Looks like I might be going about this solo... - Page 3

SacredFaerie · #41 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

Disneysteve,

That is what I was going to do. I did plan everything in advance...I totally wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. What REALLY gets to me...is that if it were 5 days ago, I could get my cash back.

It was about $350.

I'm just so angry and pissed off and just feel jaded in general...which I guess is normal.

I guess I can't afford my dad's house after all...which is really devastating. I will have to look for something cheaper. If I can save up around $50,000-$60,000 I can get into a home that is $200,000 and easily afford the payments...that would probably be a small 1950's cape cod...ugh. I hate my life.

I'm sorry that you can't afford your dad's house. Think about it this way though: It might have been hard to afford it anyway with all that law school debt.

Maybe you could sell the gifts on ebay if there's nothing else at the store you want.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

I emailed my officiant...I only sent him $100 deposit, but I figured that it was a start. This is his response:

I am sorry that your wedding is called off and even more sorry that your personal life is off balance. I am sure things will come together as they are meant to be. Unfortunately, the deposit is designed to hold your date because I decline other wedding requests. That said, if I do book another wedding for that date, I will be glad to send back your deposit at that time.

Nice priest, huh?

If he hasn't declined any other weddings for that date he should really give you back the deposit. I mean I can totally see hanging onto it if he's already declined other weddings but I doubt that. What a creep.

ScrimpAndSave · #42 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:04 AM

Thanks...I'm not trying to throw a pity party here...I just want to get things in order and this is the best place to do so.

I thought it was a pretty jerk move for him to do this as well...I am giving him TONS of notice! What the heck?

maat55 · #43 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

I emailed my officiant...I only sent him $100 deposit, but I figured that it was a start. This is his response:

I am sorry that your wedding is called off and even more sorry that your personal life is off balance. I am sure things will come together as they are meant to be. Unfortunately, the deposit is designed to hold your date because I decline other wedding requests. That said, if I do book another wedding for that date, I will be glad to send back your deposit at that time.

Nice priest, huh?

A good priest would fill the spot this far out, a bad priest will consider it a paid holiday.

Wink · #44 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:13 AM

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am new here, so please forgive me if this seems in bad form but, this wedding was for BOTH of you. He called it off. Isn't he responsible for at least half of the money you stand to lose, even though you and your family put the money out? Just a thought.

ScrimpAndSave · #45 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:15 AM

I don't know..he doesn't have the resources to do so...

SacredFaerie · #46 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

I don't know..he doesn't have the resources to do so...

So were you going to pay for the whole wedding by yourself?

ScrimpAndSave · #47 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 09:23 AM

Yeah, pretty much. He doesn't have anything.

disneysteve · #48 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

What REALLY gets to me...is that if it were 5 days ago, I could get my cash back.

It was about $350.

I would go in ASAP and speak to the manager and explain the situation. They can make exceptions to store policy. They do it all the time. For a few days, they should let you go and give the refund. If they don't, I'd write a firm letter to corporate and explain your displeasure with how they handled the situation.

SacredFaerie · #49 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

Yeah, pretty much. He doesn't have anything.

Perhaps it's for the best. It really sounds like yall weren't exactly starting on the right foot. I mean if he's got all of that law school debt he's got to have some law income right? It sounds like you're paying for everything AND taking on his debt.

I dunno. It's your personal life and I'm not there. I hope you get most of your deposits back.

cptacek · #50 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wink

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am new here, so please forgive me if this seems in bad form but, this wedding was for BOTH of you. He called it off. Isn't he responsible for at least half of the money you stand to lose, even though you and your family put the money out? Just a thought.

I was thinking the same thing. And, was he paying your dad any rent, or were you covering it? I think SOME of the expenses should be covered by him. Oh, and keep the engagement ring. Maybe ebay it?

minnie1928 · #51 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

Nice priest, huh?

Yeah, I guess if you figured anyone would be more compassionate it would be that one.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just do your best and everything will start to feel better.

Inkstain82 · #52 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by minnie1928

Yeah, I guess if you figured anyone would be more compassionate it would be that one.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just do your best and everything will start to feel better.

Why would a priest be different from any other services?

(touchy about this because his Dad was a minister for whom people constantly had unrealistic expectations

)

ScrimpAndSave · #53 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 01:02 PM

I don't expect him to be any different...but if there anyone that you think you can trust with their best intentions, it would be a priest.

And I am talking about a priest, not a minister.

cptacek · #54 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScrimpAndSave

I don't expect him to be any different...but if there anyone that you think you can trust with their best intentions, it would be a priest.

And I am talking about a priest, not a minister.

Could you contact the bishop's office and ask him to step in? Politely, of course.

creditcardfree · #55 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 05:35 PM

I'm sorry to hear about the end to your relationship also. ((hugs))

It's probably best to look at the money as gone, but take all steps to recover it. If you get it great, if not you just move forward.

I think because you are cancelling quite a few months in advance it is quite possible to get quite a few refunds. Those vendors will all have time to rebook and should then consider refunding your money. If they don't, so be it.

ScrimpAndSave · #56 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 05:44 PM

Yeah I am not going to kill myself trying to get the money back...at least I have some saved and I am out of debt.

snafu · #57 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 06:28 PM

I'm sorry to learn your expectations have been dashed. It sounds trite but time does help lessen the pain. I hope your vendors will give back your deposits since they have not delivered any service and have significant time to take other bookings.

Some people pour themselves into their career and accomplish wonderful things to cope with other disappointments. Take your time, don't make any massive changes, let yourself grieve the loss of that relationship. The best is yet to come

LivingAlmostLarge · #58 (**permalink**) 01-04-2009, 01:48 PM

I'm sorry to hear about it. Glad your only out $10k. Trust me if you had gotten married you'd be out a lot more.

I will share some stupidity I have done with you here. My stupidity with my BF and money probably cost me $2-3k.

Tuition to life is what I call it.

And by the way my wedding planner told me it's always better to find out sooner rather than later. Her first marriage lasted 8 months. Second time around she's doing much better.

PrincessPerky · #59 (**permalink**) 01-05-2009, 01:29 PM

Sorry about your troubles.

Are you sure you can't have the house? With no husband maybe your dad and you could share it?

Russell · #60 (**permalink**) 01-05-2009, 03:53 PM

ScrimpAndSave, I'm really sorry to hear it. I don't know your financial situation but I wouldn't put too much of my energy into getting all your money back, just do as much as it's reasonable. It's just money, you'll earn it back. The emotional dent through situations like this is what you need to take care of first.

Don't talk to him whatsoever, let him carry the burden of guilt and remorse. You did nothing wrong...and I agree with all that said that it's 100% better that this happened now than after the fact!! you may not see now it but ask anyone who's had kids and were divorced without a prenup.

If I were you, I'd try to get back my money but not make it a big deal. $10k is saving less than $1k a month for 1 year or $500 a month for a year and half. Take care of yourself, go hang out with a friend out of state for change of scenery if possible.

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