Your Thoughts on Our Situation

kobe008 · #1 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 10:26 AM

First of all I'm a new member here who has been lurking for a while. Would like to get some advice about my families situation. We are in the same situation as others where we live paycheck to paycheck. It is rare when our Overdraft Protection does not kick in a few days or a week before we get paid. We currently have one kid and another is due in April. Here is where the problem comes in and it has to do with daycare. We are paying $95 a week and when we have the 2nd kid it will double to $190 per week. How are people affording this? We dont have many bills except a $1000 house payment and a $500 vehicle payment. I've worked hard to get rid of any other debt. We do have a $3000 credit card balance but that will be paid off with our tax return this year.

Ok now you know the situation let me describe our background. I have a pretty good job one that puts us just barely out of reach of any kind of assistance. It makes me sick that year after year I pay my taxes and the money is given to others in the form of food stamps, WIC, Medicare, etc. Our first child was premature and was in a hospital 3 hours from where we live for a month. My wife was out of work at the time which was nice and she stayed there for the entire month and I traveled there on weekends so I could work during the week. She was able to stay in a Ronald Mcdonald house but at a rate of $15 a day and at the end we had to pay $400. Luckily my insurance is pretty good but we didnt qualify for any other kind of assistance. We payed around $3000 out of pocket to the hospital with my insurance getting the rest.

We made it ok with the first kid, now the 2nd is coming and I just dont see how we can make it without any assistance. We are guilty and being punished for 'doing things the right way.' We met, dated, got engaged, got married, then bought a house and then had kids. It makes me wanna puke that we would be so much better off if we had bought a house and had kids BEFORE we were married. What we are seriously considering, and I dont know if it's even legal or not and is the reason for this post, is getting our marriage annuled so my wife will be able to qualify for all this assistance that WE'VE been paying to others for years. We still want to live the same we do now except not be married in the court's eyes. With the system only counting her income we will qualify for daycare assistance, which is mainly what we want, as well as other stuff too.

Now most of you are thinking we need to cut back in order to save money. Well there isnt really much we can cut back besides eating out less. We rarely go out on the town and we rarely travel because of gas prices. I think our house payment is too much, but we have scoured this town and anything less than what we paid for our house is gonna be a fixer-upper and in the long run will be more expensive. The vehicle payment could go down a bit since my parents were gracious enough to give us an interest free loan. I'd rather not drag that out too long though as we have a year and half before its paid off. Does anyone have any comments on the annulment thing and whether it has been done before or if its even legal or any other advice you may have?

mom-from-missouri · #2 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 10:38 AM

Have you considered that with this baby there will be 4 instead of 3 when you look at the assistance guidelines??

Are you sure you won't qualify for WIC?? We did when I was preg each time-it is a little more generous than some of the other programs.

Do what others have done--list all your income for the month, and all your expenses, and let us all "pick" our way thru it. We may come up with some ideas to help you save or to quailfy for something you had not thought of.

Squantum · #3 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 10:43 AM

I think you need to stop looking for "assistance" as the silver bullet. Rather than looking for assistance, could you look for a better-paying job, preferably one with very good health insurance, given the impending birth and expansion in your family size. Also, would you be willing to post your income and expenses, so people can help you look for areas to cut?

Do you live in the United States? If so, I don't understand why you think your wife would qualify for assistance if you get a divorce or an annulment. As far as I know, although I have no experience with this, the non-custodial parent would then have to pay child support to the custodial parent. I agree that having a kid is very expensive if you have to pay for daycare. For many people I know, once it comes to having 2 kids in daycare, it gets so expensive that one parent doesn't work (or works at home). Of course, in my area, daycare is much more expensive than the rates you quote, so that is undoubtedly a factor. So, I think it is very important -- ideally -- do do financial planning before trying to conceive. Of course, you're past this point so you need to figure out what to do with the balls you have in play right now.

Broken Arrow · #4 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:09 AM

Sigh. I know that feeling only too well. The birth of our second and third child was some of the most stressful times in my life... largely because I wasn't sure how we were going to get by. At the time, we were already on government assistance programs (Medicaid and WIC).

I don't have any answers for you, but you do have my sympathies.

cschin4 · #5 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:15 AM

You are paying too much for your home and car. We have made a good income and our home payment was nowhere near $1000. And $500 a month for a car? Why take out such a huge car loan when you are thinking of having another kid? You will have to do what the rest of us do. Wife will have to work. If you can't afford daycare, then you will need to work opposite shifts until the kids go to school. Sorry if that is not the answer you want, but when you paint yourself into the corner, that is the only solution.

boefixepa · #6 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:21 AM

Try lising your take home pay and expenditures and see if there is something more we can do to give ideas. Personally I don't think looking for help by means of assitance is the answer. It is just going to get way to complicated. Give us some more details and we can brain storm with you. Hang in there this is a phase, a diffucult one, but you can and will pull through.

tinapbeana · #7 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:25 AM

i don't think an annulment is viable, althought possible divorce would be. even so, the previous poster's mention of chid support requirements is very on-the-nose. as to whether it's legal, that's a completely different story that whether it's moral...

IMO the car payment is high and i know you said it was a personal loan, but would your parents rather have the loan paid back sooner or the comfort of knowing your family isn't looking for public assistance?

may we ask how much your wife is making? i bring this up b/c daycare is going to cost 760 per month, and that plus the cost of getting her back & forth to work and the higher cost of convenience groceries may very well negate the money she brings in working. or it might be the other way around, perhaps you could be a stay at home parent...

cschin4 · #8 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:34 AM

Solve your problems within your family. Doesn't it seem odd and sad that you would consider divorcing your wife for a few bucks?

Squantum · #9 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 11:34 AM

cshin4 - I agree about the car -- $500 a month is a huge amount of money for a car. But home prices vary greatly from region to region. Where I live, a new mortgage on a 1-br condo would be more than $1,000!

Lonewolf · #10 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:17 PM

I think it might be useful if you can post a detailed review of your income vs your expenditures (if you feel comfortable enough doing that on this board). You would be surprised what a group of frugal minds can do to find savings where you might have overlooked. Potential Car insurance changes, are you paying to much for life insurance, etc.

Although I can empathize with your plight, as I have two little ones (3 months and 20 months) who are both in daycare, I think it would be worth inspecting before having to go to such extreme measures.

Good luck, and take the time to enjoy those little ones, they sure seem to be my central point for stress relief.

Wolf

Lonewolf · #11 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:20 PM

I also had forgot to mention, with my second little one going to daycare, I researched that my company allows you to put up to 5,000 dollars pre-tax into a Depandent Care Account. This can help reduce the tax impact of this very expensive cost. Just another thought.

Wolf

bjl584 · #12 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:27 PM

It would be easy to simply lecture you on your situation and tell you to stop spending so much, sell your car, sell your house, etc. But I think that we need more information. As lonewolf has said, a detailed budget would be useful. Then we can analyze it from there. We all just don't have enough info to give you any meaningful advice at this time.

beebop25blue25 · #13 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:39 PM

Check into WIC again.........like another poster said, they now consider you a 4 person household and you may fall within their guidelines. I think WIC is a saving grace for families with new babies and lower incomes. They provide formula, juice, and cereal for the baby and you know how expensive that can be! And if you breastfeed, they supply extra food for the mommy and still supply cereal and supplemental formula for the baby if needed! What state do you live in? In Georgia where I live, the kids can qualify for peachcare for kids and it's a complete healthcare plan for children and it's based on your income......you may pay $0.00 or you may pay more a month. It's a life saver for parents with children and their companies don't offer health insurance!

creditcardfree · #14 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:41 PM

When we had our second child, we stopped daycare and I became a stay at home mom. When a parent stays home so many other expenses are eliminated, such as gas, hair upkeep, clothing, dinners out (there's actually time to cook at home). The time at home can be spent looking for other ways to save money, looking for sales and coupons, ect.

Telling us your income would help put the expenses in perspective for us. The $500 payment seems like a lot...but what kind of vehicle did you buy?

We're glad you've asked the question and hope that we can help you find some answers, government or self provided.

fairy74 · #15 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:48 PM

I agree with others that you need to post more details for more informative answers. May I also add that you seem very angry at people receiving public assistance (although you yourself want to qualify to receive it), please remember you and your wife made the decision to bring another child into the equation (the people on public assistance did not make that decision). I agree that it would be a shame for you to divorce or annul to qualify for public assistance. Have you tried religious charities, etc...I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation and hope that you will find the answers you need.

Broken Arrow · #16 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:55 PM

Ooops.

I agree it's kind of crazy to consider divorce or annulment for any reason, but especially if it's just to qualify for public assistance.

That's what I get for not reading a post through.

Saving in So Cal · #17 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:58 PM

Aside from the moral implications, I doubt an annulment/divorce will solve, or even help, your particular problem. The state will most likely come after you for child support as well as reimbursement for whatever assistance it provides to your family.

My per child cost for daycare is roughly double what you quoted, which is the going rate where I live. I use the dependent care account suggested by another poster because I don't qualify for any other, better tax break. The account saves me roughly $1,500 a year.

In addition, where I live, many of the community colleges and churches offer top quality daycare to low and moderate income families on a sliding scale fee. Your county/township probably has an agency that provides information about these programs.

Finally, I have known many working families who have qualified for WIC services and state-covered health insurance for their children. Even if you do not qualify for more general assistance, you may qualify for these benefits. There is nothing lost by making an inquiry.

LivingAlmostLarge · #18 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 12:59 PM

Guess everyone scared him away. But if he comes back, try and post your budget and perhaps people can help. I have no idea if $1500/month in fixed expenses is too much or not.

sakigt · #19 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beebop25blue25

Check into WIC again.........like another poster said, they now consider you a 4 person household and you may fall within their guidelines. I think WIC is a saving grace for families with new babies and lower incomes. They provide formula, juice, and cereal for the baby and you know how expensive that can be! And if you breastfeed, they supply extra food for the mommy and still supply cereal and supplemental formula for the baby if needed! What state do you live in? In Georgia where I live, the kids can qualify for peachcare for kids and it's a complete healthcare plan for children and it's based on your income......you may pay $0.00 or you may pay more a month. It's a life saver for parents with children and their companies don't offer health insurance!

I would agree that WIC is a life saver, not a way to have your cake and eat it too.

I agree. We need more info! Im sure theres a way for everything to work out. Heck, is has to somehow, doesnt it?

Duchesse · #20 (**permalink**) 01-23-2007, 01:33 PM

Get the tightwad Gazette for the SAHM and consider going black belt for a few years. A family of four with only one income is eligible for alot more assistance.

Mom can work at home for supplemental income. ie take in one or two more children after a time. Sit for two after school. do surveys, rebate, breastfeed, cloth diapers, etc.