Financially devastated!

Scanner · #1 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 05:39 AM

I am not looking for a solution or help but I guess it's therapeutic to talk to strangers who don't know you because we aren't telling anyone yet.

I just found out the wife is pregnant last night. Needless to say, this is an unplanned pregnancy.

We both feel so stupid, like teenagers and we are 39 years old, like how could this happen (duh). We were just getting ahead financially and now. . .I don't know what will happen now. I can't have her work with 3 kids (and she's thinking it's twins). . .we were barely swinging with the schedule of 2 kids.

Which is good. . .she wants to stay home but benefits are the huge issue here. I don't mind working more if she gets to stay home (in fact, it would be my pleasure).

I don't know. . . my mind is whirling this morning. How are we going to be able to afford 3 colleges?

Wow. . .I can't believe it. The younger one had just gone off to pre-K this year.

Well, you think Scanner has it all together. . .this is a chance to lecture me.

(yes, part of me is happy. . .my wife looks so beautiful when she's pregnant and she's a great mom. . .she was crying last night but was better this morning)

kv968 · #2 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 05:47 AM

Scanner, no lecturing from me, just congratulations (I guess

)

cschin4 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 06:07 AM

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

Congrats! And, I think you are looking way too far ahead and worrying way to far in advance. You already have children, so this is not a complete unknown to you. And, most likely this is one of the best things that ever happened to you! So, relax. Take things day by day. The bills are paid and you are all healthy. You will find a way and you will do fine and have more family to enjoy.
Frankly, after the first kid, you usually have all the "stuff". The other kids are like icing on the cake.

humandraydel · #4 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 06:16 AM

I certainly wouldn't be worried about the third college right now. Do what you can to provide for college, but it's not a big deal if you can't provide 100% for all three. Instead, provide 75% for three. Some debt isn't going to kill them, and in fact, may make them appreciate their education more. People paying for college themselves RARELY flunk out! And remember, you can borrow for an education, you can't borrow for retirement. So fund your retirement first!

FrugalFish · #5 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 06:18 AM

Congratulations. I'm sure it's a bit of a shock right now, but that will wear off and everything will come together. Things have a way of working out and I KNOW you'll never regret this kid- eventually you'll wonder why you didn't plan him.

I wonder why your wife thinks it's twins? Woman's intuition?

simpleyme · #6 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 06:35 AM

our third child came the same way ,we were devistated, but whats done is done and we sucked it up and decided to be happy

and we sent my DH out for a vasectomy as we finally figured out what was causing it ;-)
congrats on the baby

sweeps · #7 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 07:02 AM

Scanner, you're more ahead on college savings than most people out there. You're understandably freaked out right now because this was unexpected. But it'll work out. Congrats.

jodi · #8 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 07:25 AM

Wow, a new baby. That's awesome - and it will be to you as well soon. Congratulations. Remember, kids need parents who love them, good food, warm clothes, and little else. Don't feel like you have to provide them with everything in the world, even (gasp) a ful ride to college! Things work out as they should.

Scanner · #9 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 07:40 AM

Thanks. . .I'm pretty emotional this morning.

Man plans and God laughs.

Scanner · #10 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 07:53 AM

And I'm sorry I'm sounding selfish this morning - we just had a vacation planned and were going to do house improvements. . .I don't know now.

And we've had 2 dysfunctional sleepers already - don't know what we'll do if the 3rd is this way.

ginene · #11 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 08:02 AM

First , Congratulations!
Second, Been there done that.

My husband and I have 4 kids. Oldest are 15 and 13 and the youngest are 4 and 2. The third wasn't planned and I cried my eyes out because at the time my husband was just out of a job and then a week later I was pregnant. So we were depressed like crap and was living off of one income. But 4 years later, now both working and we are still surviving. Yes we are still struggling but we only do what we can do. Our bills are higher than our income. I have found a few ways to make money online but so far its just extra money, nothing big. Coming to this forum did help me save at least something. Even if its a dollar then that's an extra dollar saved.

You will manage and things will work out eventually. You may get some bumpy roads but it will eventually get better.

Scanner · #12 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 08:28 AM

Jinene,

Thanks. . .I am lucky in that I have a lot of options to always pick up extra income. I really should thank God for that. I know a hospital about 60 minutes away that offers a weekend incentive program - includes benefits - you work 24 hours over the weekend 3 weekends/month.

The problem is, this will leave my wife a "working widow" so to speak as I pick up night shifts and whatnot to make up the lost income.

My line of work (healthcare), it's hard to find a job that "family oriented" - you know, like Ward Cleaver where I work 9 to 5, get bennies, and all of that.

I know she wants that but I don't think financially it's realistic.

jIM_Ohio · #13 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scanner

I am not looking for a solution or help but I guess it's therapeutic to talk to strangers who don't know you because we aren't telling anyone yet.

I just found out the wife is pregnant last night. Needless to say, this is an unplanned pregnancy.

We both feel so stupid, like teenagers and we are 39 years old, like how could this happen (duh). We were just getting ahead financially and now. . .I don't know what will happen now. I can't have her work with 3 kids (and she's thinking it's twins). . .we were barely swinging with the schedule of 2 kids.

Which is good. . .she wants to stay home but benefits are the huge issue here. I don't mind working more if she gets to stay home (in fact, it would be my pleasure).

I don't know. . . my mind is whirling this morning. How are we going to be able to afford 3 colleges?

Wow. . .I can't believe it. The younger one had just gone off to pre-K this year.

Well, you think Scanner has it all together. . .this is a chance to lecture me.

(yes, part of me is happy. . .my wife looks so beautiful when she's pregnant and she's a great mom. . .she was crying last night but was better this morning)

My wife is pregnant with twins right now (baby #1 and baby #2 for us). We found out about 2 hours ago.

Congrats on the pregnancy.

thought #1- don't worry about finances, especially college expenses.
thought #2- with 2 kids already in school, daytime commitments are at a minimum for a stay at home parent, correct?
thought #3- is it possible for wife to run day care from your house. You get income, plus many, many tax write offs to consider.

anonymous_saver · #14 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scanner

Jinene,

Thanks. . .I am lucky in that I have a lot of options to always pick up extra income. I really should thank God for that. I know a hospital about 60 minutes away that offers a weekend incentive program - includes benefits - you work 24 hours over the weekend 3 weekends/month.

The problem is, this will leave my wife a "working widow" so to speak as I pick up night shifts and whatnot to make up the lost income.

My line of work (healthcare), it's hard to find a job that "family oriented" - you know, like Ward Cleaver where I work 9 to 5, get bennies, and all of that.

I know she wants that but I don't think financially it's realistic.

If you wife does want to be a stay at home mom and you think you can deal with it financially, then I would at the very least suggest she stays employed during her pregnancy to help earn more income during that time.

An additional idea would be to find something PT that she could do a few weekends a month once your third (or fourth) child arrives. I would say it doesn't even matter if you would earn more money than her. I think it might be a nice "break" for her to leave the house, and it would be a nice time for you to spend time with the children. This is just a suggestion of course, I just wanted to start the converstaion that there are more possibilities.

Also, once all three kids are going to school FT, maybe your wife could start working more hours again. At least if she could find something 4-5 hours a day could help dramatically.

Good luck.

LivingAlmostLarge · #15 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 09:08 AM

I'm baby #4 and definitely unplanned. Sigh. My dad just wasn't thinking straight I guess. Here are the kids ages 28, 38, 47, and 48. Yep we're his retirement easily (especially the last two).

But I think he still loves us a little

I'm sure it will all look better in the morning.

Our neighbors were 45 and 47 when they had their last child, and she thought it was menopause. They had the 5 year retirement plan, with second home prepped and ready and their 2nd child would be just finishing high school. Everything set and a newborn. Now her husband wants a 4th kid!

boefixepa · #16 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 09:12 AM

It's a surprise, but you will figure it out...let things calm down, especially emotions, and you will find a way.

Congratulations!!!

PrincessPerky · #17 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 09:29 AM

First congratulations!

Second..well finances hardly ever work out perfect with children...back up to the bare necessities, use all that time that you are not playing to enjoy the wife pregnant, and soon the kids...

Err one question on twins...why do you think you will have twins? sounds like you just took a test yesterday? a mite bit early to tell...though it is true older moms have twins more often, it isn't much more often than 'younger' moms I think it is like double..but double of 1 out of 100 is still pretty rare...

On sleep....do you currently have a problem with your 5 year old? or you mean dreading the whole first few years? if it is the first few years, then you might want twins, left together they tend to comfort each other and not need mom as much

...what I mean is look at the bright side

Scanner · #18 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 10:52 AM

I don't know. . .do women have a "Twin-O-Meter" in their brain? It seemed to be ringing last night between cries.

No. . .our kids haven't been the best sleepers - getting up a lot and needing comfort at night - which is why I guess there's 5 years between all of them.

Scanner · #19 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 10:54 AM

JImOhio,

BTW, congratulations to you and your family on your pregnancy.

PrincessPerky · #20 (**permalink**) 10-12-2007, 11:39 AM

heh, twin o meter..actually most women who think they are having twins in the first three months are wrong....(course most women with high morning sickess have that theory....and gmas who think twins are cute)

anyway...whats your preferred method for sleep 'training'? are you open to suggestions? Most folk find there is an alternative that works better..