Paying your fair share

[marla]

I have friends who I will never go out to dinner with again! In the past, they have always ordered meals that have been much more expensive than us when we have gone out together (usually because they order drinks while we don't) and we have always split the bill 50% - 50%. I have had no problem with this. But the other night we went out and they both couldn't order drinks due to some medical condition. When the bill came, they insisted that we split it by what each of us had ordered.

Again, I probably wouldn't have minded, but the difference was only $2.30 between our meals and their meals. I felt it was one of the rudest things I have ever seen. Am I over reacting here?

[DivaJen]

No, I don't think you're overreacting, given that in the past they've always just split things 50/50.

Amazing, the nerve some 'friends' have, eh?

[akaivyleaf]

It should have always been split by what each couple had... that 50/50 thing wasn't ever fair. So since you always abided by the 50/50 rule, it was wrong of them to change up so I wouldn't bother to dine with them again.

You know like playing games with your playmates as a child. Those who changed rules in mid stream to help themselves out, you just let win and walked away never to play with them again.

[amomof4]

Wow! Talk about being slapped in the face. But maybe it's a good thing. Now u can just pay your charges the next time. Or even ask for separate checks.

[MrsChambers]

ya know... me and my husband don't have any friends... and it's a shame really... but part of the reason why we don't have any freinds is because for some reason.. most all the people that we meet are just flakes!!.. they either do stuff like that, or they expect us to enjoy watching their children while they come over to "visit", or they expect us to feed them a 4 course meal when they come over, or they expect us to "loan" them money, oh my, the list goes on and on..... I have almost convienced(?) myself that we have pretty much reached the decline of western civilization!

SOME PEOPLE'S CHILDREN

[kashi]

I had a friend like that who would pay her part of the bill down to the penny. or she wouldn't pay enough, thinking someone would cover it. I don't see her much anymore, and especially not in restaurants where we'd be on the same bill.

[akaivyleaf]

I tend to have friends that mooch... and I'm learning to put my foot down. I guess because I'm single and like to go out, they view me differently. I've noticed that some have even said, I'll go out with you if you pay. Nothing like being brazen and bold and I appreciate the honestly, but makes me think my friends are just my friends because I might be inclined to pick up the tab.

Now my favorite motto over the years has become "The Bank of Sharon is closed". That is the best way to keep the few friends I have.... I can't loan money to them.

[marla]

Do you think that it is worthwhile to try and explain my feelings to them and get it all out in the open? Or do you think that it is better just to leave it alone and avoid going out to dinner with them anymore?

[akaivyleaf]

Find a deal you can live with- either Pay 50/50 or pay our own and stick with it. Announce the rules prior to dining with them again if you want to keep the friendship. Otherwise, I'd be through.

I've become meaner over the years so probably my advice in terms of being finished with the friendship is a bit harsh.

[MrsChambers]

personally.. I think that if you do put your feelings out on the table.. they will not validate them.. they will just throw excuse after excuse at you, possiably even attempting to shift the situation on you... I would just leave them alone... when they call.. sorry, already have plans. busy busy busy

but that's just me

[kashi]

they might understand and try to do better...if they are good friends. if they are not, then they won't, and they aren't worth your time. try talking to them first, but prepared to give up going out with them if it doesn't work out.

I just remembered a short-lived relationship I had...EVERY time we went out on a date, I had to pay. he was still in college and working, and I had graduated and had a job, but still. every time. it was hilarious to see what excuse he would come up with next -- "forgot my wallet" was a popular one. even when I told him I wanted to go dutch, he wouldn't pay. I've never had another experience like that...normally I have to fight to get any money on the table!

[DivaJen]

Originally Posted by marla

Do you think that it is worthwhile to try and explain my feelings to them and get it all out in the open? Or do you think that it is better just to leave it alone and avoid going out to dinner with them anymore?

Depends on the friends. I doubt I'd say anthing, but if I went out with them again, I'd say up front, "So, we're each going to pay our own part of the bill right? No 50/50, right?" Although if I thought they'd balk, I wouldn't even tempt fate by trying to dine out with them again.

[terry1156]

It's a tough call. Someone who acts like that is not likely to react positively if confronted. I would probably just avoid them in the future when dining out.

[mccartygirl]

I've worked with people who never pay the tip or who never pay their part of the bill. They always leave just before the bill comes. My fil only pays 10-15% on a tips and my sil snuck back one night and left more $$ on the table I don't know if I'd say anything to them. I might just not go to dinner anymore.