

[Scanner]

Kudos for suggesting a financial counselor.

Sometimes maritial counselors, meaning well, tend to get too esoteric with their counseling, trying to figure out the "dysfunction", why you aren't communicating vs. more nuts and bolts.

A financial counselor could end being a "marriage" counselor in that he/she would advise, "This is how it is. These are your goals. These are you needs. This is what you have to do."

I wasnt' necessarily endorsing divorce, just giving what understand the law was about hiding assets, keeping assets hidden from husband/wife until you spring it on them.

[Caoineag]

Originally Posted by poundwise

I think it is completely reckless for people on a forum to give advice that a person should file for divorce from their spouse "now... today" or to make other blanket statements concerning the situation when there are so many considerations that there is no way one can know what all is involved in that person's life and relationship...

I didn't recommend divorce, her words were to the effect of if you KNEW you were going to get a divorce in 3-5 years, not what should I do to save my marriage. I think lots of people bail too soon on marriages but I personally would NEVER choose to stay with someone who KNEW they were going to divorce me sometime in the future. At that point, you are already divorced from your own marriage and you won't make a real effort to save it.

Now if she just thought it was highly likely because things aren't going well, that is different. It implies that she would consider seeking help. However, this is not her first post suggesting she KNOWS she will be divorcing her husband. She is the only one on this forum who knows whether her marriage is worth saving or not because she is the only one here who is in her marriage.

She asked for financial advice given a scenario, I answered that the longer a marriage, the worse the divorce process. If she KNOWS, then she should leave sooner than later. If she doesn't KNOW but wants to hedge her bets, that is a different story.

[Broken Arrow]

Ooh. Tough one.

Firstly, to reiterate Poundwise's sentiment, please do everything possible to save your marriage. I know I did, and even if I did end up in divorce, my conscience is clear and I sleep well enough at night.

Secondly, please check your state laws, or if you're willing to put forth the money, consult a divorce attorney. You can just talk to them for advice, although consultations aren't free. Basically, laws regarding separation and divorce vary from state to state, and what is applicable and legal in one state may not be so in another.

Regardless of the variance in state law, the concept of asset split is still the same. Each party is suppose to divide the assets in half. That's essentially everything that has both spouse's name on it. House, car, even money in joint accounts. Hence the previous advice not to bother hiding money.

That said, I don't think it's unreasonable to have an emergency fund only in your name. My ex and I both had one, and mine went to the divorce attorney. Also, please keep in mind that the money does not have to go towards divorce. You could have an emergency elsewhere, and the fund can still help you.

Child custody and child support will be the biggest stickler, or so I'm told.

The biggest thing you can do for yourself, if you haven't done so already, is to separate your finances. My ex and I have always operated with separate finances, even though I managed all the bills. We didn't have any problems with it, and when we were separated, it actually made the divorce procedure even easier. Again, even if it doesn't end up in divorce, at least your own money is somewhat protected against his, as is your credit score.

I don't mind sharing these ideas. To me, these financial practices are like safe sex. It's not really something people want to talk about all the time, but you know it's very important to do so. I think these ideas are useful even if you don't end up in divorce. So, please practice safe finances.

And please take care.

[bjl584]

Originally Posted by poundwise

I think it is completely reckless for people on a forum to give advice that a person should file for divorce from their spouse "now... today" or to make other blanket statements concerning the situation when there are so many considerations that there is no way one can know what all is involved in that person's life and relationship.

Perhaps, of course you could also make the argument that posting your marriage problems on the internet is also reckless, or at least not a good idea. But, reading her original post, it clearly says that she is confident that she is getting a divorce. It doesn't ask for help in saving the marriage. From the wording, it would appear that working on things or trying to save the situation is completely off the table. That being true (or that being the perception of the truth), why wait around and make yourself even more miserable? Get out of the situation now. If she wants to work on things, then good for her. I hope that she will. But that wasn't what her original post implied that she was going to do. Don't kill the messenger. I'm just reacting to what I see, such is the nature of a forum (a free exchange of opinions and ideas.)

[Broken Arrow]

Originally Posted by jjenbautista

I can help you out. This is a big topic discussion. I know ways you could hide your money legally and no one can touch it. For example..if you have a retirement account like a 401K...if you divore your spouse is and can be entitled to it. What people dont know is that there is a way you can save it...be safe where no one can touch it. I have it and so does my family. I work for a financial firm and u can email me now for more info...

You sure you're not selling anything? Otherwise, can you share it with all of us so we can all benefit? By the way, what financial firm do you work for, and of what capacity?

[mom-from-missouri]

After thinking on this way for awhile and thinking back to my divorce....I think I would suggest you try and pay off any debts that would be your debts. Normally, a judge will assign debts to each of you during the process of dividing up the assets (and libilities). So any that are "yours", I would try to pay off. Next, if you carry an auto payment on a vehicle that you plan on taking, I would try to get that paid off. Then I would hit anything that also has your name on it. I would try to get as debt free as possible.

Of course, the ideal situation would be to rid all debt and work things out and stay debt free. (would be less stress)

[zetta]

I can imagine a couple of scenarios where you might know you are likely to divorce, but want to hold off for a number of years if at all possible. For instance, if you want to wait until your youngest child goes off to college or kindergarten. Sounds like the latter may apply to the OP.

Here's some thoughts. If you think your husband might suddenly and unexpectedly serve you with divorce papers, cancel all the credit cards, and clean out all bank and investment accounts, you want to have some things solely in your name -- a credit card, a bank account with 1-3 months emergency expenses, and title to your car. This isn't hiding anything from the courts, it is simply ensuring that you are not put in a short-term bind while waiting for the courts to sort things out. If you are currently a SAHM, seek training or a part-time job that will make you employable in the profession you want to be in should you divorce. Make sure life insurance on your husband is kept current. Perhaps start saving for a good divorce lawyer.

[mom-from-missouri]

Originally Posted by zetta

IHere's some thoughts. If you think your husband might suddenly and unexpectedly serve you with divorce papers, cancel all the credit cards, and clean out all bank and investment accounts, you want to have some things solely in your name -- a credit card, a bank account with 1-3 months emergency expenses, and title to your car. This isn't hiding anything from the courts, it is simply ensuring that you are not put in a short-term bind while waiting for the courts to sort things out. If you are currently a SAHM, seek training or a part-time job that will make you employable in the profession you want to be in should you divorce. Make sure life insurance on your husband is kept current. Perhaps start saving for a good divorce lawyer.

I think that depends on the state she is in. I got a car that my name was NOT on the title for. I also got 1/2 of a bank account and a boat that my name was not only not on, but I did not even know they existed. I also got 1/2 of some bills that were only in his name because the judge ruled that I benefited from them (credit cards that were used for vacations, food, clothing...)

[sweeps]

OP, can you increase your future income prospects? Take some extra training? Get another degree? Get on a promotion track at work?