wedding planning woes

[almostalumping]

Hi Everyone,

My fiance and I put down an $800 nonrefundable deposit for a reception hall for a March 2010 wedding. But, after running the numbers, I don’t think that we’re going to be able to afford this, and I would like to know what you all think.

Wedding Costs
Reception hall: $70 per person at 210 people = $14,700
*This is the cheapest hall we could find. Everything else is $100+ pp, and we’re getting married on a Sunday afternoon in the off season to get this price
-I don’t really like the hall, but it’s the only place I thought we could afford.
Church: $1,000
Everything else: another $5,000 - $10,000

Total: $21,000 - $25,000

My parents have volunteered $10,000, but they honestly can’t afford to give it.

My Financials

25 years old, $2266/month take home pay
expenses: $692.50 rent + utilities; monthly flights CA to MA to see the fiance
$5,000 total in retirement, no student loans or cc debt
$20,000 in savings
I don’t have a car because I don’t need one in CA, but I will need to buy one when I move to the east coast in a year to live with my fiance.
My income may go down substantially when I move to the east coast.
I will be applying to medical school this spring (will cost ~$5,000 for applications and interviews, maybe more)

Fiance’s Financials

30 years old; $62,000 per year gross income
expenses: $400/month rent, $100 comcast, $100 cell phone plan
$1,000 in credit card debt at 3.99%- will be paid off this month
He had over $20,000 in cc debt when I met him, but he’s been paying off
$2,000 per month for the past year
~$15,000 in student loan debt at variable rates
$1,000 in retirement
$1,000 in emergency fund

Do you think that we can afford possibly paying $15,000 (or more if my parents can't contribute) out of our pocket for March 2010 and still save for retirement, a house down payment, medical school applications, a car for me, and an emergency fund? I won’t have an income for 4 years while in med school, and I’ll be accruing loads of student loan debt during that time and won’t be able to contribute to my retirement plan.

I think my biggest concern right now is catching up on our retirement plans. I plan on starting to contribute to a 403b with my October 1st paycheck. My company doesn’t do any type of matching, so I’ve been really bad at contributing.

Should we wait a couple years longer to get married or just elope and then have a party afterwards that doesn't cost so much?

[moneybags]

Should we wait a couple years longer to get married or just elope and then have a party afterwards that doesn't cost so much?

I vote for elope or have a small, family only ceremony.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by almostalumping

Total: $21,000 - $25,000

My parents have volunteered $10,000, but they honestly can’t afford to give it.

My Financials

$20,000 in savings

Fiance’s Financials

he’s been paying off $2,000 per month for the past year

Do you think that we can afford possibly paying $15,000 (or more if my parents can't contribute) out of our pocket for March 2010

Should we wait a couple years longer to get married or just elope and then have a party afterwards that doesn't cost so much?

I think you guys are in good shape. If your fiance keeps saving $2,000/month, that alone is $36,000 between now and 3/2010. Obviously, you don't need all of it for the wedding, so you can still contribute to retirement and build your EF and cover other needs, and that doesn't even count any contribution from you. Even if your parents can't give $10,000 but give less, like $5,000, you should still be in great shape.

Obviously, the best answer is to plan a cheaper affair. The easiest way to do that is to trim your guest list. Every 10 people you knock off saves you $700+. And I'm sure plenty of couples in your area have beautiful weddings for less than $70/person. I would keep looking for other locations to hold the affair.

[maat55]

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair. I would rent a tent and put the 14k on my first house, but thats just me.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by maat55

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair. I would rent a tent and put the 14k on my first house, but thats just me.

Is it necessary to spend 25K to get married? Of course not. But if you want to and can afford to, I see nothing wrong with it. Our daughter's Bat Mitzvah in 3 weeks (AAGH!) will cost about that. We've planned and saved for it for years and it is something very important to us that we've chosen to spend our money on.

I think the problem arises with the couples who want the expensive wedding but have no money to pay for it so they charge everything and spend years paying it off. Half of them are probably divorced before the wedding is paid for.

[PrincessPerky]

Bit late now that you put the deposit down, but next tie, try alternative 'halls'. Many churches here (NC) have one, as do the fire halls in PA. Both much less expensive.

regardless it is your wedding.

[tripods68]

WOW! That Hall is WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

You should ditch Hall instead and get married like in beautiful park with excellent view, Top Mountain view, or Beach for a LOT CHEAPER. Why bankrupt yourself and end up in DIVORCE and still continue to pay for wedding. Sorry for ranting

[Broken Arrow]

Originally Posted by maat55

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair.

I nominate this to be the Quote of the Day.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by almostalumping

Reception hall: $70 per person

Originally Posted by tripods68

WOW! That Hall is WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

I got married in 1992. Our wedding was more than that per person 16 years ago in Philadelphia.

My daughter's Bat Mitzvah this month is $58/person for a vegetarian buffet meal (so no meat, no waiter service). And that doesn't include the bar cost. That is another $18/person if the caterer provides the liquor (cheaper if we provide it which we are doing). A sit down meal would be considerably more. Those prices also don't include table linens, table and chair rental if needed, the cake and other incidentals. That also doesn't include the room rental which is $500.

Formal affairs are EXPENSIVE. No way around that in many areas unless you choose to have a much less formal affair with fewer guests.

[tripods68]

Originally Posted by moneybags

I vote for elope or have a small, family only ceremony.

DITTO!

[Gruntina]

I had my wedding a little over a year ago and we did save up to have a nice ceremony and reception at a restaurant that was built like several connected tree houses planted on a side of a river and blooming with all kinds of plants, flowers and several streaming waterfalls.

I do not regret it one bit. It was a great opportunity for my family, relatives and friends come a long distance for and to see everyone. Everyone had so much fun and it was one of my best days that I can look back on. It was so nice to have everything ready by the restaurant so that when my family came, we just had fun with no worries of gathering things, appointments, decorating or any clean up to do. We all just hang out together and shared happy memories.

It was also great that my husband's family and my family could meet and get to know each other as we really are combining families though our union of marriage.

Granted, we knew what we wanted and saved up for it. We actually spent 1/3 less than budgeted. Also it was right next to the ocean in a desired climate so it was pretty much a vacation for everyone that came.

[Gruntina]

Originally Posted by Gruntina

I had my wedding a little over a year ago and we did save up to have a nice ceremony and reception at a restaurant that was built like several connected tree houses planted on a side of a river and blooming with all kinds of plants, flowers and several streaming waterfalls.

I do not regret it one bit. It was a great opportunity for my family, relatives and friends come a long distance for and to see everyone. Everyone had so much fun and it was one of my best days that I can look back on. It was so nice to have everything ready by the restaurant so that when my family came, we just had fun with no worries of gathering things, appointments, decorating or any clean up to do. We all just hang out together and shared happy memories.

It was also great that my husband's family and my family could meet and get to know each other as we really are combining families though our union of marriage.

Granted, we knew what we wanted and saved up for it. We actually spent 1/3 less than budgeted. Also it was right next to the ocean in a desired climate so it was pretty much a vacation for everyone that came.

I forgot to add.. I did all this for about 10,000(everything including the rings, photographer and wedding attire) and I live in the SF Bay Area so that is incredibly frugal in a sense of a formal wedding with all the bells and whistles. It helps having network and resources to find good deals. Often having a wedding at a park is more expensive than a reserving a whole restaurant because you have to pay rental for all the chairs, lighting, seating, catering serving costs and so on. The restaurant took care of it and even used their music without the need of a DJ! They also had their own cake service and I did not have to pay per serving nor the fees to move it.

[maat55]

[quote=disneysteve;183734]Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

[Gruntina]

[quote=maat55;183742]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

Disneysteve seems happy though!

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by maat55

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

Not really. I just think that sometimes regional price differences get lost in our conversations here because we come from many different places. What someone in the south might think is expensive might be a bargain for someone in the northeast or west coast.

As I said, I've been married for 16 years and our wedding was more than $70/person. If folks think that is expensive today, what would they have thought back then?

I just did a little search to try and get some prices in the Long Island area (which is not where I live) but nobody has prices on their website. I'm willing to bet that a typical event on LI is well over $100/person. You'd probably have a tough time finding a place for $70. It isn't because everybody is having super fancy affairs. It is because that is what the going rate is in that area. You also need to keep in mind that the median income for a family of four on LI is over $200,000. You can't compare that to a small town in the south or mid-west where a nice meal can be had for $30 but median income is only $45,000. Neither one is good or bad or better or worse. They are just totally different environments.

[maat55]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Not really. I just think that sometimes regional price differences get lost in our conversations here because we come from many different places. What someone in the south might think is expensive might be a bargain for someone in the northeast or west coast.

As I said, I've been married for 16 years and our wedding was more than $70/person. If folks think that is expensive today, what would they have thought back then?

I just did a little search to try and get some prices in the Long Island area (which is not where I live) but nobody has prices on their website. I'm willing to bet that a typical event on LI is well over $100/person. You'd probably have a tough time finding a place for $70. It isn't because everybody is having super fancy affairs. It is because that is what the going rate is in that area. You also need to keep in mind that the median income for a family of four on LI is over $200,000. You can't compare that to a small town in the south or mid-west where a nice meal can be had for $30 but median income is only $45,000. Neither one is good or bad or better or worse. They are just totally different environments.

Here in Tulsa, we rent a place for a price and they tell us how many will fit in it. We rented the top floor of an historic mansion for 600.00 that would hold 150 people. My step mother and some of her friends catered the food. I spent 6k for the wedding and it was great, so says everyone concerned.

Just having to pay for a wedding in your neck of the woods would send me packing. Not to mention the rediculous property taxes.

[tripods68]

Hey DisneySteve, even in HIGH COLA like California I wouldn't paid $70 a plate or $14K for a diner hall. There's way too many good places to have a beautiful wedding outside with memorable view all around for a LOT CHEAPER.

[Ariadne]

We're doing the wedding run-around too, and Toronto is just as bad as LI. On average, we've found that most places will run you between $79 and $140/head, but that's including alcohol.

To the OP, here's my advice:

1. Cut the guest list. That's where you'll save the most money. If you lower your guest list to 120, you'll see huge savings. Make an 'A' list (people who must be there, like parents and siblings), a 'B' list (people who should be there, aunts, uncles, close family friends), a 'C' list and so on. If you haven't spoken to a 'friend' in over a year, then don't bother inviting them.

2. Get creative. Try DIY stuff like invites and centrepieces and decor. Invites don't need to cost $600, Michaels has TONS of packages at their stores, and check out places you normally wouldn't look, like Wal-mart and Target. Your centrepieces do not have to be flowers...try tealights, stones...they don't cost as much.

3. Do research. Use the web to see what other people have done to minimize costs of weddings, read books from the local library (Try 'How to have a Fabulous Wedding for $5,000 or Less').

4. Create a realistic budget. What is important to you? What can you do without? Whatever you do, don't skimp on food and photos.

5. Negotiate. You're doing it on off-season, wedding services aren't in as much demand, you're in control. It takes alot of legwork, but if you can talk to 15 different photographers and haggle them down to 50% of what they say they would charge you (for the same quality and quantity of work), then you're laughing. Some places are willing to work with your budget, so if you tell them, I can only spend $800 on photos, most will try to see what they can do. (always use a realistic low-ball figure).

6. If you're not happy with the venue, decide on that sooner rather than later. Try to see if you can negotiate to get part of that deposit back. It's a long shot, but even if you can get back $400, it's better than nothing. If you're going to continue on with the venue, figure out what your concerns are, and see if the venue can address them (e.g. if the walls are not the right colour, perhaps dim the lighting? Add some swag?).

We're getting married in August 2009, and we've been pounding the pavement for 3 months now. We still don't have anything booked, except our Day-of Coordinator.

Don't sweat it for your wedding, everything will come together! Stay positive!

Hope this helps!

[creditscore]

wow that's too expensive...well IMO you should be practical right now..and i agree with disney

[cooliemae]

My fiance and I are getting close to the big day (Oct. 24th) and have been going through the same things. Up here in Green Bay, we are very limited on venues, but found a nice reception site and are using a historic church for the ceremony. The reception is costing us about $40 a head with the bar, but we're having our wedding on a non-Packer game weekend, if the Packers were in town, our cost would close to double.