Stumped

[Lost In Space]

After reading alot of these threads, searching and grovelling for answers to my debt stress, I can relate to so many. My story is so horrific it seems so totally out of control and difficult to even see the forest for the trees.

I'm almost 50 yrs old. I have a great job & income. I work approx. 60 hours a week, I contirbute financially to more than half of the household expenses (I'm currently married but it's like hanging onto a thread that slipped through the eye of the needle).

I have managed to rack up debt close to $40,000.00 & my husband owes more. I've worked out so many diferent budgets, my head is spinning.

I have debts in collections, debts looming, debts drowning out the wonderful life I once had sole claim to. Hundreds of questions, like, did you budget, cut this, lop that? how'd you get in such debt etc...I can answer Yes, I tried everything possible to all of them, & say LIFE dealt me a huge blow. I was responsible for alot of how I continued to fall into this abyss before I asked for help...but I am not one to reach out when those around me are trying to keep their own live's together.
I have continued to lose my credit in order to help maintain my husband's. I have stuck to my guns in order to do whatever it takes to save my sister who has cancer, to help anyone or thing that needs some sort of comfort or assistance.....guess what....I'm now STUMPED at finding help for myself. Yes I've checked with every and any financial institution known to man....except for a good old fashioned loan shark. I need to breathe, I need to live again, there is no one I feel I can turn to at this point.

All the money saving tips & advice on the web, at the banks, from peers, friends, loved ones, not one has seemed to work for me. Every time I pay something off, some wild catastophe hits like there's no tomorrow.

How please tell me How did anyone, someone out there manage to dig out from under & actually see the light of day?

Sincerely,

Lost In Space

[Broken Arrow]

Welcome to the forums, Lost in Space.

I am not sure I can be of any assistance, but you certainly have my sympathies. I can relate to that horrible sense of things spinning out of control. It is why I am the way I am today....

Do you have an emergency fund? "Catastrophies" do happen... of course you know that... but for years I've always operated and taken comfort in even the smallest of cushions. When I vowed towards financial wellness, my very first step was to set up a baby emergency fund. Perhaps that will help you sleep just a bit better as well.

Take care.

[aurielle]

Have you considered filing for bankruptcy? Yes I know its a drastic step but if its doable in your situation it may be worth your peace of mind.

[creditcardfree]

Welcome!!

You do sound lost. Filing bankruptcy should be your last resort. Are you even thinking of that as a possibility?

Try to think of the steps out as small steps. Sometimes we get overwhelmed when we look at the big picture. Maybe the first step is a small emergency fund or a new job, or even a visit to the doctor to rule out depression. One step at a time.

Let us know what else you are thinking. We want to help.

[sakigt]

Baby steps, baby steps...

It may all seem overwhelming, but perhaps if you use this opportunity to list everything out (balance, due date, intrest rate) you could begin to wrap your brain around it.

You can do it!

[fairy74]

Lost in Space

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. One thing that I noticed when I read your post is how much you are doing for everyone else. While it is admirable to help others, if you are destroying yourself to take care of them, you will be less help to them in the long run. Making yourself a priority is also important. The more you can do to give yourself security and stability the better you will be able to support those around you. Like some other posters have mentioned an EF can help you feel more secure about catastrophes, if you have a sick relative (I know what that's like I nursed my dad through kidney disease/diabetes for a few years before his death) look into all resources disability, meals on wheels, discount prescriptions through the drug manufacturers, church support, different charity groups in your area, rental assistance, electricity assistance, etc. Many good thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Please remember it is ok to ask for help you are dealing with a lot!

[PRICEPLUS]

The first thing you need to do you have done. You have recognized there is a problem and it needs to be addressed.

2nd thing to do is write down a list of all your income(from all sources).

3rd thing to do is to write down all your expenses(All of them)

4th Write down all your debts in order from largest to smallest with all the interest rates for each.

5th thing to do is write down in a little notepad every penny you spend every day. You need to see where your money is going.

You are anonymous here so please post the rundown so people here can see the financial situation and make suggestions.

There are a great many people here who know what you are going through. We are on your side and will try to help as much as we can. Please let us know what the situation is with the Credit Cards as that really can destroy peoples finances!

Just remember, we are here for you!

[vishenda]

It sounds like you need a higher paying job. You need to stop giving so much to other people. I know that it's nice to help and to give, but you cannot do it to the extent that you have no money left or saved for yourself. That's not smart financial planning. Go meet with a financial planner and see what they can do to get your finances straighted out. You need a budget.

Also, beware of the financial predators. They will come a sniffing now. Beware of sites saying you can make money by using them. A lot of scams out there preying on people who need money.

Pls. give us more more info regarding your financial trouble
Thanks

[nanamom]

As most everyone said here it is hard to offer advice without a clear picture. It is also hard for ou to cope without a clear picture. Write down (here is you want and most of us will comment) and figure out what exactly you bring in and what exactly you owe. It can be dealt with. My DH was in a major amount of debt when we got married and we now have a decent credit rating again and the only debt we have is our vehicle loans, one of which will be paid off in three payments. No we don't have alot of reserve but we are building that.

[vishenda]

We're waiting for you dearie, you weren't very specific in describing how you are hurting. Credit cards, car loan, house loan, utilities? What do you need advice and help with?

[water1111]

I can totally relate to your overwhelming feeling of being out of control. I felt the same way this last year because my mother was very sick with cancer and I just didn't tend to any responsibilites and what happpens is everything starts to snowball...................Then you are really swallowing in debt......I did what all the posters said for you to do. I literally went out and bought(yes spent more money.....hahaha) a big white board and listed all my debt from the highest interest rate and balance down to the littlest. I pit it out in the middle of my family room so I could see it everyday. Then I figured out where I can save and budget so I could double and sometimes triple my credit card payments. Within a few weeks, I felt like I was getting more into control. I also consolidated my student loan so I could take the saved money and put it toward my high interest CC debt.

I just took it one step at a time,,,,annd I have a long way to go still...............................But once you start , youwill be amazed at how that feeling of control will come back....Just get started even if it is a small baby step

[aurielle]

A drive-by....

I knew it!

[PRICEPLUS]

I hope it is a Schwazrenegger. She'll be back!

[Bookie]

Lost in space?

You know, all we do here is offer experience and perspectives. What's easy to forget is how frightening it can be for a newcomer, even under cover of a forum pseudonym, to get honest about the painful facts of a financial trainwreck. It's embarrassing, humiliating, to lay it out for a forum of strangers to sort through and critique. That takes genuine intestinal fortitude.

I hope the OP will return because her distress seems very real. Maybe we can offer something that will shed some light on her alternatives and offer some encouragement. But if she does, let's remember to be gentle.

People who are hurting need more than financial analysis. They need to feel that there's hope as well as help. They need to understand that what's offered is not judgmental, and that we are as capable of compassion as we are of number-crunching.

That is all.

[PRICEPLUS]

Bookie, we all empathize as many of us are going through the same sorts of things. My heart truly goes out to Lost in Space. We are eager to give whatever aid we can. There are many who have gone through this and are truly compassionate.

Lost in Space, whatever you decide to do you are in our thoughts and prayers!

[Lost In Space]

Appreciate most of your replies. Didn't appreciate the "drive by" comment etc. Just completed a few 15 hour work days. I don't quite have the luxury of signing onto the net as some.

Right now, as I sit, I don't have all of my exact numbers but here's what I owe in the midst of divorce. Just me....not his debt.

Mortgage $150,000.00 Monthly $ 1400.00 approx.
Vehicle $ 25,000.00 (lease) " " $ 450.00 "
Loan $ 15,000.00 " $ 400.00 "
Credit cards $ 12,000.00 " $1,000.00
sub total $3,250.00 monthly


Monthly net income $ 2,800.00

**Keep in mind this debt used to be shared by my husband and I. Now ...he pays for groceries, dog food, utilities & vehicle/home insurance etc. and the house is still in both of our names. He earns about $ 3,800.00 net a month. & uses what is left to pay his debt in his name. So I'm always in the red, he's struggling to stay in the black...and maybe them some... ?

That's about it.

[PRICEPLUS]

Lost in Space, first let me say that I am so glad you stopped back. A great many of us have gone through some very painful issues. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through a divorce. The stress must be awful.

You can and will get through this time in your life. Believe in yourself and your ability to take charge of your life. The drive by comment was made when folks did not hear back from you. We have had that happen here before. I can assure you it was not made to hurt your feelings.

From what I see you have 2800.00 coming in net and 3250.00 going out.
So you are operating (450.00) in the hole.

Where can changes be made? How much equity do you have in the home? Do you want to continue to live there or can you move to less expensive lodgings and cash out your equity in the home? Just a thought.

Can you move to a less expensive car at this time?

You have a 15000 dollar loan and 12000 on your CCs. I realize you are stressed but if you could list them with interest rates and min payments you could look to set up a repayment pyramid. Your husband may also be responsible for some of these debts if they benefitted him. Address this in the divorce settlement proceedings. Don't get stuck for the whole debt if it is not all yours!

You may have to downsize your lifestyle a bit but you can get out of debt and get on track.

Lost in Space, don't ever give up on yourself! You are a good person in a tight spot right now but you'll get past all of this and come out better and stronger

Hope you continue to post and let us help!

[miclason]

Hi, Lost in Space, I was in more or less the same situation...aging parents with no savings and not eligible for social security or aid of any kind...sister and cousin with lots of economic problems...at some point, someone in this forum told me to remember the in-flight emergency instructions: in case of an emergency, put your own air mask first! (you cannot help anyone if you "pass out!") ....
I have followed the good advice given in these forums and, little by little, I have been able to get my financial life in order (no, it's still nowhere near where it should be, but, at least, I get no creditor calls and, I don't have to choose which bills to pay each month!)...it is a very slow process...

Have you already called the creditors to try to arrange for alternative payment solutions?? Is there ANYTHING that you could sell? .... any ways to increase your income?...

I understand that hubby is barely in the black, but....any plans for him to start helping you once he's in a better position??

You can get out of that hole! believe me!

[sakigt]

$1400 a month for a $150,000 mortgage sounds a bit high to me. Is this because of a high intrest rate or have you been paying on this property for a long time?

It may be a good idea to look into refinancing. Perhaps you could add on those $12,000 credit cards that add up to 1,000 a month.

Of course, reshuffling your debts will only be of help if you continue to pay them down and not rack up new charges.

When is your lease over? Id begin thinking of replacing your current vehicle with a cheaper used version once your lease is over.

[Ima saver]

$1000 a month in credit card payments seems a bit high for $12,000. Could you cut that back to the point you won't be in the red every month? A leased car is almost always a mistake. Any way to get out of that?