Not sure if this is the right place to post this...

Sadie · #1 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 04:44 PM

Hello all...

I have been working VERY hard to pay off debt, to pay down my mortgage, and to just generally stay on top of things. I am a single mom and my biggest fear is that something would happen that would cause me to not be able to take care of my son. So, needless to say I am very careful with my finances.

I have been dating someone for the last 4 months. On paper, he is perfect. Smart, good job, thoughtful, sweet, considerate, good to my child, etc. But I just found out that he has not paid his rent in the last 4 months, and has been lying to his landlord about why. He has bounced check after check after check. I am sooo confused. This man makes as much money as I do, and I have more bills than he does. He has spent a LOT of money on me and my child the last 4 months. I have told him time and time again that I do not need or want flowers several times a week. He insisted on putting new tires on my truck for Christmas, all the while assuring me that he would not spend money that he did not have. Well, he did and I am going to end the relationship. Financial irresponsibility is a huge dealbreaker for me. My question might seem silly...but if his debtors go after him for all of this, can they get me in trouble since it seems that he is spending all of his money on ME? Thanks for any advice.

kv968 · #2 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 04:48 PM

Sorry to hear about your dilemma, but no they can't go after you. That is as long as you didn't co-sign any loans or cc's for him.

Sadie · #3 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 04:52 PM

Thanks. I didn't think so, but it really worries me. I did not and would not sign for anything with him, nor did he ask me to. I just cannot fathom why someone would let themselves get in this much trouble. Where on earth could his money go? My friends are of the opinion that possibly he may let himself get evicted so that I will be concerned for him and offer to let him stay at my house...that will NOT happen. I have an impressionable young son and I am not going to move in with someone that I have been dating for a few months. It just won't happen.

DebbieL · #4 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 04:56 PM

Run Forrest Run! You are definately making the right decision to dump this one. Consider yourself lucky that he didn't con his way into your life further. You are smart and lucky to have found out about him now. Better luck to you in future relationships!

kv968 · #5 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadie

Thanks. I didn't think so, but it really worries me. I did not and would not sign for anything with him, nor did he ask me to. I just cannot fathom why someone would let themselves get in this much trouble. Where on earth could his money go? My friends are of the opinion that possibly he may let himself get evicted so that I will be concerned for him and offer to let him stay at my house...that will NOT happen. I have an impressionable young son and I am not going to move in with someone that I have been dating for a few months. It just won't happen.

Your friends may very well be right and I think you're doing the right thing. Just stick to your guns.

Sadie · #6 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 06:17 PM

Yep, I am going to run on this one. It makes me sad because he is a nice guy, and my son really likes him. They have a lot of fun together. I just can't take the financial irresponsibility, and I certainly can't take the lying. It's just beyond me how someone can do something like that.

Snoopy2645 · #7 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 07:14 PM

I am with the others run & dont look back twice trust me on this one. I married the guy who didnt know jack about money & he still dont so I control it most of the time. But Dh is the exact same way I was also a single mom taking care of myself & my dd when I met dh I thought he was wonderful the way he spent money on us. I had never spent money on us ever before well soon I found out his bills were never paid. I also thought how could married people or why would married people fight about money, money is so easy to figure out well now I know. I know we will stay together but we definetely have way different goals.

mom-from-missouri · #8 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 07:39 PM

Run. This is how a lot of con men start a con on you. Make you think they have it when they dont, marry you or move in, have you co-sign, then take what you have and split.
Plus. the facts...
#1 He cant handle money
#2 Most likely has a bad credit score
#3 Has been lying.
Thats nothing but RED flags.

Broken Arrow · #9 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 07:53 PM

I think it's important to emphasize the importance of not being involved with a guy like that.

A person who lies and cheats others is likely to turn around and do the same to you.

In fact, I agree that it's likely he's just courting you to use you... possibly because you may seem like an easy mark to him. Please don't be a victim. You and especially your child deserves better than that.

PRICEPLUS · #10 (**permalink**) 01-16-2007, 09:46 PM

Well, it seems that it has all been said.

1) You are not his spouse and you did not sign on to anything with him so you are not responsible!

2) Lying to the Landlord? Hmmmm! Could he be lying to you?

3)Your gut feeling is usually correct.

RUN!!! End this before it becomes a problem!

poundwise · #11 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 05:33 AM

Financial irresponsibility is a bad sign and should be taken as a warning, however, lying to others and to you is a direct indicator of character and is why I would concur with you and the other posters... say bye and be thankful you learned of this now, not later.

sakigt · #12 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadie

Hello all...

I have been working VERY hard to pay off debt, to pay down my mortgage, and to just generally stay on top of things. I am a single mom and my biggest fear is that something would happen that would cause me to not be able to take care of my son. So, needless to say I am very careful with my finances.

I have been dating someone for the last 4 months. On paper, he is perfect. Smart, good job, thoughtful, sweet, considerate, good to my child, etc. But I just found out that he has not paid his rent in the last 4 months, and has been lying to his landlord about why. He has bounced check after check after check. I am sooo confused. This man makes as much money as I do, and I have more bills than he does. He has spent a LOT of money on me and my child the last 4 months. I have told him time and time again that I do not need or want flowers several times a week. He insisted on putting new tires on my truck for Christmas, all the while assuring me that he would not spend money that he did not have. Well, he did and I am going to end the relationship. Financial irresponsibility is a huge dealbreaker for me. My question might seem silly...but if his debtors go after him for all of this, can they get me in trouble since it seems that he is spending all of his money on ME? Thanks for any advice.

Youre definitely in the right for doing this. But remember to be exactly clear as to WHY youre breaking up with him. Who knows? He may let out a sigh of relief that his spendthrift ways are doing just the opposite of what he wants.

Joan.of.the.Arch · #13 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 10:34 AM

No, nobody will be able to come after you. You are safe from his creditors.

boefixepa · #14 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 10:36 AM

I second all that has been said. You are right to end this now. It's all part of the learning process and weeding out the good from the bad. Don't give up looking for the man you want, but this guy is NOT it.

Ima saver · #15 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 10:54 AM

I agree with what everyone else has said.

Sadie · #16 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 11:17 AM

Thanks so much you guys. I know that you are all right about this, and I plan on following through with the ending of the relationship. I tried to do it last night, and he got very upset so it didn't end quite the way that I wanted to. This morning he showed up at my office with coffee and flowers...nice, and under normal circumstances, flattering. BUT....he needs to pay his rent, not get stuff for me, so it just made me angry. Ugh. I think that he would be much better suited with someone else. So would I.

DebbieL · #17 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 01:02 PM

I wouldn't waste a second feeling bad about this con man being upset. I really think he was making an initial investment (spending money on you) that he thought was going to pay off in spades. You would soon have been presented with a "great opportunity" or had to co-sign on a loan for him or support him in some way. He will soon discover that he picked the wrong mark, and move on to his next victim. You were very lucky to find out about him in advance. Don't worry about this "wonderful" man - the next sucker he can find will be lined up soon enough.

LuxLiving · #18 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 01:32 PM

You did the right thing, but still be careful. Spurned men can turn violent and all stalk-ie. I don't want to freak you out, but do be on the alert, okay? Tell a friend or two or family who lives in your area what is going on. Better safe than sorry.

Sadie · #19 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 01:36 PM

I didn't really think of that option.....ewwwww. That really scares me. I did tell a couple of my friends about the situation, so they know what's going on. I can't imagine that this man is capable of anything like that...I was just thinking about the financial aspects of all of this. Wow. You guys have given me a lot to think about. Thank you!

boefixepa · #20 (**permalink**) 01-17-2007, 01:47 PM

Okay, this guy isn't going to take the easy no. Make it clear, even if it hurts, and if he shows up at your office, or the like again. Call the Police and ask someone there to call him for you and say that if he calls again police action will be taken. If he doesn't get the hint from that, then it will take legal action no mater what. But you can save yourself the run around in the meantime...aka...a thousand ways of trying to end it nice.