Co-Mingling Incomes

[Mistee]

Do you and your significant other co-mingle your funds/incomes and how do you really feel about doing this?

Hubby and I used to keep our incomes separate, but we now use one (joint) checking account for all the bills and another account for savings and "if we should run into trouble account." We budget now where before we just hoped to get by during the month.

It's much easier now, I feel. We both have a certain amount of money each to spend as we wish during the month and once that is gone we spend more time with our hobbies.

[GrimJack]

We keep our incomes separate; it started when I made a lot more than DW - she wanted to be her own person. Now the reverse is true, she makes a lot more than I and I want to be my own person. We share expenses, dreams, and all that but our money is our own. We discuss finances often; we discuss our investment strategies and so on but we each make our own decisions on how to get to our shared future. We are politically almost identical (we both hit almost the exact same spot on this test - leftist libertarians).

[MonkeyMama]

Everything we own/earn as treated as one. We both feel fine about this. We own all of our assets/debts jointly, etc. Exception is retirement accounts, but we consider them "as one" regardless.

{At face value, since my spouse is a SAHD, people often assume that I support him. Which is laughable because we wouldn't be anywhere near where we are today without his pre-kid working contributions}.

On some level I think it is easier for us because we both came in to the relationship with "nothing" and with equal incomes (we married right out of college). However, this conversation has come up so much on these boards, I have mulled it over, and honestly, I don't think I could marry anyone that I couldn't trust enough to merge all of our assets and be "one" with our money. If I didn't have that level of trust, why would I marry someone? Kind of my own personal conclusion. I've got my friends who think I am crazy I don't have a separate bank account, etc. (On the flip side, it is really hard to maintain separate property in a community property state. So any benefit to keeping separate assets, etc., is kind of moot for us - all of our property has been acquired in marriage and belongs to us 50/50 anyway - as any court would find).

[Inkstain82]

It would never have occurred to us not to. But then, we were married young enough that neither of us brought much of anything into the marriage to begin with.

Actually, not only is it co-mingled, but almost everything is in her name, including the savings account my paychecks are direct-deposited into.

[disneysteve]

You've opened up a can of worms that crops up every now and then around here.

We have kept everything joint since we got engaged in 1991. There is no MY money or HER money. It is all OUR money. We both believe that 100%. It doesn't matter who earns what. It doesn't matter which account the money is in. It is all joint. The only accounts that are not in both names are our retirement accounts since that isn't possible, but that money is all treated as joint assets as well.

We got married to live together and work together toward common goals. Keeping separate accounts, in our opinion, just goes against that whole point. I know it works for others but I can't imagine living that way.

[feh]

My wife and I are a single corporation - everything goes into one pot.

This subject has been discussed before...do a search and you'll find many opinions.

[Snave]

We don't co-mingle the money exactly. I make it and she keeps it! Just kidding. I am the only one that works outside the home, so clearly we co-mingle the money from my income. I feel lucky to just do this because if we didn't, then I would be broke because she would just charge me for raising our kids since she stays at home with them.

[swanson719]

I'm in the same boat as Inkstain - we got engaged when I was 19 and she was 22, so there wasn't much there to begin with. In order to get by we kinda had to combine finances. We've just kept it that way. It's not always pleasant, but it works out for the best. DW doesn't care about finances at all, she just wants spending money and "to be rich before I'm old" as she likes to say. Note that at 25, she feels 50 is dead and buried, not just middle aged. So to that end, I manage all of the finances completely, retirement accounts, EF, you name it. Everything is joint except the retirement accounts and EF, because Roth's cant be, and the EF is in the same portfolio as my Roth as a money market mutual fund.

[cicy33]

I know this has been discussed before but I like seeing the new posts myself. I am one of the old school ones too. I believe that when two people are working toward a common goal it just make sense to keep it together. Question for those that separate: how do you save for purchases? By this I mean, some have stated that their money is theirs and hers is hers. So if you want to buy a television for example, does each have to come up with 50/50 or ? Also, what about saving for retirement and stuff?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

One pot. I don't feel anything. I like MM moved in with my DH out of college and been together ever since. So I don't even know real adulthood without him! Neither does he!

[gamecock43]

My new hubby and I havn't quite figured it out yet. I came to the marriage with a sizable inheritance. He is an 'artist' type who makes less than $10,000 yr. We are both under-employed right now. We both hope to be making middle class incomes in the next year (he has just decided to get a real job next year, I am looking for a real job).

We were splitting 50/50 before we were married. Now- we have separate accounts, but I am paying for 90% of our life because he does not have the money to contribute. We bought a house at my insistence and that has made all our bills go into the "I cant afford to pay you 50% of this bill" category. I understand and sort of knew it would happen- so I pay the bills on my own. But for his part- hubby tries to not spend money.

I do go through periods of resentment. I hate it but I do. Hubby doesnt know it yet, it would make him feel bad.

But this is temporary. Soon we will both be making more $$ I love him enough to figure this out. Its an evolution for us.

[Mistee]

I didn't think to do a search of this topic first. However, I'm glad for the responses that I have received thus far because they're very interesting.

When we first married, I had my own checking and savings accounts, and he had his. He automatically added my name to his checking account and said he preferred that I paid the bills since I was better with finances. He never once felt I was not contributing "my share" to the marriage because we discussed everything and we still do. He didn't ask or assume I would add him to mine, however. Having had a troubled marriage before, I wasn't too eager to do this either.

I do know now that trust is the major factor in any marriage finances or otherwise regardless of the times one has been hurt/taken advantage of. Each person deserves to be judged on their own merit.

I do know with certainty also that this move brought us even closer.

[disneysteve]

I don't see how separate finances would work for us anyway. I earn 10 times more than my wife. For 10 years of the 17 we've been married, she was a SAHM and earned nothing. It would be impossible to split any bills under those circumstances.

If both spouses earned approximately the same income, I guess it could work, but I still don't know how that would play out. What happens if one spouse chooses not to fund his retirement account? What if one spouse decides to buy a new Coach bag instead of paying her share of the utility bills? What if one spouse wants to get a new leather sofa and the other doesn't?

[DebbieL]

We keep everything separate and it works great for us. No arguments at all. We are both very independent and enjoy handling our own finances. We have never fought over major purchases - if he wants a car - he buys it. I pay my college tuition, etc. No problems at all.

PS - If he doesn't save for retirement (which he does), then I guess he'll be working at least part time, and I'll be taking some nice vacations with friends I may even spring for him to come along occasionally Seriously we're both really happy this way, and we have no desire to change it at this point. We are both too independent, and got married as grown ups (I was 36, he was 32).

[maat55]

We would either comingle our incomes or separate. We need to be both on the same page to make our future plans work. Two people with good incomes can probably work separately, we have to work together.

[cicy33]

Originally Posted by DebbieL

W
PS - If he doesn't save for retirement (which he does), then I guess he'll be working at least part time, and I'll be taking some nice vacations with friends I may even spring for him to come along occasionally .

this is the part that baffles me. by no means am I judging. only trying to understand. If my SO and I reach retirement and he does not have enough to retire I could not just make him work while I go on vacation. Even if he was loosey goosey with his money. I would feel bad. To me that is just a part of the deal you make when you marry someone, you know, for richer for poorer, for bad and good, etc. I guess it works for some but for me no matter what it is a joint effort. and as Disneysteve said, sometimes I make more, sometimes he makes more. I just don't see how we could decide who gave more or how to split it?

[MonkeyMama]

It's funny the independence thing comes up because my spouse and I are both extremely independent. I guess for us we don't see how combining our income compromises our independence. I think marriage itself changes things more than how we handle our finances.

To each their own, I have no issue with couples who do things differently. Whatever works! I just don't personally equate separate finances with independence. I do however feel we would be less united overall if we took a "separate finances" attitude.

[sandrark]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

If both spouses earned approximately the same income, I guess it could work, but I still don't know how that would play out. What happens if one spouse chooses not to fund his retirement account?

We have joint and separate accounts. For retirement, it's one of our "agreements" - since I'm the saver, and he's not. We discuss it, and it eventually gets to a reasonable solution. It's called negotiation and compromise.

Our agreement is that I save whatever I feel I "need" to from my income, since I'm a saver. In fact, I'm currently saving ~ 20% of my gross income, and maxing out my retirement accounts.

As a result, DH has agreed to max out his SEP-IRA each year. It's about 1/3 of the amount I put in. Overall, we're putting ~ 14% of our gross income to retirement accounts.

Originally Posted by disneysteve

What if one spouse decides to buy a new Coach bag instead of paying her share of the utility bills?

Ah, but that's the beauty of BOTH individual and joint accounts. We both contribute equally to our joint account. Anything left over of our income can be spent as we wish. The contribution to the joint account means utilities will all be paid.

But the funds left in our personal accounts mean if I want to spend $125 on a massage, or $400 on a Kate Spade bag, I can.

Originally Posted by disneysteve

What if one spouse wants to get a new leather sofa and the other doesn't?

Even if all your money is co-mingled, you'd STILL have to have that conversation, right? For us, our contribution to the joint account includes a line item for payments to savings for furniture, house improvements, and vacations. So when the time comes, we write a check from joint savings.

We have been together for 25+ years, married for 11. And we didn't have joint accounts until after the wedding. We have NEVER argued about money, because we always have a good mix of couple and individual unity and independence.

Sandi, the rugged separatist

[swanson719]

Well said Sandrark. I have friends who do this as well and have no problems, but then another couple we're friends with argue more about it than anything else. As Steve suggested, it would make sense with similair incomes. The couple that argues has an almost identical income. They are engaged, and she has a kid from the previous marriage, while he has no kids. So the alimony and child support go to cover the cost of the kid, and then they have the joint account with separate accounts too. What I laugh at is that my friend loves to soup up his truck. So one day he went to do something with it, and she yelled at him for being irresponsible with money. Another day she called him 6 times at work until he returned one his diet supplements he had bought. So while they have separate accounts, she still controls his spending. This doesn't work for me.

DW and I still like nice stuff though too. She'll want a big screen TV, or a new coach purse, etc. But then I show her our finances, and she'll find something affordable to want instead. When we want to make big purchases, we both get the same amount. She wants $300 for new clothes, so I'm getting a $300 tree stand. We both get what we want, and no arguing.

[kork13]

I always laugh when this topic comes up (which it does every couple months)... As evidenced by all the responses so far, it really just depends on the couple, and what works for them.

As for myself, I'm not married yet, but looking forward, I think my preferred method would be to be mostly joint (both paychecks go to joint accounts for paying all the bills and family expenses), but also have personal accounts for each to use as a discretionary account. Funded by an agreed-upon "allowance" from the joint accounts, they'd be there for your personal pleasures, whatever that might be -- day at the spa for one, a set of golf clubs for the other.

But as I said, not married yet, so we'll see what really happens later on. However, this is largely similar to what my parents have done for their entire marriage, and it seems to work fairly well for them.