Boyfriend wants to break up over me not wanting a conjoined account

phez · #1 (**permalink**) 02-20-2011, 08:28 PM

Who is right, and why? All comments will be taken into consideration, and thank you in advance.

wonderfulpittance · #2 (**permalink**) 02-20-2011, 10:55 PM

Talk it over. First, what are your reasons for refusing? If he feels that you don't trust him just because you refused to open a joined account, I think you have more problems with your relationship than with your financial issues. Second, why would he want to break up just because you refused?

I suggest both of you to look deeper in your relationship.

Shewillbemine · #3 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 12:18 AM

Yup, there is no "right" or "wrong" here. If you both continue to insist that one side is correct and the other is wrong, you have deeper problems than that.

Some topics that would probably be relevant here include: who makes more money, what is your/his credit history, are you embarrassed by your financial situation, etc.

bjl584 · #4 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 06:26 AM

I've said it before when this comes up, be fully aware of each others finances but do not mix them until you are leagally married.

disneysteve · #5 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjl584

I've said it before when this comes up, be fully aware of each others finances but do not mix them until you are leagally married.

I totally agree. I can't think of a single good reason for boyfriend and girlfriend to have a joint account. I can think of lots of good reasons not to. Wait until you are married.

NolaP · #6 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 06:44 AM

You are going to have to have a serious discussion over this one. Breaking up over not wanting to have a conjoined bank account seems pretty ridiculous. It seems to me like having a joint account would just be cause for more trouble in the future, unless this is something you both desire and you are in a very serious and long term relationship. Mixing finances is a tricky business.

NolaP · #7 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 06:44 AM

You are going to have to have a serious discussion over this one. Breaking up over not wanting to have a conjoined bank account seems pretty ridiculous. It seems to me like having a joint account would just be cause for more trouble in the future, unless this is something you both desire and you are in a very serious and long term relationship. Mixing finances is a tricky business.

Good luck,

Nola

couchrobt · #8 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjl584

I've said it before when this comes up, be fully aware of each others finances but do not mix them until you are leagally married.

Nothing wrong with trying to be close and very open with each other since you are in the relationship, however, it is practically safe to not mix funds just yet. Just to be safe. Nothing wrong with that.

gpoitras · #9 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 08:58 AM

Keep it separate until marriage.

cypher1 · #10 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gpoitras

Keep it separate until marriage.

Agreed! Know people with too many horror stories of breakups, and still dealing with ramifications of joint financial accounts/cell phone plans.

jpg7n16 · #11 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 09:53 AM

You do realize if you're just dating, any money you put into the account, he can just take and run off - and you have no legal support to sue him for it, because it was a jointly owned account and you were both rightful owners of anything in the account.

Break ups are nasty enough even when you're married. But at least the court can decide how much of the account belongs to who.

There is no divorce court in a breakup. There's just 'who can get to the bank first to screw the other one over'

Quote:

Originally Posted by disneysteve

I can't think of a single good reason for boyfriend and girlfriend to have a joint account. I can think of lots of good reasons not to.

So is this a guy you'd want to marry? If shared finances is so important to him, why not get married and solve the problem? Several people on here (myself included) encourage married couples to share finances and bank accounts.

If you wouldn't marry him (or he wouldn't marry you) then why is he good enough to share all your finances with?

disneysteve · #12 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 11:43 AM

I'm curious. Has he given any reason for wanting a joint account? Do you live together? Sometimes when two single people live together, they think it is a good idea to have a joint account to pay joint bills like the rent and utilities. It is a really bad idea, but lots of people think it is a good idea. I'm wondering what reason he has given for feeling so strongly about a joint account.

Angio333 · #13 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 12:04 PM

You are. I don't think that a couple should have joint accounts or live together until they are married.

MrPolarZero · #14 (**permalink**) 02-21-2011, 07:26 PM

a serious talk would patch things up. Trust me

cschin4 · #15 (**permalink**) 02-22-2011, 03:21 AM

Giving you Ultimatums - A Big Red Flag Waving Under Your Nose.

cschin4 · #16 (**permalink**) 02-22-2011, 03:24 AM

I would IN NOT WAY SHAPE OR FORM combine finances in any way until I was married. And, why? What is his reasoning? Are you living together? You might not think marriage is a important or a piece of paper, but down the road if you plan to have children, etc. it gets more complicated. And, if you ever do want to get married, then you simply do not combine any assets until that point.

marvholly · #17 (**permalink**) 02-22-2011, 05:23 AM

I am seeing BIG red flag control issues here if he insists on joint account when you are not married.

Perhaps a compromise, since you are living together, is in order. His/Hers/Joint. Each contibutes as agreed to the joint account to cover joint bills. All else is kept by each individual in their own PRIVATE account-do NOT share user id/passwords for those personal accounts or any cc accounts.

You also need to agree on what IS a joint bill. Beyound the usual rent, utilities what about curtains, a big screen tv, cell phone, personal grooming/care stuff, household cleaning supplies (will you use rags or paper towels, who buys the vacuum & who keeps it if you break up-same for blender, can opener, food processor....), groceries (he wants $$$ NY strip steaks, you think hamburger is the way to go as its on sale, green beans are on sale and you want $$ asparagus, what about junk food like chips or ice cream)........

If you buy the ??? (chips, ice cream....) is he allowed to eat it too.

As you can see I have seen some issues. DD2 lived w/boyfriend b/4 they married. She did INSIST on at least being engaged b/4 they bought the house.

DebbieL · #18 (**permalink**) 02-23-2011, 12:40 AM

I think you've just made a very lucky escape

And no, I wouldn't do a joint account with a boyfriend. I didn't even combine finances with DH when we got married. We do have a joint account now, but we both still keep our separate accounts too.

wincrasher · #19 (**permalink**) 02-24-2011, 10:24 AM

Sounds like you don't trust him and now he doesn't trust you.

I think you are perfect for each other. Mutual distrust is the cornerstone of any long term relationship. I'm positive you can change him, given time. Perhaps having a baby would help!

You should fly to Las Vegas and get married this weekend!

bjl584 · #20 (**permalink**) 02-24-2011, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wincrasher

Sounds like you don't trust him and now he doesn't trust you.

I think you are perfect for each other. Mutual distrust is the cornerstone of any long term relationship. I'm positive you can change him, given time. Perhaps having a baby would help!

You should fly to Las Vegas and get married this weekend!

So is that advice or more of a prediction of how things will turn out?

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