Need advice, Mother in law, wow

[BignRichfan]

Wow it's crazy how many of us have so many like situations. Hubby and I have not talked with his side of the family for 6 months now. His mom chose to move her grandson and his wife in and their baby and now another grandson is living with his mom and dad just milking money off of them. The sad part is the one grandson has a nice 1999 trailer but he decided to sell it because it's better to live for free and the other one's have not bought 1 item for their child who is now 18 months old because grandma buys everything right down to the diapers from day 1. My husband was so mad about this because his parents are on a fixed income and his dad is on alot of medications and has a hefty bill for those every month, but the boys don't care as long as they get there cigs and snuff and gas in there cars which is bull. Of course noone works or chips in. They don't even do there own laundry! It's a joke. All they do is fight. It is a small house not meant for so many people. Oh and not to mention the on grandson and his wife are druggies and theifs to add to it and have problems with the law. So we decided to remove ourselves from the situation because his own mom was badmouthing us to other familiy members(she has done this for years) and we have had enough of the circus. His mom said to him it's all because I meaning myself never liked her. What a bunch of crap. I have been in that family for 13 years and they treat a perfect stranger better than me. So im glad we decided to just not go around them anymore. WHo needs the agravation? Not us. We have our own problems. So you see your not alone.

[BCHGRL]

Perhaps I missed this, but if you live in close proximity, you can help without loaning money.

Firstly, if you feel that she needs the $10K that was given to you as a gift, you may want to reconsider paying it back (even if it was intended as a gift, now you know she wasn't in the position to pay for it.)

I agree that this is your MIL so your hubby won't let her go hungry. If you live close by, you can cook for her frequently or take food to her home. Offer to buy her groceries. Offer to pay for her own personal needs such as medications, etc. You'll have to work out some sort of arrangement (going to the pharmacy with her, etc.) to ensure that the funds are not blown. No, you won't make a big dent in the debt, but you'll sleep at night.

It sounds that his family needs counseling also. Have a "come to Jesus" meeting (as we say in the south) where you explain that the problem is bigger than the current debt and you her and her sons to get a fresh new perspective on life.

As for the BILs, explain to your MIL that you cannot help financially until they are responsible for their debts. The sad part of this situation is that there are 2 able-bodied people who have the power to completely change the situation by taking responsibility. If she won't make them responsible, well then, you might as well throw your money away before giving it to her to indulge her adult children.

Good luck! It doesn't sound easy. I often worry about having to bail my parents out too. Fortunately, neither myself or my brother are a financial drain, but when I see my parent's spending habits sometimes I literally have to bite my upper lip not to say something about it. God knows I love them, but I worry about how little they have saved over the years.

[frugalfarmwife]

We live an hour away and can't get away, hubby works full time and I run the farm so no spare time to get away.

As for groceries/meds etc, we supply her with beef and veggies year round to help out (before it was a gift).

As for the "come to jesus" meeting (and I use that phrase a lot, lol) thats not going to work coming from us, a lot of this is her ploy to manipulate the boys, since hubby wasn't able to be bought now it's a matter of trying to guilt him. This is a woman that states constantly that she would take any of her boys back any time. And any attempt to work together with the brothers would turn into world war three, it's always someone elses fault with them. Hubby is the quiet mediator but the other two just blow up and then turn on him.

There's just no way we can help financially, we don't have the extra money, what was gifted to us over the 4 years was used for a tractor purchase and in the last land purchase.

She brings in more a month than we do, we just manage to stretch money better than she has.

Thanks for the thoughts though.

kj