seems like its never enough does it to anyone else

[Snoopy2645]

Seems like how much we make is never enough we are always behind always trying to catch up I feel like everything is caving in on me!!! I am so stressed lately & dh dont want anything to do with figures he gives me $500 - $700 a week be this 5 people & 2 dogs we should be able to afford anything & everything. I make around $600 a month usually I am an IC so it can vary greatly. It just seems the kids the dogs & everything some days is just to much I feel like crying today!!! Any ideas on how to trim things up with 5 people!!! And a husband who thinks we can spend like thiers no tommorrow & then blames me that we are broke all the time!!!

[PRICEPLUS]

Snoopy,

Step back take a breath. I know how maddening and depressing being in the hole all the time can be. I am living it. I don't mean to be a pain in the posterior but could you be a bit more specific about the shortfalls. There are some great folks here who want to help, myself included.

As for spending like there is no tomorrow..I have a spouse like that myself. In the past I have been accused of not making enough money......talk about wanting to go nuts and break something.......

Tell us how we can help you!

[Snoopy2645]

Well heres an idea & some of the problems that I am having dh just took a new job making alot more money than before & we both thought this would help but seems like I am sinking!!! Well I am stuck with 2 cars I bought one in Feb thinking my other one would sale right away & still nothing!!! So I have money tied up in 2 cars & dh didnt get a check for 1 month when he switched jobs & we had car ins due in sept that is paid up now for 6 months now plates are due my new car is having problems & the plumbing in the basement is bad & now the sink plumbing is bad & thiers just no money where is it all going?? To groceries mainly!!!

[greedy4chips]

Snoopy,

You need to sit down and figure out where all the money is going.

What is your monthly take home?

What bills do you have and how much is each one? All bills including those that only come up once or twice a year like car and home insurance, property taxes, etc. List all credit cards, loan balances, current interest rates, length left on each loan, etc. The more details the better help you will receive.

You and the DH need to sit down and decide who is going to control the money (it should be you in my opinion, since you have the saving mind and all the blame currently). Hubby gets put on a strick allowance until your finances are straightened out. If he does not agree, then it will be very difficult for your situation to change.

With 555 posts you obviously have spent a ton of time on this forum, so I am sure you have read some of the threads about families in very similar situations. I was too about 4 years ago. Today I am able to save tons of money each month by just having a plan on where the money would go versus the money going and not understanding where it went.

I look forward to helping you and I am sure you will find tons of people supporting you!

Tomorrow is the first day of your new budget planning...make it count!

[happy camper]

Hang in there! Go get the book "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. It will give you hope and maybe some ideas to communicate together with your husband to budget together.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by greedy4chips

Snoopy,

You need to sit down and figure out where all the money is going.

What is your monthly take home?

What bills do you have and how much is each one?

I agree with all of this. You need to figure out what is coming in and where it is going. Before you can make any attempt to trim spending, you need to know where you are spending now and how much you have to work with.

[sakigt]

Im also with greedy and disney.

My best friend is a newlywed and they have been recently stressing about money. I told her to sit down and write up a budget. They did and she realized they need to spend less and he realized they werent as bad off as they thought.

It also helps because instead of simply saying "we cant afford that" you can just say "we didnt budget for that this month."

[Armywife]

I understand how it can be quite overwhelming. We are four people living on one salary in New York City and it's very tough. My family has gotten used to a bare bones budget and frequently helps out with the frugal themed ideas I've found here and on other PF resources on the net. One of the greatest things we've done is sign up for cash back/ reward credit cards which allow us to pay our bills and it gives us some money back for things we already do (example: Amex gives points when you pay your phone bills and insurance payments). The Amex gifts we get for doing these monthly bill payments are then given as birthday / occasion gifts and in turn it saves us money on buying things outright. Another card we use is the Discover card which gives cash back on purchases we'd already be doing. The cash checks do accumulate- it just takes time. Also if you have cable, you can try negotiating a lower price even for a few months. Figure out things you pay for that you don't use and save on those (example: my family kept paying $100+ on cell phones meanwhile we realized we didn't use our minutes much. We now save $60 by changing the plan).

This site is full of great tips on how to cut your liability budget sensibly in order to save more and you've got a great crowd of PF pro's here to help you out

Take care,
Barb

[Broken Arrow]

Hang in there. I can relate to that dreadful feeling completely. I was in the same situation with my ex, before things started to unravel.

[Ima saver]

You really have to make a budget plan and stick to it. You need to pay yourself first and start an emergency fund. that way when something comes up like bad plumbing, you will have the money to pay for it! do you use charge cards?

[TBH]

Hi, Snoopy.

I have seen a lot of you on this board and my opinion is you know what you're doing. It sounds like with the new job and a break in pay, plus that insurance bill coming due, you're in a temporary shortfall. It happens to everybody and it certainly is scary. And I know what you mean about feeling like it never gets easier, but really, it sounds like it's worse than usual right now because of recent events.

It's not a bad idea, like others have said, to sit down and map everything out and revisit your budget. Especially with a new job and higher pay, this is a good opportunity to see if you can spread things out a little differently. If you do have a higher income now that your DH has changed jobs, maybe you should think about setting aside a regular amount every month to pay for those occasional large bills like insurance.

Skipping a month of pay would hurt any of us. Don't be upset with yourself for feeling strapped in those circumstances. Just take a hard look at the numbers and see how soon you can pull out of this temporary tight spot, and then see if you can afford to save a little more each month so the next tight spot (and we all know the next one will come) will be paid for in advance out of savings.

You're doing great! Good luck dealing with your DH.

[scfr]

Snoopy,
You've already received lots of good advice from other posters. I agree that tracking your spending and setting up a budget is critical.

You REALLY need to find some way to involve your husband in the decisions, and if he does not like dealing with figures (as pure numbers) you may have to find some creative way to get him involved that would appeal to his interests. That could mean explaining your family as if it were a sports team and the finances the scores, or your budget as if it were a round of golf with sticking to your budget as par, etc. I'm sure you get the idea. Just make it something he can get in to. Not everyone can grasp numbers on a sheet of paper.

The idea of you controlling the money with him on an allowance is not a bad idea. If he balks at the idea as threatening his masculinity, tell him that in Japan (a country with a very good savings rate and manly men), the wife traditionally controls the purse strings and gives her husband an allowance. It seems to work for them. Just don't try to tell him how to spend his allowance; if he's willing to turn control of the finances over to you, be happy and let him waste (err....spend) his allowance any old way he wants to.

Good luck to you!!! Let us know how it is going.

[boomeyers]

My husband is the same way. Here is some money, make it work. He does'nt realize, nor does he care to realize where it is all going. But when we can't cover it, it is all MY fault. I finally convinced him to refinance because so many of our CC's were at astronomical interest rate amounts. He is mad we did'nt get a lower rate. Had he done it 6months-a year ago when I suggested it, we could have got way lower.
Hang in there! You will figure it out just fine and until then, we are here for you to cry on our shoulders!

[katwoman]

Based on your post I'm going to make a BIG ASSumption and guess that your husband will be paid monthly. If that's the case, then yes, things will always seem as though you can't catch up. I've known people who were paid like this and it didn't matter that they were making the same money as those paid weekly or bi-monthly. They were always stressing. Being paid like this meant they had to think about EVERY dollar they spent since they didn't have the benefit of misjudging and being able to adjust in a week or two.

Long story short - - this is really hard to do UNLESS you have a budget and discipline.

One way to avoid ups and downs is to get your utilities on budget billing. You can do the same for your homeowners/car insurance as well. Credit cards are for emergencies. Nothing wrong about shopping at Aldi's and the bread thrift stores. Nothing wrong with getting your DVD's and books from the library.

You're stressed because you're in a crunch right now. Just look for little ways to incorporate some techniques you already know into your daily lives and in a few months (sorry, it does take that much time or even longer) you'll be in a much better position.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by katwoman

Based on your post I'm going to make a BIG ASSumption and guess that your husband will be paid monthly. If that's the case, then yes, things will always seem as though you can't catch up. I've known people who were paid like this and it didn't matter that they were making the same money as those paid weekly or bi-monthly. They were always stressing. Being paid like this meant they had to think about EVERY dollar they spent since they didn't have the benefit of misjudging and being able to adjust in a week or two.

I think if you are responsible with your money, it doesn't matter if you get paid weekly, biweekly or monthly. And if you aren't responsible with your money, you can get in just as much trouble being paid weekly as you can being paid monthly.

I recently had a patient tell us that her appointments need to be during the first week of the month because that's when she gets her check. If we schedule her for later in the month, she won't have the money to come in. All that says to me is that she can't manage to set aside the money for her visit until she needs it. If she has the money, she will spend it on something else. I think it is spending habits like that that explain why so many folks are living paycheck to paycheck.

[PRICEPLUS]

SNOOPY, hang in there. It gets tough from time ot time. Things break. Bills pile up. You make a plan and stick to it. Repair what is most in need of fixing first. Write down every penny you spend and on what you spent it. It is hard to adjust when you don't have a fix on the money. The boards here are full of ideas on cuting and saving money.

I wish I could say there is an easy fix but there is not. There is a goal and a plan(s) to get there.

Remember to keep everything in perspective. 100 years from now neither you nor anyone else will be concerned about this months bill(s) being late. Just do the best you can and that is all you can do. All the worrying in the world doesn't change a thing.

In the end it is just stuff. What is important is that you and your family are healthy and together. The rest is just stuff. Stuff you can and will deal with.

All the best! You are in my prayers!!!

[Ima saver]

Snoopy, it seems like groceries are a big expense with you. Can you limit yourself to about $100 a week for food? It may mean eating a lot of mac and cheese and giving up soda, but you can do it!

[PauletteGoddard]

It just seems the kids the dogs & everything some days is just to much I feel like crying today!!! Any ideas on how to trim things up with 5 people!!! And a husband who thinks we can spend like thiers no tommorrow & then blames me that we are broke all the time!!!

Sing it sister, then take a deep breath. Can you do as the Japanese and Koreans do and give your husband an allowance? Do you take the maximum number of exemptions on your paycheck? Have you checked online for resources and ideas on how to reduce some costs?

[Snoopy2645]

ok thanks for all the advice I did just that took a deep breath & am regaining control my brohter is fixing my car I only have to pay $75 for the parts & my DH fixed the sink for now we will see how it goes!!! Hes an electrician not a plumber!!! And the wash machince leaking I will have someone out here monday for that & I have fixed it tell then. And now the dryer & furnance are going out furnance dh thinks he can fix but the part will be $400 & & we will have to go price new dryers mine I have had for 10 years now & I bought it used so its defiently gave us a good run!!!

As for dh getting an allowance he does that him self blows that than expects me to buy this & that all the time. Its hard for me because before I met him I never had any money problems oh well guess this is part of marriage I am trying hard to change him & have changed my ways too so for 5 people we can spend less I Have been garage saling buying the kids outfits for $2 when at the store they cost $25 or whatever. And have lots clearanced shopped & freebie shopped for xmas so far I have tons & only spent around $50 on xmas. So thanks for all the good vibes dh does get paid every two weeks but I get paid the opposite week of him so that part is not bad.

[PauletteGoddard]

Snoopy:

I will just say "good for you," "do what works," and pass along what other women farther down the mothering path told me when I hyperventilated about expenses: "this too will pass. things will get better."