The problem with being budget minded is other people.

[b4freedom]

Do you find it challenging to deal with family, friends, coworkers, or the world in general when you’re being budget minded and they aren’t?

My family has lots of money problems that they wouldn’t have if they’d just create a budget and stick to it. For example, a family member spent a little over $3k to go on a cruise. They probably used a credit card with ridiculous interest. But, the thing that irks me is that at end of the month they asked if they could borrow $500 to cover part of their mortgage. I don’t give it which caused some headaches.

But a $500 loan to cover their mortgage just isn’t part of my budget. (I say this with sarcasm)

Or, how about our government? Does any governmental body live within any budgetary constraints?

[Ima saver]

Well I have been on a budget system for 41 years and I put everything in envelopes. It has worked for me for 41 years, but people laugh at me when I tell them about it.
I have never met anyone that uses the envelope system.
I have a friend that spends a fortune buying gifts for everyone when she goes on a trip, but she has never owned a house in her life until this year!! She never has any emergency money set aside.

[sakigt]

When people complain about not being able to afford things I just let them vent. Then I tell them they can either whine and complain or do something about it.

Now, mind you, my friends are all in their mid 20s so our expenses are a little different than some

If you want to go out for drinks with friends, do so, but instead of $6 mixed drinks get a pint of whatever beer is on special.

Want to eat out? Fine! Just order water and skip on the appetizers.

For me, its about priorities, and I think others fail to rate their's accurately. I would rather sit at home and not worry about bills than go on a last minute trip and not totally enjoy myself because of the cost. (I just had to deal with this).

[bee]

I found that when we started saving and budgeting getting on the right track and actually having a bit set aside in an emergency fund friends and family started telling me how hard they were having it and didn`t know how they would pay their bills this month and that month etc...it got to the point that I would cringe when the phone rang but unlike them, I don`t have call waiting,call display and all the other bells and whistles which they have so I never knew who was calling. This might sound awful but I started saying how hard we are having it and with the price of everyting going up etc it is hard to get by just so they would stop and it pretty much worked.

Before I would try to help out by asking them if they wanted frugal recipes or recipes to make your own mixes etc but noone seemed to have time or it was too much work.

A few weeks ago I saw this beautiful couch which I would love to have bought, my mother told me to go and buy it but I told her that I didn`t have the money, it wasn`t in the budget yet and she told me to use our emergency fund ( I had mentioned to her a while back about how we started an emergency fund.. for emergencys) I told her that no, the couch was not an emergency and my mothers reply? She called me a miser.....Yup, she sure did.

[Ima saver]

I don't have the call waiting, etc. that you can get with phones either. All I have is a cheap answering machine and I let it pick up for me. I loaned a friend $500 one time and it took her 4 years to pay me back. This same friend used to rack up $200-300 phone bills every month. She and her husband work together, but they each have their own cell phone.
I have tried for years to teach her to budget. She spends money all the time, but never has had $10,000 in the bank. Until her husband got hurt and got some accident money, she never had more than $50 saved up in her life.

[PrincessPerky]

I find that most peoples money causes me to do a bit of a eybrow raising followed by a double blink....but then I find that with most things period (raising kids, tv viewing..education..ect)

I have noticed that for anyone who wants to change, they ask..I don't waste my time offering, though I have been known to hear a complaint on a particular bill and mention why I don't have that problem (garbage bill going up-havn't got it, don't care if it goes up .)

I have seen a few people pick up a few habits that may be from me, or maybe they found them online like I did, but regardless I didn't lose any friends trying to convince them to be more careful.

[lillyb]

I've actually been having family avoid telling me things they're up to. Hehe... like I'm gonna hold them accountable for their bad behaviors. I think they don't want to hear it. Sometimes they clam up if I'm there and something about money is mentioned. They've not invited me to dinner or outtings because they've heard 'it's not in our budget' too many times. Ugh. Trying to lead by example but am getting the cold shoulder instead. Yee.

[billybob]

My problem is this:

I make a good deal more money than most of my friends, (like twice as much as most of them), and they always poke and prod me when i say I can't afford to do something like go out for dinner. What they don't realize is that almost half my money goes into savings and things, and that I have more expenses than they do (I pay a higher rent, for instance).

It's really frustrating, because it's not like I don't go out to dinner with them, but sometimes I'm saving for something, or there's another reason that I am near my budget limit so I have to cut back.

I think a lot of people really live by the "spend what you have" mentality, and can't comprehend that I am willingly living on a budget.

GRRR!

[Fern]

Everyone has different priorities, and if money isn't one of them, then i guess any subsequent money problems rests with them. You can only do so much to try to get people to see your way of thinking. Best to just offer your opinion only when asked and keep on good terms with the family and friends. Same thing with religion.

[PauletteGoddard]

Originally Posted by b4freedom

Do you find it challenging to deal with family, friends, coworkers, or the world in general when you’re being budget minded and they aren’t?

Or, how about our government? Does any governmental body live within any budgetary constraints?

I'm about saving energy and money these days, but my spouse just isn't behind it. My kid will save energy turning lights off but will stand in front of the open refrigerator for minutes. My spouse seems to need to have a light on in a room no one is in.

I find it best to lead by example. Lecturing and nagging didn't work on me and I suspect it won't work on the lads.

Coworkers and I do not discuss finances.
Family outside my house does not discuss finances. I asked my uncle and aunt, who raised five children, for ideas on how to cut costs raising my kid and they wouldn't deliver the advice. Nice. Note I wasn't asking for money.

Friends -- my friends and I don't have the same income or budget so we don't talk finances unless someone's announced a savings goal or a plan to reduce debt.

In the U.S., the states are legally obliged to balance their budget. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._National_Debt, there's an interesting two-column table. The Only Decade in the Twentieth Century in which the U.S. Govt Debt had been REDUCED was in the 1920s.

I suspect we are part of a small, not so empowered minority of people who care about balancing the budget and recognize the importance of having $$ to sustain over crises.

[boefixepa]

It's really hard. I get all kind of slack from my family and they have finally learned just not to talk money with me. I can't get anything through their heads, but I REFUSE to shell out a nickel to them. I don't understand why they can't think ahead. I don't understand how they can live with debt collectors calling them all the time. I can't understand how they can't not WANT to do better.

The people at work...well it depends. I just started a kick where I have the goal to feed myself for $50 a month. My boss looked at me and said "you have to draw the line somewhere." It's not about drawing a line....I told him it was an experiment. It's not like I HAVE to live off $50 for food. I WANT to live off $50 so I can take the money I save and put it to better use. Heck it costs more than that to feed the dogs! I have some friends at work that really like the idea and they are really fun to talk to and bounce ideas off of, others think I'm crazy.

I'm with alot of you in that the general population is in a mind frame created by our society that says 'have it all and have it now.' Too bad they tell you what it will cost in terms of stress and relationships. I don't think I could ever go back to how I was before.

I wish I knew how to show people how much nicer it feels to be a little more 'free' from the debt. I'm not as far along as many of you, but I feel a thousand times better than I did living paycheck to paycheck and I was even current on everything. I wish I had the answer.

[Ima saver]

Every once in a while, I will say to my girlfriend, "we can't afford that right now" She always jumps all over me and says, you have the money, you can afford it!! She thinks I should buy anything I want, go on vacations on the time, etc.
I can't get it thru her head that I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes, or trips, or whatever!!
I have tried to help her budget, but she thinks that my ideas are crazy!

[veronak]

I totally agree, but I have to say was terrible...never budgeted for a thing. But now that I am on this kick a*** attitude with my debt and savings I have noticed friends and family members attitudes are totally different than mine

[Ima saver]

That is what makes this forum so nice. You can talk to people who are interested in getting out of debt and saving for retirement, without people think you are crazy!

[Bookie]

The most effective response I've found to spendy friends with pricey plans is, "Sorry. It's not in the budget this month."

What makes it so effective is that most of the people I know don't budget. They spend what's left after the bills are paid and charge to make up any shortfall. When I invoke my budget, the conversation quickly shifts to another subject. People don't want to be reminded that money needs to be managed. It's sad or funny, but fiscal responsibility seems to evoke guilt in people who'd rather not look too closely at the way they spend.

I don't criticize people's spending, and I don't preach the gospel of thrift, but I'm not reluctant to speak up where my money's concerned.

[Ima saver]

It is true, people don't like to talk about money! That is why so many people are in the dark over money. My friends just spend all their husband's money and don't tell them what anything cost! My husband will let me buy anything I want, but he knows I won't waste his hard earned money on stuff I don't need.

[shengmei]

No actually. I am a grad student. Grad school is like an alternate universe where everybody has less than $100 in their bank accounts and everybody is ultra-frugal.

I actually get in trouble all the time for not being frugal enough. LOL.

[kealina]

lol.... this thread is kinda funny and super true... we are the most budget minded (and health oriented) people in our families and we get all kinds of flack from all quarters.... like boe said " I can't get anything through their heads, but I REFUSE to shell out a nickel to them."
they might not like that we have more money but that's too bad... they could have money too if they worked at it.... if and when they come to us and ask we would love to help out but so far most efforts haven't worked....
one of the few things that has been ok, after some time and persistance, was picking up something they wanted from a yard sale.... at first, they were all resistant in some way but they've all come around and so that's great... and everything we pick up for cheap is one less thing they will pay retail for... we can't do everything but it is nice to be able to help in this small way...

[debtfreesteve]

When we started paying off our debts, we had to do a written budget, and my brother said, and I'll never forget this "I hate to think that I had to live that way"...

Well, let's just say he's going to be asking me questions really soon, on how we are able to do, to buy xyz... and it'll finally give me a chance to show him and his wife the road we've taken.

[JoyJoy]

I have been on the outs with my older sister since January, 2006. We were talking about debt and retirement. Her husband was the only one working and he retired. (She worked for only three months in her life and had the audacity to go to Social Security on her 62nd birthday and ask for her retirement benefits!) I told her I should be out of credit card debt by November, 2006, owing $4,800.00. She stated she was $20,000.00 in debt and that her husband was extremely upset with her. I told her I would be too. Here the man has retired and you're running up debt in your golden years instead of eliminating it. She is the matriarch of the family so the other sister falls in line with her and so does the rest of the family. It took me awhile to stop missing their phone calls, but it has been so pleasant not to have anyone shooting me down for having a good financial rapport with my husband and a good financial plan for our lives. It's not like I feel we're better than anyone else. We're just tired of debt!!!! We want to save! Like Joyce Meyer (minister) said, "Don't criticize other people for their accomplishments if you don't want to do what they had to do to get there!"