Going out to dinner with Friends

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Do you ever find going out to dinner with friends difficult and uncomfortable? I find that I always want a separte check because I prefer to pay for what I eat and don't worry about trying to order from the middle of the menu. Yet with some groups of people they always try to split the bill evenly, say like 6 people = 6 way split. I hate that because I always get the short end of the stick.

I guess I feel weird more with coworkers than friends. With friend I'll be honest and say let's split it based on what we ordered. Or I'll say we'll buy this time (depends on friendship), however I feel totally weird looking cheap in front of coworkers.

I know it's not cheap to pay only what you eat, but it seems like everyone else doesn't care at all about money and will just pay for whatever. Am I being to cheap? Should I just acknowledge when I have to go out for a lunch or dinner that I'll just have to share the price of someone else beer or glass of wine?

My big thing is I don't drink with coworkers ever. I only drink with friends, I don't feel comfortable and I unfortunately am not able to hold my liquor well (well I just look like I can't). So inevitably I never drink and pay for others drink.

Sorry this is such a long rant...I just wanted to know what others do.

[Broken Arrow]

Eh? Why split even? Separate checks works just fine. Or perhaps I'm just calloused that way, because I've always done separate checks.

Actually, that reminds me of a funny story about me hanging out and this macho, ex-military, physical trainer buddy of mine. And you know, when us macho guys hook up, we don't do the sweet and sensitive pillow talk to each other. No, we do the male chest-thumping, Lord of the Jungle, quasi-hetero affirmation gorilla thing.

"Yo man, I gotcha covered."
"Dude, separate check is fine."
"Nah, you covered me the last time."
"Only because you were short on cash last time. Besides, it's not like this is a date."
"Man, I can't believe you went there. Again. This is not a date!"
"Of course not! That's why we do separate checks! Roar!"
"Besides, you are soooo not my type. Roar!"
"That's right. And don't take this the wrong way, but there's no way I'd spoon with you even if you did cover the check. Roar!"
"Ugh, that's disgusting! Separate check it is! Roar!"
"Roar!"

[Daylily]

Unfortunately, yes, it does make you look cheap. I can say that because I'm in the same boat with you! If you can't get your coworkers/friends to split the bill based on what each person ordered, then perhaps you might have to just start declining the invitations.

[frugalmomof1]

BA---That's too funny.

DH and I are close friends with one couple who are about 15 years older than we are. We used to go out to dinner once or twice a week before DS was born and we spent our money more freely on things like going out to dinner.
Since DS has been born we have gone out a few times, but the last time kind of bugged me a bit.
DH, 1/2 of the couple and I split a pizza. DH got a soda and I ordered a water. Our male friend had 2 beers, and his wife ordered eggplant parm and a soda.
We figured our share of the bill would be $12 MAX (and that is being generous...pizza was less than $10, split 3 ways!!) but our male friend always adds up the bill, and he said $22 will be good. Huh?
We did get to take the 2 slices of leftover pizza, though.

[PRICEPLUS]

Seperate checks is okay with me. If I am with friends We'll split the bill. If the bill splitting gets annoying I have been known to just grab the check and pay the whole damn thing. There is nothing more annoying to me than some people trying to split nickels on the bill.

I guess that is why I generally go out with family or very close friends! That is just my outlook on it!

[pearlieq]

Honestly I do find life too short to worry over who had a $4.00 salad versus who had an $7.50 appetizer. It usually comes out even enough in the end.

The only thing I do insist on these days is taking out the bar bill before we split the check. But otherwise, if we all ordered the same number of courses and/or split things, I'm not going to hold out for a few dollars.

If my dining partner asked for separate checks I wouldn't mind, but generally I don't care enough to do it.

Maybe next time you go out with co-workers you could just say "Can we take out the bar bill before we split the tab?". I'm assuming everyone knows you weren't drinking and I doubt they'd be offended.

[creditnet]

I feel the same as you. And seeing from the post history that many people feel the same way, I've come to the conclusion that the outcome of the situation normally depends on who receives the check. If I get the check, I'll figure out what I owe, then pass it onto the next person. However, if someone who is much more relaxed about money (who oftentimes happens to be the person who has ordered 2 glasses of wine while everyone else has had 1 or none), then that person will simply say "let's split it", and that is that. No one wants to feel cheap speaking up.

So when I'm out in groups, I try to always get the check and pass it on.

[safari]

When I am out with friends, we usually order so much stuff, that it's virtually impossible to figure out how much each person has to pay, so we always split the bill equally. With coworkers we also split the bill, but we do the drinks separately, so only the people who ordered drinks pay for them. I really don't care if I have to pay a few extra dollars more occasionally because in the end it all balances out.

[PRICEPLUS]

I think separating the bar tab is a very helpful thing to do in figuring who owes what.

[rduell]

We always just ask for separate bills up front. If it's a large group, and the restaurant won't do separate bills, we've always just paid for our own. I don't think we've ever just split the bill.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

We've gotten better about declining meals out. We prefer to split the bill based on amount eaten because DH watches what we eat (weight conscious) and so we don't typically do appetizers, etc. We'll even share a meal and a salad not for cost, but portion control. Yeah I have another 30 lbs to lose now, I had lost a lot but gained it back end of the year.

So I guess I do have issues with going out to eat and paying for others.

[disneysteve]

I don't go out with others very much, but when we do, we usually split the bill unless what was ordered was grossly different. Like Ima, if it is a matter of a few dollars one way or the other, I won't fuss.

Of course, I try to be the one to collect the cash, then use my rewards CC to charge the bill and get the points. I always ask first, though, to be sure nobody minds me doing that.

[fairy74]

I always ask for seperate bills, unless we are treating someone. If someone is offended by that or doesn't like it too bad. Most of our friends are pretty thrifty, so it's not usually an issue but if it's someone who's really spendy I'll offer to make dinner at home....

[boefixepa]

Set the expectations before you order. When the waitress first comes, tell her that this will be on separte tickets. Then everyone knows they will be paying for what they order. In my experience those who want to 'spit it 4 ways' are really looking for a discount on the meal. If I order an appitizer, I will gladly share it with the table, but I want it on my tab. I WILL NOT pay for someones drinks or their shrimp...sorry.

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Of course, I try to be the one to collect the cash, then use my rewards CC to charge the bill and get the points. I always ask first, though, to be sure nobody minds me doing that.

i'm my college days, this was known as 'trumping' my sister still asks who's paying cash because she has the 'trump card'

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by boefixepa

In my experience those who want to 'spit it 4 ways' are really looking for a discount on the meal.

I don't find this to be true at all. If anything, just the opposite. My wife and I are relatively light eaters, often sharing one appetizer and one desert. I will still happily split the bill evenly. My friends do the same. I guess it just depends on the people.

[vishenda]

Nice point disneysteve "it depends on the people you're with"

[cschin4]

I don't buy into the "it evens out in the end". Because it doesn't. All you are doing is subsidizing the liquor bills of others. Let them pay for their own food and drink, you are not their family. From now on, ask for your own check. At first, they may look at you like you have 2 heads, then stick with it and do it EVERY time you go out. Eventually, they will just say "Oh, that Susie likes her separate bill" and not even ever give it another thought. And, if they think you are "cheap", who cares! You work hard for your money, do you really want to pay for Joe Blow's beer tab when you could spend it on other things?

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by vishenda

Nice point disneysteve "it depends on the people you're with"

We had one friend in high school who always insisted on paying his exact bill to the penny including tax and tip. He would sit and calculate his exact share on his napkin. Drove the rest of us nuts. We went out all the time, almost every weekend. Surely, in the grand scheme of things, it would all have worked out over time. So we would take his money and then split the difference between the rest of us. Wasn't worth arguing. We still joke about that today.

[boefixepa]

I don't nit pick about it, and it really depends on who I am with. If things are tight this month, and I don't have a ton of $$ in my eating out envelope, I pick accordingly. How are my friends going to know wether or not I have $20 or $100 in my envelope unless I tell them? And I am not that open with my friends about my money. Plus what if I have alot to spend or am REALLY hungry and want to go all out and they are strapped for $$.

This has happened before and I ended up CHARGING my food! (Before budget days) because I didn't want to look cheap. Sorry not happening anymore. If it's a close friend and they are tight and I want to go out. I'm happy to pay for them as long as I have the $$, but if we are both tight. We brown bag it, or Taco Bell it. Not all friends are so accomidating. There are times when I just go with a work associate to her house for lunch and she makes use lunch. Once it was just can chili and bread. We were both just fine with that. There are not many friends like that!