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Old 02-11-2017, 08:39 AM
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Default I haven't been here for a year and a half. Here's an update for anyone who remembers.

To catch you up, my husband is blind with end stage kidney disease. I also have a teenage daughter who had recently moved back in with me the last time I was here. We live in a major metro area and rent.

My husband has been on dialysis since Nov 2015. He is still working and getting a full salary but he has to work from home sometimes and flex his schedule a lot. This upcoming Monday I am donating my left kidney to him. There is a new desensitization procedure they are using since we are not a blood type or tissue match. That procedure costs around 30k. We have an individual out of pocket maximum of $2600 though, so they can remove his eyes and put in cameras for all I care. As long as insurance approves it, the total cost is very little in the grand scheme. We will see what happens in the next four years though, with the ACA in severe peril. My husband works for a health insurance company.

In less positive news, my daughter told me in May of last year that her father had regularly sexually abused her while she lived with him. He is now in jail awaiting trial. Trial is currently scheduled for mid May, though it could possibly be continued again. It's in another state and she and I will have to fly there for it. The state pays for some of those costs, but not missed work. It's looking very very likely he will be convicted and if so he will not be getting out, ever. I contacted a family law attorney about terminating his parental rights, and it will cost about 4k. We are spending a lot of money on family therapy, which is not covered by insurance. My daughter has had a lot of mental health and behavioral problems due to the abuse. She has been hospitalized twice.

I have short term disability to cover my time off work after the transplant, though it pays out about 1000 less per month than I bring home. We can put all of our retirement contributions on hold while we are out, and have already put our gym memberships on hold. That saves us a bit over $700 a month. We'll also be forgoing eating out and making most meals from scratch during that time. I have the freezer totally full of pre-made food and we'll use the crock pot a lot. We also managed to save $1400 to help bridge the gap, and we should have some amount of tax refund coming this year, but my husband hasn't completed the taxes yet.

However, in the good news/bad news pile: my husband's dad died last fall, very unexpectedly. He had a retirement account he had not even touched yet. It was split between him and his two sisters and after paying funeral expenses and taxes we had about $21,000 left. We paid off several credit cards, and put $8000 into savings which we should not need to use after the surgery unless something unforseen comes up. We are not debt free, as I still have a federal student loan, and we still have a couple credit cards with balances, but that will free up more money each month to get those paid down more quickly. I did pay off a $5000 private student loan last fall as well.

So that's what has been going on. Good be better, could be worse. I'm pretty much getting used to everything in my life being hugely expensive, but at least we were able to catch a breath with the inherited money.
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Old 02-11-2017, 09:14 AM
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I'm wish your family the best with all that you are going through. Can you try to get a lawyer to do pro bono work to terminate parental rights?
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Old 02-11-2017, 11:04 AM
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Welcome back. I often wonder about folks who disappear from the site. I'm glad to see you back.

Best of luck with the transplant, for both of you. Certainly, if it is successful, being able to stop dialysis and get back to a pretty normal lifestyle would be fantastic for both of you, especially your husband. I know a number of transplant patients who are as good as new and able to work every bit as hard as before they became ill. You may find your husband is able to get himself an even better job once he is fully recovered.

Sorry to hear about the mess with your daughter. It's great that she is now safe and that he is away where he can't harm anyone.

Sorry also about your husband's father but at least some good came from the loss. Good job using the windfall responsibly.

Keep us updated when you are able to let us know how everything goes with surgery.
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Old 02-11-2017, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by msomnipotent View Post
I'm wish your family the best with all that you are going through. Can you try to get a lawyer to do pro bono work to terminate parental rights?
Unfortunately the income limits for legal aid are very very low in the state that had jurisdiction, and we make about 60k too much. They don't consider other factors like medical expenses. But we should be able to handle it. I can try to get the victims compensation fund to cover it, but they're pretty strict on what they will pay for too.
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Old 02-11-2017, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by disneysteve View Post
Welcome back. I often wonder about folks who disappear from the site. I'm glad to see you back.

Best of luck with the transplant, for both of you. Certainly, if it is successful, being able to stop dialysis and get back to a pretty normal lifestyle would be fantastic for both of you, especially your husband. I know a number of transplant patients who are as good as new and able to work every bit as hard as before they became ill. You may find your husband is able to get himself an even better job once he is fully recovered.

Sorry to hear about the mess with your daughter. It's great that she is now safe and that he is away where he can't harm anyone.

Sorry also about your husband's father but at least some good came from the loss. Good job using the windfall responsibly.

Keep us updated when you are able to let us know how everything goes with surgery.
Thank you Steve! I've gotten much good advice from you over the years. I will keep the board updated.
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Old 02-14-2017, 06:12 AM
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Surgery went well yesterday. My husband's new kidney is producing urine. Standing up right now is utterly excruciating.
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Old 02-14-2017, 06:20 AM
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Surgery went well yesterday. My husband's new kidney is producing urine. Standing up right now is utterly excruciating.
Very good to hear. Wishing both of you all the best.
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Old 02-14-2017, 10:52 PM
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Welcome back to SA, thank you for the update. So sorry DD had such a rough go and hope the therapy is helping her overcome the damage done. We're all cheering for the best possible outcome for both the legal case and the upcoming surgery. Good job using the unexpected inheritance to reduce debt and create a EF savings.
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Old 02-15-2017, 09:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hamchan View Post
Surgery went well yesterday. My husband's new kidney is producing urine. Standing up right now is utterly excruciating.
Good news! My mother had a kidney transplant that didn't go well but my husband was a kidney donor for his brother. That was nearly 30 years ago. His brother is doing so well.
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Old 02-15-2017, 07:29 PM
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My father had both kidneys removed and currently lives with only 1 kidney (donated by his sister). That was about 40 years ago. He's lived a normal life as it relates to that, so wishing your husband a very speedy recovery!
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:01 AM
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My daughter's father wound up taking a plea agreement after all. He will get somewhere between 30 and 69 years. Sentencing has been scheduled for October. The prosecutor strongly advised us to be present for sentencing, and we plan to.

My husband's kidney transplant is doing great. No rejection episodes or any other problems. He feels much better and is going to do another 10k this fall. I've started running again, but am taking the year off from races. My energy levels still aren't what they used to be. We're both back to work full time.
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hamchan View Post
My daughter's father wound up taking a plea agreement after all. He will get somewhere between 30 and 69 years. Sentencing has been scheduled for October. The prosecutor strongly advised us to be present for sentencing, and we plan to.

My husband's kidney transplant is doing great. No rejection episodes or any other problems. He feels much better and is going to do another 10k this fall. I've started running again, but am taking the year off from races. My energy levels still aren't what they used to be. We're both back to work full time.
I missed your update last February. It is so nice to "see" you again. I remember you sharing pics of your daughter's creative transformation of that walk-in closet turned bedroom.

I am very sorry to hear of your daughter's abuse.

It is wonderful that your husband is doing well with his transplant. I hope you will become a regular here again.
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Old 05-18-2017, 08:52 AM
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I am so glad you are doing well and the ex is going to prison. Good luck.
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:07 AM
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Thanks for the update, good to hear positive news!
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:21 AM
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Welcome back. Glad to hear things are going well with your husband.
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* Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
* There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
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Old 05-19-2017, 11:00 AM
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Wow .... I'm surprised you are still sane .. kudoos to you for keeping it together
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