Easier to save

[MairGrif]

Being newly engaged, I'm more and more encountering the process of joint decision making. My question to the rest of you is this:

Do you find it easier to change spending, or save as a single person, or as part of a couple? What are some of the advantages &/or unique challenges to each situation?

I find it is cheaper at times when buying groceries, but he doesn't always look for the best prices. It can also be difficult b/c financially we are of different mindsets, partly I think to do with the salary disparity, as even though he has larger debt payments, he also has a salary that's 50% larger than mine ( I make ~2/3 what he does). Slowly but surely though, he's coming on board and there's less of this: and this (me).

As a single person, I have the same set costs in housing, utilities to a great extent and food that a couple does, yet only one income to cover them.

What I don't have is a resentment towards my husband because he doesn't bring in as much money from his business but has no regret in spending, and I don't have a husband who has a gambling problems, from which I will never be able to recover. Those are situations in which two women I know find themselves.

But I do have more of a fear because I don't have that safety net of a husband, so I probably find it easier to stash money away to try and compensate for that.

[cschin4]

We get along well in dealing with our finances. Actually, he really isn't all that interested in it. But, he does take care of the bills, insurances, balancing the checkbook and so forth. The day to day stuff. I am more interested in finances so I make the decisions regarding saving and investing. I chose the retirement funds, buy stocks, etc.
He is not a spender. He does all the grocery shopping but takes a list and pretty much sticks to that. He does try to find the best deal when getting groceries.
I am the spender in our relationship. I buy the stuff for the house, clothes for us and the kids, etc. We have never been in debt so he really doesn't care what I buy and knows that I am not going to go overboard or get us into debt.
As for saving, I didn't save much when I was younger. But, once we had children, I wanted to make sure we had money in the bank so then we started to pay more attention to that.

[Ima saver]

I have always handled the money. He gets an allowance to pay for his gasoline. My husband knows I am not much of a spender so he trusts me. I write out his paycheck to me, cash it and give him his allowance. but he knows if he really needs something, he can have it. We of course, discuss big purchases.

[disneysteve]

I would never have married someone who wasn't thrifty and a saver like me. That would have just been asking for trouble. I think too many people make that mistake and it explains why money is the number one thing couples fight about.

That said, I could definitely save a lot more if I was single. I am much more adaptable and willing to put up with less than is my wife (of 14 years). She is very low maintenance and very careful with money, and I appreciate that tremendously, but in certain areas she still spends more freely than me and wants more than me. If it was up to me, for example, we would still have the mismatched hand-me-down bedroom furniture we had when we got married, but several years ago she insisted on getting a new bedroom set.

Of course, on the flip-side, sometimes I have to practically drag her to the store to buy something I know she wants and needs that we can easily afford.

Overall, we are very well matched financially speaking and that is a big reason why our savings are growing so nicely.

[Ima saver]

I agree, my first husband and I did not get along financially. He loves to gamble, play cards, dog track, etc. He never had a dime saved, just spend, spend , spend. Because I saved, we had a nice home, cars etc. When we got divorced, he never owned a home again. (we split it 50/50) He wound up living with his in laws for the rest of their lives. (and he was a licensed builder, but ended up a bag boy)
My husband and I get along great with money, but I will have to say one thing. We had older used furniture for years, but when i built a beautiful new house worth a half mil, I had to have all new furniture.
I got everything including mattresses, mirrors, wall hangings, furniture for every room, for about $7000. And I paid cash for it too!!

[PrincessPerky]

It is easier to do anything we chose to do together, a built in support when we need it.

BUT if no choice is made it is easy to not look, easy to have...... well a partner in 'crime'.

a partner is just that a partner, either in spending or saving or somewhere in the middle.

We shore up our weaknesses together, and accentuate our strengths..thats what marrriage is about..to me anyway.

[Broken Arrow]

Well, since I am a divorcee, I can tell you that it's been much easier for me to operate as a single rather than with my ex. We were compatible in many ways, but unfortunately, financial compatibility wasn't one of them.

From my perspective, she is someone who would buy things without knowing how it can be of a consquence later. By the time we divorced, she racked up a quarter of a million dollars in debt and next to no asset.

To be perfectly fair, I know she complains about me being a money-grubbing tight wad who doesn't want to spend any money, especially on her to make her happy.

Er.... That doesn't help, does it? The one thing I have learned the hard way is that a couple needs to be on the same page, no matter what, when it comes to matters regarding finance.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

We are another couple who are well matched in our attitudes and actions towards money. Our relationship would not have gone far otherwise. We both did just fine separately and both do just fine together.

[BCHGRL]

I was just married in April. We kept our finances seperate until then. We bought a house together a little more than a year before our wedding. Prior to the wedding, he just gave me a check for his portion of the mortgage each month.

For both of us, it has been a pretty big adjustment to merge our accounts. We have similar spending styles (this was not always the case - I have changed for the better.) It is just a big adjustment for a two very independent people to suddenly have dependent finances. My account became our "shared" account, and he maintains his old account with a small balance. I pay all the bills out of our shared account.

Occasionally, he'll get on to me because I still call everything "mine" and he has to remind me that it is now "ours." It is not intentional, just like when I forget and sign my old last name.

The best advice I can give you is to communicate about your finances. If you explain to him what is important to you (i.e. saving, paying off debt, etc.) and show dedication to the goals, he should work towards those goals as well.

[JoyJoy]

Originally Posted by BCHGRL

The best advice I can give you is to communicate about your finances. If you explain to him what is important to you (i.e. saving, paying off debt, etc.) and show dedication to the goals, he should work towards those goals as well.

Very well said BCHGRL!!... and to think you've only been married since April!!

My husband retired June 1, 2006 and we had to communicate about our finances or he couldn't have retired at age 55 after 36 years and 7 months with the government. I handled all the money before he retired and now we both have our own checking account and a shared account which we pay house expenses out of. Other than that, we both save over $250.00 apiece a month ; he in HSBC and Tiaa-Cref and I save in the credit union and Emigrant....all accounts have each other's names on them as beneficiaries and some are joint.

My husband usually asks me which credit or debt card to use unless he's playing his Everquest game!!!

We have been married for eight years now and agree that communication is the key to a successful marriage.

[Ima saver]

There is usually one person in the marriage who is the best at handling the money. It has always been me.

[Snoopy2645]

In my house I am the saver dh the spender he complains to me & I offer to hand the bills to him & he shuts up for awhile says we would be in the streets if he had to handle the money & as I sit here he is on the other computer looking for another computer saying but its only $21 a month see the problem LOL!!!

[cptacek]

PrincessPerky, I wish I could meet you. You always give such great advice about relationships and marriage.

[Bookie]

I think it's always easier for a person to live frugally and save when flying solo. Introduce a second party into the equation, and there will always be a need to compromise.

That said, the rewards of a relationship that works amply compensate for those concessions. Money, I have read, is a good servant and a bad master. I would add that it's also lousy company on a cold night.

.

[MairGrif]

I agree with Princess Perky that a marriage is a partnership, and that can work for good or bad. I am finding that many people have partners that compliment them. Ex: Derek is patient to a fault, while I have an impatient streak that could rival the gulf stream. A lot of people have commented that while both may tend to save, one partner is stronger on saving for goals, while the other for a rainy day, or something like that.

Thanks everyone for your great comments. It's amazing, we've lived together for more than two years, and talked about spending our lives together, made a lot of decisions together. Yet, since he proposed, while nothing has changed, everything has changed. Those four little words make the mindset radically different. I thought after so much time I'd want to get married quickly, but I'm finding 1) I am enjoying being engaged, and 2) there is so much going on, mentally as well as in real life, that taking almost 18months is ok.

BTW - after almost a year, I've finally got him adjusting to using coupons. Yay!

[PrincessPerky]

thanks cptacek

[KellyJef]

Originally Posted by MairGrif

.......... but I'm finding 1) I am enjoying being engaged, and 2) there is so much going on, mentally as well as in real life, that taking almost 18months is ok.

Yeah, DD is 26 and her fiance is 29. They got engaged January of 2006 and are planning on getting married in October of 2007.

Kelly still lives at home and Luke owns a trailer. They will be building a $350,000 house which will be ready by the time they are married.

I am so proud of them that they willl be starting off their married life so far ahead of the game. Neither one of them has ANY debt

They are also paying for most of their wedding since DH and I are only able to contribute a small amount.

[Ima saver]

It sound like they are getting off to a very good start. I think it is important to discuss money and finances before you ever get married. Lots of young people don't.

[Gruntina]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

It sound like they are getting off to a very good start. I think it is important to discuss money and finances before you ever get married. Lots of young people don't.

That is a very important point there!!!

I think if you love your spouse/partner, you would want to do something that is the best for each other. For an example, make both of you have access to account in the case if anything like illness was to happen to either one.

For some couples it would be easier to have a joint and individual accounts as some couples are each busy with work and life when others have one stay home or part time. I think that makes a lot of differences.

If couples merge accounts together, it takes a lot of communications to how the money is spent and no "power" over the other one. This actually might be a tool for couples to save money because if you can't spend money without the other one knowing, more likely you won’t be over spending on purchases as a single person might would have on themself. This depends on couples that both share the same goals.