A look behind the scene..

[mom-from-missouri]

I've noticed on several boards (even this one in times past) that sometimes a family or person is put down for not working when the family is having a hard time financially, when there is a stay at home parent.

I did some research based on where I currently live.

#1. There is no good paying jobs here. This is a small rural farming community with no industry and most of the few small businesses are all family run and operated.

#2. The closest school district to me pays $75 a day to sub. The next one pays $80 and if I were to drive 17 miles it pays $100 a day.
I have 3 little ones at home. To find childcare for them, prices ranged from $60 a day to $75 a day (for all 3 girls total, not per child).

So, I can only sub on my husbands days off or when he is working nights and home, but sleeping (girls are old enough to take care of themselves, just not old enough to be left alone from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m.)

So, if I were to use child care, is it worth being gone all day, adding miles to my car, to only clear $15 a day?? NO. (not to mention nicer clothes, possible lunch out...)

Yet, I often hear or see people complaining because the wife or husband stays home when they could also be earning an income. I had someone complaining to me this morning that her mother in law told her she was lazy for not working, yet the mil didn't want to help watch the kids so the mom could work.

I just had to rant a bit and get this one off my chest...

[KatieNK]

Well no if your job only pays what it would cost in childcare then it is not worth it. I firmly believe that if you can stay home with your kids before they are school-age, even if you struggle a little, then it is totally worth it as you will never get those years back. However, once they are in school, if you are still struggling then, for your kids' sake you should go back to work.

If your kids are not in school yet, maybe you can do something at home? You could babysit an extra kid or find a work at home job.

But do it if you need/want to, not because someone is guilting you. If they are, tell them to MYOB!

[mom-from-missouri]

We homeschool our kids (you would understand if you were in the school district we are in...I no longer take sub calls in the middle school, food fights at lunch-they throw the entire tray-tray included, drugs, alcohol in the lockers...).

There is no babysitting to be found around here. I ran an ad in the paper for 6 weeks with 1 call responding. Our telephone co only offers dial up, so most work at home jobs are out as they require DSL. sub teaching is about all there is.

If I get one call a week, it makes a huge difference in our finances. One call a week will keep DH at the point to put the max amount into his retirement funds. He wants to retire at 55 and start his own business, so that is our #1 goal right now to fund those funds. (Plus to make up for my smaller retirement fund since I have quit working)

[simpleyme]

I have never needed or wanted a babysitter for my kids but tutors and music lessons , always a need

sounds like you could be a tutor

I could care less if others value stay at home parents,
we know the value ;-)

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by mom-from-missouri

I've noticed on several boards (even this one in times past) that sometimes a family or person is put down for not working when the family is having a hard time financially, when there is a stay at home parent

Certainly, there are locations where work is not readily available. I think all of us tend to give advice based on our own view of the world which isn't always what others see where they live. Around here, jobs are plentiful. Every store you go into has a help wanted sign in the window, and not just around the holidays. I have a patient who owns a small business and actually had to just about shut down because he has been unable to find workers.

I have numerous patient couples who work alternate shifts. One of them works days. The other works nights. That way, someone is always home with the kids. They don't like doing it. They don't like not seeing each other all week. But it is what they need to do to get by and avoid daycare costs. I realize that that might not be an option where you live, OP. I'm just saying that it works around here for people willing to make that sacrifice. Lots of employers have trouble filling their night shifts so those jobs are always available in this area. Another common suggestion is to get a paper route, but that also requires living in an area with a large enough population for that to be practical. Around here, the local papers are delivered from about 4-6am so many people, even those with small kids and a working spouse, are able to do that while the kids are still asleep and before the spouse leaves for work. But again, in a rural area, that option may not exist.

So I think you make a good point. Not all advice will apply to all people in all situations and locations. Take the tips that work and try not to take offense at the ones that don't.

[jIM_Ohio]

I have no issue with people which do not work and do not want the government to subsdize them. If you choose not to work and collect food stamps, unemployment or other socialized handouts, then I have a problem with you staying home. But if you stay at home based on choice without asking for government assistance, I am OK with that.

[KatieNK]

Hey I can understand homeschooling! I am all for that. Well don't let other people get you down about decisions you feel are best for your family.

BTW, if you need the money, I bet you would make a great tutor.

[Car Insurance Guy]

Great advice, Steve. New Jersey isn't rural Missouri and rural Missouri isn't Central Texas. Jobs are definitely more plentiful around here compared to where Mom is. It sounds like a tough place to pick up some side jobs.

All that said, I commend you for your decision, Mom. We are also a homeschooling family. Sure it doesn't fund the retirement account like we'd like, but we just have different priorities.

One thought...
It would seem there would be something that you could do from home with a computer and internet connection. It looks like you can write. There are online writing gigs that might be possible. Elance.com comes to mind.

No, you can't get rich picking up side writing jobs like that, but if you learn the system, and get some freelance work, it could give you that extra hundred+ bucks a month. It could even turn into more $ if you find someone who needs steady content. Plus, you get to work at home.

[arthurb999]

There are options you could do to make extra money... ebay, night job, part time while they are at school.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by arthurb999

There are options you could do to make extra money... ebay, night job, part time while they are at school.

OP's point was that in her small rural community, those PT and night jobs don't exist like they do in other areas. Ebay probably isn't feasible with dial-up access. Plus you need easy and cheap access to stuff to sell.

[ScrimpAndSave]

I just wouldn't pay attention to what anyone has to say about what you do...people are going to make comments that are helpful and other people are going to think that staying home is a terrible choice.

If could stay home and raise kids...I would. It would he a HECK of a lot easier than what I am doing now.

[Inkstain82]

Everyone should move to northwestern North Dakota. The labor shortage out here is so epic, McDonald's is adveritising $300 sign-on bonuses.

The flip-side is that you probably should expect a place to live when you get here

[snafu]

Kudos to moms [or dads] who stay home and care for their families. While you aren't bringing in income you can slash expenses while providing nutritious, home cooked meals, use time to replace passive TV & made-in-China toys, teach ethics and values to the next generation, making certain every expenditure is an actual need, and pinching pennies till they squeak.

If you feel you must have earned income you could examine the possibilities for providing after school care or child care or tutoring. Social services are begging for foster providers. You might enjoy selling some simple catering/meal prep. to mothers who arrive home exhausted, frazzled with only unhealthy McD burgers. Just e-mail your planned meals to others to see if they would be interested in having home-made dinner. It really isn't much work to make an extra meatloaf or casserole or bake two chickens instead of one.

[cptacek]

Mom-from-missouri, I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. I am living half the week away from my husband because I can't find a full-time job at home, and he farms. I don't know where I would a part time job, either, but I have thought about subbing on the Fridays I am home.

If I was working closer to home (no kids for us yet) I have thought about doing this. When the farmers around your area are having calves (for me, I would start around March), buy a dairy cow. Buy four orphan baby calves (that go through the sale barn or if you know a farmer that lost a cow, buy that one) and graft the calves onto the cow. It should provide enough milk for the four calves so you wouldn't have to milk it, and you could grow those calves and sell them and the cow when they are bigger. You should be able to profit at that because lots of farmers don't want to mess with orphan calves so you should get them cheap, and you would just have to have enough hay, water and an enclosure to keep them in.

I run the swather during the summer while he bales. Probably can't do that with three kids, though. I'm going to learn how to bale next year (maybe - I'm kind of nervous about that) so I can bring in money that way and he can do something else.

Could you learn how to train horses or dogs? My sister is training horses during the summer to pay for college.