Going out to dinner with Friends

[cschin4]

disney - I would say that your friends are exceptional!

[pearlieq]

If one feels like their "friends" are trying to take advantage of them and get a free meal, why would you go out with them?

And if you were presented with a bill that you felt did not represent a reasonable cost for your portion of the meal, why not be assertive?

I'm not against separate checks. I just don't care. I don't think my friends are trying to take advantage of me and I don't mind speaking up if I feel I'm being asked to pay more than I should.

Frankly, to me, few things are more unattractive than people who are obessesed with paying exactly their fair share down to the penny. I understand that finances get tight, but I prefer people who are flexible, generous, and easygoing. Dickering over pennies strikes me as the antithesis of that.

We had friends who used to whip out a calculator when the bill came. Needless to say we don't share meals with them anymore! What a buzzkill!

[safari]

Well said, pearlieq. I agree 100%.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by safari

Well said, pearlieq. I agree 100%.

Me too.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Depends I don't mind telling my friends I'm there to enjoy the company and in budget mode. The toughie is going out with coworkers who "tie one on" and then expect ME to pay a fair share. And they are expecting it. Are we close friends with these people? No, but it's good to keep PC so in case you are out of a job you can network to a new one.

[cschin4]

Going out with coworkers is not the same as going out with friends. And, I get my own bill when going out because I just think it is more considerate rather than trying to "split" the bill. Seems like more effort to split then it does to get my own. And, sometimes I go out and feel like splurging, getting an appetizer, drink, dessert and coffee. So, if I am splitting a bill, then I tend to feel I need to keep things more in line. I just want to order and pay for what I want.
And, if your friend pulls out a calculator, so what? Why should that bother you? Are you then not making a judgement about your friend? If they are your friend, why should you care if the do this as well? The road runs both ways.

[tabbycat31]

I usually like to do separate checks too. what drew the line for me was when I was out for my (then) friend's birthday. We went to a restaurant I would have never chosen (a $50/plate place which I don't feel comfortable at). Everyone ordered steak, lobster, and booze, while I ordered plain pasta and water (that was about the only thing on the menu I could eat....... i have food allergies).

The check was split evenly and everyone had to pay $60. I paid $60 for a $15 meal that was not even good, and the service sucked. I was furious.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by tabbycat31

The check was split evenly and everyone had to pay $60. I paid $60 for a $15 meal

Why didn't you mention that your meal wasn't that costly? Just because someone suggested splitting the bill doesn't mean you couldn't suggest an alternative.

[tabbycat31]

With the crowd I was with, that would NOT have gone over well. I no longer am on speaking terms with the person who organized it. I would have been publicy accused of being a cheapskate, and embarassed in public (the person I was with has known to do that)

[cschin4]

Someone that would embarrass you in public and accuse you of being cheap is a moron. Unfortunately, when treating someone for a birthday, you are pretty much stuck. In the future, I would just avoid birthday dinners. I had the same exact thing happen to me.

[MonkeyMama]

I used to be anal about only paying my share (when I Was in college and poor I bet) but over time I realize it doesn't really make a hoot of difference. Sometimes you pay a little less and sometimes a little more - usually evens out. For the last few years I find it silly to split the bill by cost - easier to split it evenly and call it a day - luckily everyone seems to feel the same. I even roll my eyes when people bring out the calculator - it annoys me. They always assume as the accountant I Am game. I am not game - accountants round - LOL. & they realize it will wash in the end.

Now if I was constantly out with someone who was buying big fancy dinners and I was always buying a salad, then I Would rethink. But luckily has not been the case.

I have thought about it because we have been really trying to pinch pennies and I have not eaten out much since. I figured I Would probably lean towards being more anal on the bill in the future. Frankly though my friends are not worried about money - we went to a restaurant and had $30 over no one would take back - LOL - so we gave the waiter a big tip. Lucky no stingy friends orelse it would be more an issue. I Am the one always making sure everyone pays their fair share of tax and tip too -t hat is key and people forget that part.

[MonkeyMama]

I had to day I Was annoyed when I often met a friend for lunch and did 2-for-1 coupons. She invited someone else so we split the savings 3 ways. I was annoyed. Lunch is not in my budget if I have to split the coupon 3 ways - LOL. That is the stingy side of me. The 3rd wheel is screwing up my lunch coupons - hehe. THat part annoys me, so I go out with them less often, oh well. WHat can you do?

[MonkeyMama]

Skimming posts, I have to say I agree. IF there was someone trying to screw me over on the bill why would I Want to eat with them? LOL. The stories of paying $60-$100 for a meal you didn't buy. I Would refuse and I Can't imagine anyone who would make me pay that. It's all in the company you keep I guess...

[cschin4]

The problem with eating out only seems to occur with bill "sharing". If you don't want to "share" then you are looked at as cheap, anal, compulsive or whatever. However, with separate bills, there is no problem. The problems arise with "sharing" because many people have been burned. Everyone should just do whatever works for them. If some want to share fine, but don't look askance at someone asking for a separate bill. And, those of you who don't mind sharing should just not automatically assume that others feel the same as you do.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Actually a separate bill also feels cheap is the problem. ugh. I have no issues with telling friends, but coworkers give you a look.

[LuxLiving]

A separate bill works fine when you have no cash and wish to use your own debit or credit card and will work as long as no 'friend' pops up and offers to pay your 'share' w/cash and you can pay them later.

I see now why we don't often eat out with friends! Mostly we out w/family and everyone does their own separate checks and perhaps it's a locality thing, but we've never encountered a restaraunt that wouldn't allow separate checks.

[Ima saver]

I don't like splitting the bill either. The last time that happened, we went out with several couples from our neighborhood. When they "split" the bill, our share was $35. I had a hamburger and water and my husband had a cheap meal. Our actual bill would have been about $15, and that really upset me!! I have never gone out to eat with those people again.
I actually have seen one (and one only) restaurant that would not allow seperate checks. It was a fancy place in Savannah.

[Lonewolf]

Having worked in the restaurant industry, spliting the bill can be brutal on the food server as well. Not to mention the running of ten different credit cards for ten people with a dial up modem on the credit machine, but then there are your four other tables who are waiting 20 minutes for you to return. Then another 10 minutes calling each person out by name, and then the one person who you put the chips and salsa on becomes a big debate as everyone ate those

But it is a "Service" industry, and sometime the foodserver just has to suck it up, but being there in the past, if I split a bill, I at least pay cash to "ease the burden on the server."

So my word of wisdom, if you are going to split a bill try to do it with cash.

Lesson 2 . . . Don't everyone put a 20 dollar bill in so the server has to get change for each person . . .

[cschin4]

They may tell you that don't "allow" separate checks. But, just ask to speak to the manager and then it usually becomes permissable!

[DebbieL]

Maybe it's different where I'm from (Canada), but I have never in my life encountered a situation where everyone just put in the same amount (split the bill as you're calling it). Why on earth would I expect somebody to pay my steak and lobster with wine if they only had something worth half that? That seems weird to me. The only time I could see doing things exactly evenly is if everybody split pizzas and a pitcher of pop or something. Usually everybody (or each couple) would get a separate check (and I've also never heard a peep from the server about that being against any "rules"). I wouldn't feel comfortable to order what I really wanted if I knew that my thing might come to more that someone else's if there was some expectation of splitting a bill evenly.

If I go out with a friend and the server puts it all on the same bill, we just each pay for what we had (plus tax and tip). It isn't even discussed - it's just automatic. Unless I say "I'll get this one" and in that case the other person likely picks up the tab at another time. I don't mind that at all.

Years ago when I worked as a waitress, I used to HATE it when a group of people would all be on the same bill. Almost without fail there is at least one cheapskate that just puts in next to nothing, so the others may have thought that they were leaving plenty to cover their meal and tip, but in reality the "tip" they left me has to go towards covering the cost of some freeloader. I always got much better tips if the people (or each couple) were given separate checks.