just got engaged

[rvenom]

Well we have been together for a long time roughly 7 yrs now, its been a rough ride but love got us this so far and I popped the question. We now live together and trying to save for the wedding and a vacation while trying to reduce debt, plus she wants a house before she has kids so the pressure is really on. I am 34 and have a bit more debt than she does, but my questions is whats the right way of handling the bills at the apartment when engaged.
We now split everything down the middle but my question is how about our savings? and paying our debt? Should we stay on our own or help each other out? she's horrible with her finances but fights to do it her self because her mother did them for her till she was like 28 yrs old but now she's 32. So i think to prove she can do them on her own she wont take help, at the same time she says she wants to do everything together but when I ask to sit down to go over all the bills and the future plan somehow something comes up or she's got something to do or I just forget to ask i cant seem to explain it. I cant really ask my parents for advise because they never really made the correct choices in the paths so I rather not even go there.

[timbuckley10]

First off congrats!

I hear of a lot of couples going about it both ways in this day and age. There isn't really a "best" way either, because each couple is different and person has different needs. So what I would recommend is that you make it a point to have that little sit-down with her and go over everything together. After going over all the finances with her, there will be a clear direction for you guys to take.

I will say that since you guys are going to be needing to save so much for the near future (wedding, vacation, house,etc) it might be a good idea to have a joint savings account that will make it a little easier to track how much you are saving.

Best of luck with everything!

[maat55]

I would not get married or join your finances until you two can sit down and agree on a plan. Once you agree to work together, I would get married quickly without a big wedding or trip, and use all available funds to work your debt reduction and financial plan.

I highly recommend that you both go through Financial Peace University or at least read a couple books on personal finance like:

The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach

[mcfroggin]

Keep things separate until marriage. It is safer that way.

Otherwise you two should read up on as much finance stuff as you can handle. The more you know - the better off you will be.

[rob62521]

Congrats on the engagement!

I can understand your fiance's reluctance to handle over the responsibility, but perhaps working on the finances together would be a good plan, even if you keep separate accounts until you marry. I would agree with maat -- be sure to get some financial education somewhere so you are both on the same page.

[woodie96]

Congrats on the pending doomsday.....Just kidding.....

I would agree with the prior advice to keep things separate, but work together on a plan. Without both working on the same plan, there will be friction.

[juniehyatt]

I'm engaged as well, and my fiance and I were keeping it separate at first, but it got to be too much of a hassle. We combine everything, we set out our monthly bills, payday's and what each of use can handle at which time. It works well for us. That way we have our bills covered, and can save for our small backyard bbq wedding. Congrats to you both and good luck!!