Adult children living at home

[Hot dog]

I was just reading another post and it got me thinking what do you all think about a grown child over 18 living at home. Do you believe that if they are not going to college they should have a job. Also, if they are grown enough to make that decision aren't they grown enough to pay rent?

[arthurb999]

I went to college so I lived at home in the summers until I graduated (22yrs old).

but I agree, if you live at home after 18 and not going to college, you should get a job and pitch in on the epxenses.

[ScrimpAndSave]

I think there is a difference between still living with parents...and living with parents but paying rent and helping with groceries and the cost of utilities, cleaning and maintaining the house.

[pearlieq]

I think it's fine for adults to continue living with their parents as long as they make a fair contribution and have a good reason for doing it.

I would never want to date some 29 year old man-child whose mom still fixed his dinner and washed his shorts while he sat around and played video games (DH actually works with a guy like this). Ew!

But if someone is still in school, or paying nominal rent and pitching in for expenses while saving up for grad school or a house, or even sticking around to help out aging or disabled parents, I think that's perfect sensible and I would probably admire the person, or at least not think ill of them.

[red92s]

My brother lived at home when he was 26 for several months. He had just returned from the peace corps, was waiting tables at a local restaurant, and saving some cash before moving out and starting graduate school. I don't know that he paid for rent or food, but he certainly helped out with the dogs and with whatever else my parents asked.

I think as long as all parties involved all satisfied with the situation, it's not really my place to say they shouldnt be doing it.

[DebbieL]

Once my daughter is an adult, if she wants to live at home she will be either:
1. In college (I hope)
2. Working (and paying room and board)

In situation 2, I would also set a time limit. Sooner or later you gotta leave the nest. Personally, I couldn't wait to get out (and no my home life wasn't bad or anything, I just think it is natural to want to fly on your own).

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Time limit on living with parents. Also when you live at home, how much are you going to save to buy a home? Or pay off debts? Isn't there an end point?

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Hot dog

I was just reading another post and it got me thinking what do you all think about a grown child over 18 living at home. Do you believe that if they are not going to college they should have a job. Also, if they are grown enough to make that decision aren't they grown enough to pay rent?

Since mine may have been one of the posts you were reading....

I went away for college but did live home during the summer and breaks. Once I started graduate school, I moved out for good.

I think an adult child should be out on his own as soon as possible. If they are still living at home and not in college, they should be paying rent and there should be an exit plan agreed to by both parents and child with a determined move out date. Save up enough to have the security deposit and a few months rent in the bank and get out of there.

[Snave]

Originally Posted by Hot dog

I was just reading another post and it got me thinking what do you all think about a grown child over 18 living at home. Do you believe that if they are not going to college they should have a job. Also, if they are grown enough to make that decision aren't they grown enough to pay rent?

I have read and re-read this and am still wondering what an 18+ grown child not in college would be doing if they were not working.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Snave

I have read and re-read this and am still wondering what an 18+ grown child not in college would be doing if they were not working.

I know of lots of adult children who aren't working. Why? Because their parents are suckers and pay all of their bills and expenses. The kids have no incentive to go out and make something of themselves.

[kork13]

Originally Posted by Snave

I have read and re-read this and am still wondering what an 18+ grown child not in college would be doing if they were not working.

duh... playing Rockband in the basement!

[maat55]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

I know of lots of adult children who aren't working. Why? Because their parents are suckers and pay all of their bills and expenses. The kids have no incentive to go out and make something of themselves.

Couldn't agree more. For some reason, the two people I know of that do this, their children are so called "Bi-polar".

[Cylenchar]

My sister lived at home for about a year well going to college. However, this was only because she was going through Chemo for cancer and wasn't healthy enough to work to make rent. I think that if you are in college you should be on your own and be working and paying rent. If you live with your parents you should be paying rent, just like anywhere else.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Cylenchar

I think that if you are in college you should be on your own and be working and paying rent. If you live with your parents you should be paying rent, just like anywhere else.

I disagree. I don't think college students should have to worry about paying rent and working unless absolutely necessary (and I realize that it sometimes is necessary). Their job should be their schoolwork. When my child is in school, we will support her. After college, however, I expect her to become self-sufficient.

[cptacek]

I lived at home the summer between my freshman and sophomore year and then stayed in the college town I was going to for the next two summers. I was planning on getting a summer job the summer after I graduated undergrad before going to grad school. But my dad had an accident and had to have shoulder surgery and couldn't do any work on the farm. It happened in April and they asked me to come home and be his "right hand man". (haha, it was his right shoulder he had surgery on). Of course I had younger siblings still in high school that could help...don't want to diminish what they did as well.

So I moved home for the summer and did all the farm work for them. He would point to what needed to be done and I would do it. It got to be a joke, even to this day ~15 years later, that if all of us are at home helping someone wants to be the "pointer".

I think I got paid like $1400 for the whole summer. I didn't pay them any rent, but I enabled my family to keep the farm. A fair trade I think. Or at least, I wasn't taking advantage of them.

My older sister either didn't know they asked me to come home to help or something. She was very upset with me that I was "living off mom and dad" while he was hurt. I had to have Dad tell her that they needed me there and they asked me to come home. She wouldn't listen to me.

Anyway, personal anecdote aside, in typical situations I think kids need to get out on their own. They need to decide how hard they are going to work and how they are going to spend that hard earned money. How much to save. How much to blow. Heck, even how clean they want to live and how often to do laundry and dishes.

I would say, 18 and not going to college/trade school? Get a job, pay me rent, and have a plan to get out. College/trade school? Get it done in at most 4 years (for undergrad) and the most you'll be living at home is a few months after you graduate.

[ThriftoRama]

I moved out of the house at 18. But I had to move back in briefly, with my husband, at 30 because Hurricane Katrina washed us out! We thought we were just visiting for the weekend. After a week with my parents, we moved into my sister's basement. We paid $300 a month rent, plus the gas/electric bill and I cooked dinner every night and bought groceries. It worked out well for all of us.

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball. But, you still need to pitch in any way you can. I mean, they are doing you a huge favor and making room in their life for you.

[Snave]

I recognize there are circumstances such as being extremely sick, a temporary stay such as a loss of a job, etc... There are exceptions to everything. But those should be EXCEPTIONS and not the rule.

[PrincessPerky]

I think most situations are different. So I couldn't say what I will do.

But if as a parent if I charged rent, I think I would put the money aside... to help pay for a house or wedding or whatever. Without telling the kid of course.

I used to be of the theory that kids aught to move out ASAP, but then, I got to thinking of the waste of a single person needing a whole house...Not that a single person shouldn't if wanted, just that insisting on it for all folk..seems bad for the environment for starters. And I know of so many folk where staying home just makes sense, though I think my kids have more chores already than some...

Anyway, I hope to raise my kids to be capable of self sufficiency, but I also hope that we have a relationship capable of sharing a house if needed/desired.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

heck my roommate's younger brother DID NOT WORK, and lived at home, got spending money for 5 years after college. Um, hello? He said his brother was finding himself and it was okay.

Yeah, that kid if he were mine would have been kicked to the curb day 1 after college.

Ever heard that song by offspring? "nah, nah, why don't you get a job?"

That's words I'll sing to my kids.

[Broken Arrow]

Originally Posted by kork13

duh... playing Rockband in the basement!

Dibs on the drums!

I mean, yes, this is a very serious issue. I suppose the bottom line is that we don't want our children to NOT apply themselves towards a productive future. If there is such a plan to be productive and self-sufficient, and that plan is in motion, then I would think arrangements such as housing are merely minor technical details to the grand scheme of things. However, if there are no such designs or nothing is being done about it, then I do think the children needs to get out... who are technically adults in this case, not even children. It's tough love, but I think they will be better off in the end.