Looks like I might be going about this solo... - Page 6

LivingAlmostLarge · #**101** (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 07:12 PM

We're the same age approximately S&S and I'm going to be blunt, I don't care how much money you are saving by living at home, you should move out. It's way harder to deal with life when you live at home. I've had many friends who regressed because their parents allowed them to. Moving home is great financially but bad in many other ways. Most moved home to pay off student loan debt or buy homes, but they all said moving back out was the biggest success.

You say all the time "my dad says". What would S&S say if she were her own woman paying all her own bills and being completely independent?

Don't get me wrong, sweet deal with cheap rent, but sometimes there is more to life than money. There is also more to life than owning a home. And independence is one of the biggest steps in finding a relationship.

I know that when you are independent you are more likely to find a successful relationship. Not many men will put up with "my dad says" and "we should live with my dad to save money."

There is money and there is money. Money isn't worth sometimes struggling and buying a smaller house or no house and renting because you get to be in the relationship of you and your significant other. NOT a party of 3.

3's a crowd KWIM? You need time to grieve the relationship. However consider moving out this summer even into a rental so you have a chance to find some space for yourself.

As for condo vs townhouse vs house, I still don't get why you need a house? Can you afford reality the maintenance of a SFH alone? Can you afford to pay people to help you because you can't do it alone or will you depend on your dad?

That's a realistic question about buying his home by yourself. And what happens in the future.

ScrimpAndSave · #**102** (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 07:58 PM

Joan,

I agree. I also don't think I am an overly picky person and I can adapt to a lot of different situations. I truly think I can make any place work for me - as long as it isn't a complete fixer upper.

Livingalmostlarge,

I think you are right. Moving out would be great for me...and I do want to do it. I'm looking at a year from now as the earliest probably. I do worry about my dad and what he will do when I move out...maybe he will move at that point to...but he needs to sell the house first. I know I should really just worry about myself - but it is so hard not to worry about him. We are really, really close.

ScrimpAndSave · #**103** (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 08:11 PM

Just for reference, these are the utilities on my dad's house and the estimate of the cable and cell phone bills too:

House Utilities

Electric: $100
Water: $ 15
Gas: $100
Trash/Sewer: $ 40
Cable/Phone: $100
Insurance: $ 75
Cell Phone: $ 70

cptacek · #**104** (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 11:08 PM

I think LAL is giving great advice.

ScrimpAndSave · #**105** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 03:26 AM

I do agree...and I would like to be on my own...I just worry about my dad being alone too.

LivingAlmostLarge · #**106** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 08:36 AM

S&S, my mom who was a single parent, and by the way I found just found out even gave birth alone (her and the ob/gyn). Tells me all the time, the greatest satisfaction a parent can have is seeing their child happy, successful, and independent, and knowing that you've raised a productive, contributing member of society.

If anyone should be tied to their parent it's me. I'm my single mom's only child. I have step-siblings that I am very happy with but I spent 10 years with only my mom. She should be neurotic and constantly interfering with my life.

But she doesn't. She's happy I'm happy, productive, and living independently.

And saying that you worry about your dad, is too easy. I bet he'd be happy if you moved out and lived alone because you told him you needed it. He' be very supportive no matter what. He sounds like a great dad and someone who is there for you.

He does have other kids. And perhaps he'd find a hot widow if you weren't around either cramping his style. But he'd never tell that to you. Plus how old is he?

ScrimpAndSave · #**107** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 08:44 AM

He is 75.

Well Spent · #**108** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 09:42 AM

Last night's episode of "Property Virgins" on HGTV featured a 24 y.o. woman living with her Mom who was looking to buy a home of her own in Canada somewhere. They seemed too close, in a way that inhibited the daughter's growth. She was looking at home's a few blocks away from her mom's house but her mom thought it was a "bad" neighborhood. The daughter kept talking about safety, living in a "safe" area.

I tihnk her mom was holding her back and making her feel in fear. I don't know where the dad/husband was, maybe he died, but it just seemed that they both needed their own room to breathe.

jIM_Ohio · #**109** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

We're the same age approximately S&S and I'm going to be blunt, I don't care how much money you are saving by living at home, you should move out. It's way harder to deal with life when you live at home. I've had many friends who regressed because their parents allowed them to. Moving home is great financially but bad in many other ways. Most moved home to pay off student loan debt or buy homes, but they all said moving back out was the biggest success.

You say all the time "my dad says". What would S&S say if she were her own woman paying all her own bills and being completely independent?

Don't get me wrong, sweet deal with cheap rent, but sometimes there is more to life than money. There is also more to life than owning a home. And independence is one of the biggest steps in finding a relationship.

I know that when you are independent you are more likely to find a successful relationship. Not many men will put up with "my dad says" and "we should live with my dad to save money."

There is money and there is money. Money isn't worth sometimes struggling and buying a smaller house or no house and renting because you get to be in the relationship of you and your significant other. NOT a party of 3.

3's a crowd KWIM? You need time to grieve the relationship. However consider moving out this summer even into a rental so you have a chance to find some space for yourself.

As for condo vs townhouse vs house, I still don't get why you need a house? Can you afford reality the maintenance of a SFH alone? Can you afford to pay people to help you because you can't do it alone or will you depend on your dad?

That's a realistic question about buying his home by yourself. And what happens in the future.

great post
from a man which had to teach his wife how to do her own laundry, I wish you knew my wife 10 years ago.

ScrimpAndSave · #**110** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 12:29 PM

Well Spent,

I saw that last night! But I sided with the mother since the girl wanted 100% financing....barf.

gamecock43 · #**111** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 12:46 PM

I saw that too- they were actually in Texas though. In Fort Worth, though property virgins is a Canada based show.

Cylenchar · #**112** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 02:36 PM

I've started to watch that too. I wanted to throttle some of the people. Like the one who didn't know what earnest money was....

DebbieL · #**113** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 02:55 PM

Well, I just had to google "earnest money", so I guess you wouldn't like me much, lol. I've only heard it referred to as a deposit.

I have to also agree that LivingAlmostLarge made an awesome, insightful post.

S&S - I think you need to stop worrying about your dad. He is a grown man and will be okay on his own. If this is not the case, then he should probably be moving into some sort of retirement place where there are others around who can assist him. It is not up to you to be his entire world. He needs his own social life (if he doesn't currently have one).

jIM_Ohio · #**114** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DebbieL

Well, I just had to google "earnest money", so I guess you wouldn't like me much, lol. I've only heard it referred to as a deposit.

I have to also agree that LivingAlmostLarge made an awesome, insightful post.

S&S - I think you need to stop worrying about your dad. He is a grown man and will be okay on his own. If this is not the case, then he should probably be moving into some sort of retirement place where there are others around who can assist him. It is not up to you to be his entire world. He needs his own social life (if he doesn't currently have one).

Many of the people I have seen in their late 60's or 70's which "fear" retirement homes change their tune once they are in one. Once in they may fear being moved from 3rd floor to 4th floor (different floors for different levels of assistance). My late grandmother was able to cook until her last few days (she died being 90+ years old). Every morning she simply needed to put a sign outside her door showing she was out of bed and moving. I have seen other grandparents (my other grandmother, wifes GM) have to be put into the places where people help them to some extent or another.

My point is that if your father fears these things, there are alternatives. Best if he chooses one while he is able before his kids choose one for him because of necessity, or he comes to another arrangement (maybe your father needs to look at the condos too).

As a guy, I like independant women- they keep me on my toes and prevent me from getting away with too much. I can say if I met a single girl which was still living with her parents... there is just something wierd about that (having gone through it once before with my DW, I know there has to be an easier way to domesticate a spouse).

DebbieL · #**115** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 03:34 PM

I agree Jim, especially about being turned off by someone living with a parent (in the parent’s home) after a certain age. I was one of the people who personally thought it was a terrible idea for her and her (now ex) fiancé to move in with her dad after marriage. I can’t even imagine agreeing to that scenario with ANYONE, no matter how much I got along with the parent.

gamecock43 · #**116** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 03:38 PM

I think there is a difference between "living with parents" contently and "living with parents" chomping at the bit to get out. S&S- with all her posts of homeownership- clearly wants out. But is trying to be as smart about it as she can.

It's actually pretty common to live with your parents for a year or two after college. My friends are all out of their parents homes...but 2 years ago many of my friends were living at home because they were at an in- between stage of their life.

DebbieL · #**117** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 04:22 PM

I don't get the feeling S&S is chomping at the bit to get out. I think she is possibly a bit too attached to her dad. I don't mean to suggest being close to one's parents is a bad thing (of course it isn't), but I think there is maybe a bit too much dependence here. Of course, it is her life, and her choices, not mine.

I personally think she is pretty well established in a career, and has been at it for some years now, so it isn't really a case of spending a year or two post college. If I were in her position, and with her income (which is a lot more than I realized a teacher would earn), I think I would seriously look into a townhouse or something that would not involve a lot of outdoor/building maintenance, but still give the independence of being in my own home.

ScrimpandSave is a smart cookie, and I'm sure will make the right choice for her (which only she can know).

SacredFaerie · #**118** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 06:16 PM

I talk to my mother everyday via text or email or phone. I see her once or twice a week.

I LOVE living with my boyfriend.

ScrimpAndSave · #**119** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 06:38 PM

Thanks all. I know maybe it seems like I have some sick dependence on my dad...but I really don't see it that way.

I WAS living on my own a few years out of college until my mom fell ill with cancer. I moved home in 2004 and she passed away a few days later (diagnosed of uterine sarcoma and gone in a total of 6 weeks). Ever since then (4 yrs ago), I have lived at home.

I do feel like I am established - but I can't help but think how much more I can save my staying here. I could move out in June with about $26,000 and put 10% down on home...I could wait until the end of the year with $45,000...I could wait till next year with $70,000...

disneysteve · #**120** (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gamecock43

It's actually pretty common to live with your parents for a year or two after college.

I think you are right, but I also think that is a relatively recent phenomenon. When I graduated college in 1986, you were considered quite the failure if you moved back in with mom and dad. Almost all of my friends got their own places when they graduated. Some were pretty crappy but that's what they could afford. They did what they needed to do to be independent. Today, as you said, it is pretty common to move back home. Delaying adulthood seems to be becoming the norm rather than the exception.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

I can't help but think how much more I can save my staying here. I could move out in June with about $26,000 and put 10% down on home...I could wait until the end of the year with $45,000...I could wait till next year with $70,000...

Or you could stay there for 10 more years and have $500,000 or however much it would be. At some point, it has to not be about the money but rather about wanting to have your own life as a grown up. None of us can tell you what that point is or when is the right time for you. I'll just repeat what I said earlier and that is to forget about trying to make any plans or decisions now. Let the dust settle for 6-12 months and then take a fresh look at the situation.