Same Old Story II

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Squantum

Timetosave, have you been tracking every penny you've been spending since you came to the board? Knowing where the money is going would allow everyone to help you more.

I think that people are fixing on the $35 riding lessons since it's clearly a discretionary expense, and (I think) you've said that you don't know how you could save even $20 a month for Christmas, and you are worried the electricity might be cut off? I don't know what your electric bill is, but at this time of year, mine is $35 or so. If the choice is between riding lessons and getting the electricity cut off, I'm sure both you and your daughter would choose to keep the electricity going, wouldn't you? It's not that $35 is too much to spend on your daugher -- but it's hard to offer advice on what else to cut when we don't know what other discretionary spending you're doing. It seems that in the past, you've spent a lot on hobbies for both yourself and your children (baseball cards, riding lessons, ski lessons). It's just that when there's a crisis, hobbies are a natural thing to cut. The whole family should be pulling together to get your financial situation right (sorry to hear your husband is not that helpful in this regard). That's all Ima and Lynda and others are trying to say.

Best wishes.

DD has already given up skiing and is working for her lessons. I can't see taking everything from her, nor will I. The solution here is getting a second job. I put in many many applications today. I should have something soon. Once I do that I can get the car caught up and these other expenses won't be so difficult. I am looking into someplace they can go after school...for their safety. But I simply have to bite the bullet and get a second job...many people have them. I am thinking better, at the beginning of this I wanted one but could not figure out how...now I know how, I know it might not be the best thing for the kids but it will get me out of this position sooner. Thanks for the input. Ima is just a trouble maker in my eyes, Lynda has ideas about her family and what works and I respect that, but what works for her is not going to work for me. I will not punish my child because the adults can't seem to get it together. Things were really fine before that ^%$# car situation, it has been downhill since...a little over a year now.

The reality is that 35.00 will be spent on my daughter monthy, why? Because she deserves it. That is not something that is even being considered. I will get a second job and make it through this. Thanks for the input, I do appreciate the support.

G

[DivaJen]

Originally Posted by timetosave

She will continue riding lessons...that has been a part of her life since the 3rd grade and I'm not taking it away from her now.

I can see your POV on this. If I were having financial troubles, there are things that I would cut, but I would really try to keep paying for DD's ballet lessons ss long as I possibly could. I would try to work at the studio to offset tuition, so volunteer work, whatever I could, because it is something she LOVES and I would feel awful to take that away from her for my own mistakes.

I may not agree with everything I've read from you or others on this thread, but I do see where you're coming from on this issue.

[sarah]

Good Luck. This is a really hard situatuion. I have family members who are dealing with financial abuse form other family members and it is never an easy issue.

[Ima saver]

How much money do you need to borrow to get you out of this situation?

[LuxLiving]

Timetosave - I'm praying that you get the second job that you want that will fill the $$ needs in your life and be a blessing timewise for you and your kiddos! Also that you and your husband find a peaceful way to talk about and work out these sensitive but necessary issues!

Keep your chin up girl - I know it is hard to have a partner when it feels like they are working against you rather than coming alongside.

You'll get to the top of your mountain one step at a time!! Be brave and don't give up. You don't seem the type to give up easily so I know you WILL get there!!


And IMA SAVER, gosh darn it, people here like you!!

[Ima saver]

Well Lux, aren't you sweet. [Automated by GetSmile]

[greedy4chips]

Medical transcriptionist is a plan for the future...you need a solution now.

Clark Howard, a financial talk show host, talks about a company that hire work at home people to do customer service calls for companies. You set the hours you want to receive calls. I am not sure how it works, but if you go to www.clarkhoward.com I am sure you can find the details or get the link information if you are interested.

Just some words of advice. People have a tendency to help those who appreciate their advice and apply what works for them while quietly discarding what doesn't work for you.

You have 3 choices currently
1. Raise more income
2. Lower your outflow
3. Do nothing

Some people are going to suggest that you cut all payments for anything that is non-essential. Essential items are shelter, food, and bills nothing else deserves your money except those 3 items. Each of those 3 must be kept at a minimum to help eliminate debt. Horse back riding does not fit in those 3 and thus should be cut in some people's opinion.

Some people are going to suggest getting a 2nd or 3rd income source. That is fine if you use all extra earnings to repay the debt you have, but some people take on more debt by getting another job.

Do nothing works for some too. Not for me or 99% of those here. Do nothing is what got most people into debt in the first place.

Warning! Personal opinion ahead...today's society thinks kids deserve things like dance lessons, music lessons, riding lessons, toys that go beep, etc because we wanted those things as kids ourselves. We would all be better off if we just spent time with our kids talking and making meals versus running them off to some lesson.

That is my 2 cents and I am sure it flies against your beliefs.

Ima and I think alike unfortunately for you.

[QueenOphelia]

Originally Posted by timetosave

Lynda, that might work for your children but not for mine. I am teaching her exactly what she needs to learn at 11. She is working at the stable in order to earn free lessons and I only pay 35.00 a month. I feel sorry for your kids if you think spening 35.00 a month on them is a waste of money...sad.

G

That's terrific she is helping pay for her lessons. But at 11 y.o she is smart enough to see what is happening in your life. The relationship with your husband sounds quite toxic and she must feel that. He seems to be the cause of the brunt of the current financial issues by doing a bad refi and making you sell your van. Can he contribute to help this situtaion by getting a second job?

Perhaps you can seek some professional marriage counseling (hopefully covered by insurance?) to ease the tension in the household. I think it could benefit the entire family.

Hang in there! You are not alone.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by QueenOphelia

That's terrific she is helping pay for her lessons. But at 11 y.o she is smart enough to see what is happening in your life. The relationship with your husband sounds quite toxic and she must feel that. He seems to be the cause of the brunt of the current financial issues by doing a bad refi and making you sell your van. Can he contribute to help this situtaion by getting a second job?

Perhaps you can seek some professional marriage counseling (hopefully covered by insurance?) to ease the tension in the household. I think it could benefit the entire family.

Hang in there! You are not alone.

Thanks for your words of support. I'm done with counseling for dh. He is disabled and will not work. Thanks for your words of support.

G

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by greedy4chips

Medical transcriptionist is a plan for the future...you need a solution now.

Clark Howard, a financial talk show host, talks about a company that hire work at home people to do customer service calls for companies. You set the hours you want to receive calls. I am not sure how it works, but if you go to www.clarkhoward.com I am sure you can find the details or get the link information if you are interested.

Just some words of advice. People have a tendency to help those who appreciate their advice and apply what works for them while quietly discarding what doesn't work for you.

You have 3 choices currently
1. Raise more income
2. Lower your outflow
3. Do nothing

Some people are going to suggest that you cut all payments for anything that is non-essential. Essential items are shelter, food, and bills nothing else deserves your money except those 3 items. Each of those 3 must be kept at a minimum to help eliminate debt. Horse back riding does not fit in those 3 and thus should be cut in some people's opinion.

Some people are going to suggest getting a 2nd or 3rd income source. That is fine if you use all extra earnings to repay the debt you have, but some people take on more debt by getting another job.

Do nothing works for some too. Not for me or 99% of those here. Do nothing is what got most people into debt in the first place.

Warning! Personal opinion ahead...today's society thinks kids deserve things like dance lessons, music lessons, riding lessons, toys that go beep, etc because we wanted those things as kids ourselves. We would all be better off if we just spent time with our kids talking and making meals versus running them off to some lesson.

That is my 2 cents and I am sure it flies against your beliefs.

Ima and I think alike unfortunately for you.

Thanks for the link. My only choice in this is to get another job. Doing nothing defeats why I'm here and I simply can't cut anyplace else (WON'T). Like I've said over and over. I will not deny my child riding lessons period. No matter what the opinion here might be. She has stepped up to the plate and is working for the other three weeks worth of lessons...I think I can shell out 35.00 for her to continue, if for no other reason but to show her how much I appreciate her working...she is 11. Punishing my children is not going to make this situation better. Ima is on my ignore list. I wish she would just stop coming to my vines. But Ima loves rubbing others noses in her success so she will continue to come. I bet once I'm on my feet and doing well she won't have nearly as much to say. There are so many other people on this board to torment.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by LuxLiving

Timetosave - I'm praying that you get the second job that you want that will fill the $$ needs in your life and be a blessing timewise for you and your kiddos! Also that you and your husband find a peaceful way to talk about and work out these sensitive but necessary issues!

Keep your chin up girl - I know it is hard to have a partner when it feels like they are working against you rather than coming alongside.

You'll get to the top of your mountain one step at a time!! Be brave and don't give up. You don't seem the type to give up easily so I know you WILL get there!!


And IMA SAVER, gosh darn it, people here like you!!

Thanks Lux. My chin is up, thanks to you and others here. I won't fail, I simply can't, my kids are depending on me pulling this off...and I will.

G

[timetosave]

Greedy, I just submitted my app. Thanks

G

[creditcardfree]

I am very proud of you to realize that getting a second job at this point is a necessity. There are so many people unwilling to work extra to pay for debt repayment. I know you have yet to find the job...but you will. The first place that comes to mind is Target or a big retailer that would need holiday help...and you could get a discount on those 2 gifts that you are getting your children.

I also want to commend you on having your daughter work at the stables to pay for some of her riding lessons. That is a great lesson to her that one must work to get a return. Work in this case gets her more lessons!

I would also highly encourage you to avoid the payday loan people. Those interest rates are not worth it.

Save any pinecone research money for the next few months for gifts. Anything you could sell to use the cash for Christmas?

I just want to encourage you to keep an open mind as to how this will be resolved for you. Look at all the possibilities. Getting the second job would be great. Good luck with that.

[lgslgs]

One of the possibilities for Christmas gifts (perhaps one of the two you have planned) is something that seems much more expensive than it is.

Not sure if you knit, crochet, or sew, but what came to mind was a nice gift package of several pretty yarns, a very simple crochet stitch book, and a hook or two. Then round that out with a pretty binder of simple first projects (printed from the web - lots of free patterns are on line). The bulk of the gift would really be the time and attention spent working together to teach the skill.

I guess one of the reasons that I think of that as a good gift is that of all of the gifts I got from my mother, the thing that I valued the most was the year that she gave each of us our own little garden plot and let us each pick our very own packet of flower seeds. It's got to be close to 40 years later, and I know that my brother planted pinks (dianthus), my older sister planted celosia and I planted moss roses (portulaca).

Looking back now I know that a little 3x3 square of garden space an a pack of seeds is about as cheap as a cheap gift can get. But it was a big deal for each of us because what we thought we were getting was some kind of "graduation" in responsibility and privilege in being allowed to participate in something that was Mom's.

I'm not telling you you shouldn't go buy the gifts you have in mind right now, OK?

And FYI - I don't have kids, or debt for that matter - just in case you were wondering.

For so much of my youth, my folks didn't have any money to spare. They really didn't - but I didn't even really realize it. Turns out my mother grew up the same way. Instead of family meals out at a restaurant, we used to grill out every Saturday night there wasn't snow on the ground. And it just didn't occur to me that the fact that each month it was 2 nights with hot dogs, one with hamburgers, and one with steak was actually as much financial management as meal planning.

When times are tight, and genuinely financially frightening, some of these things that may sound "cheap" can actually feel very rich. I think that applies to children as well as adults. And in my experience, it's the stuff with heavy emotional content that is remembered the most. I confident that with Christmas coming up, you will find the right gifts for your family - and that you can find a way to manage them without having to deal with some uncaring loan company that just wants to put it's hooks into your paycheck.

I wish you the best with your planning for the upcoming holidays.

Lynda

[Ima saver]

I don't think I have ever tormented anyone in my life. I am certainly not wanted to rub your nose in anything. It is just my opinion that you need to cut back on some things. Horseback riding and skiing was two of those things I would cut. I think taking a second job is a good idea and I was just wondering how much money you would need to become current? You mentioned trying for a loan. I know your husband is disabled and not able to work.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by creditcardfree

I am very proud of you to realize that getting a second job at this point is a necessity. There are so many people unwilling to work extra to pay for debt repayment. I know you have yet to find the job...but you will. The first place that comes to mind is Target or a big retailer that would need holiday help...and you could get a discount on those 2 gifts that you are getting your children.

I also want to commend you on having your daughter work at the stables to pay for some of her riding lessons. That is a great lesson to her that one must work to get a return. Work in this case gets her more lessons!

I would also highly encourage you to avoid the payday loan people. Those interest rates are not worth it.

Save any pinecone research money for the next few months for gifts. Anything you could sell to use the cash for Christmas?

I just want to encourage you to keep an open mind as to how this will be resolved for you. Look at all the possibilities. Getting the second job would be great. Good luck with that.

Hi, I was waiting for you to get here! Thanks. Just like before everything was overwhelming until I got here and put it all in black and white. That helps me deal with it in a more rational manner. The feedback helps me calm down. I will avoid the payday loan people as long as possible. I am still sifting through all the internet loan companies. I know there is a legit one out there that will be able to help me. I need to stop the calls and get some of these people paid.

All pinecone money will go towards Christmas...what a great idea. I have an uncashed check at home now.

Thanks for the feedback, I really respect your input.

G

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by lgslgs

One of the possibilities for Christmas gifts (perhaps one of the two you have planned) is something that seems much more expensive than it is.

Not sure if you knit, crochet, or sew, but what came to mind was a nice gift package of several pretty yarns, a very simple crochet stitch book, and a hook or two. Then round that out with a pretty binder of simple first projects (printed from the web - lots of free patterns are on line). The bulk of the gift would really be the time and attention spent working together to teach the skill.

I guess one of the reasons that I think of that as a good gift is that of all of the gifts I got from my mother, the thing that I valued the most was the year that she gave each of us our own little garden plot and let us each pick our very own packet of flower seeds. It's got to be close to 40 years later, and I know that my brother planted pinks (dianthus), my older sister planted celosia and I planted moss roses (portulaca).

Looking back now I know that a little 3x3 square of garden space an a pack of seeds is about as cheap as a cheap gift can get. But it was a big deal for each of us because what we thought we were getting was some kind of "graduation" in responsibility and privilege in being allowed to participate in something that was Mom's.

I'm not telling you you shouldn't go buy the gifts you have in mind right now, OK?

And FYI - I don't have kids, or debt for that matter - just in case you were wondering.

For so much of my youth, my folks didn't have any money to spare. They really didn't - but I didn't even really realize it. Turns out my mother grew up the same way. Instead of family meals out at a restaurant, we used to grill out every Saturday night there wasn't snow on the ground. And it just didn't occur to me that the fact that each month it was 2 nights with hot dogs, one with hamburgers, and one with steak was actually as much financial management as meal planning.

When times are tight, and genuinely financially frightening, some of these things that may sound "cheap" can actually feel very rich. I think that applies to children as well as adults. And in my experience, it's the stuff with heavy emotional content that is remembered the most. I confident that with Christmas coming up, you will find the right gifts for your family - and that you can find a way to manage them without having to deal with some uncaring loan company that just wants to put it's hooks into your paycheck.

I wish you the best with your planning for the upcoming holidays.

Lynda

Lynda, the tone and the message were both such a blessing. Thank you for taking the time to write this. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

G

[Cheetahwoman7]

I remember this thread having some good ideas about ways to make some cash quick.

If you had to earn $1000 in two weeks how would you do it?

[timetosave]

Cheeta, thanks, interesting vine. I'm checking out Criags list now.

G