need some help with family issue

[Coleroo]

Originally Posted by cschin4

Her giving us the item throws that system out of whack. I'll be 44 in 2 days and still haven't figured out how to handle this.
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Steve. I have finally learned how to handle this with my mom. You accept the gift and say "thank you" and then do whatever you want with it. Most likely she isn't trying to make a point that you can't afford it, etc, she is trying to say to you "I know you like this so I decided to buy it for you because I love you". So, take it in the spirit in which it was given.
But, I have found that since my mom does this, there are times when I do not tell her about things I am thinking of buying, etc because she used to run out and buy it for me. And, a lot of times after thinking things over I realized I didn't want the item.

My father dealt with this with his own mom and your solution was his as well. It kept peace and made her feel good. I remember him trying to refuse at various times and she would always get so upset. I guess many mothers never lose the need to feel like they are providing, in some manner, for their offspring. My son is only 3 months old, but I can imagine that I'd feel deeply hurt some day if he refused to accept money gifts from his father and me (especially since we already have savings accounts set up to do just that!).