The problem with being budget minded is other people.

[frugalfarmwife]

If it weren't for like minded internet friends I'd have gone nuts a LONG time ago, lol!

ALL of my inlaws are in deep debt with more going out than coming in but not one wants help to change things.

We attempted to help my MIL with her budget when we found out she'd blown a HUGE inheritance in less than 3 years and had racked up a lot of debt but that went over like a lead balloon, the rest of the family basically made it our fault that she was in debt because we didn't see what she was doing and stop her!

MIL just stopped in a few weeks ago and told us she's going to Vegas on vacation, and showed us all the neat things she'd just bought in Amish country. (I just about bit through my tongue to be kind!)

And my best friend, God love her, her bills are always late, she pays minimum on her CC's, yet she and her hubby are always out buying CRAP at auctions/garage sales, their house if STUFFED with crap, their barn is stuffed with CRAP, but they just have to have more!

Yep, without the like minded people here I'd be in a looney bin!

kj

[Broken Arrow]

It's amazing to me how other people live in this... reality-distortion bubble.

The examples are rife all over this forum, but that's certainly not all.

My ex felt that it was perfectly normal with having debt. "Everybody has debt, why are we any different?" Because I didn't know any better at the time, and because I felt that she was more important than money, I also went into debt, spending money on her.

Since we've been splitsville, she has been living with almost a quarter million dollars in overall debt while I've managed to pay everything down to just my student loan and basic monthly living expenses.

To this day? According to many who has known us, I am STILL the villian! "Oh, look at money-grubbing miser. No wonder she left him, because he loves his money more than her."

What money? I'm still struggling to get back to financial black, and from time to time, I actually have to stop and tell myself that there's nothing wrong with me, that I'm doing the right thing. Did I mention that I actually went INTO debt for her?

It still hurts sometimes, but then, I also think the Joneses are over-rated.

[cbmeeks]

I would say that even though I love my wife more than anything, she is the same way. She says she is on the same page as me about our budget and getting out of debt but she's not. I sometimes feel that she has to keep up with her family to impress them somehow.

And you can forget about kids being a part of the plan. Kids are nothing but money sucking, ungrateful, little monsters. lol

And yes, I have three and I still say that!

[PrincessPerky]

I have three and ds will turn off lights to "keep the money for beef'
Ds will also pass on sugar 'cause too much will make you sick'
DD hasn't started parrotting yet, but give it time.

Kids learn what you teach, by word and by example...course if they have mainly the example of people on tv they prolly don't learn what we want....

My family doesn't hate us, niether do friends, but I try to avoid 'we can't afford it' I said it once, boy was I in a bad mood, I was cranky depressed and annoyed at being cranky depressed (not to mention broke) I wanted to go spend loot like my friend..but it wasn't going to happen.

I didn't neccessarrily lose a friend that day, but I certainly didn't endear her to me.

If it comes up now (wanna stop here for lunch?)I try to make it easier...IE I have some such and such thawing for lunch, wanna join us instead? (I keep easy cook meals around for such a case-even chicken nuggetts from aldis is cheaper than eating out)

For family I try to invite them over lots, for things that are free (our pool, or games) and keep snacks or food they can share to avoid having to order pizza to much. But on the flip side, I try to budget for pizza now that the CC is paid off..cause what is life for if not enjoying with family and friends? (but don't ask me to use paper plates!)

[cbmeeks]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

I have three and ds will turn off lights to "keep the money for beef'
Ds will also pass on sugar 'cause too much will make you sick'
DD hasn't started parrotting yet, but give it time.

Kids learn what you teach, by word and by example...course if they have mainly the example of people on tv they prolly don't learn what we want....

Well, two of my kids are step-children and they are teenagers. That means that everyone is stupid except them. Also, they literally can not understand that things cost money and money is not free. Public schools do not teach finance. I think budgetting should be taught in first grade through college and that budgetting should be required the same as math or English.

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

My family doesn't hate us, niether do friends, but I try to avoid 'we can't afford it' I said it once, boy was I in a bad mood, I was cranky depressed and annoyed at being cranky depressed (not to mention broke) I wanted to go spend loot like my friend..but it wasn't going to happen.

I didn't neccessarrily lose a friend that day, but I certainly didn't endear her to me.

First of all, you are problably like me. You are cranky and annoyed because everywhere you look, you see people spending money on crap they don't need. Including your friends and family. If my family or friends didn't want to hang out with me because I prefer a bologna sandwich to Red Lobster 5 days a week then they can kiss my ass. And I'll be damned if I am going to feel guilty or apologize to these people because I am frugal.

Sound like you need different friends.

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

If it comes up now (wanna stop here for lunch?)I try to make it easier...IE I have some such and such thawing for lunch, wanna join us instead? (I keep easy cook meals around for such a case-even chicken nuggetts from aldis is cheaper than eating out)

Tell them you only budget for X number of "eat-outs" per month. If they look at you funny or say something about it then tell them you choose not to waste your money....then tell them to kiss *MY* ass. hahaha

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

For family I try to invite them over lots, for things that are free (our pool, or games) and keep snacks or food they can share to avoid having to order pizza to much. But on the flip side, I try to budget for pizza now that the CC is paid off..cause what is life for if not enjoying with family and friends? (but don't ask me to use paper plates!)

It's amazing how cheaply you can feed a bunch of people if you really try. Finger sandwiches, chips (the $1/bag kind), $5 pizzas can go a long way.

[Ima saver]

When I first married, I was 20. I didn't really know what to do, so i wrote down everything we would need money for, food, rent, elec., phone, heat, car payment. I figured it out and put it on paper that I looked at every week on pay day. I put away 1/4 of the rent, the car payment, etc.
I am still doing that, every pay day, the cash goes into the envelope to pay all the bills! My best friend still has not saved anything for her retirement even tho I have urged her to open an ira for the past 20 years. I hope she can live on $600 a month some day. (She still has to work full time)

[asha]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

I find that most peoples money causes me to do a bit of a eybrow raising followed by a double blink....but then I find that with most things period (raising kids, tv viewing..education..ect)

HAHAHAHAHA! I just did that in fron of the computer to try to understand it and I cracked myself up.... it's called a "bemused look" right?

[asha]

"Don't criticize other people for their accomplishments if you don't want to do what they had to do to get there!"

AGREED! I am SICK of hearing negativity about what I do for a living even though doing it drains the life-blood out of me becasue of how demanding it is (I am a hospital dr and work for the government so earn 5 figures like everyone else).

BUT

I am from a frugal Indian family and am only really learning in the last two or three years about saving and being frugal. I was very restricted in my choices and so when I left home was determined to learn my own lessons and wasted a fair amount of money. I did manage to save a few thousand a year, though. This year has been my best year, for frugality and last year was my best for saving but that is partly because I did quite a lot of extra work.

[Ima saver]

I have a BIL who is working so hard, it is killing him. He works all day, drives 75 miles to and from work, and then does paper work all night. (he owns the business) His wife just has to have horses, not one of them, but 6. Do you know how much 6 horses cost to feed and shoe? He has to buy a trailer to haul them to horse shows and a big truck to pull the trailer. She spends money like it is water.
Don't mean to offend animal lovers, my little Holly is very important to me, but she only cost about $10 a month to feed, if that much.

[cbmeeks]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

I have a BIL who is working so hard, it is killing him. He works all day, drives 75 miles to and from work, and then does paper work all night. (he owns the business) His wife just has to have horses, not one of them, but 6. Do you know how much 6 horses cost to feed and shoe? He has to buy a trailer to haul them to horse shows and a big truck to pull the trailer. She spends money like it is water.
Don't mean to offend animal lovers, my little Holly is very important to me, but she only cost about $10 a month to feed, if that much.

That kills me. But it is both of their faults. The wife for demanding so much from her husband and the husband for letting it happen.

She sounds pretty selfish if you ask me.

[Ima saver]

You are right, she is pretty selfish. My MIL was in the hospital for 3 weeks and they never offered to take my FIL to the hospital. He is 85 and has trouble driving at night.
One of the daughters competes in horse shows, but do they really need 6? One is a minuture and too small to ride. (the two kids are too big)

[boomeyers]

On the flip side of what JoyJoy said, what burns my butt is the people who spend like crazy and then get money without working for it. When it happens to someone that NEEDS it, you think great! But we have friends that are constantly spending, getting in debt, and then they win gambling or receive an inheritance. Then they like to brag about how little debt they have and go rack it back up again. Oh, what we could have done with that money! It's hard not to be jealous when we are squeezing those pennies!

[PrincessPerky]

Originally Posted by cbmeeks

Well, two of my kids are step-children and they are teenagers. That means that everyone is stupid except them. Also, they literally can not understand that things cost money and money is not free. Public schools do not teach finance. I think budgetting should be taught in first grade through college and that budgetting should be required the same as math or English.


Sound like you need different friends.

Oh well my kids don't go to public school, never will That way I don't have to worry about what they did or did not teach them, I just have to supply all the books and information my kids ask for plus a few minimums.

Which is where the friends come in. They might not know how to budget, but she is good with gardening Is a fair trade, when I am not cranky (which having the CC paid off is leaving me in a pretty good mood!)

[wwjdmsl]

Originally Posted by cbmeeks

I would say that even though I love my wife more than anything, she is the same way. She says she is on the same page as me about our budget and getting out of debt but she's not. I sometimes feel that she has to keep up with her family to impress them somehow.

And you can forget about kids being a part of the plan. Kids are nothing but money sucking, ungrateful, little monsters. lol

And yes, I have three and I still say that!

LOL about the kids...this had me ROFL !

[Ima saver]

I go to parties every month or so with some really rich people. (bank ceo's, head of ga. trade and tourism, etc.) I can't say anything about the men, but the women don't have a clue about saving money. I was telling one woman about turning off the hot water heater all the time, and she didn't even know it could be turned off!!! (You may wonder why we get invited to these parties since we obviously don't make the big bucks these guys do, but my husband built their houses and became their friend)

[Thrifty Ray]

Unless you have one...it is REALLY difficult, if not impossible to understand a frugal mind.

Why would someone turn off a hot water heater when it runs just fine the way it is....

Why would someone use coupons...they take time and I don't have time because I work so much.

Why won't you go out to dinner...it's fun! and besides who wants to cook and clean anyways..?

What, you hang your laundry? I dont have time to do that when I can just toss it in the dryer...

I KNOW you have money in your savings account so dont say "I cant afford it" or "I dont have the money"....

What are you saving for...the world could end tomorrow...Live for TODAY!

and on and on.... Unless you have a frugal mind...it really doesn't make any sense...

[cbmeeks]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

Every once in a while, I will say to my girlfriend, "we can't afford that right now" She always jumps all over me and says, you have the money, you can afford it!! She thinks I should buy anything I want, go on vacations on the time, etc.
I can't get it thru her head that I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes, or trips, or whatever!!
I have tried to help her budget, but she thinks that my ideas are crazy!

This is typical. She thinks you should buy everything you want because that is what SHE would do. Which is probably why she has no money. No real money anyway.

I had a customer that was a doctor. It was him and his wife and one kid (college age). He lived in a house that was so big, it had an elevator. I kid you not. Anyway, I was at one of his offices and my job was simple. Create an internet dial-up account on one of his computers. Total cost, $19.95+tax.

He handed me a CC. It was rejected because of insufficient funds. He handed me another. Rejected. Finally the third one worked.

Here I was, making no money and I literally had more in my pocket than him.

He is like your friend would be if she made a huge salary.

cbmeeks

[StressLess]

FrugalFarmWife said, "If it weren't for like minded internet friends I'd have gone nuts a long time ago!" That about sums it up for me.

Someone commented on my blog that I could shop with a friend at Goodwill, have a friend help with coloring my hair or with home improvements. Sad to say, largely for economic reasons, we have very few friends at the moment. Certainly none that would go for these activities!

The friends and acquaintances we had back in our college years, and people we've currently met at work, all seem to either have or spend a lot more than we do. Even most of our relatives.

We'd go to a party where people were discussing their latest expensive vacations, or which tanning salon was the best, and we'd have nothing to say. We'd try to start a conversation about something like books, and we'd get looked at like we had extra noses. My SIL keeps trying to arrange things like $100 trips to a baseball park, or family cruises.

In a way, it's almost like we're still living the "poor student" lifestyle but everyone else moved on.

Edit: The point I'm trying to make, which isn't coming out very well is--it's not just the pressure to have the same things as other people. It's also about not being able to socialize with other people the way they want to. Most people expect to DO things with friends besides sit around and talk, like going to concerts or movies or out to dinner. If you keep saying no, because you don't want to spend the money, you are apt to get dropped as a friend. You just aren't fun anymore!

I'm hoping someday we can connect with some folks who have lifestyles closer to ours--maybe through volunteering, or a simplicity circle, or freecycle, or something.

[PauletteGoddard]

Do you find it challenging to deal with family, friends, coworkers, or the world in general when you’re being budget minded and they aren’t?

Yes. I'm perturbed that my credit card issuer, after seven years of ontime payments always above the minimum, has determined I am a poor risk. My net worth is eleven times as much (positive! it's a positive balance!) as it was when I applied for a card from it. I can pay off debt with no problem, and my salary has doubled since then. However, my credit card issuer is reducing my grace period and introducing fees and universal default pricing. I am wondering what it is I've done wrong. I am not using more than a third of my available credit: in fact I am using 11%. I have not declared bankruptcy and have made all my payments on time.

I'm thinking maybe my credit card issuer doesn't want me to borrow from them anymore.
It may be that the credit card issuer wants money from ME because it has irresponsibly lent money to people who cannot pay them back, or is hurting from the bankruptcy law they pushed for.

It may be that at some point I will need to buy a new roof, or change the wiring, or put in new windows before I have the money to pay for it. An emergency might happen. Is it unrealistic to expect that my ability to pay should grant me better rates and terms than those I received seven years ago? If so, why?

[cbmeeks]

Originally Posted by PauletteGoddard

Yes. I'm perturbed that my credit card issuer, after seven years of ontime payments always above the minimum, has determined I am a poor risk. My net worth is eleven times as much (positive! it's a positive balance!) as it was when I applied for a card from it. I can pay off debt with no problem, and my salary has doubled since then. However, my credit card issuer is reducing my grace period and introducing fees and universal default pricing. I am wondering what it is I've done wrong. I am not using more than a third of my available credit: in fact I am using 11%. I have not declared bankruptcy and have made all my payments on time.

I'm thinking maybe my credit card issuer doesn't want me to borrow from them anymore.
It may be that the credit card issuer wants money from ME because it has irresponsibly lent money to people who cannot pay them back, or is hurting from the bankruptcy law they pushed for