Same Old Story II

[Ima saver]

I am not trying to start trouble "again" as you said. I just think that things like horse back riding lessons and skiing would be the first places I would cut down on expenses. You told us that you worked at a college.

[timetosave]

Yep, I work in the Finance and Marketing department, and yes, Ima you are trying to stir the pot again...it is what you do.

G

[Ima saver]

Let's ask the others? Do I stir up trouble?

[boefixepa]

Time to Save,

Take a deep breath and let the stress go....In, out...in out...breath...

Okay, time to regroup. This is NOT the time to fall off the bandwagon. This is the time to tap into some additional resources.

When I look back over my childhood there were MANY Christamas' that my parents told us in advance would be very lean. However, now as an adult looking back there were very few GIFTS that I even remember. What I remember where the experiences! Looking for the tree, decorating the house/tree, cooking dinner, going caroling, working in soup kitchens...things like that. Try focusing your Christams more on the giving than the recieving. More the serving than being served. Ask grandparents if they could make sure their gifts are special. If you have aunts and uncles that give, let them know what's going on. You can still make Christams wonderful without spending much. Also you can sign your kids up for gifts from Angel tree and the like. See what's around in your area.

Now as for the money situation....well I'd rather sell my blood then go to one of those payday places. They are a trap! As tempting as they seem please, please, please don't go there. You will end up with another judgement on your plate. The interest they charge should be illegal!

Is the second job worth the risk to your children? Is it possible to downgrade on somethings to better live with your situation? I know hubby is on disability now, so maybe selling the house and finding something which involes less stress on both of you would be better in the long run? Does hubby need some counseling to deal with his new situation? Is some of his stress/anger due to coming to terms with that? Are there agencies to help with hubby's situation that you have not looked into? Can you ask extended family members for loans?

Now these are just questions that you may or may not have considered. I just thought I'd toss them out there and see. Feel free to cross them off if they don't apply.

With the refinance hubby was trying to do not going through you now seem to have more on your all ready full plate. Time to really plan and remember, hang in there!

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!

As a side note...I would start as soon as possible to getting your tax things together so you can see ASAP what to expect there! If you are expecting a return file that thing on the first possible day! Also if you can guess now that you will get a refund, maybe you can change the w-4 at work to get a little extra these last few paychecks. It will make your return smaller, but you will have a little extra now.

Good luck and keep us up to date!

[sweeps]

Originally Posted by boefixepa

When I look back over my childhood there were MANY Christamas' that my parents told us in advance would be very lean. However, now as an adult looking back there were very few GIFTS that I even remember. What I remember where the experiences! Looking for the tree, decorating the house/tree, cooking dinner, going caroling, working in soup kitchens...things like that.

So true, so true.

[timetosave]

Boefixepa, thanks for the reply. You are right, I can and will get through this. Sometimes it is just hard to see how. But in the end we always do.

I really don't want to go to the payday people but they are the only ones who will give me a loan. I realize there are lenders out there that will lend people with bad credit money at crazy interest rates but I can't seem to find one...there are so many out there to rip you off I don't know which one to trust...so I figured at least with the payday it is a lower amount that can be managed.

The refinance already went through, he did it last summer, something in the paperwork (I tried to read it to him and explain about the taxes etc. he just brushed me off) I'm not sure of the extent of the problem but he did not read the fine print that I was trying to get him to read this past summer (I begged him not to sign off until he had our lawyer read it) not reading that is costing him an additional 700.00 a month so our mortgage is now around 1,700.00 monthly (doubled from what it was) STUPID, but he would not let me have a say. He is paying the mortgage and now has told me if I want running water and electricity I need to pay for those...sell the house? I suggested that a couple of years ago...the house is his, he won't sell.

It is not a big house and when the payment was just over 700 a month it was well within our means. This is the second really stupid situation he has gotten us into this year (first one was trading in my minivan which was paid for with cash for a trailblazer 700+ payment!) it only had 60.000 miles on it. I begged him not to do it...but he did...that threw me into going back to work.

If I don't get a second job I won't have to worry about being around for my kids because DSS will come and get them, we won't have running water or electricity and it is VERY COLD here now...as far as my husband is concerned he will not deal with his problems. Refuses. I've tried, I'm honestly tired of trying. Depressed...yes, miserable...yes, do I really care (other than the effect it is having on me financially and what he is doing to my kids) NO.

I've asked my family, they are pretty strapped with the holidays approaching. DD knows this is going to be a very small Christmas, I've already told her that, but a small Christmas does not mean no Christmas at all. I will definately use the payday people before I let it get to that. I will look into the tax thing. but would releasing more money into my paycheck only mean more money to the garnishment? Will it really make that much difference? I'd rather get the money at tax time than allow them to get a single penny of that money.

G

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by timetosave

I will look into the tax thing. but would releasing more money into my paycheck only mean more money to the garnishment? Will it really make that much difference? I'd rather get the money at tax time than allow them to get a single penny of that money.

just know that, depending on who is garnishing your wages, there is a possibliity they may have a claim to part or all of your tax return as well...

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by tinapbeana

just know that, depending on who is garnishing your wages, there is a possibliity they may have a claim to part or all of your tax return as well...

I thought the only way that could happen is if it was a government agency like student loan or something like that...this is not so I'm hoping that won't happen. I am planning on paying off this garnishment with my tax money anyways (well that was my original plan) we will see when the time comes.

Does anybody know if it is possible to have more than one person garnishing your check at once? I'm worried about the other two judgments.

thanks

G

[budgetmom]

Oh yes, it is entirely possible to have more than one garnishment. We just got done with one garnishment this past spring and have one left that will hopefully be paid with our tax return (they garnish that too) next year. Definately contact these people before the garnishment takes effect. I'm not sure about the tax garnishment question, our taxes are being garnished through a government agency.

[tinapbeana]

i think for some states medical bills can be garnished from state returns. things that have been returned from a bank, i'm not sure about. possibly speak with someone at the state revenue office?

[Ima saver]

I think taking an extra job is the answer.

[lgslgs]

Originally Posted by timetosave

Yes, she still rides...before you go where I think you are going, I will not make my children suffer because I've made bad decisions. You are talking about 35.00 not a fortune...that won't even make a dent in what I'm talking about.

I'm sure that this won't be a welcome comment, but if you are in debt $35 might as well be a fortune. You are spending money that you owe someone else.

IMHO - that makes children suffer more than eliminating riding lessons. You are responsible for their health, safety, and character development. Spending yourself further into hock doesn't help them in the long term - even if it helps make today feel slightly brighter.

It isn't a kindness to try to buy a bit of happiness today with money you honestly don't have. There's lots of other ways to show your kids how much you love them.

Lynda

[timetosave]

Lynda, that might work for your children but not for mine. I am teaching her exactly what she needs to learn at 11. She is working at the stable in order to earn free lessons and I only pay 35.00 a month. I feel sorry for your kids if you think spening 35.00 a month on them is a waste of money...sad.

G

[tinapbeana]

IMO neither lgslgs nor timetosave are 'sad', nor are they not loving their children enough. people raise their children differently just as they budget differently and have different metabolisms.

if you ask a question and someone gives you an answer you don't like, say 'thank you for taking the time to answer' and move on with your life, there's no need to call them sad and say you feel sorry for their kids. nor is their a need to desparage them simply because their opinion on kids/budgeting/politics/whatever is different from yours.

similarly, if someone askes a question or makes a spending choice this is hard to understand because it is outside of your scope of experience or not something you personally would consider important, it's not productive to continue to insist the other person see your point of view.

i've worked customer service too long, and i can tell you sometimes you will see side A, the other person will see side B, and neither one of you can see the other side. ever. just agree to disagree and please move forwards towards something productive.

[Ima saver]

Well said, tinapbeana. We are just pointing out when money is so tight, things like riding lessons might have to be cut for a while.My father died when I was little and I had to go to work to pay for things. My mother did not buy my clothes or anything else, there was no money for that. But she did love me.

[boefixepa]

Oh my, your husband really needs a wake up call, from what I can tell anyway. He's really not making good choices and then leaving the consequences in your lap. Not wise on his part, and I feel for you. You really are paying for not only your mistakes, but his also. Of course trying to make him see that is probable like trying to find that pot of gold we'd all like!

I'd say finding a second job at the holidays would be great as long as you are confident that hubby will not hurt the kids. Maybe DD could stay with a friends/fammily as much as possible? If you get a job at the right store you may be able to get a discount on a few affordable gifts?

Whatever you do just make a plan and prioritize things the best you can. Roof over the head (including utilities), food on table, car to get there and back...that's the short list. Most everything else is taken care of only after this. Make the plan the best you can and then roll with the bunches and hang in there.

Oh, let your family know you would rather they give you $$ for Christamas rather than gifts. Even if it's only $5! Let your kids know a thoughtful homemade gift is all you'd like too. Put coal in hubby's stocking!

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by boefixepa

Oh my, your husband really needs a wake up call, from what I can tell anyway. He's really not making good choices and then leaving the consequences in your lap. Not wise on his part, and I feel for you. You really are paying for not only your mistakes, but his also. Of course trying to make him see that is probable like trying to find that pot of gold we'd all like!

I'd say finding a second job at the holidays would be great as long as you are confident that hubby will not hurt the kids. Maybe DD could stay with a friends/fammily as much as possible? If you get a job at the right store you may be able to get a discount on a few affordable gifts?

Whatever you do just make a plan and prioritize things the best you can. Roof over the head (including utilities), food on table, car to get there and back...that's the short list. Most everything else is taken care of only after this. Make the plan the best you can and then roll with the bunches and hang in there.

Oh, let your family know you would rather they give you $$ for Christamas rather than gifts. Even if it's only $5! Let your kids know a thoughtful homemade gift is all you'd like too. Put coal in hubby's stocking!

You actually made me smile...

I am going to talk to dd about what Christmas is really about, doing for others, get her mind off of the I and on to what is important. There really isen't anything she wants or needs (she has every gadget out there) so I'm not going to sweat Christmas (I will panic as we get closer). She will continue riding lessons...that has been a part of her life since the 3rd grade and I'm not taking it away from her now.

Making the car payment right now has to be priority. I called the electric company today and told them I will be late...very late on the next payment. I will do this. Thanks for the support.

G

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by tinapbeana

IMO neither lgslgs nor timetosave are 'sad', nor are they not loving their children enough. people raise their children differently just as they budget differently and have different metabolisms.

if you ask a question and someone gives you an answer you don't like, say 'thank you for taking the time to answer' and move on with your life, there's no need to call them sad and say you feel sorry for their kids. nor is their a need to desparage them simply because their opinion on kids/budgeting/politics/whatever is different from yours.

similarly, if someone askes a question or makes a spending choice this is hard to understand because it is outside of your scope of experience or not something you personally would consider important, it's not productive to continue to insist the other person see your point of view.

i've worked customer service too long, and i can tell you sometimes you will see side A, the other person will see side B, and neither one of you can see the other side. ever. just agree to disagree and please move forwards towards something productive.

Well said, but there are two sides to every penny. Just like I refuse to roll over and play dead with my finances...I refuse to roll over and play dead here. I do not come here for parenting advice, I'm sure there are many forums out there for that. I am here about my finances. What works for her family does not work for mine...she had her say and I had mine...Done. I do not apologize for anything I've said. I think it is sad for any child to have a parent that thinks spending 35.00 per month on them is a waste of money, that is my opinion, just like she thinks that spening 35.00 on my dd is a waste...ok for her to say...so it must be ok for me to say.

G

[Squantum]

Timetosave, have you been tracking every penny you've been spending since you came to the board? Knowing where the money is going would allow everyone to help you more.

I think that people are fixing on the $35 riding lessons since it's clearly a discretionary expense, and (I think) you've said that you don't know how you could save even $20 a month for Christmas, and you are worried the electricity might be cut off? I don't know what your electric bill is, but at this time of year, mine is $35 or so. If the choice is between riding lessons and getting the electricity cut off, I'm sure both you and your daughter would choose to keep the electricity going, wouldn't you? It's not that $35 is too much to spend on your daugher -- but it's hard to offer advice on what else to cut when we don't know what other discretionary spending you're doing. It seems that in the past, you've spent a lot on hobbies for both yourself and your children (baseball cards, riding lessons, ski lessons). It's just that when there's a crisis, hobbies are a natural thing to cut. The whole family should be pulling together to get your financial situation right (sorry to hear your husband is not that helpful in this regard). That's all Ima and Lynda and others are trying to say.

Best wishes.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by boefixepa

Oh my, your husband really needs a wake up call, from what I can tell anyway. He's really not making good choices and then leaving the consequences in your lap. Not wise on his part, and I feel for you. You really are paying for not only your mistakes, but his also. Of course trying to make him see that is probable like trying to find that pot of gold we'd all like!

I did not mean to ignore this part of your post. You are right, I've been cleaning up these sorts of messes and worse for 16 years. A choice I made. I married him..for better or worse...

The sad part is there are children involved. I have to pick up the pieces in order to keep them...I don't have a choice and until I get a firm footing (financil) I can't even begin to think about leaving.

G