Overspending Addiction...help!

[JesseBassett]

Hello all,
I am 19 years old and have a big problem. I have an overspending addiction. Recently I have been using other people's credit cards to buy things. I've gone into my mom's purse a few times too. I am in serious trouble and need help. So I decided to come here to learn how to stop my addiction. Does anyone have any tips, ideas on how to stop this addiction, or know of support groups for this kind of thing?

Regards,
Jesse

[gavinmccallister]

Talk to some of your closest friends, tell them about what is happening. ask them if they could go with you whenever you go shopping, have them help you create a list of things you need before you step inside a store. Have your friends keep you on your list. Only buy what is on your list.

Find someone that you can be held accountable to for your spending.

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

[PRICEPLUS]

Addiction to spending is like gambling or other addictions. People will buy things they don't need due to the feeling that buying something gives them.
My suggestion is to seek professional counseling before the problem gets out of hand. Good luck!

[neatdesign]

I am 19 years old and have a big problem. I have an overspending addiction. Recently I have been using other people's credit cards to buy things. I've gone into my mom's purse a few times too. I am in serious trouble and need help.

First, I want to commend you for seeking help for your problem. And from the way you've described it, it's become a BIG problem.

That said, while you may be addicted to spending money, let's not mince words here. You have become a thief. You've stolen money from your mother. It does not matter what the reason is, it's still stealing.

At some point your mother is going to notice these charges on her credit card statements, and one of two things is going to happen:

1) She will call her credit card company to report fraudulent activity on her account. This will require her to have her credit card number changed and have a new card reissued. If she has any automatic billings on her credit card (internet service, cable bill, magazine subscription, etc.) she'll have to contact each merchant to update her new number. If she has her credit card number saved for online purchases (like at Amazon.com) she'll have to update those as well. Bottom line: BIG HASSLE. Not to mention the concerns she'll have about identity theft. Of course, if you steal her new credit cards then that will cause this process to start all over again.

2) Your mother somehow figures out, either directly or indirectly, that you stole her credit card and made charges on them. She calls the credit card company to say that certain charges are fraudulent because her daughter stole her card and she wants the charges reversed. The credit card company will tell her that the only way the charges will be reversed is if she goes to the police and has charges pressed against you for theft. Would your mother press charges against you? If not, then she's stuck with paying the charges -- or somehow will get you to pay them back for her. If she would press charges, then you are in an even bigger mess.

In either case, your mother (plus whoever else you've stolen from) will be put in a very bad position through no fault of her own.

I'm not saying this to lecture you, but to present some of the realities of the possible consequences you face. Please look at the bottom of this page for "Similar Threads" and see what those have to say. Whatever you do, stay strong and know that you'll get control over it again if you work at it.

Best of luck,

~ Jenney

[Haku]

I know this therapist who does AA counseling. (No, I don't drink, thank goodness.) He had a very interesting insight that I think is worth sharing here.

He said that people who have a drinking problem don't have a problem with drinking. They have a problem with something else, and they're using alcohol as a form of self-medication. Some are morbidly depressed, some have borderline personality disorders, and some are victims of a terrible abuse that they are trying to suppress. Lots of reasons.

However, their one common bond is that they have found solace in their drinks. Some have gone as far as calling it their mistress.

Therefore, simply asking someone to put down the drink isn't going to solve their problem. The therapist has to dig deep and find out why they drink, and how that issue can be put to rest. Once that's done, the need and perhaps even the desire for a drink will fade away on its own.

Granted, I'm not a therapist so I can easily be wrong, but I believe the same can be applied to just about any other kind of addiction or problem; be it gambling, womanizing, and even stealing and shopping.

First, you definitely need to seek professional. Seriously. Second, once you're there, you'll need to explore why you're desperately crying out for help. Is that why you're stealing? Hopefully, once you can put those demons to rest, I believe the self-destructive habit that you're committing right now will also go away. I hope.

Take care.

[PrincessPerky]

I agree with others suggesting you get proffessional help, how to go about that is the problem.

Try your Dr first, often medical insurances require a referal anyway.

IF you don't have health coverage, try the phone book. look for teen helplines, or if you see nothing close to what you need, try something that is wrong, and explain what you need, ask for a phone number that does fit. Be prepared to have a couple people busy doing their own job and not ready to help you.

Doi it now, don't wait! (if you can't make the calls ask a friend or trusted adult to do it for you.-try a pastor, they often help even if you don't go to their church)

[Ima saver]

I mention in another forum that the young man should talk to his mother. She is aware of the problem and doesn't know what to do.

[markio26]

no one can help you but, yourself on changing your habits... i would suggest calling a local minister or the catholic charities.. someone, can advise you and then it is up to you... i have seen ppl. that are unteachable and unchangeable..
we would need lots more info. from you... were you spoiled as a child, and given way too much toys and clothes??? see, this is why you need a mentor or find a like minded group to talk with. hth..... best wishes... recognizing you have a problem, is half the battle... if you use the envelope budgeting method, it will show you what you are doing with your money.... if you have to shop, put items in your cart, say 5 items, then stop, look, listen, and think... and then make a decision right now, if you really can use the items,, if not , put, all of them back,, and if need be, only purchase one item... and the item has to be 75% off.. just set up stricter, smarter guidelines. it is wrong to steal... some parents let this go by... right and wrong are clear..... no in betweens. thanks for the post.

[veronak]

Good idea to come hear, I find that speaking with people (other than family/friends in which I kept my little secret) helped me a lot. Also I am a shopaholic and I simply do not go to places where I know I will spend, like Macy's, JC Penney. Also keeping a journal helps as well. What I can say is disucss your issues and there is debtorsannonymous.com
Good luck

[debtdude]

I'd go with the first post. Find a person with whom you can go shopping. Also, take this further and get an accountability partner. This needs to be a friend who is willing to ask you the hard questions and you have to be willing to answer truthfully. I'm the developer of an internet accountability program and it's based around accountability and a checking up on the other person via internet access reports. While you can't use software to monitor your shopping, you can use the idea of an accountability partner.

Also, talk with your mom and tell her you also have a repayment plan.