I think my friend has gambling issues

[Goldy1]

I think the husband of one of my good friends has a gambling issue. We have been freinds for years, and I do not pry or judge, but just want to say it is a shame. When I ask her where he is, it is always "oh he went to the casino" . Now he is laid off and I wonder if he will change.
Me nor my spouse gambles.
I know he made about 55 K (wife makes about 19K) and has almost no savings, and as far as I know he depleted his 401K and recently tried to buy a home but could not due to the fact he couldn't come up with a small down payment of under 10 grand. They rent a baron apartment with almost nothing in it.

[disneysteve]

What you posted isn't really enough info to say one way or the other if there is a problem. Lots of people, my wife and I included, enjoy going to the casinos. We were there yesterday, in fact.

If he has no savings because he gambled it away, that's certainly a problem. If, however, he has no savings because he is living beyond his means like millions of other Americans, the gambling might just be part of the whole lifestyle problem.

If his gambling is preventing them from buying a house or doing other things that are much more important, that's a problem.

Not really much of anything you can do about it though, except to be a supportive friend.

[Goldy1]

True, and I don't have an issue with gambling as occasional entertainment nor do I have some major moral issue with it, but in my friends' husband's case, I think it is an issue. When I invite them out as a couple, but he elects to go to the casino alone instead it makes me cringe. No one should be frequenting a casino weeky or bi weekly.

[maat55]

I hate the casino, DW drags me there very seldom.(the tribes will send 10 dollar coupons)

I know some/many(Who really knows) do it responsibly, but I see waste and desperation. (Dramatic? maybe.)

Going to a casino alone and without the ability to save, constitutes a problem(at some level) in my book.

[PrincessPerky]

I hate football games,find them a pure waste of a great deal of time, energy and talent (can you really think of nothing better to do with your life than throw a ball?) fortunately the husband has never dragged me to one.

In general though some things elicit more emotion than others.

So if a guy is playing golf every weekend, folks think nothing of it, but if he is at the bar or casino, surfing porn, or playing WOW folks figure there is a problem.

The real question is why? Is he gambling/drinking/viewing/playing because he doesn't want to be home, or because he is addicted?

And the answer is not going to be found here.

IMO the best a friend can do is be a good influence.

[DebbieL]

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about how often frequenting a casino would be considered a "problem". My mom has gone to bingo (which is still gambling, although not at a casino) a couple times a week for as long as I can remember and it has never gotten her in difficulties. It is something she enjoys doing (and yes she'll go alone or meet up with a friend there - you would have to have a gun to my dad's head to get him into the place).

[noppenbd]

If he gets to the point where he is getting "comped" a lot I would start to worry. When my brother gambled frequently he was getting free room offers in Atlantic City almost every weekend. That is when he realized he had a problem, because they would not be doing that if they were losing money on him.

[waijai]

So what exactly are you wanting to do as a friend? Sit back and continue to look down upon him because you view it as a problem? Is it really your place to say anything? If I had a friend w/ a gambling problem, I'd mention it passively in the form of probing questions.

But really where does anybody draw the line in getting involved with how someone lives their own life? Should I scold my girlfriend for loving to buy $30-$40 worth of makeup and makeup accessories per week? I think it's a total waste of time since she has a lot of makeup already, but she loves it. Should I tell my friends to stop buying car parts to modify his car b/c he has zero savings, zero equity in anything he owes, and nothing to his name?

Unless it directly affects my life, I personally mind my business.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by noppenbd

If he gets to the point where he is getting "comped" a lot I would start to worry. When my brother gambled frequently he was getting free room offers in Atlantic City almost every weekend. That is when he realized he had a problem, because they would not be doing that if they were losing money on him.

I used to think that, but I've learned over the past year or so that comps are much easier to come by than I realized. Just one visit to AC and you start getting free room offers. Go a couple of times and you'll start getting mailings for all kinds of promotions, show tickets, cash and merchandise give-aways, etc. You don't have to gamble much to get flooded with offers.

[GREENBACK]

Originally Posted by waijai

So what exactly are you wanting to do as a friend? Sit back and continue to look down upon him because you view it as a problem? Is it really your place to say anything? If I had a friend w/ a gambling problem, I'd mention it passively in the form of probing questions.

But really where does anybody draw the line in getting involved with how someone lives their own life? Should I scold my girlfriend for loving to buy $30-$40 worth of makeup and makeup accessories per week? I think it's a total waste of time since she has a lot of makeup already, but she loves it. Should I tell my friends to stop buying car parts to modify his car b/c he has zero savings, zero equity in anything he owes, and nothing to his name?

Unless it directly affects my life, I personally mind my business.

People with serious addictions sometimes don't address their problems until they hit rock bottom i.e. lose all their belongings, friends and family. If it's a real friend I'd certainly address this if I believed it was headed in that direction.

[poundwise]

What are some signs that a person may have a gambling problem?

While most people gamble without harmful consequences, a small percentage of those who gamble find it changes their lives for the worse. How can you tell if this is happening to you or someone close to you?

Spends large amounts of time gambling. This allows little time for family, friends or hobbies.

Begins to place larger, more frequent bets. Larger bets are necessary to get the same level of excitement.

Has growing debts. The person with a gambling problem is secretive or defensive about money, and may borrow money from family members or friends.

Pins hopes on the "big win." The problem gambler believes the big win, rather than changing the gambling behaviour, will solve financial or other problems.

Promises to cut back on gambling. The problem gambler is unable to reduce or stop gambling.

Refuses to explain behaviour, or lies about it. The person with a gambling problem may be away from home or work for long periods of time, or may make an unusually high number of telephone calls.

Feels frequent highs and lows. If unable to gamble, the problem gambler misses the thrill of the action and may be bad-tempered, withdrawn, depressed or restless. During a winning streak, the gambler is on a high.

Boasts about winning. The person with a gambling problem loves to relive a win but will make light of losses when others express their concern. Wins and losses may also be kept a secret.

Prefers gambling to a special family occasion. The problem gambler may arrive late or miss family events such as birthdays, school activities and other family gatherings.

Seeks new places to gamble close to home and away. The problem gambler may insist that evenings out or even family vacations be at places where gambling is available.


Source: Alberta Health Services, AADAC Home

[SacredFaerie]

Greenback I'm with you. If I sense that my friend is in trouble I will warn them once. If they keep heading into trouble I will leave them alone with their troubles. I'm not going to enable them but I will continue to care.

Princess I play WoW. With my boyfriend. We tend to play almost daily.